Posts by .Mothshine.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― Perhaps she should feel different walking alongside him now--her leader and she followed him faithfully as deputy. But was that really any different than before? Maybe around others, things seemed different. They carried more authority than before. Still, they had always been partners. Everyone within their clan could have seen that. Even those across borders knew. Where one went, the other usually followed. Even now, after everything, she didn't doubt they were equals. Whether others saw it that way or not? Mothshine supposed it didn't really matter. Her throat was scratchy with thirst, and it kept her quieter than normal on their trek towards the border. Dying grass crunched beneath her paws and with a heat wave this long she nearly forgot that she would be stepping in snow. The clouds should raise some hope, at least. Even if only a little. "I think you and I tend to run into trouble together at this border. Perhaps we should've brought along a third." She chirped it playfully, eyes glimmering with that same mischief in them when she looked at him--despite the tiredness behind it all. That invincible feeling he gave her could certainly get them into trouble. She had seen that back in their apprentice days, mouthing off to Minnowstar as if they'd face so repercussions. Now they'd have to tread more carefully. They didn't only represent themselves, after all. The sound of a bell should've alerted her before anything else. Before the sight of him, the smell of him. It had almost become familiar. She was quick to pad after Juniperstar, a wary glance thrown in his direction. The last time she had spoken to anyone here it was with news of new leadership. Now, she was visiting borders delivering that news herself. Grief still hung thick in Skyclan's camp. Still, life slowed down for no one.

Ah. Of course. "Ryland." She spoke his name the closest she had ever done to an actual greeting. It sounded like less of a warning than it had in the past. He really had weaseled his way into some sense of familiarity with her. She looked at him a moment, leaning and tired. Stars, they were all so tired. There the three of them stood, largely unaware of what had changed. It was natural for her to assume he was here to ask for something. Wasn't that the pattern now? She wore a smirk so momentary at her leader's comment, that you'd likely have missed it if you blinked. "Here for more favors?" She asked, and while it may have sounded sharp the question was genuine. The tom before them still left her feeling curious. His incessant need to involve himself in clan things--what was that about? She wasn't even quite sure if it irritated her or confused her. Maybe it because it was a bit of both. She still hadn't seen the day where the scent of Bloodclan didn't make her skin crawl, and so poor Ryland was guilty by association. Whatever it was that he wanted, she only hoped he didn't bring bad news. Skyclan had had their fill of that the last few moons.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― It was Mothshine's turn to feel a world of proud. Stars, she was going to be exhausted after this. She had gone through such an array of emotions all at once. Her apprentice may have cheered for her most enthusiastically of all, and she'd have to thank her for it later. To see that, even among their grief, they could still celebrate one another meant the world and more to her. They needed to lean on another now more than ever. How else were they meant to move past it? She listened to Juniperstar call her apprentice's name, and Mothshine couldn't have looked more eager. they had spent moons together now. When Kestrelpaw had been assigned to her, she had been so excited. She had been honored. Not only would she be passing on all Lavenderstar had taught her, but she'd be passing it onto the daughter of Heronstar. They were all so interconnected now. It was no wonder they'd all gotten so close. She so desperately wanted to know that, if Lavenderstar had been here, she would approve of all she had done for her. She'd tell her she'd done enough and taught her well. If Heronstar was here, would she be happy with the warrior she had helped train? She hoped so. She hoped so.

She never took her eyes off of her, and it was a wonder she wasn't crying. She had to blink furiously a few times. If Heronstar couldn't be here to watch her daughter earn her new name, she'd be proud enough for the both of them. If Berylbreeze wasn't here to cheer, she'd cheer twice as loudly. She caught Kestrelpaw's emerald gaze with her own, and she nearly beamed. She couldn't speak now--that was hard for her. So a firm nod was all she could offer. Steady. You've earned this. She had to believe that of both of them. They had earned this. "Kestrelflight! Kestrelflight!" She was on her paws when she cheered for her, voice ringing out before the ceremony had hardly even concluded. She was grinning brightly, and made a beeline for her the moment she was among the crowd again. She was a warrior now. Mothshine went to press her forehead to hers, nearly laughing for all the excitement she felt for her. "You've done amazing. They'd be so proud of you." It wasn't a mystery who they were. She'd know. "I'm so proud of you." Voice thick with emotion, she had to clear her throat after she said it. Perhaps this part of their relationship had really ended now. She was no longer her mentor, and she no longer her apprentice. Still, she didn't doubt that they'd become close along the way. That wouldn't change now.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― The days had begun to cool again. Things may have been looking up. Despite Juniperstar's reluctance to regain hope so quickly, Mothshine had to cling to what little hope they could find. If it was a blessing from Starclan, she'd thank them over and over. If it was simply mother nature taking it's course, she'd thank somebody. She kept a close eye on her leader--or as much as she possibly could amid her own duties. Patrols were to be sent, prey was meant to be hunted. Maybe she should've paid closer attention. They were all tired but Juniperstar had been withering away right in front of them. Had he even been trying to hide it? She worried and worried and where did that get either of them? Did he know how this affected them all too? She might not have even been there had it not been for the sight of Sedgeroot bursting through branches. The sound of his voice, the familiar smell of her best friend. There was another, too. Before it was even clear what was happening, the deputy's heart began to pound. "Sedgeroot?" She called to the warrior, quick move towards him. She stopped short when she saw what had alerted her clanmates. Juniperstar, lying there. Just lying there. Dammit. Dammit. It was that same awful fear that gripped her chest when she had seen Creature steal a life from Lavenderstar. It was the realization that she'd see her very dearest friend die nine times over. That she'd watched him kill himself once now, after he had promised. He had promised her. Was she meant to beg all over again?

