Posts by DESPERADO

_{yells !!! Nice !! I can make a thread for them soon if ya want >:3 des was genuine when offering his potential help with getting mercy back so I can start it off there where he goes to visit ver in SK to talk about it}

_{yells ty !! He’s my Son even tho I,,, have a penchant for torturing him a lot}

_{He’s a sad tired soul}

_{he and ridge should become friends}

_{And yeah the discord is reasonably active !! It’s as active as you’d expect a medium sized clan to be, so there’s no chatting 24/7 but definitely not dead}

_{if only I was done doing things to my boy :pensive: I’m not,,, planning anything awful anymore but rn he’s so traumatized that his entire life is awful tbh}

_{He’s just constantly trying to run from himself and even though he’s nice he,,, thinks that it’s all a lie bc of his massive impostor syndrome}

_{He thinks he can’t have redemption but still does all he can to try and make up for everything he has done :(}

_{He needs outside forces to make him happy bc I can’t do it}

_{see watch des get too invested and run away from wind Haven bc he’s scared of getting attached again[/sub]}

_{BUT UNTIL THAT HAPPENS HELL YEAH}

_Mood

_{Come join us tho !! I’ll reply in a second if you pop in bc my mobile app isn’t working for some reason :/// gotta wait until I’m back home}

_{// eyes emoji well it's a good thing des is social af and always reaches out to people he wants everyone to have a friend so he just,,, self sacrifices himself to be that friend to everyone}

_{mebbe !! hear me out !! des seeks out a friendship w/ ridge and like,, at first it's just nice and casual ,, two old men reminiscing about the good old days and how things have changed ,,, and then after a while once ridge gets to know him he'll realize that des isn't as happy as he's pretending to be and things can go on from there >:3c}

_{it hadn't taken him long to return to the solaris kingdom , though this time he was not running from anything , nor was he planning of joining . his conversation with ver had made him think , and he had lost himself in his habits of overthinking events that had transpired , of how he could have helped , of how he had screwed up even though the logical part of him said he couldn't have predicted anything that had happened . it wasn't his fault that the exiles were bastards , nor was it his fault he had found a home in the wilderness when the raid had occurred . it still felt like it was his fault , though . once again he had been just one second too late , one step behind in this lifelong dance of his , and he was far past the point of forgiving himself for things that weren't even his problem . blaming himself was all he had left ; convincing himself he was in the wrong was the only thing that kept him going , kept him motivated to help .}

_{he didn't actually mind the heat of the desert as he had claimed jokingly to her . it had been an attempt at light hearted banter , a way to seek common ground where he could not find any other . he had lived through worse heat waves , and the fear of the cold was enough for him to appreciate the sweltering temperatures of the desert . it was still not a home to him , but perhaps it actually [i]was[/s] a good place to take a vacation , at least for him . wind haven was nice enough , but he knew that he had a tendency to wander ... perhaps having two places to travel to and from would be healthier than abandoning all his responsibilities the second fear took a hold of his heart . the thought was a pleasant one , but des feared it was impossible . it was a pipe dream , nothing more . the only place he had to return to was the ground .}

_{he had been escorted by a stranger who had happened upon him on the border , boasting his usual smile , though there was an unmistakable shadow over his mood . it was not for strangers to hear , though . he had words only for the queen , and he saved them for the moment he peered into the room he had been directed to . " ver , " her name was once more uttered as a greeting as his eyes sought out the familiar face of the woman . he wondered how she was fairing , and promised himself to ask her this time around instead of opting out due to cowardice . her health mattered , both physically and mentally , to him . everyone's health did . had he known jack shit about mending broken bones , he might have even tried for a position for medic , but his paws were stained not with the blood of those he had been trying to save but those he had killed , and he does not think he wants to follow imperia's path . she had told him , once , that the deaths of those she could not save still plagued her . he already had enough ghosts following him around without needing to add that to his plate as well .}

_{Ver Million smooches}

_{the man seemed more peaceful than he thought he could ever be , and the soft smile he was offered was mirrored by des , though it felt more strained than he would have liked . he hoped the other didn't notice , or if he did that he wouldn't point it out . he had enough problems on his mind without having to add the worries of others on top of them . " don't worry about it , " his words were a soft murmur , carefully kept quiet so that he heard but did not feel inclined to stop his words . the sentiment seemed to work , for ridgewhiskey did not stop speaking , and he chose to remain quiet until all his words were out before replying .}

