Posts by Canoris

This was Canoris' first time traveling to another clan in awhile, not counting the SunClan party. It was odd stepping into another clan's home. Canoris was glad she had no history with HawkClan. It would've been much more unsettling had they gone to Thunderlands or Sanguine Ruins.

She nodded when the first person asked if they were from BlizzardClan, heart aching for Surge as she watched the hawk fly away. She thought about not answering the question of the second person, but decided there was no harm in it and said, "We're from BlizzardClan."

Whenever the next fellow showed up, Canoris could only assume it was Ravelights based on the question and obvious authority he had. Choosing to remain silent and let Aleksei explain, she merely nodded a greeting.

A low growl rumbled in her throat, wondering how Tavi had gotten away so fast when she had been tense and ready to attack as soon as the barrier went down. Her claws began digging into the ground and she felt herself begin to tear at the dirt. She needed to die. She would die. But she kept getting away.

Canoris wasn't even good enough to avenge her friend.

The anger grew in her eyes. She needed to get out of here. She couldn't stay around people when she was feeling like this.

Turning and cursing the fact she was stuck on the ground, Canoris trotted away without a word.

Canoris blinked. Ladon, Raphael, and Pitaya just wanted to spectate. Kady was here to help along with Aleksei. That left.. Leo being the only willing participant. This wasn't her intention at all. Clearing her throat, she said, "Yes, I made this into a game, but this is training for things that are not just games. Anyone can be caught off guard, and everyone can improve their skills. Improving does not come with watching, it comes with doing ." She looked around to everyone who had come to sit on the sidelines, hoping the silence reached Ladon as well with the intended effect. "So if you think this doesn't apply to you, or you think you can't do it, you're wrong." She was shocked at the lack of participation, but she kept her voice calm. "I can't make it mandatory, but if you'd like to change your mind and participate, you're free to do so. Preferrebly before things begin. Leo, you're going to be prey in this scenario! Thank you for participating." She offered the Cub a smile.

Canoris wasn't sure how the leg could possibly be saved being trapped beneath a tree, but it wouldn't be any fun getting a leg chopped off.

Knowing the medic business wasn't her thing, she looked around the territory, trying to catch an unfamiliar scent. "Someone help me scout the area for Intruders. Can you describe them to me, Rosemont?" She knew it was a tossup, whether or not drunken Rosemont could answer, but they shouldn't just hang around waiting for whoeveer shoved this tree over to come back.

//Will she be able to recognize an unfamiliar scent?

It was just after Tavi managed to get away again that Canoris was alone on the main island. She was hunting in an odd way. Catching whatever she could and knocking them out but not killing them.

Her eyes were distant as she carried her decent collection of a couple blackbirds, three squirrels, and a rabbit not back to camp, but towards the tundra. Her paws felt like they were on fire, itching to rip into Tavi's flesh. But Tavi wasn't here, and Canoris still desperately needed an outlet.

Once out on the tundra, she didn't try and use an indirect path to her cave as she usually did. The itch was too great. She needed to let loose now.

Her cave was nothing special. Fairly large but well hidden in an obscure alcove of the island. She had found it and so far had no one else come upon it.

But the stench was strong now. Canoris recognized somewhere in her mind that it was only a matter of time before the smell of rotten flesh, blood, and bones drew people here. That part of her mind, however, had little influence over her actions right now. The anger was all encompassing.

In the back corner of the cave, behind the dead and rotten scraps of prey strewn all over the interior, lay a few rusty wire cages. The prey animals inside were squealing with terror, some nearly trampling others in their fear. Most were squirrels and rabbits, but there were a couple birds and other prey. She opened the hatch and let loose a bloodthirsty snarl. All the small animals huddled into a corner, quiet with fear as Canoris threw in what she had just caught. Suddenly, a starling dared to fly by and out of the cage...

And Canoris just lost it. Quick as a viper, she snatched the bird from the sky and flung it to the ground, ripping it apart like it was a stuffed chew toy. Blood drenched her paws and feathers exploded as she tore the bird to shreds and added their body to the mess around her.

More prey was trying to escape, as they always did. Canoris apprehended them and tore them apart without preamble, as she always did. None made it out. None got eaten. They were just torn and added to the wreckage around her. Food for flies and maggots, though they weren't in as great abundance as you'd think with it being in the tundra.

This was Canoris' release. A habit she had picked up when Surge died. It helped keep her calm, it helped rid her of anger,it kept her functional around her clanmates. She normally fell into this habit when she was alone, when the anger and sorrow had no distractions and enveloped her completely. That was why she tried to stay around her clanmates as much as possible, but sometimes her anger and madness became too much and she had to go away.

