Posts by LAURELDAWN.

“Just keep moving. That’s all you can do.”

The air was biting cold, every breath released from his lips showed as a plume of white steam. His willowy frame trudged through the dense undergrowth, brushing aside ferns and brambles with each aching step. For how long had he traveled? It seemed as though all the sunrises and sunsets of his lifetime had blended together into one blurry memory. The patched tomcat blamed it on his pounding headache—no doubt a symptom of the dehydration he was experiencing. This mountainous terrain left his paw pads cracked, limbs sore, throat dry and spirits low. One would think it’d be easy to find a simple drink of water, but the foreigner found this rugged land difficult to maneuver through and easy to get lost in.

Darkness had already started to flood the woodland, even though it was only late afternoon. The thick shrubbery and nestled evergreens made it nearly impossible for a ray of sunlight to warm the damp earth. Not to mention, there was a wispy and persistent fog hanging in the air, which was enough to make Montague question his own sanity. Does it ever go away?

Reaching the top of a steep incline, Montague slumped against a tree. He needed to rest and he knew it, but every stubborn bone in his body demanded that he continue on his journey... to where, exactly? He had no destination, only a beginning without an end. He had left the comfortable life as kittypet in search of a new home. A better home. But, honestly, how could anyone call this region home? How could anyone live out here?

Although Montague would never admit it, he was a hopeless romantic. He had spent the carefree days of his childhood enthralled with the possibility of love and, for as long as he could remember, wanted to soak up all of the sweet warmth that it could bring someone. He never really thought about why he yearned for love until now as he watched the two siblings from afar with a sympathetic expression resting on his tired, but youthful face. They knew what it was like to be loved; they had each other and their mother. Montague didn’t have anyone.

“Hey, you’re not looking too bright today,” The mottled tom called out in a soft tone, padding over to the duo. He noticed Lilykit’s expression and eyed the apprentice den warily. Turning to Pitchkit, a warm smile broke on his lips. “I’m up for a game if you are! Besides, it’d be an excellent way to clear your mind, don’t you think?”

Growing up as a kittypet, Montague was never exposed to any belief in an afterlife, so naturally, he rarely thought about his ancestors or death. Ideas like that simply didn't cross his mind. It wasn’t until he stumbled upon DarkClan that his mentality shifted and he began to think. Where did he go when he died? Can everyone go beyond or is that reserved for certain cats? And what was this whole “StarClan” business? The religion was both intriguing and puzzling for the tomcat.

Clearing his throat, the warrior stood in the center of camp the same way Pitchkit had. Montague didn’t hold himself in the same manner, of course, despite feeling the same squirmish sensation in his stomach. In this moment, the tom deeply empathized with the boy. Attention was something they could both do without.

“Excuse me! Yes, thank you…” He began, offering a delicate smile to the clanmates who turned at the sound of his call. “I have a few questions about… well, you call it ‘StarClan.’ Would anyone mind telling me about it?”

Montague shifted his gaze to the overhead gape in the Clan’s cave as he listened to Owlgaze’s words. His blue eyes shone with both curiosity and fascination while the sunlight streamed into the cavern. So, to these Clan cats, those tiny silver flecks—little dots of light that Montague never even questioned—meant something. When these cats went to sleep later this evening, some would look up at the navy blue sky and see twinkling stars that represented those they cherished, honored, and loved. Montague had no one to cherish, or honor, or love; at least, he couldn’t remember if he used to.

Deeply moved by the medicine cat’s words, but refusing to show it, Montague turned back to Owlgaze with a gentle smile. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Owlgaze. I'm Montague, or Monty, for short. Thank you for telling me all that you know… I think it’s fascinating, really. I've honestly never thought about life and death in that way before…”

He paused and was about to ask some questions, but stopped as Pitchkit graced the scene with his darling apprehensiveness. Another endearing smile crossed his lips, yet it disappeared as soon as it rose when the little boy mentioned his father. Montague’s fictional brows knitted together softly. A silent look of pity. Poor kid…

“Ah, I’m sure you’ll see him again, buddy!” Montague chimed, his expression immediately brightening as he hunched over to meet Pitchkit’s gaze. “I think he’s watching over you everyday and I bet he’s proud of the fine young lad you’re becoming.” He chuckled and patted the boy's head with a paw. His gaze fluttered back to the medicine cat, his eyes still crinkled and full of warmth. "I guess I'm just curious how they can... communicate with you? Like, who do you see usually? Can it be anyone, or someone really important?"

Honestly, Montague didn’t even know what he was thinking when he decided to leave his kittypet home. He knew nothing of the Clans until he found himself on DarkClan territory, exhausted, dehydrated, and cold. Later, he found out that all the Clans were experiencing similar health effects thanks to droughts, lack of prey, and so forth. It made Montague really question his decision to leave everything behind. Was it worth it? Only time would tell, he supposed.

