Posts by .Mothshine.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Senior Warrior - Female - 17 moons

― Mothshine hardly slept the night before. It wasn't like her--except for in times of grief. Or perhaps it was the knowledge that it would likely be her last night sharing a den with Juniperthorn. It had been the last night she'd been able to lift her head and look for him, right over her shoulder. She had done so for so many moons now. She'd check to see that he was there, that his night had not been perturbed by nightmares. After all this time, it seemed that it became as much of a comfort to her as it was for him. It never started that way. Old habits died hard, she supposed. Had she ever gotten used to Lavenderstar's absence? Perhaps she had made peace with it by now--barely. But she'd never not miss her. While her relationship with Heronstar was not the same, it had become increasingly important to her. Beyond being her leader, she had been her friend. She hated waking in a world where she no longer was, where her scent was beginning to stale, where she left behind so many children. Her heart broke for each and every one of them. What's worse, is that the world does not stop for your grief. Even in death, their problems persisted. The heat was climbing, Bisonpaw missing. A clan needed a leader. Sooner was better than later.

Marigold eyes found Juniperthorn the moment she left the den. Stars, how confusing it was to feel such pain and pride all at once. I'm off to the moonstone then. A place Mothshine had only ever imagined. She'd had questions upon questions for Lavenderstar when she had returned, and had never asked. It might be different now, when their to-be leader was her dearest friend. Her family. Something like paranoia gnawed at the back of her mind at the idea of sending him off with only Tawnypaw at his side. They had done everything together. It wasn't often that they had to wrestle with these things alone, and yet she knew this wasn't a journey she could join him on. This wasn't for her. She could only give her support. She hesitated for a moment when she approached him, watching him as if it were the first time she was really seeing him. When he came back, he'd carry nine lives with him. He'd answer to a different name. It made her heart pound wildly within her chest. When she moved towards him, her movements were decisive. She pressed her forehead to his and let her eyes shut for the briefest moment. "Come back safe to me." She said finally. "If anyone can do this, it's you." This was spoken in a whisper, meant just for him. She'd spent most of her life believing in him. It was no different today. When Heronstar had gone, she asked that she come home safe to us. Now, she allowed herself to be a little selfish. Perhaps after everything they had lost, she had a right to be. She needed him and he knew that well enough by now. She didn't like to ask much of him, but this felt necessary. Come back safe. She had nearly begged him to take care of himself weeks ago. She felt no different now. "Got it?" She added as she pulled away from him, forcing some lightness into her tone. There was something unsaid in the smile she offered him. Another plea for him to be careful that he probably didn't need to hear.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Senior Warrior - Female - 17 moons

― It pained Mothshine to know that Copperbeak was not visiting under more pleasant circumstances. Word of Heronstar's death would be reaching each of the clans by now. Stars, she couldn't imagine what Riverclan must be thinking. She imagined she would have been just as loved there as she had been in Skyclan. She carried with her a heaviness she had felt after Lavenderstar's passing. The knowledge that it was her best friend taking Heronstar's place helped ease the blow. Well, a familiar face was welcome. A reminder of the good Heronstar's leadership had brought to them. When her eyes landed on the Darkclan warrior, she was quick to make her way over. "Copperpaw!" She chirped his old name out of habit, offering a nod of greeting to Sharptooth. Then she was shaking her head at her own mistake, "Oh, That's not right anymore is it? Copperbeak." She corrected, something like pride in her voice. She was glad to see he still seemed as helpful as ever. However short his time with Skyclan may had been, she had always been rather fond of him. He had fought so valiantly alongside them, even when he did not belong to Skyclan the way the rest of them did. It was nice to see how he had grown since she last spoke with him. "I hope Darkclan has been treating you well? We miss you around here, you know!" She said with a gentle brush of her tail to his shoulder. Perhaps she shouldn't speak for everyone. There would always be those who wouldn't take kindly to any outsiders. Mothshine just didn't happen to be one of them. Besides, Copperbeak was rather hard not to like with all of the kindness he had shown them.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Senior Warrior - Female - 17 moons

