Posts by saturnstar a.

Check out this announcement about new leadership limits in Agrelos

    hearing the frantic call of her son, the red maine coon rushed over, eyes widening at the sight of her little boy splayed out on the ground. her heart leapt into her chest and she picked up the pace, her belly swinging slightly from ver's kittens nestled within her. but despite the hardships, despite the new family on the way - one thing, she was for sure: her first litter would never be forgotten. never be unattended, never be unloved. she was endlessly there for her children above all else.

    "oh baby." she mewed softly, crouching next to her son and worriedly scouring every scrape and cut on his body. she attempted to lift his wing gently with a paw, if successful finding it's limpness concerning. she glanced at the other wing and resisted the urge to cringe upon noticing how awkwardly it bent. saturnstar nervously inhaled, turning to criminalapathy and watching as she tended to his wounds. the little knowledge the overseer had in medicine would be useless in this situation, so she turned to neptunianpaw and nodded. "do as crim said, go find foxpaw - and ver if you see her."

    she turned back to her sphinx child and attempted to press her nose into his cheek. "i'm so sorry baby, you're gonna be okay. i'm sorry." her voice was soft and almost pleading, her eyes closing tightly as she hoped help would come soon.

    a soft sigh escaped her lips as she entered the parlor room, staring at the podium that she was about to climb. she hesitated as she thought about her feelings of guilt about the recent inactivity of both the clan and especially herself, as well as the kits that were slowly making her belly rounder and rounder. the red maine coon made her way forward, sitting back and curling her tail around her paws properly. her blue eyes scanned the empty room before she called out, "ROGUES! gather for this week's meeting." exhaustion was laced within her definitive tone, and a deep sadness could be found in those ocean blue eyes that graced the forms of her clanmates as they entered the room.

    "this week's meeting will be brief, as we are still pretty inactive, but first off i'd like to give shoutouts to Ver Million , fallenking. , and cosmospaw - for their activity. you guys continue to make me and the rogues proud with your hard-work and outstanding effort. next, CHERRYBOMB is promoted to blackstep, and Criminalapathy to blackguard - should you both accept." she gives them all a convincing smile, dipping her head towards them gracefully.

    "fallenking is holding both a gift basket making and a dagger training session so be sure to check both of those out. i believe we need more ambassadors so i highly encourage you check that out if you're interested. as for this week, that will be all, as long as ver has nothing to add. thank you for listening, and keep up the great work." she nods lightly and jumps down softly from the podium, staying back to see if anyone had anything to say to her.

    ( tldr;

    - shoutouts to ver, fallenking, and cosmos!

    - promotions: cheerybomb to blackstep, criminalapathy to blackguard

    - check out the threads fallenking is holding

    - we need ambassadors! as well as an interested check for who will be in the underbelly :) but more of that is to come )

    cherrybomb's rambling brought forth the overseer, her red pelt glistening in the light the fireflies made as her slowly swelling belly swung. her pregnancy would go unnoticed to many, and without questions she would not bring it up. the guilt inside her both for the purpose of the children and for the world she was bringing them into was eating her alive, alongside the depression that ran rampant within her. blue eyes latched onto the bugs, a soft smile creasing her sad features as she watched them flutter.

    and then her gaze turned to the two after a moment of peaceful silence, cheerybomb's voice having faded into the background. her eyebrows scrunch together for a moment as she focuses on the dog, a face she's never seen before. and again, she is consumed with guilt for not knowing her few clanmates. "i'm saturnstar." her voice is gentle and calm, successfully masking her seemingly endless inner turmoil, putting forth her introduction as she awaited for the man to speak.


    ver's offhanded comment throws her off, and offers a flustered smile to the multi-leader, ears pressed against her head. while it doesn't make her uncomfortable, it's simply something she hasn't dealt with in a long, long time - and never so upfront. the red molly blinks twice, tilting her head slightly at her co-overseer's vague comment. she focuses on her, trying to push the sadness out of her soul as she musters up a response far calmer than she feels. her insides churn with anxiety about ver's purpose here, for it seems like her friend is just as uncomfortable as she is.

