Posts by Bearstar.

"Staying means you like me." Purred Bearstar happily. "Oh thank you, thank you very much!" Laughed the brown tabby, flicking her tail back. "Go now, seriously. I'm bored of you." Meowed the brown tabby. She really could have cared less. Stupid rebelling cats pissed off because she demoted them, hah. That was what was funny. It wasn't her fault . It was theirs. She shrugged. "We can play battle if you'd like?" She watched as her daughter lunged at a warrior. 'Battleship!" She giggled.

[justify]Bearstar was about to jump into battle, she had not started it. She had wanted a warrior of hers to peacefully escort them off the land. So she didn't really understand how she was assumed to be hiding behind her warriors. She didn't control their actions, they acted upon themselves. "Not really sure, Sparrowhawk.! She meowed to her brother. "Now is not the time to talk though, we have to keep RiverClan kits safe and the warriors healed." She said urgently, glancing around. "Be careful!" She yowled to her warriors, tail lashing back and forth. She had no idea who half these cats were, it seemed half just popped out of midair, like they didn't belong. She sighed softly, not really wanting to battle, but it appeared she would have to. "I am not wanting to fight you, as I have said, leave and you will not be harmed. she meowed loudly, stepping forward, ready to fight if she had to. Fighting was always a last resort, that much was for sure. That was why she had not laid a paw on the loners.

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[justify]Bearstar had long since left the battle, dodging any attacks aimed at her since she hadn't really been participating in the battle. She wouldn't stoop down to such petty behavior like Twinalantic. It was quite sad to her really but such was the fate of a silly kitty. She left away, she had plans to announce and she wasn't about ready to let a loner get in her way. Without a single cuss or bitching she was gone. Being quite young and agile still she easily dodged them. Plans to attack the anticlans she had to announce but couldn't yet because of cats like this and the plans to set out a search for her sons murder. She was quite surprised nobody had noticed she had left almost immediately upon the battle ensuing.

Polarbear also left with little scratches and dodged the rest.

Late post. Been busy.

OUT.

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[justify]Bearstar lunged atop her rock. She could only have assumed that Twinalantic and co had left, if they didn't she didn't know nor did she care. "RiverClan! Gather around! This is very important!" The brown tabby yowled out. She didn't really have much patience at the moment. "I know this is sudden but please hear me out! Lanijay will be replacing Swiftsolace as Deputy!" She said, figuring just to get it out quick enough.

"We will be aiding WindClan in a battle to BloodClan and help SnowClan get back their territory from the wolves." Bearstar announced before flicking her tail. "If you don't like it I'm sorry but some things have to be done. You won't have to deal with it for long though." She meowed, oh no. She had plans. Without even waiting for the clan to protest, she leaped away and ran off to the river.[/justify]

[justify]Bearstar frowned and turned back when she noticed Photoflash following her. She shook her head. "No, you stay. The battle isn't just yet, okay?" She meowed. "I want you to be a Vice-Deputy, Photoflash." She meowed, hopefully loud enough that all of RiverClan could hear. "Be there and protect your mate." And then she turned and fled again.

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[justify]"I love you! I love you! I love you!" Bearstar chanted through telepathy to Dawnvision. She didn't want to stick around when her beloved mate had shown up. She wouldn't have been able to do what she was about to do with Dawnvision there. There was simply no way, she couldn't do it and so she ran. She continued to run, further and further and further. Her breath ragged inside her she stumbled over a rock and went tumbling. She let out a painful cry as the rock sliced against her side and blood began to seep out of the wound but still she had to get up. She wasn't far enough away and fear coursed through her. She would never be far enough way. They would find her and bring her back and then she'd be forced to look into their eyes and admit defeat when she couldn't do that. She would rather cut her own throat before such a thing happened. "Don't hate me!" She cried out through telepathy once more. But she had given a direct order and that order was to stay. She didn't want them to follow her because she had to do this task alone. She had already had to look her son in law in the eyes and tell him to stay. That had nearly broken her in half as it was. She continued to run, past the moors of WindClan and beyond, stopping at the gorge and looking down at it. The angular pointed rocks made her heart leap in fear as it paced back and forth. Could she do it? Could she go through with it? End it with madness like she had been claimed? Her paws wobbly, she lifted one over the gorge and let out another painful cry. No. No she couldn't do this. she just couldn't! RiverClan would never forgive her, no it wasn't possible. She had to convince herself that all that was left back at camp was hatred for her very soul and that was what kept her going. She closed her eyes for a second, breathing in the air of WindClan. Daily lives would continue to thrive and mates would have kits and their kits would grow up. She shook her head and continued to warily pad forward. This was going to be a long trek. As the gorge flattened out a bit she soaked herself in the water, biting her tongue as the water rushed against her wound to her flank. It stung like a mother fucker but there was nothing she could do. She didn't want to heal it and a small stream of the water turned red as her wound continued to bleed and wash away.