― For every moment she hadn't been busy, it felt like she hadn't taken her eyes off of the camp entrance since Juniperthorn's departure. Realistically, she knew the journey was not a short one. She had never made the trip herself, but she recalled the time it took for Lavenderstar and then Heronstar to return to them. Still, it was with each passing moment that she grew more uneasy. Worry for him gnawed at her belly, all mixed with whatever grief she was carrying. It was all so terribly heavy. She knew she wasn't alone in this. She had seen plenty in the few short days since Heronstar's passing how they were all handling it--or not handling it. It was a sleepless night in his absence. Something that normally came so easily to her refused to come. She'd eye his empty nest, and wonder where he was at in the process. Wonder if he was scared, or if he'd feel better coming out of it. It went without saying that she'd have made the journey with him if she could have. Still, she knew it had been up to the senior warriors to keep things moving while he was away. She had asked him to come back safely to her. He'd never lied to her before, and she hoped he'd make good on his word now.

It was upon his return that she had been watching for him, and the ashen warrior was on her paws in a heartbeat. Still, she didn't move towards him. Not yet. For a moment, she only watched. It was as if she had expected him to look different somehow. Maybe he did. More tired. Older already. His name was already hanging in the back of her throat when she suddenly remembered that it was a name that no longer belonged to him. Still, she loved him the same as before. Or maybe more. Then came the flooding of questions into her mind, the same way it had happened when Lavenderstar had crossed the threshold. She must look silly, standing there and watching him. Finally, she moved towards him, and on her way looked to Sedgeroot with gratitude. She'd expect no less kindness from him. "You're home." She breathed those two words with all of the relief she felt for him. Everything was changing. Everything was changing and yet she'd always feel the same for him. The same pride in being able to call him her best friend, carrying with her the belief she'd had in him for ages now. She could be the first to say it out loud, if she wanted. Or perhaps Tawnypaw had on the journey home. Wouldn't that really solidify the reality of what they had lost?

She moved to his side with their signature gesture, a gentle bumping of shoulders. She had so much to say to him it felt as if she might burst. Yet, even Mothshine knew this wasn't the time. Not when everything was still so fresh. Was it painful even now? She hoped not, for his sake. "Rest, alright? I'll find you something to eat." She'd go and catch something herself if their prey pile was still dismally low. It had taken time to grow used to calling Lavenderstar something other than the name she had called her mentor for all of her life. The shift from Juniperpaw to Juniperthorn had not felt as strange. Perhaps because they had done it together. The path he was on now was more solitary, even with the support she gave. Even with the support of the clan around them. For now, all she offered him was a gentle smile. A promise that they would speak later, when the time felt right. When he felt up for it. Where she could call him by his name and tell him all she was holding onto now. The time would come.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Senior Warrior - Female - 17 moons

― "Bisonpaw," Came the relieved sigh from her lips as Mothshine exited the warrior's den. Even she, with her boundless energy and optimism, was looking something like rundown. Tired. They must all be feeling the hunger that came with dying prey, and the weight of the grief in the air was nothing short of suffocating. The smell of Thunderclan still clung to the pelt of their medicine cat apprentice, and her curiosity was sparked as she approached. Truthfully, she was glad that Sedgeroot was filling him in. It was somehow both painful and exciting to recount the last few sunrises. They'd be feeling Heronstar's absence for weeks to come, she was sure of that. She nearly felt guilty for feeling any sort of excitement at their deputy's promotion. But he always had her support. Everyone in Skyclan knew that by now. Still, worry gnawed at her for each of her clanmates. For their mental wellbeing, for their health. A concerned glance was given in Sedgeroot's direction first at his stumbling, and then back to Bisonpaw with his healing wounds. "Welcome home." She added, before looking at him expectantly for his answer to the question he had been asked.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Senior Warrior - Female - 17 moons