She hated this about herself. It reminded her of her father, reminded her that she was no better than him, that his blood ran through her veins. She wanted to stop, and she tried to on many occasions, but it always became too much. Her paws always carried her back towards here.

She felt horrible, drained, tired, everytime she fell out of her mindless killing haze and back into control, but in the moment she felt no remorse.

Today her anger was worse than it had been in a long while, and she was constantly grabbing, ripping, tearing.

For as long as she'd had this issue, it was only a matter of time before someone found out.

She didn't notice her audience at first. She was too wrapped up in her own world to hear them approach, and their scent was lost in the cloud of rot.

A squirrel made it nearly to the edge of the cave and into the snow when Canoris snatched it by the tail and threw it against the wall. It was at that precise moment that Sundance choked out "stop".

Canoris' mind shut down as she skidded to a halt, thinking that the words came from the dazed squirrel. Frozen, the rest of the few remaining prey scurrying frantically were able to make it to safety. The wolf hardly noticed as she tried to work through her confusion. She had never seen prey talk to her. It was one of the awful ways she tried to justify her actions- they couldn't talk.

Of course they couldn't talk. They hadn't talked. It was someone else.

Canoris' stomach turned to stone as she turned around and saw three of her clanmates standing there, watching her. Were they scared? Horrified? Did they pity her? Canoris could practically see herself getting thrown out of the clan in the future. The vice leader witnessed this for fucks sake.

But for some reason looking at Piper made her feel worse. This was not the light she wanted him to see her in. Not with the feelings she had for him.

Looking to Sundance, Canoris' guilt rose. The medic trainee was horrified.

They'd finally seen the side of her she tried to keep hidden since Surge's death. She should've stopped sooner. She should've at least been more careful. What was wrong with her?

She stood there, a couple of choked words tumbled out as she tried to explain herself, but the words were dying before they completely left her mouth.

The bloodied, ragged wolf stood there, frozen in the spotlight, mouth hanging open. She had no idea what to do.

She smelled blood and went to investigate. There next to a tree lay Irene, and Canoris' heart felt a jump of fear. She wasn't close to Irene, but the medic was an essential part of the clan. Without her they wouldn't have a full healer. If Tavi had come and hurt her again Canoris would be livid.

But it was another sort of 'injury', if one could call it that. Looking at the squirming bundles, Canoris' fear quickly transformed into awkwardness. She wasn't used to this whole thing and also suddenly felt as if she walked in on something immensely personal.

Stepping away, she looked around at their surroundings and a realization fell upon her. This was not a place for a new litter. "We all know Tavi is still around." She said in a flat voice, "So congratulations and all, Irene, but we really should get you to your den, and someone should probably stay with you for a few nights. To keep you safe." She didn't mean to dampen the mood, but she was just trying to be aware.

Canoris padded up, hearing most of the conversation. While Emberly was speaking, she went up to gently nudge Rosemont's shoulder. "Emberly's not the only one looking half dead on their feet. Why are you this far out? Get back to camp." It was less of an order and more of a sharp suggestion as she murmured her comment to him.

Raising her head, she met Emberly's eyes with her own and said, "Welcome to BlizzardClan, Emberly. I'm Canoris, a Paladin here." It was so interesting how comfortable BlizzardClan felt to Canoris right now. It fit her better than a well-worn glove. "I'm sure you'll find yourself at home here." I know I sure did. Odd to be so nostalgic at this moment, perhaps it was Emberly's fatigue mimicking her own when she first arrived.

"I'll let Pitaya show you to camp. There should be some food there too if you're hungry." Canoris didn't really enjoy giving tours or being a guide to new members, and while she would do it if she were the only one there, she was happy to give the job to Pitaya - who already so graciously offered in her very strange way.

Looking over to Fortunekit, Canoris didn't like that he was out here in the territory. "Fortunekit, you make sure you find a way back to camp with someone, understand? In fact, Emberly looks pretty exhausted, so why don't you leave him be and come with me?" She gave a pointed look at Rosemont, clearly inviting the three-legged smoker to join her on their trek back.

"Are you hurt?" Canoris asked as she came into camp and dropped the two squirrels she'd caught on the freshkill pile. "You look too happy to be hurt." Maybe he had a secret mate that was having children at the moment. He looked about as happy as a decent father with new kids would look - at least that's what Canoris thought. She hadn't met very many decent fathers. And what was in his mouth? The ebony wolf honestly couldnt' tell from this distance. The winged lion reminded her of a more cheery version of Osiris, and the paladin honestly wasn't sure how to feel about it.