"Juniperstar....Juniperstar." The second time she spoke his name it came as a hiss, a warning. She was pushing past Ryepaw and standing over him and the fear was so plain in her eyes you couldn't have missed it. Nothing made her feel more helpless than being scared. Now here she stood, absolutely terrified for him. Maybe a little bit furious. She'd never actually been angry with him before. He'd never given her a reason to be. She looked frantically between her clanmates, as if they'd have an answer to her as to why this had happened. As if she didn't already know. It was nauseating. She didn't want to seem out of control here. But anyone who knew her, or her relationship with the lifeless cinnamon tom before them, must know this would be panic inducing. And she was meant to just wait? Wait for him to come back? There was the very awful thought that perhaps he had lost more than one life. She'd seen it happen more than once now. She should've pushed him. She should've challenged him when she knew he was being neglectful again. She might have been the only one who could have gotten away with it and she hadn't done it. Now he was dead. Even if it was only for a moment, it had begun to feel like it was lasting a lifetime. "Get up. Juni, get up." She was saying it through gritted teeth--all of the terror and anxiety making her voice shake. This is what she had been ignoring, that night in the orchard. In all of their pride and celebration, she had forgotten what his leadership meant. She'd feel this nine times over.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― Wait until he saw the lot of them when he awoke again. Arctinwind must be furious. She couldn't blame her, and for a moment she tried to catch her gaze. Something to tell her she understood. A death like this did not come with it the sympathy that would have come with dying for fighting for your clan, or defending it. This was different, wasn't it? Bosie was confused, and of course he was. This was jarring even to those who knew what was going on. He was so young, and largely a stranger to the traditions of clan life. She was glad for Arcticwind's explanation--however blunt. Mothshine didn't quite trust her voice to give one herself. She looked down at his body again, and it was just a nauseating to look at as it had been in the first moment. Dead. She was well and truly standing over the dead body of her best friend. When he began to stir, Mothshine nearly jumped at the movement. She'd never been this close before, in the moments their leaders returned to them. It had been more sudden than she'd expected it to be, but she did not move away from him. She never pulled away. She should've been offering some comfort to her clanmates, or some words that might have helped. She always had plenty of words. Yet, she had been mostly silent. The cost of wearing your heart so plainly was that she wore pain just the same way. Don't say it.

Her brows furrowed, and he mouth was already opening before he'd hardly gotten the words out. "Look exactly where not saying anything has gotten us!" She spoke to him with a sharpness she'd never shown him before. In a way that made her hurt perfectly clear, especially to him. She should've said something day ago. She'd been as neglectful as he had. As a friend, as a deputy. It made her throat feel tight. He had promised. When had they ever been the type to break their promises to one another? Whether they were wordless or verbally given. She trusted him with everything, and she had always know that feeling was returned. Now how could she even trust him to take care of himself? Something so basic, and yet she spent so much of her mental energy worrying about it. He had to know how much she worried. He saw right through her so easily. She couldn't hide a damn thing from him even if she wanted to. She watched Sedgeroot gather moss, and managed a nod as a thank you. "I hope that you're--" She began to speak again, before her maw clamped shut. She was shaking her head, and finally looked away from him. Should she even bother to plead with him again? Would he even hear her? She'd never wanted to feel like this. Not towards him. Well, he had asked them not to say anything. Then again, they'd always had their own set of rules with one another. "I shouldn't have to ask you again." She was quieter when she spoke now, and it should be plain for him to see what conversation she was referring back to. Voice smaller, her hurt was becoming more clear than her anger. If he really understood what he meant to her, she shouldn't have to beg him for this. She wouldn't.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― Stars, hadn't it been an emotional week? This conversation was no different. Only here, she wasn't feeling drowned or tired. She didn't have the terrible feeling of wavering hope. She watched stars begin to appear, so gradual you hardly noticed the shift. She listened to the voice of her best friend. She sat with the knowledge that their lives were truly never going to be the same after this. Nine lives, a new deputy. Confidence had always been something she held onto. She probably had him, and his mother, to thank for that. His strength had been unbeatable. His heart was bigger than anyone gave him enough credit for. Their lives really could have turned out so differently. He had been abrasive as a kit. Surely there was a version of this life where they might not have even been friends. Rivals, maybe? A long time ago she may have been able to imagine it. Not now. Not sitting in the orchard with him, with a love between them that she wouldn't trade for anything. Her loyalty to Skyclan had to be stronger than ever now. She loved this place. Her heart belonged to this very particular part of the forest, and it was because of those within it. Even if pieces of her belonged to Finchblossom, even if somewhere across the river she might have found a second home. This is exactly where she was meant to be. She had to believe that. If she believed in the leader at her side as much as she did, she could do the same for herself. "Oh, You'd lead just fine without me." She said it with a laugh, bumping her shoulder against him with a smirk returning to her face. "But lucky for you, you won't have to." The gratitude he was showing her was absolutely returned. In a very literal sense, she wouldn't be here without him. At least, not in this exact position. If she had anything to do with it, he'd not go a day of his leadership without her at his side. It's exactly the place she wanted to be. Someday--someday she'd take that very role. Only he wouldn't have him at her side any longer.