― If Mothshine didn't know the cause of it, she'd have been glad to have her friend still in the warrior's den. But she knew what pain was causing his hesitation, and she couldn't be glad for that. She understood that grief well. Selfishly, it had been a comfort to wake in the night and see him lying there the way she'd done for moons now. Still, it reminded her that those would be their final nights. Eventually he would take his place. Perhaps she was being dramatic. If it weren't for the mood of things, she might have laughed at herself for it. When she emerged from the den herself, she could spot him easily. She thought for a moment that she might approach him. She might have some words of encouragement before he began what was going to truly mark the beginning of a new era. But this was his moment. Again, something more solitary than she'd ever understand. Instead, she only tried to catch his gaze. To offer him that same easy smile reserved for him. Then he was off, and things would begin again. A new start for Skyclan once more. It would be the fourth leader she'd served under now, and one she was more closely tied to than anyone. A deep breath shook her body before she moved forward, and there was a moment where she looked nearly lost. It occurred to her that the easy routine she fell into was no longer there. During all meetings, she'd find herself at his side. Or she'd wait for him to arrive and join her, the way they always did. Now she was left to go wherever else she pleased. She settled finally on settling towards the front of their clearing. Anticipation was pricking at her paws, and she never took her eyes off of Juniperstar. Juniperstar. His voice was familiar and welcome and she hoped that everyone around her would agree. He had been meant to stand there. Even if he didn't believe that quite yet, she'd believe enough for the both of them.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 17 moons

― One might have expected it to sound strange--the sound of his voice addressing them all from above them. Still, when he had been named deputy it meant that one day he would stand where Heronstar had stood. Where his mother had stood before that. Even when his voice did waver, she couldn't help but to think it seemed like he belonged there. He was standing exactly here he was meant to be. There they all went, carrying on with life even amid all of the grief. Even when they were all hurting. Life pauses for no one. Surely they weren't moving on because they wanted to but because they had no other choice. Alliances needed upkeep, apprentices needed mentors. Through every word he spoke she so scarcely took her eyes off of him--like she feared if she looked away and looked back he might be gone. It was all the pride and anticipation that came with a new leader. Then the excitement for Arcticwind, at the prospect of receiving her first apprentice. She was a warrior she had grown to respect, and it seemed that feeling was quietly and mutually shared. They'd always have some sort of connection, however small, through their love of Juniperstar. She tried to catch her gaze in a quiet congratulations. No doubt she would do well with this.

She wondered for a moment what must be going through his mind. More often than not, she was able to guess. They knew one another that well. Wordless conversations had become something a norm between them. A look that meant they'd talk later, a touching of shoulders to let the other know they were there. Now she watched him look past them all, a delicate matter hanging on his lips. Mothshine would be lying to say she hadn't thought about it. As each of her roles in Skyclan came to her, as warrior and then senior warrior, she had been happy there. She had been so content to serve wherever she was most needed. She was no stranger to the wonderful cats among their ranks. The strong, the compassionate. Plenty of types who would suit the role of deputy. A difficult decision indeed. She did not envy those who had to make it, and she hadn't even dared to ask Juniperstar his thoughts prior to this meeting. Of course she had wondered. Then his eyes found her in the front of the crowd, and she felt very suddenly like she might forget how to breathe. The new deputy of SkyClan shall be Mothshine.

It was without a second thought that the ashen warrior was rising to her paws. As a kit, she had never even entertained the idea of hearing that sentence someday. In her apprenticeship, she had only cared for learning to fight and to hunt. It was only through the guidance of Lavenderstar that she had learned the important of everything that came in between. She hated to think of the cat she might be today without her. Certainly not standing here, her named called out before all of them, bearing a new title. Certainly not brimming with so much pride she could hardly contain it all. Deputy. Had she earned it? She wanted to believe she had. She wanted to know that those standing around her weren't looking at her with any doubt that she should stand there and accept this. Of course the thought that there might be those who claimed bias would cross her mind. But not now. There wasn't room for doubt here. A grin lit her face in a way it hadn't since Heronstar's passing. She opened her mouth to speak, and looked up once for a fleeting moment. Approval given by Lavenderstar, by Heronstar, would mean more than all of Starclan combined. What she wouldn't give for them to be here with her, bearing witness to this. If she could have Finchblossom at her side now, she didn't doubt for a moment the support her love would give to her. She'd speak to her in that easy way she did, like she had expected this all along. She had believed in her through everything. Through every loss and victory. She loved her at her very worst and very best. Mothshine loved her right back, and couldn't even care to feel guilty for it now.

