Posts by softheart.

✦ ✧ ✦ The weeks that had passed since Morningstar's death had been nothing but a blur; most of the months since even Eaglestar's departure had been rough on the calico apprentice. It felt like she was just barely trading water, barely keeping her head above icy cold churning water as she struggled to keep up with what was happening. Everything was coming back, so slowly, but Amberpaw still felt like she was out of her element, more so now than ever.

The apprentice had been napping before she crawled her way out of the apprentice's den, looking groggy and covered in bedhead as her sleepy gaze landed on a zoned-out Lizardbounce and Minkpaw. Lizardbound...Lizardstar.; he was leader now...why did that seem so odd to her still? She could remember interacting with him when she was still a kitten, he had been nothing but kind-- seeing him as leader now was still weird, but in her eyes, Lizardstar was fit to be leader. He was friendly, he could protect them and lead them, what more could he show to prove that he was leader material?

She was cautious as to not disturb them, dipping her head towards Minkpaw. "Congratulations, L-Lizardstar." She made sure to keep her voice as level as possible considering that the black-furred leader seemed to be very much deep in thought.

✦ ✧ ✦ Amberpaw needed something to pass the time, something that would distract herself from literally everything else. Today hadn't been great for her and she just needed something to lift the weight off of her shoulders, if only for a moment. She didn't want to get into what was bugging her, explaining it would just make it hurt worse. It sounded so dramatic in her head and she hated it, but...she wanted to do something to get that stuff out of her head right now.

Amberpaw had set up just a small game of mossball for the kittens which was rare of the older apprentice; she was nine moons old but...mossball brought her back to when she was just a young thing, carrying around her mossball and not having a single care in the world. She wished those days were still here for her to enjoy, but the past was the past. Gently batting the moss between her paws, Amberpaw finally got up the courage to announce her plans.

"D-Does anybody want to play mossball?" Her own stutter made her internally cringe, but she projected her voice loud enough so hopefully it would draw out some kittens.

// HENRIK <33

✦ ✧ ✦ //nobody asked for it but youre geTTING AMBER ANGST morningfire ; D

The night was just barely starting to settle in, the last remnants of sunshine disappearing with the sinking sun beyond the curve of the moorland horizon. Amberpaw had skipped yet another evening patrol, hiding in her nest and avoiding the calls for most of the apprentices to accompany some of the older warriors on a simple border patrol. She didn't want to go, she didn't want to leave the comfortable quiet of the den or the safety of her nest. She didn't want to leave, she didn't want to leave.

The calico apprentice hadn't realized it under the patter of tears dripped onto her paws, rolling down her cheeks and staining her fur darker shades of orange and black. She missed her mom, she missed Wolfsbane, where was everybody? They were here but yet she felt so alone, so very alone; the only cat that Amberpaw could think of was Grace in this volatile moment, the sobbing feline pulling herself to her paws and trudging towards the warrior's den in the dead silence of the darkening world. She was being dramatic, pathetic, dumb, but she just wanted somebody to listen to her. All her friends were gone, she didn't recognize anybody. Morningstar was gone, Eagle hadn't come to see her, dad was busy and nobody else Amber knew well enough to come crying to in the middle of the night. Who else would care for her like Fawnfrost did?

"A-Aunt Grace?" The voice of the apprentice sounded like a mouse, quiet and squeaky as she tried to find her aunt in the mass of sleeping and breathing bodies in the warrior's den. She wasn't even sure if Grace slept in the warrior's den, but it was enough of an idea to pull the crying apprentice into doing so. Please be in here, please.

✦ ✧ ✦ //there will only be angst im soRRY LAVS

Amberpaw stood there, awkward and unsure, a looming figure that sent long shadows across the ground as she desperately strained her ears to try and pick up the sound of her aunt's voice. It felt like an eternity before the soft voice of Grace became known, allowing her entrance and beckoning her to come closer. The calico apprentice stumbled forward a bit on clumsy paws, shaky from lack of sleep and too many emotions raging through her, making her way over to where Fawnfrost would be waiting for her. Amberpaw tried her best to be quiet, stifling her sniffles and cries as she shuffled towards her aunt.

