Posts by kestrelsong ~

The thin and now mangy-looking queen padded along the river border on one of her solo patrols. She hadn't been expecting to see a stranger on the border but there he was, in all his glory. Sedgetooth. Something about the tom looked familiar to her - had he been in RiverClan at one point? Usually Kestrelsong remembered every face and every name but her mind was slowly slipping, fading into anger and bitterness - it consumed most of her conscious thoughts.

Taking a seat by Sweetpaw, the golden and white tabby gazed upon the larger feline. She decided not to speak, allowing her lips to remain in a flat line as she waited for the chocolate tom's response.

""

Calling the disheveled queen a goddess was a bit of a stretch. Her fur was unkempt and the shine from it gone, normally bright emeralds now dull with hunger and loss. Truthfully, she hadn't lost anything that was ever hers to begin with. But in her heart, she could feel the hole where something was missing. Nothing would feel right to her anymore - it was all unsettling for the she-cat that thought her life was finally coming together. Now it was all falling apart again.

Forcing the smile to remain on her face, she gave her friend a small nod of her head. "It has been awhile, hasn't it? How have you been?" Voice raspy and thick, it lacked the honeyed sweetness that usually accompanied her words. It was going to have to be something she hid better than this - anyone, especially a friend like Duskoak, would see right through this facade.

""

I've never done one of these so we'll see how this goes ?? Just post below and I'll try to get them up asap <3

SWEETPAW

"Ah, just as her name implies, she's a sweet thing. I can tell she has a good heart and she's going to make a change in this Clan, I can tell. I hope she never changes. Sweetpaw truly is unique. It brings a smile to my face when I think back on her sharing her berries and nuts with us..."

GLADEFALL

"My best friend. He doesn't even know the numerous ways he has saved my life. The bond that we have come to share warms my heart and I need him in my life forever. Gladefall has gone through heartbreak that he doesn't deserve and he thinks he is damaged from it but he is more special than he realizes. I know he is disappointed in my recent ... decisions but he's a loyal friend and I know he will love my children so much."

TWISTEDTAIL

"Ah, the deputy. One of the strongest, most independent she-cats I know. She was there when my first litter was born and she has been there for me and this Clan through thick and thin. Twistedtail is such an inspiration to me. Loyal, hardworking, powerful, kind, fair ... I can not say enough good things about her."

STORMBIRD

"Oh, my girl. I was truly blessed to see her grow into the strong, caring she-cat she is today. She is StarClan-walking let me tell you. She will be the first to lend a shoulder, support you, and give her opinion. She is stronger than she knows and one of the most hardworking cats in this Clan by far. She would lay down her life for any one of us and I applaud her for her strength and grace since losing her sister. Despite the hard life she's had, Storm had come out on top every time."

RAVENSONG - wip

TEMPESTWING - wip

DUSKOAK - wip

HERONPAW - wip

BEARTHROAT - wip

WHITEPAW

SHOREPAW

RYECATCHER

WAVEPAW

Leave it to Duskoak to call it as it is. Kestrelsong let a small laugh escape her maw at the caliby's comment. "I guess I do look pretty terrible, don't I?" Glancing down at her stained ivory paws, Kestrelsong released a deep breath. In all honesty, there was no one truly to blame for this stage of her life except her alone. She could blame it on Ryecatcher, Bearthroat, and Chasingcomets for not loving her back, or StarClan for taking away her kits, but it was truly just her own self-hatred. Something that only she could bring on herself and something only she could reverse.

"Just a rough couple of moons," she mused, feeling the words roll off her tongue like poison, as she wrinkled her nose up at the silly comment. It sounded so boring saying it like that. As if she had let herself fall apart like this for no reason. But she offered up no other explanation, only returning her gaze from where it had drifted in the distance back to Dusk. "What about you, hon?"

""

Even before he had spoken his name, Kestrelsong already knew who he was. Goosetuft. Having lived in RiverClan her whole life, the she-cat had strong connections with many. But even those that she had never spoken to, she knew of. She made sure to know the names of all, storing them away for later. Such as now. Dipping her head in respect to the older tom, she lowered herself onto her stomach to dig into her meal.

Taking delicate, small bites, she turned to gaze at the feline sitting beside her. "Ah, not much recently. I have some kits but they're all apprentices now so I've been pretty bored. I stay as a permanent queen in the nursery, though, to take care of any orphaned kits." Realizing how much she had just rambled on about herself, the she-cat cleared her throat. "How have you been faring?"

""

It hadn't necessarily been a crashing sound or anything loud enough that would have awoken the queen, but something jarred the golden and white tabby. Lifting to her paws and stepping out of the nursery, her emerald gaze locked on the russian blue who was sitting on the ground, bleeding. There was an apprentice standing over him, who didn't seem to be helping in the least and the thin she-cat felt a frown etch onto her face. Beeflight hadn't been the most welcoming of her presence of a late and she couldn't blame him. She was pushing, trying too hard to be apart of his life.