No dwelling. Not tonight. There'd be so much time for that later, and they sat in their grief plenty enough as it was. It's good to say it. Of course she'd known. It went without saying for moons, for what was now the majority of their lives. A soft laugh escaped her throat. "It's good to hear it, even if I already knew." She said it with a purr in her voice. Maybe they really had been destined for this. Did the stars determine those sorts of thing? She really liked to think so sometimes. It couldn't all truly be aimless, coincidental. Meeting Finchblossom hadn't felt like anything but something that had been meant to be. Sitting here with Juniperstar, it felt like it was exactly where she needed to be. "I think Lavenderstar believed in us long before anyone else, you know." She said it suddenly, voice softer. There was an idle smile on her face, and something in her eyes that showed just how sad her absence still made her. She'd seen her once. Twice now, since her death. She'd come through the camp entrance and she still wasn't sure if that had been real. A second time, to take Heronstar back with her. She'd get far more emotional than she meant for if she thought on it too much. "If I'm this proud of you, I cant begin to imagine what she must be feeling." Was she watching them now? Did Starclan cats have time for idle things like that? Maybe she'd make time for them. She always had when she'd been alive. Mothshine could've gone to her with anything.

She looked at Juniperstar again, marigold eyes searching his face for some hint to the questions he still hadn't asked. There was a moments silence that hung between them. Well, leader or not, she wasn't about to start holding back now. "I know I'm not really supposed to ask..." Her voice trailed. He'd have every right not to answer her, really. There were new rules now, whether they liked it or not. "Did you see her?" It was nearly a whisper when she finally asked. It must've been clear what she was asking. Where else would he have gone where she might have gotten to speak to her again? How many more had he seen that night? Had there been any surprises? Anyone he wished would've been there that wasn't? She couldn't imagine it. Someday, she wouldn't have to. But those days should be a long way off. She could ask him a million things, but she had settled on the one thing she'd been dying to know.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― What a complicated relationship she'd had with Hurricanegaze. It all seemed so long ago now, sometimes she nearly forgot what even started it all. The tension. The...rivalry? Should she call it that? She had grown to begrudgingly respect him along the way. Although, he likely didn't even know that. She'd never quite put words to it. She appreciated his role as mediator, of course. She understood that they'd both shared some things. A mentor, being the main thing. Nights spent at borders they weren't meant to be visiting so frequently. They never had addressed that one, had they? There might not be any point to it anymore. Stars, her heart was heavy. There'd been a time she'd been jealous. Even now, she might not admit that. Lavenderstar had loved him. He'd stuck his nose up at a then Mothpaw, and Lavenderstar loved him. It did seem rather silly, now that she was gone. That there had ever been a time where Mothshine had felt like she needed to prove herself, to make sure she was her favorite. Love didn't work like that. At least, not for her. She understood that better now, a few moons older and a few more losses deep. The deputy heavy a great sigh as she came upon him and Ryepaw. Had he ever been jealous? What did he think of her now? Deputy. Did he look at Juniperstar's decision with disdain, even if he might have expected it?

She offered Ryepaw a gentle smile when she drew up alongside her, before letting her eyes fall on the row of planted flowers. It was a nice tradition, she'd admit. Her eyes lingered a bit longer on the lavender, then the marigold. Would she come here a lifetime from now, and sit beside the juniper and wish it was her best friend instead? She couldn't think on it for more than a moment. It made her heart pound terribly. Would Hurricangaze be planting flowers for her someday? She sort of doubted it. Or maybe she was simply uncertain. She hummed thoughtfully, and an idle sort of smile formed on her maw. "Fitting." She mused quietly. She might've been talking about the newest addition specifically, but really it applied to all three. She hoped Ryepaw was finding some comfort in it. She hoped this might be a place she could visit to feel closer to the mother she'd lost.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― Two weeks had passed. Fourteen sunrises since Heronstar had died. Was this when things began to get easier? Some things, maybe. Certainly not all of it. With Juniperstar still dozing so nearby, sometimes she forgot that Heronstar was no longer sleeping above them. She had made temporary peace with losing his presence in the warrior's den. She had tried to ready herself for it. It might seem silly. Maybe it was--but near most of her life now they had shared a den. Even when he became deputy, and time was taken from them, she'd know they'd at least go to bed in the same place. On any of the days where there hadn't been time for idle talks, she'd know she'd see him later. She had spent the last few moons watching him so intently. Really, it had been after that first night in the orchard. Nightmares. Wretched things, that she was near certain still plagued him. She couldn't protect him from that, try as she might. But she'd at least been able to watch over him. Now, in all the time that had passed, it turns out she had needed it as much as he had. She'd catch his sleeping form with her moonlit gaze before stealing away to visit Finchblossom. When she'd return, the smell of the river clinging to her pelt, she'd check to see if he had awoken. When the grief of their losses felt too much to bear, she'd find him like she always did. Sleeping or not, it always felt like something of a promise. Something to steady them both. An old habit she wasn't quite so ready to let go of.