Grace questioned as to what was wrong and Amberpaw could've given her a million different answers, but she could only pick one off the top of her cloudy mind as she came closer. Picking her way through the sleeping warriors and trying her best not to wake them, she managed to stumble her way over to Grace's nest and pathetically flop down into it as if it was the first nest she'd seen in moons. Watery hazel eyes stared up at her aunt before she moved closer to the comfort of the older molly, pressing her side into Grace's, ears lowered down against her head.

"I...d-don't know. I miss Wolfsbane, I miss my m-mom...everything has changed, how do you c-cope?" Amberpaw was just spitting out slobbery words at this point, rubbing harshly at her face to get the tears to stop from creating rivers down her cheeks. "I'm...I'm s-sorry." She felt like she had to apologize for something, for anything that she might've done. She was confused, she didn't even know what she was feeling at this point. She was lost. How did Grace manage to lay down and sleep at the end of the day? How did she do it?

✦ ✧ ✦ Amberpaw hadn't expected such a crowd to form, her focus on the white and black form of Fangkit as he came up eagerly, asking excitedly if he could play the game with her. Amberpaw couldn't help the small smile that appeared in reaction to Fangkit, her paw nudging the mossball towards the black-footed youngster as she hunkered down a bit to get on his level. Scorpionkit also seemed to be curious, but she maintained a sense of aloofness as she questioned how to play the game."H-hit the mossball towards me and try to aim behind me. If you g-get it behind me, you get a goal; three goals and y-you win. Scorpionkit, you can t-team up with Fangkit if you'd like, I'll be the opposing t-team." Amberpaw explained as her tail twitched a bit, muscles tensing out of instinct as her eyes locked on the mossball before a couple of other voices caught her attention.

The calico's muddy hazel gaze turned to Duckpaw and Ariel, both declining to play but possibly securing a spot for a later game. "That's f-fine! I can set up a g-game later if you'd like to play, it's not a b-big deal." Amberpaw made sure to give them both a tiny smile before her attention was caught by a few other warriors settling down to watch the game; she felt a twinge of nervousness as her eyes met those of her father, ears perking a bit before she nodded towards her dad, boucning a bit on her paws, up and down. She was ready to play whenever the two kittens were.

✦ ✧ ✦ The call of a meeting from the Windclan leader brought Amberpaw out of the shadows of the apprentices' den, shaking off the remnants of sleep as she trotted on over to where most of the cats were already seated. She was curious as to what this meeting would be about; would cats be made into apprentices, warriors? Maybe the announcement of the new deputy? It had been awhile, but Amberpaw could feel the smallest prick of excitement in her stomach as she came to sit near Fangkit, offering him a small smile before turning her attention to Lizardstar.

✦ ✧ ✦ A race. Amberpaw most certainly would be at a disadvantage if she was going up against Windclan born cats; she was built differently from the lanky and lithe forms of natural Windclanners. She was a bit stocky and still had the awkward legginess and baby fat that the other apprentices had started to shed, yet her body still clung onto it like it was her lifeline. She was fluffy and it hid a bit of the weight, but Amberpaw was working hard to try and get down to where she should be, trying her hardest to look like and become as strong as the other apprentices.

Maybe a race would do her good.

Lizardstar, Bubbles and Robinpaw had beat her to her father's side before she could, the calico apprentice trotting over rather quickly, afraid that the spots in the warrior-led race would be filled before Amberpaw could even carry herself over there. "I'll j-join." She announced, voice still quiet out of habit.

✦ ✧ ✦ Hearing her name called alongside a whole slew of her clanmates surprised her, caught the apprentice off guard as she quickly rose to her paws and came forward from where she had been sitting. Hazel eyes watched as three shadowed cats became full-fledged Windclanners, the apprentice den gaining two new faces to train alongside with. Birchpaw and Aspenpaw, she would keep their faces and names in mind so she could interact with them once they got used to all of the duties, as the newly-named Bubbles seemed overwhelmed, fleeing as soon as he was done being spoken to. Amberpaw couldn't even blink before it was her turn, muddy gaze turning to Lizardstar as she bowed her head slightly, ears folded back against her head.

