love me like you do — tags
//ahhh do ppl even do these anymore?? anyway you can reply to this if you want but i'll give you a summary at the bottom if you don't feel like reading it all!
months after it was over, she still felt the pang of heartbreak like a fresh wound in her chest, and on lonely nights when she had nothing to do but sit and face those empty thoughts, they consumed her like a fire does to kindling. there were many times when she wished she'd never met him. when she wished she hadn't been so foolishly naive. but it was far too late for wishing, and it seemed as though whatever higher being existed, they completely abandoned her. no amount of praying for an answer or a cure to the affliction proved to be fruitful. the only one who understood her was her brother, who was probably long gone now.
there weren't any right words to say to heal a broken heart; the only thing that could do that was time. that was what she was told. but it had been almost 4 months and she was still hurting. not because she missed this ex lover; quite the contrary, actually. the truth of the matter was that he lied to her, and cheated on her all while acting like he still cared. sugar didn't understand why, or what the hell she did wrong. they seemed so happy in the beginning, so young and dumb and in love that it seemed like there was just the two of them in the world, no one else. he said he would marry her and be with her forever, and she believed him. looking back on it, the warning signs were all there, but he had her so brainwashed that she ignored them all and just blindly trusted him. even when they argued and he said those horrible, mean things to her, she somehow forgave him. she was more in love the concept of love than with him, and when she lost it all she was brought back to the crippling reality that people lied and abused others' feelings all the time. the world has a way of kicking you when you're down. how could i let this happen? she scribbled furiously in her journal, cheeks damp with tears, what had i done wrong to be treated that way? i did nothing but love him and i was just tossed aside like garbage. she was so confused and hurt. she felt so inadequate that she wondered if she was even capable of being in a happy relationship. she feared that feeling of complete emptiness. no one had ever treated her like characters in her romance novels. she was starting to think that that kind of love just didn't exist.
which scared her to death, honestly, more than anything else, because she thought she liked someone. well, no, she definitely did like him. but maybe it would end in disaster again. maybe she'd be better off alone. feelings were dangerous things, but sugar just needed to keep her guard up and she'd be alright. keep them at bay, tell herself it wouldn't work out. she thought about getting away for a while, maybe stay with her cousin angelbeats over in the rift for a month or two. perhaps all she needed to get over this was a mere change of scenery. something that would distract her from her destructive thoughts. she hoped it was that simple. the girl was at her wit's end, and it was getting to the point where she was willing to try anything to forget. to just breathe for once.
which was why an empty bottle of jack was beside her on the floor, and she was in a crumpled heap, the world around her spinning and spinning. it wasn't working. it wasn't helping. and to make matters worse, her head was pounding. she couldn't even get up. her hopes were that she'd just black out eventually and forget ever feeling that way in the morning. however, she was realizing that nothing would help. if she'd managed to get her paws on some kind of drug - which she didn't, and that was why she settled for room-temperature whiskey - it wouldn't help either. she would just be stuck in a loop of self deprecation. lately the depression that she had managed to dodge for such a long time was rearing its ugly head again. she hated faking happiness but she'd become a master at it. her thoughts were always there, she just tried to bury them until she was alone at least, where she could cry and scream and wouldn't have to worry about anyone caring.
pathetic, trashed, and pitiful, sugar was back to square one, just sober enough to realize that her only other option was to leave.
(summary: sugar has been dealing with the damage of being in a toxic relationship so she's been suffering and confused and sad. she likes someone but is afraid to go through with it because she's scared to be hurt again and doesn't know how guys are supposed to treat her, since she grew up without her dad in the picture to teach her that. so she's just drunk in her room trying to get rid of it all but comes to the conclusion that she has to leave for a while and stay with her cousin until she recovers.)