Two weeks and she had almost forgotten now that he was meant to be moving. Perhaps she was happy to think that they'd go on sharing a den. That maybe he simply wouldn't move. The den up above would stay vacant. For a few more weeks, a few more moons, until she became leader. She was happy to keep him close a little while longer. Still, they couldn't hold off forever, could they? It wouldn't be right. She was readying herself for retiring for the night. Patrols set, she'd make her way to the warriors den. They had come here for the first time on the same night, after their vigil. She spotted him almost immediately, and surprise flashed across her face as clear as anything. She opened her mouth to ask what he was doing, then clamped it shut. Oh. A smile nearly played on her maw. She wasn't even quite sure why. She was glad he was feeling ready. Selfishly, she was sad for herself. She hummed thoughtfully, drawing up alongside him. "You're moving." She breathed quietly, eyeing his nest. When she looked at his face again, she really was smiling. She'd known this meant things would change. How was she meant to check on him now? She supposed that maybe he didn't really need her to anymore. It didn't mean she wouldn't still worry. "Try not to miss me too much up there, alright?" She quipped, bumping her shoulder to his. She looked back at the spot where a nest was no longer found. The spot she'd surely look to whenever she woke up. Call it muscle memory. "It'll take some getting used to." She admitted, voice no longer joking. As if she needed to say it at all. Was this hard for him too? Of course it was. It wouldn't have taken him fourteen days if it hadn't been.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― Perhaps Mothshine felt a little more paranoid after the rogues. If it hadn't been for what they'd lost, she likely wouldn't have. She had encountered dozens of strangers on their territory by now. Some who were threats, some who were not. Joiners, someone passing by, someone looking for a fight. They'd seen their fair share of it all. Now, the unfamiliar smell of a cat within their borders made the fur along her spine prick. It was unease that made her heart pound. She was quick to find Amaranthpaw and Ryepaw, following their eyes to find the stranger among the branches. She looked at her through her own narrowed eyes. "I'd give a quick explanation if I were you." She called, voice sharp when she addressed her. Mothshine knew better than to go picking fights where they weren't needed. This molly didn't appear anything like the rogues who had attacked them. Still, Amaranthpaw was right. She was trespassing. Perhaps she didn't even know it. Well, with three Skyclan members calling for some sort of answer, she'd certainly know it now.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― It had been near the river that Mothshine had first come across Sharptooth. A stranger who was becoming more familiar to her day by day. She liked the tom, for what little she knew of him. He was kind. He had offered his skill to Skyclan, a group full of those who were strangers to him too. She hoped it had begun to feel like home to him, the way it so did for her. Maybe that'd take a bit more time. Border patrols to this side of the territory always did leave something of a terrible ache in Mothshine's chest. Stars, and for so many reasons. She moved along the bank, eyes watching across the water like she was half expecting to see someone. Always wishful thinking. This might have been where Heronstar met Berylbreeze--their love would eventually lead to her joining. Her leadership. This place made her miss her terribly. In all her time with them, she nearly forgot Riverclan had been her home once. Now she remembered her each time she came here. She remembered how she had fallen in love here, too. A medicine cat who had still been an apprentice back then. Mothshine, who hadn't even earned a single scar or her warrior name. Finchblossom had begun to feel like home more quickly than anything else had ever managed to do. Her starry eyed girl, her only love. She'd hardly been paying attention to any of the cats she had come here with. She was eight moons old again. She was playing and on her way to changing her life for good. She hadn't known loss yet. She was--

Then came Bisonpaw's voice, and she was back at the river, patrolling and working the way she should be. She blinked a few times, turning to face her clanmates again. She looked between them, and then at the shell at Sharptooth's paws. She was glad for the focus to be on him. An opportunity to get to know him a tad more, perhaps. "That's pretty." She commented lightly, nodding towards the shell. Was she meant to be all business on patrols now that she was deputy? Love for Skyclan and all, she didn't expect them to be all about work all the time. They all must have grown tired in the heat. They could have a moment or two, when life allowed for it. The border wasn't going anywhere. They had some time.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― Would it feel as different as she was expecting it to? Would she speak to an entirely different crowd of cats now? She never left Juniperstar's side on the walk there. She'd glance over her shoulder a time or two, a grin directed at a clanmate here or there. She was buzzing with anticipation, amber eyes bright and alert. Was the best friend at her side nervous? He'd stand among the leaders now. She'd no longer look for him in the crowd, or sit beside him. They had both stood there once, during Skyclan's protest. Didn't that feel like a lifetime ago now? Two leaders ago, it had been. Stars, they were still so young. Neither of them had even yet hit twenty moons. Juniperstar had chosen her, and she had to believe the rest of the forest wouldn't turn their noses up at her. Did it even matter? If Skyclan was behind her, should she care what they all might think? She watched Juniperstar in comfortable silence when fourtrees came into view, and just like that her nerves were settled. They may not sit together tonight but they were in this together. The way it had always been. "You've got this. Don't let anyone intimidate you." She spoke to him quietly, under her breath. Something playful in the way she said it. As if he'd ever allow that to happen. He was as capable as she'd always believed him to be. She allowed their shoulders to brush a moment, before they'd go their separate ways until the gathering concluded.

She made no move to find her own place until she saw him join Flamestar. She turned to look at who had gathered so far. No sign of Riverclan just yet. Always, always searching for eyes of blue and a face so familiar it might not even be jarring to see her again. Always wishful thinking. She cleared her throat once, and turned towards the base of the rock. A place she had often seen the deputies gathering in the moons before. Was Lavenderstar watching? Heronstar? She hoped so. The idea that they might be was comforting. Excitement made her heart pound. It was as if she was coming here for the first time again. She moved to take a place beneath her leader, and waited. She wasn't entirely sure for what but...something. Someone.