"Thank you." Her voice shook when she said it, and not because of nerves but for the great surge of emotion she was feeling. The gratitude she didn't know how to adequately expression. "I won't let you down." She meant it with everything she had, and it could be hear in the now steady sound of her voice. This was aimed at Juniperstar, amber eyes glistening. If she took the time now to think of how far they had come--stars, she might start crying. If you had asked her moons ago where she saw them standing in their future, she never wouldn't answered this. She couldn't have even imagined it. "Any of you." She spoke now to the clanmates around her. The sound of their voices calling back to her was a sound she'd never forget. This moment was something she'd hold onto forever, and she had her best friend to thank for that. There were a million things she could say now. Thank yous she wanted to give, promises she wanted to make. But she thought it best for her actions to speak instead, in the days to come. For now, she could bask in this. She could sit in her feelings and in the sound of her name being called. She could search for the presence of those no longer with them in the stars tonight. It was almost overwhelming, the love she had for Skyclan and those within it. This was an opportunity she couldn't take lightly. If anyone thought her unworthy of this, she'd spend every moment from here on out proving them wrong.

// aaahh so sorry this is so long y'all but TYSM!!!!! ily all dearly and will do my absolute best <3

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 17 moons

― So many different things had brought her to this border in her lifetime. Once, they had crossed here seeking refuge with their ally across the river. Back when twolegs had seized their old camp. Patrols, countless times over. Moonlit meetings with Finchblossom where quiet I love yous were exchanged. Now, this is where she would go to visit Heronstar. This border had been where she requested her burial to be. She had visited the place they had buried Lavenderstar plenty of times--she still did. It ached to know she had to do it for Heronstar at all. However lost in thought she may be, her nose found Applepaw before her eyes did. If her grief felt impossibly heavy, she couldn't imagine how it must feel for the children of the leader they had lost. "Applepaw," She greeted the tom gently, expression equally as soft. Through no fault of their own, it sometimes ached to look at them. She could see pieces of Heronstar in the kits she left behind. She joined alongside him, silent for the moment. Her eyes found some place across the river, as if she were expecting someone to emerge there. Or maybe she was simply hoping. She wondered if this was anywhere near where a then Heronswoop had crossed to join Skyclan. Had she looked back at all? Had there ever been a moment of regret? Mothshine certainly regretted that she'd never be able to ask her these things now. Maybe someday. "How're you feeling?" She asked, looking back at the apprentice finally. "That's probably a silly question." She said as suddenly as she had asked. If anyone had asked her how she was after Lavenderstar had passed, someone who had nearly been a mother to her as well, she would've wanted to laugh. How do you move on from something like this? Even now, she wasn't sure how she had done it. Or maybe she never really had in the first place.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 17 moons

― The new deputy of SkyClan shall be Mothshine. That sentence had replayed in her mind repeatedly since the meeting. The was already well into setting for the night, and any thoughts of sleep were far off for her. She ought to be intimidated by this--the follow in the pawsteps of Lavenderstar, Heronstar, Juniperstar...To someday maybe stand here they all stood. It always all seemed so far away, and then Mothshine was reminded of how much had happened in her short life. Seventeen moons old and deputy of Skyclan. Had they all felt so overwhelmed by it when they were named? Then again, Lavenderstar and Heronstar had not been nearly as young. If anyone would understand it all, she'd find that in her best friend. She had so much to thank him for--well beyond the honor of choosing her as his deputy. Her eyes searched for something in the sky, settled just outside of camp. She had done this so often after her mentor's passing. She thought if she searched hard enough, she might pick out a star and know it was her. She'd do the same now for Heronstar. In all the grief and chaos that comes after a leader's passing, she'd scarcely found the time for conversations that needed to be have. This as as good a time as any, and Mothshine was far too impatient to wait any longer. Quiet promises of later talks had been exchanged by the newly appointed duo, and she didn't doubt that he'd make good on that. It was a wonder how all of her thoughts hadn't come tumbling out yet. Once on her paws, she was quick to search for the familiar sight of Juniperstar. Everything was so different now. They'd both lived enough for several life times and they were no where near finished, were they? Everything had changed and yet one thing was sure to stay the same. In any time of need, he was who she would search for.