    "...yes?" her words are confused but comforting, masking patience to make the other feel welcomed to say what she wants.

    saturnstar sat below ver, tail nervously twitching by her paws as she stared around at the dwindling rogues. instantly her heart was filled with fear and sadness, but she pushed it aside, forcing a smile onto her maw. the promotions and welcomes made her genuinely happy, and she nodded gratefully to fallenking, then to her sons. they were doing good work, and she was eternally proud of them. the ginger molly simply nods to vers beckoning, seeming distracted in her own regard. she gets to her paws and trails out slowly, hesitating to make sure there wouldn't be any questions for her.

    the scent of exiles traveled through her senses and the red maine coon followed, it fur bristling and claws unsheathed. charlotte had spoken of the trouble they were causing recently, and saturnstar could only hope the blackheart rogues would not be targeted for the moment. but as she rushed out of the underbrush the find the deeply wounded tom, her heart fell into her stomach.

    the overseer looked around, making sure this wasn't a trick, and after a few moments she came to his side. she looked over his injuries then decided it'd be best to bring him back to her sons for treatment, carefully aiming to slip him onto her back and carry him back to camp. whether or not she was successful, she would call out, "someone help!" her heart racing with sudden fear for the unconscious stranger. he was young, and she couldn't help but wish to mother his injuries away, but she was useless in this situation despite her little bit of medicinal knowledge.

    "you're safe now." she crooned, a nervous edge to her usually calm voice.

    charlotte's words do little to ease saturnstar's self-hatred, but she appreciates the effort. at least she puts work into pretending she believes the lean she-cat, nodding emphatically and listening to her words attentively. she can't be entirely wrong, though, right? she was a great leader for the veil. she stifles a sigh, an inkling of doubt shown in her amber eyes but she bites her tongue.

    "that's great to hear. i was surprised to hear you had stepped down but i knew you wouldn't just abandon your clan. i'm glad to see your still around - not many leaders step down without disappearing." as she continues about the exiles, saturnstar's nose wrinkles and she fights the urge to roll her eyes. "they always cause trouble. we've been lucky to only have to deal with them every once and a while. but i've hated them ever since one of their mute beasts attacked my on our side of the border." she huffs slightly, running a paw over her nose then realizing the effects of that fight are in her birth body. she smiles to herself almost sheepishly and returns back from her thoughts just in time to hear the aeternum talking about some interesting things in her own life.

    "you can't just leave me hanging." she teases, tail lashing idly behind her as she allows the former leader to lean on her shoulder. "it has been too long so you go first. your life is much more interesting than mine, i'm sure." it is a deflection and a weak one at that, but her genuine interest in the other's life may mask her unwillingness to speak about her own.

    her polite smile widens as bast- er... charlotte reveals herself, a genuine sparkle in her usually dull amber optics. she watches the other cross the border and is somewhat surprised by her affectionate nuzzle, but returns it by craning down her fluffy head to momentarily rest her chin on the other's head. but just as quick as the contact began, saturnstar ended it by stepping back.

    she had felt an uncomfortable flutter in her chest, not ugly but... she didn't know if it was pleasant. and she didn't want to pry into her overthinking head more than she already did, so she suppressed the feeling and sat down, expression unchanging. curling her tail around her large paws, she focused on the slate grey feline before her with a cheerful smile, grateful for a sense of familiarity other than ver.

    "the rogues are great! we're struggling with activity but other than that everything's been peaceful on this side of the pines. what about the veil? and you?"

    unlike the tall, slender feline body that charlotte currently inhabited, saturnstar was in one lesser so. a body fit for fighting and not much else. she felt bulky and unloveable in this form, as she treaded through the pines. her large red paws crumpled the pine needles beneath them as her harsh amber gaze scanned the border, as if looking for company. it was a lone patrol today - believe it or not it was a comforting thing to her, not having to worry about idle small talk. it was one of her habits that had not changed over time, something familiar unlike most other things presently.