The thought of turning around and walking back into the nursery crossed her mind, but only for a second. He needed help and she wasn't going to let him lay there bleeding and crying. Not to mention, the love she held for the scarred tom as if he were her own son. Padding forward slowly and making sure to approach from his good side, Kestrelsong cleared her throat, shooting daggers at Ravenpaw. "How about instead of your unnecessarily rude comments you go get a medicine cat?"

Beeflight probably had a preference for medicine cat he wanted to see but Kes wasn't concerned with that right now. He just needed to be patched up and taken care of. "Hey, Bee," she mumbled softly, coming closer to him slowly. "What happened?"

""

The hunger, sadness, bitterness - it was all eating away at the once pretty she-cat. Her appearance was beginning to physically change as a result of her emotions. It felt like a hurricane was going on inside of her chest and stomach, tearing her apart and changing her. Happiness was long forgotten and she only found glimpses of the lost feeling when she was with her kits, Duskoak, Tempeswing, or Gladefall. Any other time was emptiness and time passing. On the same topic, though, Kestrelsong often felt as if her presence with her friends would drag them down and tear them apart like what was happening to her. The last thing she wanted was to receive sympathetic glances from the ones she loved the most.

Everyone had heard by now. She and Chasingcomets had been close, always teetering on the edge of being something more. Confessing their love for each other once. Now it was ripped away. Everyone could see the distance she had been putting between the medicine cat and herself. It was painful, to say the least. Here she was, seeking out the only other one who would understand. "Gladefall?" The call was mumbled as she stuck her head into the warrior's den. Maybe he wasn't in there ... Kestrelsong turned on her heel to walk away.

glade

[ this is lame i apologize i just wanted to get it up ]

""

The shaking body and quiet sniffling sounds were common around this camp. It seemed as if RiverClan was cursed. Given one good thing just to receive two bad ones. The entirety of RiverClan seemed to be down in the dumps as of late. And the face for it all was Kestrelsong. Her shoulders sagged, fluffy tail dragged through the snow, and her whole body was more thin than usual, bones protruding through her thick fur. It was a sad sight to see - a she-cat that was once so beautiful was now a picture of the dread that had taken over the Clan.

The sobs of the apprentice drew the golden and white feline over. Even now, in her tired and grumpy state, she could find a soft spot for someone in need. It hurt her heart to see the younger tom so upset. "What's eating you, kid?" The words came out raspy and thick with her own sadness and heartbreak.

""

Despite loving the snow and welcoming the cold, Kestrelsong had retreated to the nursery throughout the day. The permanent queen curled into a tight ball all day and night unless she was making dirt or having a meal - a scrawny one, only once a day. It was harder for her now, to leave the warmth and the coziness of the nursery when there was so much sadness resting on her heart. Chasingcomets had returned, but not to her. She supposed he was never truly hers to begin with, regardless of him confessing his love for her. But seeing him come back without an interest to be with her had hit the bicolored tabby harder than she expected. Like a monster. Her whole body was weak and ache-y and nothing felt right when she walked into camp. So she stayed inside, curled up in the thin moss.

Hearing the soft call of her daughter, Kes lifted her head. Before her eyes even adjusted, she knew who it was. Heronpaw was the kit she was probably closest with - she always seemed to make time to see her mother. Wavepaw did, too, but she and Hera always were together more than she and Wave were. Blinking her dull green gaze, she let a genuine, warm smile encroach on her hardened features. One thing was for sure - if anything was holding her together, it was her children. "Hera, my love," she purred softly. "I'm alright. How is your leg? Uncle Chase or Root taking care of you?"

""

Guilt washed over her as the she-cat turned to see her friend staggering and pushing the sleep from his eyes. She had woken him. The golden and white tabby dipped her head softly, mustering a small, embarrassed smile. "Glade ... I didn't mean to wake you. I was just wondering if you'd be interested in keeping me company today." If he wished to go back to sleep or was too busy she wouldn't protest. She could find Tempestwing or Duskoak or some other. He was just first on her list of hopeful company.

"If you're up for it of course. I was just feeling a little down today and I was wondering if we could do something happy?" Her smile widened with sincerity, pulling at the loose skin on her face, emerald eyes filled with fondness for her friend.

""

It was an all too familiar feeling - she knew it as soon as she woke that morning. I'm pregnant. The extra weight, despite having less food, the headache, nausea, aches. She was pregnant. Even after Twistedtail had told them to not bring anymore kits into the Clan during leafbare. A pang hit Kestrelsong in her heart thinking about being a burden to her Clan and going directly against what her deputy had told them to do. She wasn't one to act so carefree ... however, a recent turn of events had led the molly to forget her responsibilities and act a little more ... insouciant.