Content that her scent had been cleared at the river, she continued to walk alongside it. Even more wary than she was when she had fled. Adredeline had kept her going, made her able to run and continue to run. Flee from the very depth of RiverClan. Her fur snagged on a bramble and tore a huge chunk out. She hissed in pain and pulled away from it, the quicker to release it from her the better. She watched the fur sway back and forth as the wind blew it but it didn't leave the bramble. A giant patch missing, a huge gash to her side and her paw pads were cracked, nearly bleeding but still she pursued her mission. To get so far away she would not be able to be tracked and carried back to RiverClan. She had started something she had to finish. If not for them then for Riverclan. For herself. For life itself and for StarClan. She collapsed against a cold rock, letting the wind rustle her fur as she wished for whatever would come to her would come sooner than later. It felt like the first time her mother had licked her fur and she began to purr softly. She had done good, she had to have done good right? Maybe she didn't but she would have to believe so in order to continue what she was about to do. Visions of the first time she was born invaded her mind, blocking her sight as she lay there, deliriously happy and unaware of her location. "Oh mama, I love you so much. . . I don't know why I was so mad at you." She mumbled quietly, rocking back and forth a bit. It wasn't really her mother but she was wary and in so much pain, she had lost a lot of blood so that didn't help. Everything she saw was only a figment of her imagination. "Don't fret child." she swore she heard her say. "I'll walk with you. Together forever my child." Bearstar smiled softly and heaved a sigh. "I don't. . . I don't want to move, please let's stay here?" She begged of the vision of her mother. "If you stay here they'll see you and bring you back and then you will be humiliated, you don't want that do you?" Bearstar could not even manage to shake her head. It had felt like hours had gone by but it hadn't been very long. Perhaps an hour or two if at that that had passed by. "Get up! Get up!" Bearstar let out a groan and stumbled back to her paws.

"I'm tired!" She complained as if she was just like a kit again and the vision of her mother simply scolded her. "Let's go." She meowed. Bearstar trotted along like an obediant kit. She would follow her mother until the end of the earth if that was what she so wished for it to be. "There's others, you can reunite with the family." She purred softly. Bearstar could never tell the difference between imaginary and real life. After all she had been haunted by Avairyflight and joined by Olivekit so it didn't really establish to her that she wasn't truly seeing her mother, just imagining it. As to who the voice truly belonged to the world may never know. Avairyflight had sensed the change in the brown tabby and had taken Olivekit far away herself. Splitting them up so that they would not have to witness such a cruel and pathetic act. Such was the fate of the brown tabby she-cat. She glanced around and frowned. "Mama, where are we?" The brown tabby questioned out of curiosity. "You'll find out in due time sweetie." The voice replied to her and Bearstar simply nodded her head. Bearstar's eyes widened in a bit of disbelief as more visions came into her sight. She couldn't believe this! Everyone she had ever loved and cared for and had lost, right here in front of her! The devil was playing tricks on her but who was she to know otherwise? She was simply delirious. She giggled happily and nuzzled her brother and mentor and her other siblings and family. Then . . . then she appeared. The daughter she had come to love so dearly. Solieriver! Solieriver was here! After she had thought she had lost her forever. "Mother? What are you doing? Why are you doing this?" Solieriver questioned her mother and shook her head. "This is foolish of you! How could you even think to do what you're about to do? Why don't you turn around and go right back! I demand you to!" Solieriver was furious at Bearstar and she couldn't quite figure it out. Why was her daughter so angry at her? Why, why, why! She hadn't done anything wrong and she was pissed off at her! "I can't . . . I can't go back!" Shouted Bearstar back to her daughter who merely flicked a tail at her. "Mother I love you, I do but this wasn't suppose to be how we were going to reunite! It was suppose to be in the future! I would watch you for moons to lead the clan! You can't do this! Not to me! Not to your kits! Not to your clan!" Bearstar glanced away, she could see her daughter was clearly ashamed of her but what was she to do?

