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||ıƈ|| Elizabeth twisted her wrist in nervousness (a bad habit of hers) and waited for the bell to ring before walking into class fashionably late.
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||øøƈ|| Kks I'm pumped!
||ıƈ|| Brianna stared at her food sheepishly, she didn't get compliments often because she always ended up messing up things.
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||øøƈ|| Thanks, but the point I'm trying to make is your thoughts need to flow, not be an abrupt change. That way if you describe it in more detail it will be way more interesting. I want you to try again, don't do a template write a story at least 5 sentences long.
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||ıƈ|| Jordan backed into the corner of his cell as he saw the scientist approaching. While the radiation saved him the first time it could just as easily be the death of him this time. He didn't want to lose the freedom he'd gained without the burden of cancer riding on him again. "No, you can't." But Jordan's words were cut short as the needle pierced his flesh and he was forced into a deep slumber.
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||øøƈ|| K, tell me if you need help generating ideas.
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||ıƈ|| Elizabeth gave a quick wink in Jake's direction before sitting down.
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||ıƈ|| Brianna hearing it too jumped to her feet hurriedly and smothered out the fire. "Well," She talked in unperturbed way, "What's our plan of action?"
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||ıƈ|| Melody shrugged then turned to Mika, "Hey, I'm Melody."
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||øøƈ|| See, that was better. Your thoughts flow more freely. But first when you start a new sentence space after the period example: silently. School. Secondly was (wad) and their (there) is misspelled, but those are tiny little errors, now that I've sort of got a grasp of your writing I think we need to focus on detail.
~Detail~
Without detail things are basic and mundane.
Which do you prefer?
[img width=510 height=287]http://www.channel4.com/media/…kes/Plain-Cupcakes_A0.jpg[/img] or [img width=510 height=510]http://www.thecompletecupcake.…own-wedding-cupcakes1.jpg[/img]
Without details our stories are like cupcakes without icing.
They let you see.
Smell.
Taste.
Touch.
And hear the world that the author is trying to create.
Sally sat on a log.
Sally braced herself as she sat on the rough surface of the log, since she knew she was sore from running in cross country.
Which is more interesting?
Now here are some challenges, first I'll give you three drab, boring sentences and you make them more detailed:
The cat was afraid of mice.
My name is Rosemary.
Wilson jumped off the roof.
Next I'll give you a picture and you describe to me what you see.
These are just for practice but good luck! 
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||ıƈ|| Brianna's voice was barely audible, "Why is it always knives? Do you want to bribe them instead?" But reluctantly she grabbed a rocked and forced her fingers to hold against her palm. Waiting for the right moment to strike.
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||øøƈ|| Yo, yo, yo try to stay focused on the challenge. And I everyone misspells words so don't fret.
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||ıƈ|| Brianna nodded at the small act gratefully and focused her attention as a man walked out of the shadows.
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||ıƈ|| The scientist that had injected Jordan felt no pity whatsoever. It was interesting enough when the boy's cancer was healed, he wondered what would happen this time.
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||ıƈ|| Melody carefully walked back to her room and grabbed her sketchbook which she began to draw in. It began as a light sketch but as she went on she added more pressure in an angry, hurt way. Memories of her parents swirled in her mind and wouldn't stop haunting her until finally her pencil snapped! She was brought back to reality. Her face was wet from tears and she rubbed them away. It was only and accident. But Melody knew that wouldn't change the fact of what she'd done. Her power was a gift and a curse, and sometimes she didn't know if she had the strength to bear it.
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||øøƈ|| Read the post under Challenge at the very end.
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||øøƈ|| Did you like my lesson on cupcakes?
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Now here are some challenges, first I'll give you three drab, boring sentences and you make them more detailed:
The cat was afraid of mice.
My name is Rosemary.
Wilson jumped off the roof.
Next I'll give you a picture and you describe to me what you see.
These are just for practice but good luck!
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||ıƈ|| Melody shocked looked up, she wondered how long he'd been there. Then she shook her head vigorously, "I'm good, but thanks." Melody wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone and if he didn't leave soon she was going to put up a sound barrier.
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||øøƈ|| ok, I guess I will
||ıƈ|| "I believe I'm the one who has the right to ask that question." But as the man looked closer at Dan he recognized him from the wanted posters and the corners of his lips turned up in a small smile. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
Brianna instantly shrunk back into the shadows and her heart beat a little faster. It can't be him! Brianna began to shake despite what she hoped she knew it was. Her father.
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||øøƈ|| Your writing is okay but you didn't do the challenges like I asked.
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||øøƈ|| Your character smiles a lot, lol
||ıƈ|| Melody walked in causally but yet still lost in her own world, "What's up?"
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