//open for interaction!! <3

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― She wouldn't be herself if she ever lost every bit of hope she had. Would they all laugh at her if they knew? Juniperstar wouldn't. He knew her. He'd understand. The rest of them? Did they see her coming here and watching the same place every time? Did they follow her eyes and wonder what it was she was always searching for? If it was hopeless, Mothshine didn't care. She still carried more grief than anything else right now. She wore it in tired eyes, in a body thinned by famine, in the way she dreamed of things she no longer had. Had she really gone? Just like that. She woke one day and her nest was empty. She woke and Finchblossom hadn't greeted her--hadn't said goodbye. Just like that. When Lavenderstar had gone, she had been able to see her off. They'd gotten their farewell. When Heronstar died, she'd been there to see it. She had watched her go. Now uncertainty fogged her brain and all she could do was wonder. Did Finchblossom know she still belonged to her? Did she know she could come home again if she wanted to? So of course she still came. In moonlight, on nights where she missed her most. In all that had happened she still showed up. She still searched for her in everything. Mothshine had to believe she wanted to be found. She'd have to hold onto that. Her starry eyed lover, her favorite voice, the thing that called to her even after two moons of hearing no answer. Even after everything, she still came.

It might've been a dream. It was so different now. A familiar smell on the breeze, and she was eight moons old again. She was seeing her for the very first time. She was younger and they'd never hurt one another. They probably really believed they never would. She was coming here every other night and she was keeping secrets. She was in love all over again. She was different now. She was two moons older and it was like looking at someone she shouldn't have recognized. Stars, she'd know her anywhere. She was two moons older and sapphire eyes sent her heart into her throat. She could hardly move. She didn't for a long time. She stood and she stared and she wondered if she was mistaken. As if they could ever really become strangers again. As if she hadn't hoped for this every night she had been gone. She'd wait and wait and wait for something that might never have come. It felt like coming up for air. "Finchblossom." Had it really been so long since she'd said her name out loud? When had her name become one that made her heart sink? Broken and shaky and tired when she finally said it. Like her voice did not belong to her. She still hadn't moved. She'd waited two moons to touch her. She'd waited two moons to find her again. She could touch her if she wanted, couldn't she? She was impossibly unsteady. "Finch--" It was a broken sob before she moved towards her. An outburst. It was the relief that came after days and days of not knowing, of having to conceal a pain the world wasn't allowed to see.

She'd made herself smaller and now she was here and Mothshine could breathe again. She pressed her nose to her cheek and there was all the desperation and pain of a love left behind. She wanted to fold herself against her, to touch her like they'd done so easily for moons. She moved against her like she had never even gone in the first place. Old habits. She loved her the way she always had. Unapologetic and more loudly than she loved anything else. "You're here, you're here--" Repeated like she didn't know what else to say. It was halfway a question. It was halfway disbelief and halfway a plea for her never to go again. Would she have to ask? Would she have to tell her what she still meant to her? Would they be starting again? She'd start again. She'd love her until they were stardust and for as long as they had afterwards.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― Those among Riverclan had always been the most familiar to Mothshine. Their alliance was relatively longstanding by now--or perhaps it just felt that way, in all that had happened. They had even stayed in their camp once, when Skyclan's old home had been destroyed by twolegs. She had been so grateful back then, and still was. It had been nice to be so close to Finchblossom, without needing an excuse to be, while she dealt with the loss. The two clans had once even shared a private gathering under Lavenderstar's leadership. Stars, she had been so happy then. Things had changed entirely. Was she happy now? For certain things, yes. But she still carried grief with her. It made things heavy. Her eyes brightened when the Riverclan deputy approached, and she nodded at her greeting. She supposed they were more like equals now. It felt strange, knowing she was likely a decent bit younger. "Yes--Hello, Tempestwing." There was warmth in her voice when she greeted her.

It had been a while. Had news carried? The question she didn't quite ask stung her, even if she knew it hadn't been meant to. This would be the first so many would be hearing of Heronstar's passing. Now, she was delivering the news to a molly from the place that had once been her home. Selfishly, Mothshine had forgotten she likely still had family across the river. It was exactly why she asked to be buried at the border, surely. She averted her gaze for only a moment--something to keep the pain at bay. "Heronstar lost her last lives to a group of rogues." Voice soft when she explained, like she was apologizing. "They were dealt with. I'm sorry that we--" She hesitated. Need she even say it? They were all sorry. "We should've sent word sooner." She admitted. It was true that in the chaos that came with new leadership, things had gotten away from her. It had been hard to move on, and Mothshine knew she wasn't even quite there. The transition was made easier only by the fact that her best friend was now at the helm. "She must still have kin in Riverclan? I hope you'll give them Skyclan's condolences." Was it strange for her to call this a loss for Riverclan as well? Her throat felt tight when she spoke. "I don't doubt she was as loved there as she was by all of us." She'd always been terribly likable. It was made it so easy to accept her into Skyclan when she had first come. It's what made all of this so hard.

// tempeststar.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― If she had gone searching for her, would this moment have come sooner? Mothshine couldn't be sure. Her touch set her nerves on fire like it always seemed to do. Familiar. She came undone for her more quickly than she would anyone else. Even when she might have a right to, there were no walls. She couldn't keep her out even if she tried. Finchblossom had become as much a part of her as anything. She couldn't imagine a life now where they weren't intertwined, in one way or another. Moonlight reminded her of her. She saw her eyes in every blue sky. She'd look for her in every crowed, even when she hadn't been anywhere to be found. "Finchblossom," She spoke her name again. It sounded like a prayer. Like she was making sure she was really there, even when she felt her against her cheeks, her chin. If anyone were to come upon them now there'd be no hiding it. There wasn't a damn thing subtle about their love. It was all in. It was the thing that she acted upon so easily. It was a feeling so big she hardly remembered a time where she didn't have it. Mothshine could never love her quietly. It was how Lavenderstar had surely known, it was how Juniperstar could understand it in only a look. "I love you too, I love you," Tumbling from her lips like she'd waited every day of those two moons to say it again. She had. She had so longed to hear it spoken to her, yet most of all she wanted her to know. Had there ever been a chance that she'd fallen out of it? Not for Mothshine. Even Juniperstar had to know she had clung to this in her absence. No one could have convinced her to do otherwise. I would never leave you.