"I don't know what happened to your father. He's somewhere I imagine." Whispered her mother. She had murdered herself because of him, that much she had known about and had been angry at her for moons for that but that was just how things were. She sighed and glanced away. "mama please. I don't want to visit anyone else, take me away." She murmured to the imaginary vision she was seeing. She sighed and flicked her tail then. "fine, if that's how you wish it to be." She meowed, and padded off. Bearstar tilted her head to the side and slowly but surely got up and followed after her. "Where are we going mama?" The brown tabby questioned. Her mothers imaginary spirit said nothing but vanished quickly. What the hell? What was that about? "Hey! I wasn't finished! Get back here!" Bearstar yowled out. Finally when she awoke from her delirious state she could feel pain in her body like it was on fire. How much time had passed? Where was she anyway? When did she last have a meal? She couldn't even remember! She slowly continued to trudge along until she had absolutely no idea where she was. Her heart pulled at her, urged for her to turn back around and go to RiverClan. Apologize for running off and tell them she would be a better leader but she couldn't. Not now, not ever again. She let out a small hiss at her indecisiveness and pushed herself further along. Her paw pads were finally bleeding and with each step she felt like she was walking on knives or was the phrase glass? Oh well. She couldn't remember nor did she truly care at the moment, she just knew she had to keep going and so she did. She stumbled again and did a face plant into the ground, her mouth filling with dust. She spat and grit slid between her tongue and teeth. Well that was literally disgusting. She probably looked like a mess and by the time she was done she hoped she would be sincerely unidentifiable. She smiled softly and turned around. Maybe the gorge would be a good place after all, or something similar to that of the gorge.

Another gorge like area seemed to be on the horizon, of maybe her vision was playing more mind tricks on her. She didn't know; she didn't care. She took a shaky paw over the edge and went tumbling forward. It was only a hill though suddenly dropping off and then flattening out. The world spun around in circles but not for long, or so she thought wasn't for long. As she got up the world was spinning and she giggled happily. She sat there, simply giggling around like a baffoon, watching a bird shriek at her. "Go away birdy, I didn't do anything!" She yowled out at it as it shrieked again and disappeared into the air. "Oh how I wish I could fly! Fly away birdy! Fly far far away!" she called out after the bird. Bearstar stumbled back to her paws and continued on her merry way. She really had absolutely no idea where she was going other than not to RiverClan and not to any other clan. Never again, never again. She closed her eyes, thinking back into the past before she began to smell water. Where was she again? It seemed she was just walking in circles, maybe she was. Who cared anyway right? She followed the trail until it led to a bigger one and soon it was a river. She grinned and drank from the water like it was a god she was standing before. It was her last thoughts that remained of Riverclan, flying by in seconds. Her birth, becoming an apprentice, training hard under her mentor, attending gatherings, meeting her long lost sister who had nearly drowned in the flood, becoming deputy, becoming leader, having her first litter, anger because of her father mating with her daughter. Her mothers suicide, her brothers suicide, her sons suicide. So many in her family committed the fatal yet unintentionally intentional decision to kill oneself. With those final thoughts she leaped at a large rock by the river, letting out a yowl as she rammed against it again and again, breaking a few bones and then leaping into the river, letting herself flow along as the rapids picked up and she was swung under the gurgling water once, then twice and a third time. Over and over until she lost consciousness and her memories began to fade, her vision blurry before black.

Nothing but black. Black everywhere.

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