Posts by Emberpaw

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With her senses all on high alert thanks to her high anxiety levels, Emberstream noticed immediately when there were pawsteps headed in her direction. Head whipping around, grey eyes wide as ever, she surveyed the approaching cat. StarClan, obviously, considering where she was and the gleaming pelt. She looked friendly, but...that never made the anxiety stop.

Grey eyes followed the other she-cat's movements, and stayed on her as she sat down within Emberstream's immediate vicinity. Beside her. The living she-cat couldn't stop her fur from standing completely on end, however, well schooled in making herself appear normal otherwise, she was quick to sit up and rearrange her ears to a position considered more neutral. But the fear was still in her eyes, still pushing her poor heart into beating faster, making her limbs shake.

Finally, the other cat spoke to her. As much as Emberstream had honestly been hoping that she was just invisible to all the StarClan cats, it had been stressful and uncomfortable to sit in complete silence, wondering if the other cat was going to say anything or not. So, one small pressure was relieved, but the place was quickly filled with several more. It was like a hydra, anxiety. Cut off one head, it just grows two more in its place. What should she say? She could play it off like she was fine, maybe that she was just startled, but would that fly? What if the strange she-cat called her out on it? What if the question of what she was doing here came up?

Thoughts racing, Emberstream drew in a long, deep breath, hoping it wasn't obvious to her companion, and gave her head a slight shake as though that might clear it.

"I'm fine," she replied, only to end up wincing when she heard the tremble in her voice. Truth be told, it might not even have been all that noticeable to anyone else, but the ginger tabby's anxiety made her immediately critical of every single thing she did. "I was just...startled. I didn't expect to find myself here, is all." Well, that much was true. Although that might only increase the chances of being asked why she wound up there. Maybe she could just say she didn't know? She was waiting for someone to tell her but no one had showed up until this point?

Once more taking a breath the stabilize herself, Emberstream cleared her throat quietly and wrapped her tail around her feet. You can do this, she told herself internally. You can do it. And even if you can't, StarClan cats are good and generally kind. They'll understand. ...Probably.

[align=left][size=8px]ＦＲＥＥＺＥ ＦＲＡＭＥ ＰＬＥＡＳＥ,
ＬＥＴ ＭＥ ＰＡＩＮＴ Ａ ＭＥＮＴＡＬ ＰＩＣＴＵＲＥ ＰＯＲＴＲＡＩＴ,
ＳＯＭＥＴＨＩＮＧ ＹＯＵ ＷＯＮ'Ｔ ＦＯＲＧＥＴ,
ＩＴ'Ｓ ＡＬＬ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＭＹ ＦＯＲＥＨＥＡＤ,
ＡＮＤ ＨＯＷ ＩＴ ＩＳ Ａ ＤＯＯＲ ＴＨＡＴ ＨＯＬＤＳ ＢＡＣＫ ＣＯＮＴＥＮＴＳ,
ＴＨＡＴ ＭＡＫＥ ＰＡＮＤＯＲＡ'Ｓ ＢＯＸ'Ｓ ＣＯＮＴＥＮＴＳ ＬＯＯＫ ＮＯＮＶＩＯＬＥＮＴ[/size]

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"But--" Emberstream began to protest the fact that she wasn't dead, like the rest of these cats were, but cut herself off. That felt like it could come off more rude than she intended, so she held her tongue, and found it made easier for her as the other she-cat spoke up again. However, the words here had the ginger tabby pausing with great uncertainty. Try something? For her? What? Something told her this was going to go poorly, whatever the request was going to be, and she'd end up embarrassed.

The request that actually came was a pretty big surprise, then, compared to what Emberstream had been thinking. Not that she'd really known what she actually was expecting, but still. Breathe? Immediately, of course, she knew that the suggestion was to get her to calm down, which meant that this she-cat wasn't fooled by her show of normalcy. Breathe. It was still embarrassing. She had to be told by a StarClan cat to breathe, to relax, and she was going to be stuck here either awkwardly staring at the she-cat in an uncomfortable refusal, or she was going to end up doing it and being self-conscious the whole time.

...But then, something different happened. Something that never happened when someone told her to take a deep breath. This stranger went on to show Emberstream what she meant, and...kept doing it. Like, it wasn't a demonstration, like they were going to do these breathing exercises together. That was a first. And...while it was embarrassing at first, the living cat found that it was reassuring, in a way. Not to mention less embarrassing.

Okay. Okay, in that case, she'd...give it a shot.

Giving a soft nod, though the other cat couldn't see her, Emberstream glanced away and slowly closed her eyes over. She could still feel her body trying to sense if anyone was looking at them, judging them, laughing at them, but she did her best to ignore this and did as she'd been told. First, she breathed in, filling her lungs with the fresh air, then slowly released it through her nose. Her thoughts continued to race, so she did it again. And again. And a few more times after that. Slowly but surely, her heart began to slow back down to a more average pace, and she started to feel more at peace. Or, as at peace as possible in the moment.

