Posts by IMMAkittyRAWR

_{My footsteps crunched, my feet rewalking the same path they had only two days again. I wanted to go back and take it all back. I wanted to not be gay, I wanted to be normal and not hated by everyone. I sighed, looking up at the clear blue sky that didn't match my mood one bit.}

[align=center]_{I shook out my sweat filled hair, smirking out at the group of people in front of the stage. We'd played all the songs I wanted Carson to hear, but he wasn't here. I couldn't let that trash tonight, I was going to have fun doing what I loved. The lead singer, Lucas leaned over and whispered in my ear, "How about we play an original?" I nodded and shrugged, "Why the hell not?" My fingers sid up the neck of my guitar, strumming and headbanging as I began to play, soon followed by Lucas's voice.}

_{I looked over my shoulder, shoving my hands into my jacket pockets. I said nothing as I continued to walk.}

[align=center]_{I looked over, finally seeing Carson. I winked at him as the song came to an end, as did the show. "Thanks for coming out! We're Corpse Bestfriend." Yea, I was trying to get that name changed. I slid my guitar from around my neck and into my guitar case, hopping from the stage and scooping Carson into my arms. "Hey! I didn't see you, did you like it?" I pulled away, realizing I was incredibly sweaty. "Sorry."}

_{axel elliot ramsey}

_{I'd say the show went well, Remus only almost puked once. I smiled big as we walked off stage, the crowd cheering. While we were nowhere near when I wished we were, this was my dream. Since I was eight I've wanted to be in a band, and now that I am I'd change nothing. Remus and I have been friends since middle school, and in high school we started a tiny shit band and while we are still pretty shit, we improve everyday. I put my guitar in it's case, hopping up and down gently on my toes. "Whoo! Man, that was great! How ya feelin?" I looked over at him, my black fringe falling into my evergreen eyes before I quickly pushed it away.}

_{"I'm sorry I can't be gay." I mumbled, having stopped walking but wouldn't look him in the eyes.}

_{I huffed, rolling my eyes. I walked over to him, hunched over the toilet. I reached out and rubbed his back (completely platonic), "Hey, how about we just go hang out at my apartment? You should take it easy for a bit, man."}

_{"I can't look at you without wanting to kiss you or hold your hand, or something. I can't be gay, I can't." My mumbled never got louder, barley audible in the busy forest. I bit my lip, looking at the ground as I held back tears.}

_{I nodded, "Yea, probably. Tomorrow we gotta meet with the guys who want to sign us, remember?" I had to be Remus's mom most of the time, reminding him of things and making sure he doesn't accidentally drink himself to death. I almost never got drunk, too worried about Remus. If he was sober more often, I'd love to try and date him. But, you can't help someone who doesn't want it.}

_{I looked at him, laughing in his face. "Really? My dad is a fucking pastor and since I was maybe eleven he's engraved it into my fucking skull that if I even think about straying from this path they have me set on he will disown me as a son." My hands balled into fists, "It isn't fucking okay! Not where I come from. Maybe in your house it is, and thats WONDERFUL but my dad wouldn't hesitate to beat the shit out of me for it." Tears streamed down my face, out of frustration and sadness.}

[align=center]_{I smiled at his kiss, my smile wanting to waver when we said he had to leave to smoke. I kissed him, setting my guitar case down so I could pull him toward me. I was going to say something about his smoking, but not yet. I didn't want to ruin tonight.}

_{axel elliot ramsey}

_{I nodded, holding him up as we walked back to our car, a few of or friends helping us lug our stuff to Remus's truck. Of course, I drove it more then he did. I helped him into his seat and slid into the driver side, blaring the radio as I pulled out of the venue. "You excited about tomorrow? You gonna try and be sober so we make a good impression?"}

_{axel elliot ramsey}

_{I nodded, "Of course. I'm gonna fucking hold you you to it, I swear to god." I headbanged to the music as I drove, thumping my hands on the steering wheel. We pulled up to my apartment, helping Remus up the stairs before returning to the truck to get my gear. I walked into my apartment to more dry heaves, Remus's body finally quitting on him. I began to heat up tomato soup, a blanket on the couch for him until I decided to go to bed so he could sleep with me.}

_{axel elliot ramsey}

_{I kissed his cheek, (completely platonic..) and sighed. "I'm like your fucking mom, Remus." I pulled the blanket over his legs as I spread out, my long legs across his lap. "We could do this, the band, for the rest of our lives. We could make a living doing this."}

[align=center]_{I nodded, "Alright, babe. I understand." I kissed his cheek before I lead him outside to my car. Once we were seated and one our way to his dorm, I got the nerve to speak up. "Have you ever thought about smoking less?"}

_{I shook my head, "C-Could we walk, please? I'd rather be as far from home as I can.." I sighed, "I'd love to hide it from him. But that wouldn't be fair to you."}

_{axel elliot ramsey}

_{I laughed, "You'd be horrifically in pain all the time, of course." I regretted the mom comment, knowing his parents were both assholes. I rolled my eyes at him, "Would you want to do the bad for forever? With me?" He was drunk, so the answer was going to be a drunk answer but he was drunk all the time, any answer was a drunk answer.}

[align=center]_{"Would you want to try? Like, not stop but just, uh, less?" I felt weird, asking this of him. I couldn't look at him, my hands gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles were white.}

_{"Really? You'd be okay with it? Look, I'm sorry I was being a dick, didn't know how to handle it." I looked up at him, finally. I forced a small smile, glad he was okay and understanding.}

_{axel elliot ramsey}

_{I smiled, running my fingers through his hair, feeling his breathing on my lap. I wanted to kiss him oh so bad but I couldn't date him, not like this. I can be a caregiver but once I ask for care back, I'm screwed. "Want to listen to music?"}