Words that wrung her heart within her chest. It wasn't lost on her that this reunion wouldn't be happening had she not left in the first place. She had struggled to understand it, and while she was so relieved now, having her in front of her did little to aid in that. There was silence that hung there, with Mothshine pressing her forehead to hers. She drank in the air around them, tried to memorize the exact way she felt against her. As if she ever forgot in the first place. She steadied her. She had wondered where she could ever put her grief down. While Finchblossom couldn't take it from her, she eased it somehow. In the sound of her voice, in the way she could hold her up when she needed it. What had she heard? Did she know how much had changed? She only pulled back enough so that she might look at her. She must have changed too. "But you did leave." There was no fire in her voice like you might have expected. It was small. It was the sound of someone who had been left behind and didn't know why. It was hurt and confusion and it was a question she had been waiting to ask. She didn't have it in her to be angry. She had been terrified, and perhaps to others that had shown as anger. But not to Finchblossom. Not now, seeing her for the first time in far too long. "Why did you go? I wanted to follow you. I wanted to search. But I didn't know where--" There was that same hurried, desperate tone she'd used the first time she told Juniperstar about them. "You were just...gone." Like she was scared if she didn't get it all out, she'd blink and she'd have gone again. "I missed you everyday, you know." An echo of the way she had phrased their first I love you. Matter of fact. Honest. Except now, her voice was quiet enough that it might have gotten lost in the wind if she wasn't careful.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― There were perhaps pieces of one another they'd never quite understand. Mothshine knew little about the path she walked as a medicine cat, and she doubted Finchblossom had wondered much about the life of a warrior. A deputy. Still, they depended on one another, didn't they? A healer needed wounds to tend to, and their fighters wouldn't be fighting for very long if someone didn't care for them. She knew Finchblossom cared a great deal. Isn't that what she loved about her? Her compassion. She was selfless and maybe her role had nothing to do with it. Mothshine felt pretty certain she'd just been born that way. So was it her connection to Starclan that explained her absence? It ached to listen to her try and explain. She had tried for nights and for days to rationalize why she may have gone. She'd spent her darkest hours wondering if she was even alive. She'd sit in soundless dens, under lonely moonlight. Would she have stayed away for so long if she'd known that? She must know what this had done to her. There had been a time when they'd tried to put space between them. Even when it had been a choice, it had burned her. It left her hollow in a way she never could have anticipated. This had been no different. This had been worse. She hadn't been searching for apologies, and Finchblossom gave them anyways. She should be angrier, shouldn't she? Mothshine didn't have it in her. In all of her relief, in all the sleep that had been stolen from her, she didn't have it in her to be angry. What a waste of their meeting again that would have been. Being hurt took enough out of her as it was.

She pressed gentle licks to her cheeks, her ears. It was as much a comfort for her as it was meant to be for Finchblossom. Making up for lost time. Each time she looked away from her, she was desperate to catch her gaze again. "Please don't go again." Her plea was feeble, and she hadn't expected it to come. She didn't want to have to ask. She didn't want to think that this could happen twice. "Or--or if you have to, talk to me. Don't you know I would've understood?" Maybe that wasn't quite true. But she'd have tried. She'd have tried for her. Perhaps she had done something to make her believe she wouldn't have. She hated the thought of it. Had it been the same neglect that led to Juniperstar losing his first life to mere thirst? Had she come up short somewhere? When Finchblossom pulled away from her, Mothshine let silence engulf her. She looked at her, searching for something. A reason that hadn't yet been given, something they could've done differently. She missed far more than she should've in two short moons. The sigh that left her lips sounded defeated. Like she was giving in to a fight she hadn't even had out loud. "So much has changed, Finch." She breathed it with all the exhaustion she felt. Where was she even meant to begin? How had she changed in their time away from one another? In all of it, their love had been a constant. She knew that the moment she'd laid eyes on her again, the moment she heard her speak it. They hadn't lost any of it. If Finchblossom was fearful of losing her, Mothshine would show up in every way she knew how. "But you didn't lose me." She assured her. Hadn't they both lost enough? She still needed her. That hadn't changed, either. The stars could take from her again, and they surely would. Just not her. "You're not going to." And if Mothshine had it her way, she'd promise forever. She'd promise a lifetime and more. Luckily, she was just stubborn enough to try. She'd give everything she could to stay with those she loved--the ones that were still here.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― Virgo's presence in Skyclan had always been such a warm one. Bright, kind. She had a maternal instincts like Mothshine had never seen. So the question she posed came as a surprise to the deputy, and you could see it cross her face as she passed. She was turned to look at her, trailing back and approaching her with a gentle smile. Mothshine had always wanted this--she should feel lucky for that. She'd never wondered what she wanted to do, or who she wanted to be. She'd swear she was made for it. Or that there was something in her blood. Still, not everyone felt that way. Not everyone could be sure. An amused purr rumbled in her throat at Sparkkit's suggestion. "That's sort of a big question." She chirped thoughtfully. She might have answered differently a few moons ago. Something about the training of it all. The fighting. Still, that was a part of it. "It's a lot of training. It's not something that happens overnight." A younger Mothshine had wished for that, in all of her impatience. "It's a commitment. Or sort of like...a promise." She added. "It's promising your time, the skills you learn, your loyalty all to one place. It's being willing to defend your home and the cats in it, even if it costs you." You could hear pride swell in her voice when she spoke about it. She had never looked back when she was named Mothpaw, and being named Mothshine had been one of the greatest moments of her life. Knowing she had earned her place as a warrior made it all that much more important. She looked down to the kit at her side, and went to flick her should lightly with her tail tip. "And don't you worry, Sparkkit. It'll be your turn to start training before you know it!"