This time when she heard the she-cat's voice, she was slower to respond, dragging in one final breath before nodding gently and opening her eyes. Yeah. Yeah, she was alright now. Mostly. She could be better, but the panic was at bay for the time being.

"...Yeah," Emberstream murmured, grey eyes taking a hesitant look over in the other's direction. "I'm sorry, I--...Thanks." Unable to decide between an apology for her ridiculous behaviour or a thanks for helping her to calm down, she sort of went for a little of both, feeling her ears warming as she flushed slightly. "I'm a little better now."

[align=left][size=8px]ＦＲＥＥＺＥ ＦＲＡＭＥ ＰＬＥＡＳＥ,
ＬＥＴ ＭＥ ＰＡＩＮＴ Ａ ＭＥＮＴＡＬ ＰＩＣＴＵＲＥ ＰＯＲＴＲＡＩＴ,
ＳＯＭＥＴＨＩＮＧ ＹＯＵ ＷＯＮ'Ｔ ＦＯＲＧＥＴ,
ＩＴ'Ｓ ＡＬＬ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＭＹ ＦＯＲＥＨＥＡＤ,
ＡＮＤ ＨＯＷ ＩＴ ＩＳ Ａ ＤＯＯＲ ＴＨＡＴ ＨＯＬＤＳ ＢＡＣＫ ＣＯＮＴＥＮＴＳ,
ＴＨＡＴ ＭＡＫＥ ＰＡＮＤＯＲＡ'Ｓ ＢＯＸ'Ｓ ＣＯＮＴＥＮＴＳ ＬＯＯＫ ＮＯＮＶＩＯＬＥＮＴ[/size]

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"Well, I--...I guess. I mean..." Trailing off, not even sure how to continue, Emberstream fell silent and simply listened as the other she-cat went on. ...Her apprentice had had the same difficulty? Wow. Actually, that was...sort of reassuring, in a way. She wasn't the only cat who'd ever dealt with this. It was tempting to ask how the apprentice was now, if he was still alive, or if he ended up getting better at any point, but she found herself distracted by the fact that this cat, who had just helped her, and learned how to deal with the anxieties so she could help her apprentice. And that was...wow. Emberstream couldn't even come up with a word for it beyond wow.

"That's...so much more trouble than most other cats go to," she mumbled, almost in awe. If only she'd had a mentor this kind and compassionate, maybe... Maybe things would be different now. Maybe she'd be able to handle all the things that normal cats could instead of losing it over the tiniest things. This was likely something she'd dwell on for some time after she woke up from this dream, however for the moment, her attention had to remain on the conversation.

At the she-cat--Echosong's--question, Emberstream opened her mouth to reply, but fell short as the other excused herself politely. Well. It wasn't a big deal. Echosong didn't really need to know her name anyway, right? They were from two completely different clans, and ShadowClan cats didn't watch over RiverClan cats. This would probably be the only time they met.

...Something about that thought made Emberstream uncomfortable. No, not uncomfortable, more like...disheartened. After Echosong had helped her to calm down, she had to admit there was a certain amount of affection--or maybe appreciation. She wasn't sure, but this she-cat was so much kinder to her than anyone had been in a long time. The thought that she'd probably never get treated to it again was practically depressing.

Shutting her mouth once more, the ginger she-cat remained silent and tried to remain politely unaware of the conversation being had next to her. ...About her. Obviously her attempt at ignoring what was being said flew out the window the moment Littleriver started talking about her, seemingly challenging Echosong for talking to her. ...Saying she was cursed. What did he mean by that? Emberstream's heartrate started to pick up once more, her ears lowering in shame, though she wasn't certain what it was that she was being made to feel ashamed of.

It was a strange thing, though, to listen to a cat hold her composure and...defend her. Maybe not really defend her, but essentially tell another to butt out after saying such things about her. Strange in a good way, though the emotion wasn't strong enough to overtake the bad ones--they never were. Although, something had to be said for the fact that Emberstream hadn't been sent into another panic attack, surely.

"No, it's okay, that--that wasn't your fault," the she-cat responded once Littleriver was gone, shaking her head faintly as she stared at Echosong with wide eyes filled with wonder. Wonder at this magnificent she-cat, who had helped her and stood up for her where most other cats just ignored her so they didn't have to deal with her overreactions. The words you should go felt a bit like a stab in the chest then as they followed just seconds later. No, she didn't want to go! Not yet! This was the first time in moons that she'd felt even the slightest bit relaxed, and she didn't want to give it up yet, didn't want to be sent back to the waking world that was little more than hell for her.

Before a single syllable of protest could even escape Emberstream's lips thought, Echosong was bidding her farewell and pushing her back to the land of the living.