_{" heard of 'em ... never did manage to swing on by around those parts , though . I had my hands full those days , " hands full of sorrow and regret , but he didn't let that slip his mind nor ruin his smile . his tongue was quick , but his mind quicker ; the whole point was to make sure others knew as little about him as possible while thinking they knew everything instead . " maybe you can tell me about them , one day . give me a taste of what I hadn't been able to get myself , " the offer , however , was a genuine one . voraciously living through other people's experiences was a strong suite of his .}

_{" until then - " he tips his head down in polite greeting , raising only his eyes back to the man once he starts to continue " - the pleasure's all mine , ridgewhiskey veritas . " his name is a low rumble within the canine's chest , tongue memorizing the sound and taste , fire burning through whiskey and blue eyes as his digs deep into the recesses of his mind to try and find memories , to find anything of recognition . there is nothing , however . he doesn't think he had ever met this man before , and with a soft chuckle he lets his eyes unlock from the other's , glancing back at the fields spread before them as if he was all but eating the man's soul alive in an attempt to bring back a past that had never existed . " I'm sure none of the folk here will mind your presence if they haven't already chased lil' ole' me away by now . " his gaze turns pensive , but it is nothing more than a breeze passing through a warm hearth , and his grin returns full force when he looks back towards the serval , one wing outstretched , face open and hopeful .}

_{" you need help getting settled ? if not , I'll always be somewhere around if you need someone to set you straight . des ; just holler if you ever need me . "} 

_{there were many reasons why desperado wasn't a fan of politics . the nature of politics was already difficult to begin with ; it meant alliances that were hardly strong enough to warrant them , enemies with groups that were far stronger than the smaller ones , and the needless conflict that all of this brought forth . he wasn't a man who cared for any of it , and because of this he often felt happy with his decision to leave before he could gain a proper foothold in the high positions of a clan . he was rebellious in nature , and the thought of having any higher power set his nerves ablaze more easily than anything else did .}

_{most leaders were decent folk , but that didn't mean he trusted them anymore than he could throw them . ver was the only exception , but that was because she seemed just as loosely connected to it all as he was , though she took it to the opposites of the extremes that he took . she was everywhere and learned to climb up the ranks everywhere . he was everywhere and ran away from the first shout out he received . responsibility , self doubt , and suspicion always wormed their way into his head , and he was a man who trusted his gut instinct because he knew he couldn't trust much else .}

_{his gut instinct ( or , really , his skill at reading people ) told him that today the border was no place for idle , charming small talk . for a clan that seemed so peaceful , there sure were a lot of allies coming to the foot of his new home with moods that could easily damper the most cheerful . " hey there , " des offered as greeting as he approached , a ginger smile gracing his features , not quite happy but also making sure not to be cause for further concern . " you look like you've got something to say , " the invitation to speak was obvious , and he remained silent after the words fell off of his lips , waiting for the response .}

_{he was never good with adults , as much as it seemed like he could wrap anyone around his finger if he tried hard enough . it was precisely because of that , however . he had to twist his stories just right , flash his smiles in ways that those who could see past them wouldn't be able to glean . he had to actively try to not break apart in front of individuals who had keen eyes and keener senses , to pretend like it was all fine and dandy . adults demanded explanations , wanted to know the how and why of consequent actions ... children were easier . you could be kind and they would accept it , you could be horrid and they would run . it was simple . he never had that , not personally , but he knew it was simple .}

_{he also had a soft spot for them , the small and defenseless , the orphans left behind by war or simple neglect . he saw himself in them , saw a better version of what they could be . all of them had the chance to become him , to walk into the wrong arms , to end up used for things they didn't even understand . no child should have to go through his past , and with one minded devotion he had made it a habit to make sure they didn't . he could hardly call himself fatherly , not when he had a penchant for running away from all familial ties , but he hoped to whatever gods existed that he was at least good enough to offer those kids that chance .}

_{it was still a sad sight whenever kids had to be put through situations they weren't equipped for . it was difficult to understand your situation at such an age , he knew it from personal experience , and he knew the fear that had crawled up his throat the longer he had been alone , the only thing keeping him safe the talons on his paws and ivory teeth . his heart ached for those like him , for those better than him . it was no wonder he was the first to arrive when the strange scent gave way to a small , unknown figure , languid pace speeding up into a trot as he approached , concern drawing up his brow .}

_{" hey , kiddo , " his voice was a soothing , low drawl , a soft smile tugging at the corners of his jaws . he didn't approach closer , careful not to frighten her , body shrinking in an attempt to make himself look smaller and less dangerous . a silence passed between them , throughout it des willing his fur to lie flat , his eyes to be warm , his body language to urge her into a sense of comfort , and after a while he spoke once more . " you alright , there ? you lost ? "}