After Chasingcomets returned from BloodClan but not to her, the feeling of being unwanted crept into her mind. Although they both shared feelings for each other, Chase was working on himself first and foremost, not needing the distraction of a relationship - something the golden and white she-cat wasn't aware of when she ran to the arms of Bearthroat. He was a calming presence for her and the queen found herself in a moment of weakness searching for the 'wanted' feeling that she felt she lacked with Chasingcomets. But it didn't help. After her night with Bearthroat, she felt more terrible than before. Guilty and dirty, like she had betrayed Chase, despite them not actually being together. So she went back and they also found themselves in a moment of weakness and came out of it more lost and confused than before.

Everything was so messed up. When she dreamed about her future, it was with Chasingcomets and their litter together, surrounded by her older litter. It was not supposed to be this messy. It was not supposed to be like this. Kestrelsong wasn't the kind of she-cat that ran back and forth between two toms, begging for their attention. She had never been like that. Now, here she was, carrying their kits. You're pregnant with two tom's kits. The thought echoed inside her mind as she sat outside the nursery, hitting the snow with an ivory forepaw, lips pressed into a frown. Her stomach was already slightly swollen. The lack of food made her skinnier everywhere else, accentuating the pregnancy. Questions would start getting asked soon, she was sure.

""

A familiar voice caused the she-cat to swivel her ears, already knowing who was speaking without looking to see. Vixensong. They had their ups and downs, something Kestrelsong wasn't ever used to. Usually, she got along well with everyone, regardless of how they acted. However, she and the calico got off on the wrong paw and things had been downhill in their relationship ever since. But the she-cat's friendliness in Kessy's obvious distress was heart-warming and the golden tabby gave her a small and thankful smile.

"Hello, Vixensong. I -" she was cut off by the arrival of another ... Snowfoot. The voice of the sweet she-cat made the words catch in her throat. Kestrelsong turned, forcing a smile to the other she-cat that had joined them. Guilt washed over every inch of her and she felt the urge to hide her pregnant belly from Snowfoot. This isn't right ... What have I done? She was no idiot - she saw the way Bearthroat acted around the ex-kittypet. There was a relationship blooming there. Had she ruined it?

There was no use in hiding the obvious. They would all find out soon enough. For now, though, she would keep the identity of the father a secret. Kestrelsong was sure there would be whispers about who the father is ... would anyone guess that there is two? Forcing a smile, she attempted to look delighted and hide the panic that had been plastered on her face only moments before. "Yes, I'm great, thank you for asking. I'm pregnant, actually."

""

It had been a secret for quite some time. Well, as much a secret as it could be. Billowing golden and white fur hid it pretty well but when the thinness of the rest of her body began to convey the truth of her plumping stomach, Kestrelsong started to hide away. She kept herself in the nursery, sleeping throughout the day and only taking Gladefall, Duskoak, and occasionally Tempestwing, as visitors. No one missed her, that she was sure of. Heronpaw and Wavepaw was preoccupied with their training. Bearthroat was occupied with Snowfoot. And Chasingcomets was doing his absolute best to do his duties in the middle of leafbare in a lack of herbs and prey ... trying to save lives. However, she could only hide for so long. The truth had to come out.

Kestrelsong thought back on her night with the RiverClan medic and a purr rose in her throat, masking the sadness that circled in her chest. It was a bittersweet memory. The sunshine colored she-cat sought out her love during a moment of guilt and loneliness. He was the one she wanted and she tried to reverse a mistake she made with another by laying with him. They had hardly spoken since then and there was an obvious tension between the two. When Chase returned from his time in BloodClan, he hadn't returned to her, which broke her heart. Their shared night was the only time they had spent together since his return, though her heart longed for him.

"Chase?" The familiar nickname slipped off her tongue like honey as she approached his den on soft ivory paws. She spotted Rootlegs and Willowpaw going out for the night and decided this was the time to speak with him. It was important that he was the first to know her ... news. Their news. She wasn't exactly sure how he would take it and tears were beginning to form, expecting his hurt reaction when he found out the truth. "It's birdie ... Can we talk?"

CHASINGCOMETS !  

""

Taking in a deep breath, Kestrelsong forced her paws to move forward - to carry her to the tom that she dreaded speaking to. Her emerald gaze spotted the fawn maine coon across camp while she was stepping out of the nursery. He needs to know. Kes had already spoken to Chasingcomets and well, it had gone just like she had imagined it would. Now, it was time to tell Bearthroat. She dreaded the temporary deputy's reaction more than she had Chase's. Mostly because she was afraid he would turn his back on them. Reject their kits she was carrying. Would he?

"Bearthroat?" Her voice was soft and thick with her motherly, soothing tone that had returned ever since she found out about her pregnancy. There wasn't much she needed to say once he saw her swollen belly - he would come to the conclusion pretty fast. What he wouldn't expect, however, would be the true parentage of the kittens she was carrying.

hawkfrost

""