A new mentor and a new name. She had spoken to Lizardstar in private about changing her name to something more fitting, but actually getting to hear her new name aloud...it was strange. Monarchpaw. Snakeleap would be her new mentor; she didn't know him very well, but the few times that she had caught a glimpse of him were when he was with his mate, Tortoiseshell. She hoped she could make him proud. "T-Thank you, Lizardstar." And with that, she would step away.

From the three-legged leader's mouth came her father's name and she couldn't help the smile that curled across her face. Her dad, her hard-working father who was trying his best was deputy. He deserved it, of course. Lizardstar must've had the hardest time trying to pick between Eaglespirit and her father, but Monarchpaw couldn't help her biased opinion. Watching and waiting to see her father, she would melt back into the crowd with a sense of pride blossoming in her chest.

✦ ✧ ✦ Monarchpaw was so behind in her training that it was almost making her sick; she had hesitated at the entrance of camp, paws keeping her from exiting as she quickly realized this harrowing fact. Eaglespirit had never assigned her a proper mentor and Morningstar had been leader for such little time that it hadn't even come up in the discussions for meetings. She could barely fight, just thinking about it made her nauseous, and she could hunt, but just enough to contribute a little bit to the prey piles. Monarchpaw was severely under-trained and realizing this made her gut clench uncomfortably, the calico apprentice anxiously sliding through the grasses of the hilly terrain and trying her best not to make a whole lot of noise.

There, nestled in the thickets of the moors was Snakeleap, sleek black fur making him easy to spot as the calico form of Monarchpaw drew closer, ears drawn back against her head as she nosed through the grass to his side. Her jaw opened and closed several times as she failed to speak up to let Snakeleap know she was there, her throat tight as she finally cleared her throat.

"I'm h-here..." The apprentice's voice was soft, the calico molly clearly nervous as she moved to stand to the side of Snakeleap.

✦ ✧ ✦ Could apprentices do weekly tasks? Monarchpaw had heard the call for them from her father, the top of the apprentice's head appearing from the elder's den as she had been doing some of her daily chores. Hawkpaw and Minkpaw were over there, so surely Wolfsbane would give her a weekly task to do? Hopping out of the den and slowly making her way over to her father, tilting her head back a bit to see the newly made deputy clearly. "M-may I have one?"

✦ ✧ ✦ Monarchpaw's life had went from easy cruising to stormy sailing; she suddenly was assigned a mentor after 3 moons of not having one and it was a very different change of pace. She had been stuck between kithood and apprenticeship for the first three moons of her 'training', not having a real mentor until now had really thrown her for a loop. The calico was settled in the short thickets of camp, stretched out in the grass in a rare moment of relaxation. Monarchpaw was a far cry from a settled molly, but she had seemed to of stumbled upon a short break from her anxiety and the chaos of training, patrols and apprentice duties. The last warm sun rays of the day were slowly disappearing, the cool air of the evening settling, replacing the harsh heat of the mid-spring day.

Legs splayed out and a soft purr rumbling from the apprentice, the combined affectionate nudge and the voice of her father made her jump. Muddy hazel eyes flew open and the patchwork coat of Monarchpaw fluffed up in surprise, the molly quickly rolling onto her belly as she blinked up at Wolfsbane, his words taking a moment to process. A walk? It had been a bit since Monarchpaw and her father had spent time together, but Wolfsbane really wasn't to blame. He was a warrior and she was an apprentice, there was only so much time in a day and most of it was taken by responsibilities and keeping the clan fed.

"S-sure." Monarchpaw replied softly, rising to her paws and rolling onto the fronts of her paws to give Wolfsbane a quick, affectionate swipe of her tongue before trotting a little ways away towards the entrance of camp, glancing over her shoulder towards her dad.

✦ ✧ ✦ Bright. Everything was so bright, everything was always so bright. Gecko couldn't keep her eyes open for long. Keeping them squeezed shut, most would mistake the black cat for a blind one by the way she shuffled around, the way she stuck her paws in front of her to know what was in her way. Shuffling along, shuffling along.