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― An amused purred rumbled in the deputy's throat upon hearing Dizzypaw's offer. She strode up alongside the apprentice, turning her gaze on their leader. It was likely no secret to him where her mind must wander to at the mention of herbs or Riverclan. Would their new positions complicate this further? She had her own personal bias, of course. And he was her best friend--it was likely he carried some bias of his own. She couldn't think on it now. If this had been Lavenderstar, or Heronstar, calling for a patrol she wouldn't have hesitated to offer herself for the Riverclan patrol. It didn't feel as if she could do that now. Or perhaps it was that she felt she shouldn't. Was it really any different? Maybe it was that it'd feel like an abuse of power. "I'll go wherever I'm needed!" This is what she settled on, hoping to catch Juniperstar's olive gaze.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― She wondered how well Tempestwing might have known their fallen leader, and she averted her gaze for only a moment at the mention of more kin Heronstar had left behind. Did Applepaw, Ryepaw, all of them, know about their family across the river? Would Tempestwing be delivering that news back to them? This loss reached far deeper than she realized. If she still grieved for Lavenderstar after moons and moons, how long would the forest miss Heronstar? Perhaps forever. At least in one way or another. She opened her mouth to speak again, to apologize further for their lack of tact in delivering the news to their neighbors. Then she was greeted by a stranger who smelled of the moor, and she was reminded that she should have things to celebrate tonight. She was meeting her fellow deputies, some for the first time. She gave a small smile in return to the condolences she offered. "Thank you." She needn't voice the fact that it hadn't been easy. Surely they'd know. Transitions in leadership, fallen friends. It was certainly overwhelming. But perhaps Skyclan had grown used to it.

It was upon Brightshine's call to a stranger that unease settled in her stomach. Would this be a repeat of previous gatherings where Bloodclan dared show their faces? And Brightshine seemed to eager. A greeting of familiarity was exchanged, and the Skyclan deputy tried to catch Tempestwing's gaze. Surely she was made as uncomfortable as she was. Skyclan and Riverclan always seemed to suffer the most at Bloodclan's paws. Her tail tip flicked behind her, eyeing Sergei. It wouldn't do her any good to start something at her first gathering as deputy, although she didn't doubt Juniperstar would take her side. The last thing she needed was being responsible for making Skyclan look bad. She'd have to bite her tongue. Surprise crossed her face at the Windclan deputy's boasting. She was so used to being in company who all but recoiled at the mere mention of Bloodclan. She'd nearly forgotten there were others who felt...differently. That much was becoming clear. She was glad for Tempestwing's words when she spoke. Mothshine wasn't as confident that she'd have been as kind. I wasn't aware that BloodClan observed StarClan traditions like the Gathering.

"They don't." Mothshine spoke flatly, something like a challenge in her voice. It was gone as quickly as it'd arrived, only lasting in the way she held herself more tensely than before he had arrived. Would he explain himself? Would it even be worth hearing? Likely not. "I hope no one was seriously hurt. Sharpteeth can be nasty." She offered finally, an attempt at the same civility Tempestwing had shown. Her marigold gaze scanned the surrounding area, as if trying to see who else had come along with him. Was Ryland here? She landed on someone else a heartbeat later. The sight of Finchblossom sent her heart into her throat. She'd seen her under this same moonlight so many times over, only here the eyes of the rest of the world seemed to be on them. She couldn't touch her here. At least, not in any way that wasn't painfully fleeting. In her distraction, she'd hardly heard the Riverclan deputy excuse herself. Stars, take me with you. Her paws itched to follow, to break away and greet her love before she ran out of time. Of course things could never be that easy. She did her best to swallow her impatience, glancing between Brightshine and Sergei. Wouldn't her distaste be painfully obvious if she were to leave the moment after Tempestwing? She had grown to understand the politics of the clans, all thanks to her mentor. Still, that didn't mean she always loved it. That's what kept her in the spot she had taken despite what she wanted. Perhaps she'd get lucky, and be called away. Though she thought better than to count on it.

// BRIGHTSTAR   SERGEI.   tempeststar.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― How often had Mothshine stood under moonlight and wondered if Finchblossom was looking at the same moment? They didn't share a home. She knew that, however painful of a thought it was. Still, they had plenty to share. They shared friends, in Juniperstar and perhaps even in Tempestwing. They shared a love she never could have prepared for. They shared moons and stars and a sky that was so comforting, even in its overwhelming enormity. Mothshine had felt lighter since her return. She always had shone a little more brightly in Finchblossom's tender love. She slipped back into camp, thoughts in a whirl as they often were this time of night. A den to go back to she no longer shared with her best friend, patrols to plan in the back of her mind, sapphire eyes, a freshkill pile to replenish, the smell of the river that brought with it memories and promises of Finchblossom's visit. If there wasn't time enough for it all tonight, in the darkening hours, there was always promise of tomorrow. She paused only at the sight of their medicine cat apprentice, lost in some thoughts of his own. Was it bad that she felt pity when she looked on him now? That calling him Tawnykit left her mouth feeling sour. Of course she understood it. He didn't need to hear it from her how angry his decision had made her. Especially not now.