"Stop being worried about a pond. It doesn't have feelings." Canoris said, aiming to give Raphael a light shove before jumping in to splash in the shallows next to Espresso and hopefully get him and Ada splashed. "Steal this idea from SunClan, did you?" She joked with Adalicia as she paddled back to the point where she could just stand while kepeing her head in a comfortable position. Water was freeing, and though Canoris wasn't great at it and didn't do it often, she did enjoy swimming.

"You... know the way to camp?" Odd that they'd just join and knew the direction of camp. Seeing as no one here recognized him, Canoris had to ask, "Are you a returning member?" Pardon her suspicion, but she wasn't just going to turn her head and ignore the odd actions. Not to mention Snappingbones wasn't a name filled with sunshine and rainbows. Deciding she'd introduce herself only after thinking it over for a bit, she added, "I'm Canoris, a paladin here."

"Who says he was doing bad?" Canoris asked as she padded up. She knew what it was like to be a recluse, having been one nearly her whole time as a pup in Thunderlands, and keeping to herself in the prisions of the Sanguine Ruins. Only after joining BlizzardClan was she able to open up and be friends. She owed that almost entirely to Surge. Now that he was gone, she often wanted to fold back to her solitude, but the connections she had made and the duty she felt she owed to BlizzardClan kept her afloat and around. It was probably for the best. "I'm Canoris, but we've met before." Why not throw her name out there in case some newbies came up? It was always a safe thing to do in the wolf's mind.

//Welcome back again

Piper was pretty good at summarizing, and Canoris didn't have experience with confrontation like this. She was content to nod along, but when Aleksei looked at her she ran through her mind, wondering what she could add. She obviously wanted to look competent in front of her leader.

She finally decided simple was best. "Threats, accusations, and more than one taunt." She confirmed Piper's words. "We just want to make sure it's been or will be handled." If HawkClan had no intention to do anything, then that'd be an issue. They seemed friendly enough though, so Canoris expected a positive response.

Canoris knew she fit well in BlizzardClan. She did her duty and didn't have any enemies. She knew she was accepted on a general level. General level. Canoris didn't feel as if she had any sort of deep familial bond with anyone here. She didn't expect anyone to stand up for her, to try and help her, or to otherwise defend her if she were to fuck up. She was proven wrong my Piedpiper at the SunClan beach party when he had stood up for her against Auroradweller, and Canoris knew she owed her growing feelings for him to that occassion. However, she did suspect most of the defense drew from a need to protect BlizzardClan as a whole, not just Canoris.

But here? In this instance? She could be thrown out and forgotten at no loss to BlizzardClan. No enemies or allies bore witness to this. They had nothing to uphold by helping Canoris except Canoris herself. The fact that Sundance, Kady, and Espresso were here speaking the words they had in a moment when she was dripping in the blood she had spilled from innocent creatures moments ago, just for the thrilling means of releasing anger? It only shocked her into further silence. The paladin had no idea that her clan cared for her as an individual. Family? What even was that foreign concept except a word used to trick other people into lowering their guard? She looked around, expecting someone to sneak behind her and murder her while she was caught unawares... but she still was half in the cave. It'd be damn near impossible to sneak around her. And Kady at least wasn't much for such coniving trickery as that. She was more upfront about things. Which meant... they were sincere?

She didn't know how to comprehend that. When Lando showed up and spoke, Canoris actually relaxed, because she had anticipated his sort of response, not the shocking ones she had recieved from the three before her. The relief she felt that someone was in their right mind almost caused her to laugh aloud, but she held it back.

She took another look around her. Dead, ripped, torn creatures stared at her with glazed eyes. Puddles of blood both fresh and dried pooled and smeared everywhere. It was a terrific and horrible piece of art. Canoris knew. She knew she had a serious issue, akin to that of Osiris', and he had needed help to overcome that. Canoris knew she had passed the point of no return - at least by her own self - a long while ago, but she had no idea that the help she needed to get out of this pit of blood and destruction was around her every single day. Not until right now.

She looked out to everyone, finding her words but not knowing which ones to say. She was ashamed and embarrased, but her heart wasn't heavy. Perhaps she could still salvage herself.

She would've preferred to speak with someone she knew better... or at least just less people... in a more private setting, but she felt this was essentially a public trial. She had to somehow defend herself right here and now, and that required an explanation.

