Clovershade really really really shouldn’t have been so far away from camp when she gave birth to her kids. She should have stayed in the nursery, upon Dusksparks’ and Antpaw’s and Sunpaw’s suggestions. She should have just stayed close to the medicine den. She should have just stayed put. Because the measly mouse she had caught outside of camp would only feed one mouth. And what was one mouthful of food compared to entire lives? If Clovershade stayed in the nursery, maybe things could have been different. If she hadn’t been so stupid and gone out to hunt, she could have saved lives. She could have done something. Anything at all.
But it was too late for that, wasn’t it?
Something went wrong. And Clovershade didn’t know what. She didn’t ever know.
There was blood everywhere, and her vision was all shaky, and god, she was feeling awful. Queasy. Her stomach hurt terribly. And she couldn’t breathe right. Everything sort of just..hurt. It was a lot. Too much. And she was all alone. This was happening too early. Sunpaw said she wasn’t even through her final stage of pregnancy. Why.. why were they born so early?
And at first, everything went smoothly. A small little tabico with swirling colors of fawn and cinnamon on white was born. And god, she was the sun and the moon and the world.
Everything was okay. It was all okay. Because Clove just had to keep going. Just a few moments longer. And it would be okay.
Sweeping the small child over to her stomach, Clovershade’s heart swelled with so much love, and it was overwhelming. This little bean was her’s. Her’s and Hazelung’s. Oh, if only he could see the child now. She was so precious. She was going to blow the whole world away.
And another was born. Another beautiful life, colored exactly like her sister. Oh, two little girls who looked exactly the same. Clovershade smiled weakly, despite the pain, and lightly lapped at the babe’s fur. Oh they were amazing. Incredible.
Her joy was indescribable, that these lovely girls were her children. They were alive and actually here.
That’s when everything went to hell.
The third child.. something went wrong.
Why did the first two get through fine and the others didn’t? What happened? Was it Clovershade’s fault? What did she do wrong?
What did she do wrong?
A small male, with pretty black and white fur was born. And he was beautiful too.
But nothing gold can stay. He wasn’t born fighting to survive. He was too small. Too tiny in a big wide world that was full of terrible possibilities. And he was gone.
Green eyes wide, the female scooped him near anyway, fearing the worst.
He wasn’t breathing.
And Clovershade couldn’t breathe either.
Anguished cries and sobs escaped her, and the female lapped at the small boy’s head of curly fur anyway. He was gone. His life, just snatched away. Like it was nothing. It could have been so much. But.. it was taken away. He was taken away.
Pain and anguish crashed over Clovershade, and her eyes screwed shut when another child was born. Another girl. With a solid white coat, a color clean like snow. And she was so pretty. Pure. Oh she looked like Lilystar..
The child, like her brother, didn’t even get a chance to live a life full of love of content.
And Clovershade was hopeful when she saw the girl. Because maybe she, would still live. She would get the chance her brother lost. Surely the mother wouldn’t lose another child so soon?
The body was limp.
And Clovershade cried out again, her voice raspy. It was hard to swallow or breathe. Everything hurt physically while she was giving birth, but the emotional pain was much worse than anything she’d ever felt.
But there was one more life left to give. One more kitten. But Clovershade was scared. She didn’t want to give birth to another, just to see that they hadn’t survived.
Another female. And this was looked like Clovershade. With dusky russet fur paired with white. Oh, she was lovely. She was her child. Hers. And the kit had her whole life ahead of her. There was so much to see..! So much to do. So much to experience and see and love and-
This one made it! The small tiny thing weakly coughed and sputtered when Clovershade lapped at it’s fur, trying to warm it.
A breath escaped the girl, and she never took another.
Clovershade didn’t know why those three beautiful kittens were taken from her. She didn’t know. She didn’t understand.
Why did she give birth so early?
What happened?
Would the kittens have survived if Clovershade had been with the medics in the nursery?
They were born dead. But the mother believed that it was her fault they hadn’t survived.
When it was all over, Clovershade felt so numb.
Of course, these sweet girls were still alive. The carbon copies..heh.
Smiling weakly, the molly sighed softly.
They were her little girls. They were gorgeous and wonderful and they were going to be okay. They had to be.
Clovershade couldn’t take another heartbreak.
And the mother was going to love them. Love them so damn much. Unlike the children’s grandmother, who’d been nothing close to a mother. Green eyes narrowed, Clovershade forced the thoughts of her own parent away. The cold abusive monster that dared call herself a mother. A mom.
Sighing tiredly, the female closed her eyes, and turned to the three beautiful children who hadn’t made it. The lovely kids who’d never made it past birth. “Cloudkit.” She whispered, tapping her nose to the limp bicolor body of the male. “Printedkit” She mewed, tapping the solid white femme. “and Hopekit” The female finished, lapping gently at the russet and white girl’s head.
“Goodbye” Clovershade whispered, screwing her eyes shut.
If StarClan existed, she hoped they were up there. With Lilystar and Echolight and Dovepaw and everyone. And maybe the heaven was a deluded fantasy. But it was comforting.
Turning back to her living children, Clovershade smiled weakly. These girls were here now. They were alive. And they were going to survive any obstacle in their way.
“Goosekit” The female mewed softly. “and Dahliakit”
There was no flower curse. Clovershade was sure. And of the latter child was still alive, no made-up curse was taking her. She would live on and prove everyone wrong.
// welp. Sorry folks. I’m not good at writing childbirth oof
General:
▪️ bisexual /demiromantic female
▪️ taken by Hazelung
▪️ currently a senior warrior of DarkClan
▪️ 18 moons
Physical:
Norwegian Forest Cat
▪️ A cobby female with long fur. Her pelt is a ginger tabby with a white chest, stomach, neck, and muzzle. Her eyes are a lime green. She has medium-short limbs and a broad muzzle.