    in the distance she caught sight of another. one she wouldn’t recognize by current name or appearance, but by past titles like lastbastion or sprucenight. curiously, her ears pressed forward as she was drawn to the delicate creature for unknown reasons. “hello?” she called out, forcing a small smile to her maw and wondering just who was patrolling the border to closely. perhaps they needed something?

    she hated this body. god she fucking despised it. every time she caught her reflection she felt her skin crawl and her heart race. she knew possessing it was wrong, but it was that or die. the cruel felines of the past had come to her and momentarily ripped away her birth and and for what? for her to be uncomfortable? for her to hate herself every time she saw herself? so that she couldn't recognize the feline staring back at her? as if she wasn't suffering enough.

    a storm cloud-like depression had settled over the she-cat, and she felt worse than she had in moons. she thought she'd overcome this anxiety and depression moons ago, before her children were brought into her life and the bears were driven from the castle. but this felt worse than it had when her mother died. because now those who cared for her were gone, and as much as she tried to convince herself that her loved ones were still present, she didn't feel the love she once did. her emotions seemed to have subsided, replaced with an out-of-body-like experience that she'd been walking around in for about a month now.

    but today, she snapped out of it. she had been walking around the territory as she did routinely, always one for a one-man patrol or hunt. she found it cleared her mind like nothing else in the world, and call her old-fashioned, but she found it enjoyable. softly sighing, her amber optics roamed the pines until she found herself inside the church, now quite remembering how she got there but ending up there nevertheless. dust seemed to stack upon every surface in the building, reminding her that it'd been moons since she'd lived here. reminding her that the ones she traveled here with were gone.

    and that's when the tears came, forcing themselves against her eyes as her breathing became shallow. it was terrifying to cry like this, especially when it'd been so long since she'd done so. the day of saoirse's funeral had been the last time she'd allowed herself to sob like she did after her mother left, her body wracking violently as she moved through the building. she padded up to the altar, jumping onto it and curling up on it, barely fitting on top of it since she was in such a large feline body.

    and then she sobbed for everything she missed. her mom, her friends, her family. she sobbed about the way she felt like a failure, she sobbed for the future of the rogues and its uncertainty. she sobbed because she was afraid of everything and didn't know how to fix it. she sobbed because life was fucking hard and she didn't know how to cope. she still felt like a child in a grown-up's body, small and irresponsible. she had dreamed of being leader almost ever since she joined and now that she had it... she felt useless. like her ideas and aspirations were worthless, and that she didn't deserve the podium she stood on.

    after about an hour of this, saturnstar ran out of tears. and so she sat, watching as the sunset shone through the paneled rainbow glass of the chapel, her breaths labored and her aura sad.

    it seemed she was the first of the blackheart rogues here. her amber optics traveled to the crowd that bickered about the hellraisers and the exiles. both she had no problem with currently, despite her strong dislike for them after she'd been attacked as a child. her true issue resided with the iron hull - idiotic bastards stirring shit with her strategist and capturing one of her blackguards.

    with a gentle sigh, the red maine coon would find the place were leaders sat and curl her tail over her paws, waiting for someone to speak with her patiently. she hoped to see more friendly faces than aggressive ones.

    her three, beautiful boys stood before her, banding together as usual. it was one of the few sights these days that she genuinely felt lift her soul, so she approached, catching neptunianpaw's inquiry as she sat down beside cosmospaw. deep amber eyes focused on her son, wandering towards the satchel he held before returning to the ginger tom.

    she felt a pang in her heart, discomforted by the thought that she did this to him. could he be perhaps like neptunianpaw? did she give him rockfox's tendencies by naming him after him? saturnstar was a smart girl, she always had been despite the clumsiness she bore in her younger days. she had noticed the magnetism between her son and the reincarnate of trashboat. she had noticed the confusing knowledge all her children had, and the way that rockfox had disappeared before the last kit. but she pushed the thought aside, maybe because she wanted to deny it. they were her children... right?

    swallowing slightly, she awaited his response, finding it useless to chime in when the other two had asked the same question she wanted to know.