Gecko had been directed towards a territory owned by a clan called...Shadowclan? A nice kittypet had told her the directions, she couldn't of been more grateful for the cats she met along her journey. Gecko hadn't met a mean cat yet, was it just her luck or were mean cats just a myth?

Eyes shut, paws out, Gecko meandered her way to the border and stopped short of it, nose pressed close to the ground until she could scent the pungent smell of the border. Shadowclan. This was it, right? The black-furred molly was too scared to open her eyes to get a look around; the burn from the bright lights all around was torture for her, opening her eyes was torture.

"Hello? Anybody there?" Gecko called out, voice echoing back to her through the dense forest greenery. Maybe she could look round just for a brief moment? Gecko let her eyes crack open and she let out a hiss of pain, covering her eyes back up with her paws. Too bright, much too bright. Always too bright.

// Nocturnpaw <33

✦ ✧ ✦ A shadow was cast over the black-furred frame of Gecko, the molly's ears perking up as she tilted her head up towards the mysterious voice aimed towards her. Was this one of those Shadowclan cats? Gecko was too nervous to open her eyes for now, keeping them squeezed shut as she rose to her paws, limbs shaky with how far she had walked in a single day.

"I'm looking for Shadowclan to join! A few nice cats pointed me in this direction, did I come the right way?" Gecko chirped inquisitively, tilting her head slightly. She was curious, she wanted to see what this cat looked like!

Slowly, slowly did Gecko open her eyes. The bright sunlight surrounded Nightfire like an angelic halo, conforming around her figure like she was a figment of Gecko's imagination. Large, dilated pupils filled the majority of Gecko's eyes, only little slivers of green showing around the huge voids of black in the middle of her eyes. "Woah, thanks for the shade! It's bright out here, isn't it?" The smaller molly's eyes squinted once more out of instinct; she was used to squinting or just keeping her eyes shut, so having them open and actually being able to see was strange to her.

✦ ✧ ✦ Keep moving. Her paws burned. How long had it been? A few days, at least. It felt like it had been moons, but it couldn't of been more than a few days. So much walking, too much for her short legs. She fell a few times, stumbled in the dirt when her legs screamed out in exhaustion, her paws catching on nothing and sending her face-first into the ground.

Daisy had talked to a few cats along the way, asking for directions, anywhere besides where she had come from. Away from her 'mate', away from all of the prying eyes that had been watching her expectantly. Waiting for her to make a family, sitting and waiting. Staring. Waiting. Watching. Daisy couldn't take it.

Windclan, Windclan. That's where the cats had told her to go, so that's where Daisy went. Over hills and through the chilly grasses, she made it to the border, tired and looking like she had been dragged through hell. Dull eyes, fur full of burrs and sticks, paws throbbing and sore. She didn't want to cause any trouble, trespassing wasn't too kind now, was it? Daisy took a seat stiffly, stretching out her short limbs as she searched for another in the shadows. "Hello?"

✦ ✧ ✦ The quickly-approaching figure of a tom had Daisy up on her feet, muscles tense as she fought the urge to turn tail and run in the exact opposite direction. She didn't want to run, she had been running for what felt like forever, but seeing a cat coming towards her so fast made Daisy want to run. She didn't, but she looked like she would.

The Windclanner came to an abrupt halt, his voice soft and not at all what the munchkin was expecting. Windclan. This was what she was looking for. Blue eyes set wide, Daisy had no idea what to say in response to the towering tom in front of her. Mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. "Uhm..." Daisy fumbled over all of the possible responses in her head, "-- some cats said that I could find Windclan here and it seems I've stumbled 'pon it." She took a beat to collect herself, nerves crawling up her spine as the Windclanner looked at her expectantly.

"I just need somewhere to stay, away from where I came from. I won't be a hassle..." What did these cats need? "I can...hunt? Not very well, and I'm nothin' short of a horrible fighter, but I just...I need help." Daisy didn't want to sound like she was begging, but that's what she felt like needed to happen. She couldn't go back home, they'd skin her alive if she even stepped foot back.