She thought better than to check the leader's den. He hadn't yet made a home there, and she wasn't sure when he might. She spotted him in the fleeting light, and the ghost of a smile formed on her maw. They had so much work ahead of them, no doubt. "Juniperstar." She spoke his new name for the very first time, and it was as if she were finally solidifying her faith in the days to come. A promise to protect him the way she'd promised the three leaders who came before him. But he had never needed star at the end of his name to get that from her. She bumped her shoulder gently to his--if anyone expected any formality between them with his new title, they'd be mistaken. Things had changed but old habits die hard. "We haven't been the orchard in a minute, hm?" She chirped. She didn't need to tell him she had so much to say. She didn't have to ask. He'd know what the invitation meant. The orchard had become something of a sacred place between the two over the moons of their apprenticeship and warriorhood. "I think it's about time we paid a visit." She was already moving to leave, something like impatience pricking at her paws. How could she ever adequately express all she was feeling now? How could she ask all she wanted to ask? She was going to give it a damn good try. She glanced over her shoulder at him, "If you have the time, that is." There was something playful in the way she said it. Almost as if it were a challenge--asking him to prove wrong those who would claim leaders had no time for things like friendship and idle conversation. As if she ever actually expected him to turn her down. In all the hardships they'd endured, they had done so together. Through it all he was who she was always certain to have time for. Maybe it wasn't always as much as they'd want, maybe sometimes conversations had to wait. Still, at the end of the day, she never questioned whether or not he'd be there. Even when she didn't ask. This had all gone without saying for so long now, she couldn't imagine it changing.

// JUNIPERSTAR <33

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 17 moons

― Tensions were reasonably high in the aftermath of all they had lost. They won a battle, yes. But that all felt so useless when it had costed them Heronstar. Still, Mothshine tried to remember to feel proud. Proud of the fight they had put up and the way she had seen the cats she so loved to live alongside giving their all. Now, alongside her grief, she had new duties to keep her busy. Patrols to assign, a lack of prey to fret over. A new leader who needed her support--support she was more than happy to give. Always for Juniperstar. The ashen molly was on her way out of the warrior's den, still plenty lost in thought. Her mind hadn't stopped spinning the last few sunrises. She didn't think anyone would blame her. It had been quite the whirlwind. She ought to find Kestrelpaw for some final training sessions before--

Rogue! The fur along her spine had pricked in an instant, adrenaline coursing before she could assess the situation properly. Were they being attacked again so soon? Had they known they'd be distracted in their grief? She pelted towards Sedgeroot, ready to call for those who could help defend. They'd win a second time if they needed to. They'd push those brutes back as many times as it took. Then, so suddenly she nearly fell forward, she came to a skidding halt. "Wolfshade?" His name tumbled from her lips, familiar in the way she said it despite the shock. "Wait! Wait, Sedgeroot!" She was shouting at him hurriedly. The fear had been so palpable at the thought of being attacked again. Now she was face to face with someone she had served with as senior warriors. Another of Lavenderstar's kits. A friend. "He's not a rogue!" Her voice was insistent, worried more of their clanmates were already on their way to beating the poor tom up. How long had it been since he had gone? How much had he missed by now? She felt a pang of pity for him, and then relief at his return. He would be in for a shock when he was brought up to speed.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 17 moons

― Perhaps Mothshine would never quite understand it. In her times of distress, it was Skyclan that she wanted to run to. The cats within it were who she wanted to lean on. She had never felt the need to run from them. The grief they all shared now was immense. But the fact that it was shared at all meant something. The promise of protecting your clan with all you had came with it the promise that you'd never quite be alone. In whatever endeavor Bisonpaw had been on, she certainly hoped he hadn't felt alone. It was an awful thing to feel. She wondered, at Juniperstar's question, how many might be angry with him for going. She watched the medicine cat apprentice carefully when he was answering, like she was looking for something he was leaving unsaid. He had needed time. Curiosity gnawed at her. He still hadn't said where it was he had gone. Perhaps he wasn't ready to disclose. Maybe she ought to be angry, too. Angry with him for going when they had needed him. Sad even, that he might not have felt like support could be found within Skyclan. Truthfully, she was too tired to be upset with him. After everything, she was truly just glad to see him home safe. They'd lost enough as it was. She was silent for a long moment before she spoke again. "If you need to talk at all, we're here." She said finally. It was all she could offer to him. She thought better than to force anyone to have a conversation they didn't want to have. Even as much as she might wish she could. Even if all he had was questions, she might have a few answers. You could miss a lot in only a few days.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 17 moons

― Suntalon's presence had been such a familiar one in Mothshine's life. She had been around for the vast majority of it, and he absence stuck out sorely for her. Perhaps it was through her close friendship with Juniperstar, or the mentoring and familial bond she had with Lavenderstar, that she felt close by extension to most of Butterflydawn and Lavenderstar's children. Suntalon was certainly no exception. They had grown as warriors alongside one another, after all. Things had seemed painfully dimmer when she had fallen into her comatose state. She had so longed to hear a familiar sound from the den--a voice she knew well. Days passed. Weeks eventually turned into moons. Then again, she wouldn't be Mothshine if she hadn't always held onto a little bit of hope. So long as she was in that den and breathing, there was always a chance. A chance that on of their own would come back to them again. She had no clue how slim the chance might have been, but she had to at least hold onto something. And that had been something.