Amusement clear in her eyes, she joined along Sedgeroot. Surely he had seen this before--this look that Tawnypaw wore. Utterly dreamy. It was the way she must have looked the next two sunrises after meeting a then Finchpaw. Mothshine wouldn't pry. She didn't think she could dare the hypocrisy of it. "Well, I'm just glad to see you in good spirits today." She offered, smile clear on her maw. She followed his gaze to the star littered sky above them, scanning for nothing in particular. She so wanted to ask. Then they weren't close like that, were they? She knew enough to know this wasn't like him--whatever this mood was. But not enough to ask for plainly for its cause. She drew in a sharp breath. Maybe it was simply the springtime. After such a strange leafbare, things might...settle themselves. It'd do them all some good.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― I wish I could join. Surprise crossed the ashen molly's face, glancing in Juniperstar's direction before her gaze shot back at the Bloodclanner. She expected a follow up. A quip. Something to show that he was joking. Then, perhaps she shouldn't be surprised at all. His interest in Skyclan had always been apparent. And what if he had tried to join them? Heronstar likely would've been the leader to allow it the least begrudgingly. What would've become of the city dweller then? Would he have found friends within their territory? Mothshine might have been one of them. Answers to the questions he always seemed to have? In another life, maybe. Maybe. She was always searching for something herself when she looked at Ryland, and then came the questions she had been expecting. Always wanting. The sting she felt at the mention of her name was nearly visible. It was easy to forget that the rest of the forest did not know. That, despite how it felt for her, the rest of the world carried on. For so many, nothing had really changed. For Skyclan, nothing was the same. A sigh rattled her ribs. It ached to think of her. Truthfully, she was glad Juniperstar gave the explanation, however blunt it may have been. She's dead.She glanced sideways again, at nothing in particular. Something to ground her. She was quieter in her own way when she seated herself beside the cinnamon tom. Talk. Mothshine was good enough at that. Or, at the very least, she scarcely ran out of things to say. She listened to him introduce himself with a new name for the first time, and she hoped it did not feel or sound hollow.

He had earned it, hadn't he? That name. He'd worked for it. It made something in her stomach flutter with that hope she always managed to hold onto. Even if sometimes all she could do was cling desperately, she held onto it. Then there he went introducing her with something new of her own. Not in a name, but in a position. In newfound duties. His deputy. It made her smile to hear him speak it aloud to someone outside of their own clan. A rare glimpse of a softened demeanor she carried around Juniperstar, never displayed in front of a clan she might always consider their enemy. "The something must be rather important if you need a leader, hm?" She asked, curiosity clear. Bloodclan had delivered so much news to them at this border before. "So, go ahead and spit it out then, Ryland." Her voice wasn't nearly as sharp as it might've been had she been speaking to one of his other clanmates. It was only a genuine invitation. A conversation. Juniperstar had agreed to it, and she was glad for it. She'd carry them through it if she needed to. At the very least, it felt nice to sit here without feeling a looming threat. Whether it was because of their new statuses, or because of Ryland himself, she wasn't entirely sure.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― Early morning hunts had become something of a routine for Mothshine during the heatwave. It seemed to yield the best results. Less sunlight, less energy to be exerted under the suns sweltering rays, and the forest was quieter. Even now, as their forest finally began to cool, she had stuck to it. Slipping from camp between patrols she had sent out, sometimes asking a clanmate or two if they'd like to join. The more paws at work, the more prey they'd come home with. Mothshine was not a solitary creature, but the times where she was alone on these hunts were sometimes...peaceful. Her mind could wander. She could allow herself to be distracted, if only for a moment. She could fret for Juniperstar in her mind, reminisce about Lavenderstar and Heronstar, plan for the days ahead. More often than night her mind ended up somewhere across the river. Always somewhere with Finchblossom, wondering when she might see her love next. Wondering if she thought of her as often as Mothshine did---Really, she didn't doubt it. She cast her gaze skyward as she walked, picking among bushes and fallen branches. Newleaf did something to her heart. It made her feel lighter than she had perhaps felt in moons, among all the chaos they'd endured. Death made her feel helpless, and then the changing of seasons reminded her it was all temporary. Something that was probably both a comfort and a curse. Still, it seemed things were never entirely settled. Fox scent hitting the back of her throat made the fur along her spine bristle. HELP!

Dizzypaw. She knew that voice even from a distance. Her initial thought of turning back for reinforcements was quickly forgotten. She flew towards the sound of her call and closer to the bitter smell of the fox. Amber eyes searched the forest floor for her first, frantic with her worry. It reminded her of her panic a lifetime ago, when she had encountered a rogue alone. Did Dizzypaw feel that same fear now? "Oh, Dizzypaw--" Her worried hiss came with half relief and half frustration when she spotted her in the trees. There'd be no time for asking if she was okay now, that'd have to come after. Work quickly before the fox got the upper hand. It seemed far more interested in their tree bound apprentice anyways--Something that might work in Mothshine's favor. The deputy made quick work of lunging towards the russet creature, aiming a bite at the back of its neck. Adrenaline pricking at her paws, the heat of battle is where Mothshine took her control back. One of the few instances where Mothshine would act as unkindly as possible, all tooth and claw and spitfire. She couldn't stop Dizzypaw from coming across the fox, but she'd drive the damn thing away. Away from camp, across a border, anywhere but right here where her family was being threatened.