“Oh, it’s alright!” He exclaimed, his ears flattening bashfully to his skull, “I can handle a few snappy words… besides, I understand where he’s coming from anyway. It was hard, living out there…” Nodding his head to the untamed, gloomy wilderness outside DarkClan’s camp. At Copperbeak’s next question, the young tom perked his ears. “Well… no. I mean, I would love to know more, but I didn’t know about the Clans or how they lived until I met you. I assume medicine cats, like Owlgaze, they heal others right? Is it normal to get… uh, beat up around here?” He ended his last question with a light chuckle, a nervous edge rising in his voice. Montague’s face grew hot. Agh, I must sound like a little kit with all these questions.

// ahh, you're good! it's lovely! :))

"Oh!" Montague replied, with his voice soft and his face growing warm at Lilykit's response. So... he could just be missing? Still... that's not the best situation... In this moment, the young tom didn't know how to respond or how to feel. He gazed at the kittens, his mind drifting down memory lane. Montague never met his father, he could barely recall his mother and, as far as he knew, was an only child. He was never given the chance to call someone "Dad" or "Mom."

With all these thoughts in mind, Monty couldn't help but feel a little bitter inside, a little envious. These children, even if it was only for a short time, knew their father. They still had their mother and each other. His moment of jealousy was fleeting, however, and immediately melted into guilt. How could I think such a thing...?

Blinking several times to clear his head, the mottled tomcat forced a small smile and lightly laughed at Lilykit's following words. "Starstruck? I like that... and to answer your question, yes. I didn't know StarClan was even a thing until I joined this Clan... it must be strange seeing someone like me not know anything, huh?"

“What was that?”

With wide eyes, Montague swerved his ears in the direction of the alarming sound as an invisible hand twisted his stomach. The sharp yowl that rang throughout the forest was unsettling to the tom; so much so that, for a brief moment, he questioned if he needed to find the source of that cry. He knew he’d feel guilty if it happened to be somecat in trouble, so the warrior began his amble through the undergrowth, his heart pounding with each swift step.

“Oh, stars!" He exclaimed, rounding the corner of an evergreen to see a cat, lying winded on the earth. With eyes growing wide, the mottled tomcat quickly rushed to the stranger's side. "Hey, hey, are you alright? Are you hurt? What happened?"

The recent events had certainly been overwhelming, hadn’t they? Montague had joined DarkClan, weak, exhausted and dehydrated, only to find that his new home was experiencing the same pain as he was. With droughts and famine and starless skies, it seemed as though hope and morale was dropping faster than the temperature. The mottled tom’s new interest in StarClan was withering away as quickly as it blossomed, too. These Clan cats put faith in something that seemed to abandon them… what kind of starry ancestors would do such a thing?

Montague pushed these thoughts into the dark nooks and crannies of his mind, though, as he stood in the center of camp. He appeared a little more confident than he had the last time he spoke, due to the fact he’d spent the last few minutes mustering up courage. Surprisingly, he found it easier to stand in front of his clanmates; he was finally settling in and he could put more than a few names to faces. The young warrior felt comfortable here, at home, even if the world was in shambles.

And, so, he thought he’d help lift everyone spirits, including his own. Clearing his throat, Montague felt the eyes of his clanmates slowly land on him. The corners of his maw upturned in a light smile and shortly after, the warrior began to speak.

“Hello! I was wondering if anyone had some funny stories to share? Or, maybe, any interesting talents they’d like to show off? I think we could all use a little laughter and warmth in our lives right about now... So, how about it?” He finished with a small chuckle, scanning the crowd with a gleam in his eyes.

As the stranger rose to her paws, Montague lifted his fictional brows in response and slowly nodded along to her words. Is she really okay? I mean... that's quite a fall... He added, his gaze flickering to the tree and then back to the molly in a swift second. Returning her grin with one of his own, the tomcat stepped closer to inspect her. She was younger than him, probably apprentice aged, with sweet and youthful features. The warrior wasn't quite buying her act, but he didn't push her and instead, took an alternative route.

"Alright, alright, that's good to know," He began with a relieved sigh, "My name's Montague and I'm a warrior of DarkClan... what brings you to our territory? The only visitors we have are either threats or joiners." Montague paused and took a few steps back, before resting on his haunches. Flicking an ear and arching a brow, he tilted his head one side. "Tell me who you are."

Strolls through the territory were a calming activity for Montague—more of a mindless habit, really—that allowed the tom to clear his head and take a breather from the stresses of daily life. Finding ways to unwind was more important than ever, he believed, with everything going on in the Clans. Cats needed to take care of themselves. He needed to take care of himself... and a walk was the perfect answer.