Voices filtering from the mouth of the medicine cat's den caught the deputy's attention. The sound made her heart thrum a little more fiercely in her chest. It was upon her approach that she could hear introductions being made, and it painfully occurred to her how much time had really passed. How much had changed. She'd awake to another leader passed, and her own sibling at the helm. They were experiencing an unusual heat and a scarcity in prey. She awoke to the faces of strangers and she wondered if it'd be distressing. She'd hate to think she'd feel any fear upon her return to them all. "Suntalon!" Her voice came as a relieved shout, to eager to worry about how the sound might effect her. She entered alongside Mottlewish, and there she was. Their fiery warrior with her eyes open and a voice she hadn't lost. Juniperstar would be thrilled, no doubt. How must she be feeling? Had she heard anything at all, in these last four moons? Had she been any sort of aware? There were a hundred questions at the back of her throat. A hundred things she could think to say. Stars, hadn't they lost enough? When any one of their clanmates came back to them like this, it felt like something of a miracle. At least, these days it did.

She pushed her way forward, and leaned down to touch her forehead to Suntalon's for a brief moment. A gesture that meant welcome home. Mothshine's face had lit in a smile that had been a rarer sight in the days following Heronstar's death. This was certainly a reason to smile. "You have no idea how missed you've been." She nearly laughed in her relief when she said it. "Oh!" She said suddenly, head lifting again. "We should get you some water. And something to eat--you must be starved." She spoke hurriedly. If they were going to fill her in on all that had happened in these last four moons, they should at least make her comfortable. Some of what was to come would be unpleasant, to say the least.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 17 moons

― Sometimes it felt unfair to wear her grief plainly. It had been different when Lavenderstar had passed. She had meant so much to her, and had shaped so much of her life, that she couldn't have hidden her pain even if she had tried. She loved her and everyone knew it. That bond had been easily seen by those around them, and she'd shared that grief with the children she had left behind. Heronstar had grown closer to her in the moons of her leadership--something that came out of the great deal of respect she carried for her, and out of honest friendship. These days she didn't show her pain so clearly. There were plenty of reasons for it. Now she had the responsibilities of a deputy. Responsibilities she was more than honored to have, and ones that kept her too busy for much pause. It wouldn't be fair of her to stop now, when all of their efforts were so needed. Similarly to before, she was surrounded by the kin of someone who had gone. Only this time, they were all so young. It felt unfair feel anything outloud, for fear of drowning out the pain of those most affected. If Mothshine thought this was hard, for Heronstar's children it must be excruciating.

Amber eyes spotted Ryepaw, and she hesitated for only a moment before approaching. She was glad to see Tawnypaw offering food. This is when they needed to lean on one another for support--she'd offer all that she knew how. Even if it was only some company or a shared piece of prey. "Hey, Ryepaw, Tawnypaw." She greeted them both gently, faint smile on her maw. She took a seat on the other side of her, glad for the relief the shade brought. She followed the apprentice's gaze and allowed herself to look off at no one thing in particular. She wondered whether she should even ask how she might be feeling. Would it help to put words to it? Was it painful to even be asked? It was impossible to know exactly what might help, when they all coped in different ways. "Alright, both of you?" She asked finally. It was an invitation to talk about it, if Ryepaw wanted. They should at least check in with one another. Whether they wanted to answer honestly...Well, that was their decision.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 17 moons