    her eyebrows drew up in concern at his soft words, but she nodded silently, anxiety creeping into her heart as he spoke about upsetting her. she shifted as he spoke, inhaling lightly as he pushed out his words quickly. did she have a problem with it? no... not necessarily. was it upsetting to hear? god, yes.

    saturnstar knew neptunianpaw loved her, she really did despite his odd quirks and awkward inclinations to be away from physical touch. but to take a third surname? for a woman she didn't even know? it hurt. but it was not the first time she had been hurt, and hated to show it, so she swallowed. and her face twitched slightly. but those were the only indication that his words had made her anything other than relieved that he had told her.

    she smiled carefully, nodding slowly again. "you're my son, and i'll always love you. when you tell me you love me, i believe it. i'd do anything for you and your siblings, i hope you understand." she exhales lightly through her nose, then speaks again. "if you wish to take on your mother's surname, i insist you do so. the world is in your paws neptunianpaw, your life is yours. do what you feel is right." there's no sign that the words are hard for her to say, but they are. but she will deal with it in her own way, and would never hold her son back from something he wants to do. no matter what.

    possibly even more than ver, saturnstar yearns for the old days. and god she knows she sounds old when she says that, but its the truth.

    the days when she was saturnpaw, growing alongside nico. when she was saturnrings, rising in rank alongside ver. when saoirse and rockfox were inseperable, almost as much so as trashboat and rockfox. when archer's smoke filled the castle and helios ran wild. when babyblue was working on his shrine, when pantera was practitioner.

    these days, she felt lonelier than she had in a long time. she felt like she was failing the rogues - failing saoirse and trashboat. ver's underbelly plan excited her, but saturnstar knew she could not be the face of it, and ver was busy juggling her family and other clans. the rogues had fallen into a rut, and the red maine coon wasn't quite sure how to dig them out of it. not to mention, this new form was growing incredibly uncomfortable. the she-cat felt like she was wearing someone else's skin - which technically she was - but she missed her torbie body, which she'd spent most of her life in.

    at the time which ver knocked on her door - or rather leaned on it - saturnstar was tidying her room. it was one of the few things that made her feel in-control these days, as boring as it was. and while she was only about a year and a half old now, it made her feel incredibly old. which made her feel incredibly tired which resulted in her being incredibly sad. the icy feline had been struggling a lot with her mental health recently, and although she may not admit it, she couldn't seem to shake the sadness from her bones. her children were growing up right before her eyes and she felt as if she provided nothing for them. neptunianpaw was a soul of another mother, a son who wasn't exactly her own. some of her children had delved off onto their own paths, and their locations were unbeknownst to her. she loved and trusted them all, but the thought made her anxious and upset.

    she snapped back to life and turned to the horned canine. ver million - she'd come a long way from joining the rogues after deserting her mercenary lifestyle. saturnstar fondly recalled their walk where she definitely pried a little too much, but found out pieces of the past, nevertheless. they'd come a long way, and were the last two left of saturnstar's beloved "old days". she was proud to call the other her co-leader, despite the fact that it had angered her previously. ver had proven herself to be reliable, and her credibility in the other clans had made their transition to a pro-clan quite smooth. not only that, but she was a great people person and authoritative match for saturnstar. they made a good team

    her large red ears swivel and she blinks herself back to reality again, sitting down and curling her bushy tail around her white paws. "not at all." her voice is tired and raspy, deep amber eyes attempting to hide the despair that lingered in her heart. she attempted to mask it with a soft smile. "what's up?"

    the ginger she-cat pads over, a gentle sigh rumbling in her chest as she watches her son and fallenking socialize, their giddiness towards each other clear to the naked eye. though she says nothing and spares her judgement, simply making note to chat about it later with her son. "i'll take one." she mews idly, mind elsewhere.

    the graceful feline slid over next to her son, nodding determined. she flexed her claws into the ground, narrowing her amber optics and staring hard into the distance. "let's send them back to hell." her tail lashes as she awaits for the more violent of the two overseer's next command.