// WARNING; contains suicidal thoughts
Her privileges of her whole life where vast but short. It seemed that when she felt the sun hit her light cream like fur that she could fall asleep and never wake up. The thoughts going through her head was completely calm seconds before, but now it was like she was hit with a bullet and her mind was in flames as she built up the stamina to look out the blinds through her office window. Nobody was around. Although why was it she felt a million pair of eyes where staring intently at her. She had been feeling this for days now, and she needed to stop it. She needed to end this. But, how? It was simply her mind playing tricks on her, what cruel entertainment was this? Her usual problems of, ripping papers or making spelling errors where nothing compared to these appalling feelings. It happened so much, that sleep began to be a struggle to her. It was almost like she was trapped, but she was too lazy and inactive to do almost anything about it when it was almost effortless to get out. Her mind was in that trap, deeply falling each day into a deeper pit. Each day she felt like it was much harder to leap out of the pit, finally she just stopped trying.
Was this the best possible solution to her problem. Absolutely not. But yet, she stayed in her tiny contained office, alone, doing work all days and the small moments she got to jump out of the pit she dug herself in, she didn't enjoy it. She felt stressed like she was supposed to enjoy it, but she would much rather be in her small office and complain about work and slowly and steadily grow more insane by the seconds. This tore at her everyday, intill finally at this very moment she woke up, in her office chair, remembering the night before. She stayed here all night as she listened to party music outside last night. A party she was invited to, a party she said she would go too. Yet, she didn't show her face at all. As a leader she always thought she was failing her clan and the stress was almost to much to hold. That morning she stared at the ceiling, as thoughts of a better life trailed through her head like smoke from a forest fire.
Why am I here. Am I here for a reason, does someone place me in this spot because they believe I can do more? Am I failing them? Yes, she was failing them, she decided. It was confusing what was going through her mind, but finally a horrible thought stood in her mind. Why don't I just end it now? Yes, end her life. Something she had heard about and witnessed before. Although, she tried to shake it out of her head, but it didn't want to leave. She didn't want to do anything. But if she did, would it be better. Would others care, would others notice? Of course they would. Although, they would replace her, with another and better leader. Her mark in The Districts history would gradually diminish intill she was nothing but another character who played a small roll in her own clan.
She didn't want that. She wanted to do something, be someone. She wanted to do something so big that it would make others drop there heads and say a small oath to her. Something that would earn her a statue in front of the school. She wanted to have a relationship, she wanted to love someone. She had so much more to live her. These new thoughts gave her enough effort to jump from her comfy office chair and thrown the knife she was holding into the wall, it left a dent, a dent everyone will remember as the time she saved herself from death. A brave and high point in the young females life. And, as her head rested against the wall, right beside the knife, a smile ran across her features. Her eyes would life and stare at her diploma on the wall and she gave a crack of laughter wondering how she even got it. Hard work and perseverance. She stood through school and she can still stand in these darker moments. So with a final push of emotions, she threw open the heavy wooden door of her office and gave a loud and happy tinted laugh, and walked right too the remains of the party last night, and stared at the people who where cleaning up the remains. Leaving the dreadful knife in her office wall, her door swung open for everyone to stare at.