― Truthfully, Mothshine was glad for Ryepaw's honesty. Applepaw didn't seem to be quite as ready to talk about the situation so candidly. Really, she couldn't blame him and she wouldn't. Who was she to tell someone the right or wrong way to cope with something this great? The deputy wore a sad sort of smile when she listened to her speak. One that didn't quite reach her eyes, but she was trying. They'd all feel this loss for moons to come. Ryepaw and he siblings might feel it for as long as they live, and that thought made her chest ache. But this was why shared grief sometimes eased the pain. The world wouldn't stop. But they could all take a moment. They could sit in the shade and they could remember her for all she was worth and for everything she had done for them. She recalled similar feelings after Lavenderstar's death. Even though she had been well into warriorhood after her death, she'd have given anything to hear her calling her for a training session. She wake and expect to greet her with patrol assignments. She turned her gaze onto Juniperstar when he arrived, and wondered for a moment whether he'd partake in the conversation. She couldn't imagine what he must be wrestling through all of this. I miss her.

It must be good for him to speak openly about it now. She wasn't sure whether he had yet. Of course they all missed her. It went without saying, really. He must have seen her the night he had gone to receive his lives. At least, she hoped he had. Mothshine thought he might have needed it. "This is how we keep her memory alive, you know? Talking about her. Remembering her. Carrying on because it's what she would've wanted us to do." Her boisterous tone was gentler when she spoke now. "She loved all of us." Heronstar led in such a way that she had never doubted that for a moment. It did feel emptier without her. Her words might feel empty themselves, when this pain was still so fresh. It might not mean anything at all. "And I know it's hard to carry on when she isn't in front of us any more, but I really think she's with us every step of the way. One way or another."

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 17 moons

― It seemed that moments of silence were rare wherever Mothshine could be found. She so often had something to say, and didn't hesitate to say it. But with Juniperstar, comfortable silence could be found. She fell into an easy step alongside him, and for a moment it was as if nothing had changed at all. She felt like they might have this forever. They'd have golden hour evenings and playful words exchanged and nothing could touch them. They're have time for walks, conversations, and anything in between. She looked at him for a long moment, and didn't say a word. Everything had always been easy with him, even when it shouldn't have been. She had somehow made friends with that prickly kit in the nursery. She had somehow been let in and somewhere along the way she'd begun to tell him everything. He knew her. He knew her before any of this had ever changed them. Her eyes followed the scars along his body and sometimes she felt like they were her own. She carried his pain like it were hers--even though he had never asked for her to. When he had come home with a wound down his spine, and when she had stumbled back to him with her neck torn apart. Those were the first, and there had been so many fights afterwards that she nearly forgot where some of his scars had come from. It made him look older than he was, didn't it? A quiet smile was forming on her maw. Memories always seemed to flood her when they walked this path, and they did it often.

"Do you remember the first time we came here?" Her voice was unusually soft when she finally used it. "It's been my favorite place ever since that night." Of course he must know that it had had something to do with the company she had been with. She could go on for ages, and she knew he would have let her. They had come here as apprentices, warriors, senior warriors, deputies. This place had seen every version of them. The version that Mothshine was right now loved him more fiercely than she ever had. These trees would see them both as leaders. Only, when that moment came for her, it meant he'd no longer be here with her. It wasn't something she was ready to consider. With luck, she wouldn't have to for moons and moons. She'd beg the stars not to take him from her if she needed to. She was shaking her head suddenly, "Juniperstar," That name belonged to him now. It was up to him to make it his own. "This meant the world, you know that right?" She stood alongside him now not only as his friend but his faithful deputy. "It would've meant the world coming from anyone. But you always were my favorite." A playful smirk when she said it--as if it had ever been a secret. "And you. I am so incredibly proud of you. To be your best friend, to be your deputy. I never doubted you for a second. You've always had this in you and I know you're going to be incredible." She was speaking hurriedly, words coming faster than she could sort them out in her head. Emotion made her throat feel tight. She bumped her shoulder to his momentarily, a full grin lighting her face. "Who would've thought that those two bratty apprentices who talked back to Minnowstar would stand where we're standing now?" She almost laughed when she said it. What she wouldn't have given to go back to a time where her biggest problem had been a bruised ego. Back then, she might not have even wanted it. It was before she had truly invested herself in these sorts of thing--all thanks to Lavenderstar, really. It reminded her of how much she had changed. It reminded her of all she wouldn't be today if it weren't for the family she had chosen. Most all, if she hadn't befriend the tom at her side.