But, Montague wasn't expecting to stumble across a stranger to day. Not literally, anyway. He was simply minding his own business when an unfamilar scent flooded his senses and immediately after, his paws tripped over the small figure's tail. Losing his footing, the warrior landed flat on his side, with wide eyes in disbelief. Staring at the newcomer, Montague flattened his ears while his face grew warm.

"I... I am so sorry for running into you," The young tom stammered hastily, rising to his paws. He glanced down at her bleeding paw and inhaled sharply. Did I do that? What do I do? How should I help? I don't know... I don't know... He rambled in his mind. Gazing up at her, he continued. "You're hurt! Did I cause that? Is there anything I can do?"

// rushed! apologies. <3

Weekly tasks were something that Montague had never heard of or participated in until now. At the deputy’s call, the young warrior padded over, reluctant, yet curious, to see what it was all about. Tasks could be fun, right? And even if they weren’t, he would still be helping out his Clan. That was a win win situation right there.

With a kind smile, Montague greeted Oakridge with a respectful dip of his head. “Hey, I’ll take a task,” He replied, before adding softly, with a twinkle in his blue eyes. “Something fun, if you don’t mind.”

testing

01. tags

02. timeline

03. background

04. human au notes

05. awards and art

◦ laureldawn / originally lucius

◦ cisgender male (he/him pronouns)

◦ 13 months old / ages on the 8th

◦ thunderclan / warrior / no titles

◦ lillian (npc) x lucius (npc) / only child

◦ closeted homosexual / monogamous

◦ single / no crushes / ½ of shiphere / no children
◦ mentored by none / mentoring no one

◦ oriental shorthair / health: 100% / reference

— laureldawn walks with an ethereal grace unbeknownst to himself, appearing almost weightless with each smooth stride. despite the large amount of muscle rippling underneath his pelt, his body is long, slender and svelte. those who cross laurel are often taken back by the tomcat's brute strength—a characteristic that even he doesn't like to acknowledge. taller than the average feline, with willowly limbs and dainty paws, laurel is often mistaken for being weaker than he really is.

his short coat accentuates the angles and ridges of his face and frame, adding a sharp elegance to his appearance. milkly white fur, satinlike to the touch, would cover his entire body, if it weren't for a nearly indistinguishable dash of pale cream on his nose bridge. the only feature that weighs down his otherwise airy appearance is the heaviness of his deep blue, almond shaped eyes.

◦ no injuries or illnesses

◦ esfj (the consul) / hufflepuff / neutral good

— while wanting nothing more than to help others, laureldawn knows what it is like to feel helpless. he struggles to reconcile with his darker past; therefore, he puts on a happy face to mask his unresolved emotions. on the surface, laureldawn appears cheerful and alert, almost always sporting a casual smile. he has no problem taking control of a conversation or being the center of attention, so long as it allows him to steer clear of any topics regarding himself or his personal issues.

with avoidance being his number one defense mechanism, laurel is adept at wriggling out of uncomfortable situations, to the point where he takes extreme precautions to make sure that he doesn't find himself in the center of trouble. he'll try to please anyone who bears even an iota of distaste for him; he'll do anything to brighten someone else's day, as if it guarantees that they won't backstab or reject him in future. while his kindness can sometimes be premeditated, laurel is usually geniune with his emotions. he wants to help others and often plays therapist to others' issues, sometimes to an unhealthy degree. his curiosity and selflessness can get the best of him. when they do, he'll begin to pry into business that doesn't concern him or enter a period of self neglect, in which he'll forget to meet his basic needs at the expense of helping (worrying excessively about) others.

◦ suffers from mild monophobia and is dealing with internalised homophobia

◦ physically medium / mentally medium

◦ will end fights / will show mercy / will not kill

◦ peaceful powerplay is allowed

◦ attack in underline and mention this account

◦ [06/24/20] introduction to thunderclan

◦ [06/24/20] clan meeting about territory move

◦ [06/25/20] ghosteyes catches laureldawn staring

◦ [06/28/20] laureldawn talks to moongleam about religion

◦ [06/28/20] laurel has a nightmare about warren

◦ [07/04/20] laureldawn leads a hunting patrol

◦ [07/05/20] laureldawn is assigned a moving partner

◦ [07/05/20] clans begin their journey to the lake

◦ [00/00/00] thread name and link here

◦ [00/00/00] thread name and link here

ocean eyes travelling to the camp's entrance, the alabastar tom noticed a growing circle around moongleam—a molly that laureldawn found interesting, at the very least. while he didn't know her (or anyone, for that matter) personally, he had a general idea of her persona. she was kind. dreamy. a little distant. whenever they made eye contact, laureldawn felt as though she was looking through him. like into his soul through him, which admittedly wasn't the most pleasant feeling in the world.

not that laurel really cared, of course. she was—more importantly—fun.

her eccentric nature, in his opinion, was the crown jewel of her personality. she kept him guessing; he enjoyed playing this one sided game, always eager to speculate her next move. her ability to entertain him by simply being herself was humoring, yet oddly inspiring. all jokes aside, laurel found himself silently wishing he had the ability to be unapologetically himself. haunting insecurites and venomous words plagued his mind for as long as he could remember, blaring reminders of a past he wished he could forget. at least he'd always have moongleam to unknowingly whisk his troubles away.