With her newfound hope, she was suddenly scared. There was a chance she could redeem herself and carry on, which means there was a chance she could blow it as well. Letting loose a shaky breath, she collapsed into a sitting position and finally said, "S-sorry you had to see this." It was quiet and shaky and rough, her throat raw from her growls of outrage moments before. "I-I've just... ever since Surge's death I have these bouts of anger and I can't... this is the only way I can control myself without lashing out at you guys." Yep.

She blew it.

Canoris was having a bad day. Her sleep had been plagued by dreams of Surge's slaughter, accentuated by her own actions with prey in the tundra cave. Instead of seeing Surge how he was, she watched him get ripped apart. Waking up with her heart crashing about in her chest, she stood up and left her small den in the forest. It was an old fox den, so it was a tight squeeze for her to get in, but it was safe and secluded and new. She didn't like sleeping in the same place twice. Shaking the loose dirt off her fur after she scrabbled up and into the moonlight, she took a long, deep breath of the fresh air to cool her head and wake herself. Just a dream. She said, but she knew it would be a long while before her stomach fully unclenched. Her paws began to itch for the cave - awful, she knew, after her dream, but the urge to go to her tundra cave was always there. After being found out by her clan, she was desperately trying to stay away from it. It left her irritable and she found communication hard sometimes, but mostly she just felt helpless.

Gah, why couldn't she still be sleeping? Why did she still have nightmares? Canoris felt like a scared pup at times, with no parent to run to. Sitting down in the midst of the forest of the main island, she closed her eyes and looked up to the sky, letting the breeze steal her thoughts away.

/not my best but it'll do xD PIEDPIPER -

Canoris was way out of touch with allies and enemies, so these reminders were pretty helpful to the ebony wolf. She really needed to get with Kady and figure everything out. Making a mental note to do that at some point, she looked at Aleksei and nodded, "Understood."

What the fuck.

"Aristotle, can you tell me who hurt you? Are they nearby?" Canoris was no help with healing in a situation like this, but she would be damn good at tearing apart whoever did this to him. Unfortunately, he looked like his skin had been turned inside out with all the blood she saw, not to mention she was pretty sure he was unconscious. She tried to ignore how she found the scent pleasant, focusing on the anger she felt at one of her clanmates being hurt.

Looking down the steps, she grimaced at the blood trail that was left. They'd have to clean it... but at least it meant that the one who attacked him was likely outside of the territory, and not an immediate threat.

She turned to look at Rosemont who was - once again - being stupid and trekking this far out of camp. "You are an idiot." She growled at him and shook her head. Not with disbelief but with disappointment. Did anyone in this clan actually care about taking care of themselves?

It was easy to see the orange tabby ascend the staircase, what with her bright fur contrasting with the grey of the stairs. The wolf was getting ready to head down and do some searching for Aristotle's attacker. If she found them she'd be able to exercise some moves she'd been practicing. Of course, as soon as she saw they had a visitor, she stopped at the top and waited. Canoris gave ample room for the cat to get onto the island without feeling trapped, at least she hoped. When she finished her climb, the wolf would ask, "Who are you? What's your business with BlizzardClan?" Canoris wasn't as kind or creative as other people in the clan, but she did what she needed to do.

Canoris observed Piedpiper and the porcupine from afar while she finished up a quail she was munching on. When she had finished, the wolf decided to get up and head over to the duo. She had deduced that the porcupine was just a pet, not sentient. At least, she hadn't seen the two converse in much more than an owner-pet relationship since she saw them settle outside the cabin.

She felt butterflies take flight in her stomach, a feeling she had begun to associate with being around Piper - especially in a more secluded situation. "Hey Piper, who's this?" Despite the silence from the porcupine, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness as she remembered Surge. How she wished she could relax in camp with him still.

Canoris didn't consider herself as one with the time to deal with the issues of other clanmates, not when she barely had herself together. Still, when Osiris came by, she always asked how he was doing with his sobriety from that cursed white powder. And she always felt like herding kittens and Rosemont and anyone who was sick or injured back to camp when she found them on the outskirts of BlizzardClan territory. She wasn't so much as a mom as wanting to prevent the idiocy of others from costing themtheir lives. She tried not to be bossy but sometimes she didn't catch herself.

Looking at Espresso, she thought she oughta just let another more sympathetic person wander by and ask him what was wrong. Irene and Kady were much more skilled in the arts of helping others than Canoris was. Plus, it would make her a hypocrite to offer assistance to other clanmates when she herself couldn't stand sleeping in the same place two nights in a row. But going to talk to Espresso would be a distraction from her issues, and that made it all worth it.

Little did she know it'd bring her issues to the forefront of her mind. "Hey Espresso, what's got you pacing like a father waiting for his children to be born?" Empathy wasn't her strength.