"You changed my life." She said it so suddenly she almost looked surprised at herself. Over and over again he had changed her. In little ways and in big ways and she couldn't thank him enough for all of it. She was looking at him again, and looked as if she were saying something terribly important. She shared everything with him. It was only right for her to share how she felt now, in one of the biggest moments of their lives. "If there's anyone in the world I'd trust leading Skyclan, it's you. It's always been you." Heronstar had made such a fine choice when she named him her deputy. She had left behind such a capable cat, even if he didn't quite see it yet. Now, she hoped that those who came before them approved in his choice of deputy. She'd be foolish to think she wasn't surrounded by other capable felines. She knew so many of them well. Still, he had chosen her. Perhaps it was foolish of her to care so much for the opinions of those no longer with them. But she carried them with her still. Brookfur, Blackbird, Lavenderstar, Teddy, Heronstar. It wasn't only for Juniperstar that she wanted to do well. She owed it to those who weren't here to see what Skyclan had become. How many of them had he seen that night? She wasn't really supposed to ask, was she? Nothing had ever been off the table between the two of them. Finchblossom had even been something she spoke of so easily with him. It felt strange now, knowing there was something he had gone through that she might never know anything about. She wore a question so plainly on her face now. She never bothered to hide when it came to him. There'd be no point. He'd have seen right through it. She only hesitated now because even if she wasn't supposed to ask, and he wasn't supposed to answer, she had a feeling he'd answer her anyways. Still, she wanted another moment. A moment before she opened up a conversation they wouldn't be able to take back. Before she might confirm what she was dying to know.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― Even Mothshine with all of her spare energy looked tired. Lack of food, grief, newfound responsibility. She was tired, even if she wouldn't say it out loud. She wore it in tired smiles and the way she moved with less energy than before. She was quick to perk up however, at the sound of Tawnypaw being questioned. That scent was unmistakable. Clearly not Skyclan and so starkly different than what she was used to. She was quick to pad up alongside him, and she nearly scrunched her nose at the scent he carried with him. The snarl came across to her as defensiveness, and she looked at him with furrowed brows. Whether it was confusion or disappoint she wore on her face, even she wasn't quite sure yet. "Tawnypaw." His name spoken as a half-warning. She wanted to believe that perhaps he had only strayed a little to close to the border. She wanted to give the medicine cat apprentice the benefit of the doubt. But her nose had never lied to her before, and she didn't think it'd start now. She searched his face for something. For guilt behind his annoyance, for something that told her he was at least sorry. Stars, they were all tired. To know there might be nothing they could do was the most frustrating part of all. Hunt as much as they like, they couldn't will the prey back--and what little energy they all had to spare these days. "Hunting where?" As if she even needed to ask. He had made himself clear enough and yet maybe she needed to hear him say it. She was frowning when she looked at him, and it had been a pointless question. But if he had really gone and broken such a basic rule, he ought to at least admit it out loud.

MOTHSHINE ♚

Skyclan - Deputy - Female - 18 moons

― Mothshine's heart ached both for Wolfshade and Suntalon. They had both come back to them--after so many moons, they'd returned. And for that she was terribly happy. Still, she couldn't imagine what pain they had to endure and so suddenly. After such an absence, it must have all come as such a shock. She only hoped that maybe they'd have one another to lean on. Maybe that was the silver lining of it all. Mothshine watched clanmates that were largely strangers to Wolfshade approach him, and she was glad no one was icing him out. Strangers to some, yes. But to her and to many he was a welcome face. "Dizzypaw's right." She chirped lightly, joining the trio. Amber eyes scanned the tom before him, and somehow he did almost look like a stranger. The poor tom must be...confused. That was the right word for it. It was a rather confusing time. She took a seat next to Wolfshade, and looked at him another moment more. If he had Suntalon to lean on, she wanted him to know he had others. "You know, no one expects you to throw yourself back into things." She told him. He did know that, didn't he? You miss a lot in four moons. How could he be expected to carry on? Even some of those who had been here the whole time were struggling. Most of them were struggling. "You can take your time with this. We're just glad to have you back at all." And she meant it when she said it. Maybe Mothshine had always had something of a soft spot for the children of Butterflydawn and Lavenderstar. Maybe it came from her close relationship with Juniperstar. If Skyclan was her home, it made those within their ranks her family. She'd support them anyway she knew how.