"hey, what's with all the commotion?" laureldawn called out with a cheery grin, making his way over to the group. his blue gaze fell on moongleam's headless treat.

the sight of a decapitated bird made the corners of his maw tug downward into an almost blank expression. "oh." was all laurel managed to say as he struggled to find the right response to such a situation. "well," he started, the light slowly returning to his face, an light, breathy chuckle escaping his throat, "wow. you, uh, really wanted to make sure it was dead, didn't you? because it's dead alright."

Laureldawn [♂] A slender, white oriental tom with deep blue eyes stratagem

// retro to meeting about clanwide move! tw for mentions of abuse!

"laureldawn."

even though he received his warrior name nearly two moons ago, the young tom still found himself musing over the syllables. the word felt foreign, almost unnatural, when it rolled off the tip of his tongue. he had a few, embarrassing instances locked away in his memory where he didn't respond to his new name. the warrior blamed his internal turmoil with the excuse that clan names were just supposed to be strange and difficult to grasp in beginning. after all, laurel was confident that he'd get used to it, just like any clanborn cat would.

but in his heart, laureldawn knew he was lying to himself. he didn't choose to change his name out of loyalty or pride for his clan. he decided to change his name in order to run away from himself and his problems, like the coward he believed himself to be. laureldawn was just a means to an end, a way to kill off lucius—the cat he was terrified of becoming.

he falsely believed that becoming a full fledged clancat would somehow make him forget about the bruises the plagued his body as a kit, or replace all the cruel words that lingered in his mind with loving ones. maybe all the memories of being thrown or beat would simply vanish when he woke up as someone new. all that pain holding him back from being himself would disappear and then, maybe, when he looked at a handsome tomcat with his pulse racing and heart pounding, he wouldn't hate himself.

"ah, i'm wasting time," the warrior murmured with a shake of his head and an exasperated chuckle. mid morning sunlight was already flooding into the camp, seeping into the entrance of the warrior's den. "it's nearly sunhigh and i've done nothing but talk to myself..."

heaving himself to his paws, the tall oriental tom exited the warrior's den, plastering a bright grin on his face, as if to say everything is a-okay with this guy!

BACKGROUND INFORMATION

kithood:

— born to lillian, a housecat

— developed monophobia as an only child; was frequently left alone as a kit. broke a bone when his mother and owners weren't there to help him. feels a great amount of distress when in solitude for more than ten minutes; paranoid that something bad could happen to him if someone is not present.

— named after his father, lucius, who was said to be a ruthless and murderous rogue. he was very strong; laurel was told that he inherited his father's strength. lillian used to talk highly of his father, despite his inhumane actions. laurel fears becoming like his father and is terrified of hurting others.

— lived a relatively quiet life for most of his kithood.

housecat:

— was adopted by an older twoleg couple who owned several cats on their property. these cats lived in a barn in the corner of the land. one of the boys, warren, quickly became laurel's best friend and his first crush.

— laurel was often looked down on as weak due to the fact his peers couldn't find anything 'wrong' with him. warren's siblings picked on him for always getting in the way of their fun and would exclude him from their activities.

— around eight moons old, laurel planned on confessing his feelings to warren, but his plan was spoiled after he was overheard by warren's brother, luca. the following day, laurel was forced to watch the boy he loved be hurt, while being verbally harassed for his sexuality. this event instilled internalised feelings of homophobia and shame towards his sexual orientation. because of his fear of hurting others, laurel retreated into himself.
— around nine months old, laurel's monophobia was further ingrained in his mind after his male owner developed a drinking problem and abused him. the man never tried to hurt laurel when the older woman was around. thus, laurel's fear of being alone was solidified in his mind.

— around ten months old, laurel decided that he had enough. he was tired of believing that his life as a housecat was his final destiny and chose to search for something better in his life. after finding a band of loners to accompany, he learned about the clans and eventually came across thunderclan.

apprenticeship:

— laurel joined thunderclan as an apprentice, but was never assigned an official mentor. he trained well and learned the clan customs to the best of his ability. life felt like it was finally looking up, but only because laureldawn was using this major life to ignore his unresolved emotions with his past.

— during this time, the clans were going through a rift with starclan. the unnatural weather, destruction of hallowed landmarks, droughts, and prey shortages caused laurel to start off as a curious skeptic towards the religion.