"No..." The word finally escaped her mouth, only too late. Eyes opening, she was once again in her nest in the warriors den, as though nothing had happened. The only sign that it had actually happened was that she could feel a cool sensation in the spot on her head where Echosong's nose had touched her. Breathing a large sigh, Emberstream reluctantly pulled herself to sit up, and remained there, contemplating the events of her dream. Could she go back there? If she did ask, would Echosong really come to see her? How... How would she even go about asking? Was she meant to pray, or something?

It was something to consider. Something to try. Perhaps she had really just made a friend, one who...actually understood her.

In spite of herself, Emberstream smiled at that thought.

[align=left][size=8px]ＦＲＥＥＺＥ ＦＲＡＭＥ ＰＬＥＡＳＥ,
ＬＥＴ ＭＥ ＰＡＩＮＴ Ａ ＭＥＮＴＡＬ ＰＩＣＴＵＲＥ ＰＯＲＴＲＡＩＴ,
ＳＯＭＥＴＨＩＮＧ ＹＯＵ ＷＯＮ'Ｔ ＦＯＲＧＥＴ,
ＩＴ'Ｓ ＡＬＬ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＭＹ ＦＯＲＥＨＥＡＤ,
ＡＮＤ ＨＯＷ ＩＴ ＩＳ Ａ ＤＯＯＲ ＴＨＡＴ ＨＯＬＤＳ ＢＡＣＫ ＣＯＮＴＥＮＴＳ,
ＴＨＡＴ ＭＡＫＥ ＰＡＮＤＯＲＡ'Ｓ ＢＯＸ'Ｓ ＣＯＮＴＥＮＴＳ ＬＯＯＫ ＮＯＮＶＩＯＬＥＮＴ[/size]

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Over the course of the next few days, memories of the dream were almost constantly in the back of her mind. She couldn't stop thinking about it. About Echosong saying that she could ask for her, and the other she-cat would always come. Always come, not just come. Those were the words she'd used. The actual words. Was it... Was it possible that Echosong had really meant it? Was it possible that the young warrior might actually have someone she could rely upon?

Of course, Echosong being a StarClan cat posed a bit of a problem. How could Emberstream be sure if she could actually get through? Was it really so simple, or was it much more complicated? There were so many questions on the she-cat's mind, not even limited to what the starry she-cat had said, but what that tom had said as well, about... About her being cursed. Was that true? What did he mean by that? Certainly, she'd had some odd experiences, and that was putting it lightly, but cursed? ...Actually, she wouldn't have been so surprised if that was true. Her whole life, she'd felt cursed. To this day, she felt like that.

That wasn't as reassuring to think about, though, so the ginger tabby tried to focus more on Echosong. She...could really use someone to talk to. To maybe...be friends with. Get some guidance from. And she knew she'd be wondering forever how to go about contacting the she-cat, and regretting it if she never tried. So, as she finished up her meal just before sunset, the warrior resolved to give it a shot that night. She'd go to bed, and...see if she could get ahold of the other cat or not.

Within a few hours, Emberstream was curled up in her nest, an anxious twisting in her stomach about what she was going to attempt. About whether it would work or not. About whether Echosong would really be okay with it. Just about every bad possibility ran through the tabby she-cat's mind, and that made it difficult to sleep. However, with persistence, eventually her tiredness won and she fell into sleep.

This time when she opened her grey eyes though, she wasn't in StarClan. At least, she didn't think. It looked far more like RiverClan territory, and it wasn't filled with the glittering, starry cats that made StarClan their home. Taking a tentative glance around, Emberstream's tail waved nervously. This felt more like it was simply one of her dreams, but...StarClan cats could walk in the dreams of their living descendants, right? So this...could still work. Possibly.

"...Echosong?" The she-cat spoke hesitantly, a waver in her voice. This wasn't going to work. It wasn't going to work, and she'd gotten her hopes up only to come them crashing back down on her. Her mind didn't like to believe that anything good could ever actually happen. "C-can you hear me? I...I could use your help."

[align=left][size=8px]ＦＲＥＥＺＥ ＦＲＡＭＥ ＰＬＥＡＳＥ,
ＬＥＴ ＭＥ ＰＡＩＮＴ Ａ ＭＥＮＴＡＬ ＰＩＣＴＵＲＥ ＰＯＲＴＲＡＩＴ,
ＳＯＭＥＴＨＩＮＧ ＹＯＵ ＷＯＮ'Ｔ ＦＯＲＧＥＴ,
ＩＴ'Ｓ ＡＬＬ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＭＹ ＦＯＲＥＨＥＡＤ,
ＡＮＤ ＨＯＷ ＩＴ ＩＳ Ａ ＤＯＯＲ ＴＨＡＴ ＨＯＬＤＳ ＢＡＣＫ ＣＯＮＴＥＮＴＳ,
ＴＨＡＴ ＭＡＫＥ ＰＡＮＤＯＲＡ'Ｓ ＢＯＸ'Ｓ ＣＯＮＴＥＮＴＳ ＬＯＯＫ ＮＯＮＶＩＯＬＥＮＴ[/size]