_{personal drabbles / one shots}

_{— ❝ your hands shake and you do not know why . it has been years since the last time someone has put their hands on you , since you have felt bones crush under quick hands and a quicker reflex , since their eyes have bore deep into the darkest recesses of your soul , and yet you still cannot light a cigarette without tremors sliding up the entirety of your body . the flame of your lighter flickers from the ministrations , and it does not catch alight where you want it to , skewed to the side ; imperfect , just as you are . your fingers feel heavy as you lift them to your face , as you take an inhale of the nicotine that has long since transformed your lungs into smoke machines , breathing out fire and ash and desperation . in moments like these you think the name they have given you is fitting ; you wonder why you still hold onto it , after all this time . your hands still shake , and you want to forget , and yet you cannot - will not - let the pain go . ❞}

_{— ❝ silver tongued . you have lived your entire life with the title , spinning thin layers of dew-laden lies that hung from the hollow shell of your corpse like a beautiful , bittersweet testimony to everything you said too right . it is full of your half truths , of your veiled ideologies and the murmurs of something beneath the fake smile you adorn . it is everything you said , and an implication of all which you have left out with your perfect , low drawl . they get lost in it , and they let the warmth envelop them without searching past it . they say your voice is like honeyed whiskey , warm as a bonfire on a cold , winter night , yet you can taste nothing but the ashes . ❞}

_{I haven't written angst in so long ,,, *cracks knuckles* time to fix that with anther des drabble ,, here are some notes for now bc its late so I dont forget them}

_{spotify song to listen to while reading this}

_{❝ " 'm sorry , " the low murmur of his voice broke through the unbearable silence , and it's hoarseness caused a grimace to settle on his grizzled features . was he really sorry , though ? he couldn't tell anymore , but it still seemed fitting to apologize . in the end , it was all he could do . ❞}

^{_{* i . general information − ♱ : ❪ I'm out here loading a gun , this lovesick hungry wild coyote , run , run , run ❫}}

^{— desperado break drachen / ' des ' / cisgender male [ masculine pronouns - he / him ; masculine presenting ]}

^{⤷ generation 20 from drachen lineage , carries but does not introduce break surname despite his status as the heir}

^{— lirim break x fell drachen ; full brother to south , james , and sollus / five on the kinsey scale / not not looking}

^{— solaris kingdom ; member [ non hp ] / most comfortable in combat , but prefers diplomacy / former hyperian hp}

^{— chaotic good , loyal to those he trusts / born 6 - 15 - 2015 / 49 months physically and mentally / ages real time}

^{— acts happy but suffers from multiple disorders / speaks in a low , soothing timbre with a notable southern drawl}

^{— voiceclaim is jesse mccree / faceclaims include jesse mccree from overwatch and corvo attano from dishonored}

^{_{* ii . important information − ♱ : ❪ you thought the money would save you ; one in the chamber , blood in the water , my love ❫}}

^{— severely depressed following the death of his closest sibling , south , by the hands of lirim}

^{— seeking a permanent home after leaving blizzardclan , though he knows he tends to wander}

^{_{* iii . visuals / aesthetics − ♱ : ❪ and if it kill me , it'll kill me ; so let it kill me but I'm never gonna live a lie , no ❫}}

^{red tailed hawk wolf hybrid ; 5'2ft, 75lbs [ main ] / smells of cigarette smoke , cedar wood , fire / reference one , two}

^{— there is a rugged kind of handsomeness to the large canine male , rough and weathered around the edges and not quite everyone's type . he is not soft where others would be , with lean and compact muscles spanning the entirety of his body , barely surrounded by any kind of fat that is unflattering . most of his body is scarred , with seemingly almost no space under his feathers and fur left unmarred . despite this most of these lines are hidden by his pelt , covered over and healed as best as they can , though there are a few scars that mark his previous deaths that stick out sorely across his body . the two biggest are the long , horizontal line across his neck , as well as the giant scar that runs up his abdomen to his chest . his face seems to be the only part of him that is left largely clear , though there is a small indent running across his left lip , another scar across the bridge of his nose , and one just behind his left ear . he is above average in terms of size , and tends to tower even those of his own species let alone those of others , but there never seems to be an intimidating aura around him , his entire air warm and open . unlike his mutated counterparts , des is a hybrid between a red tailed hawk and a wolf , with other telltale signs of his body differing from those who simply inherited wings . to begin with , a majority of des' body is covered in wings along with fur , mainly clustered around his spine starting from his neck all the way to his tail . these feathers mirror the markings of a regular red tailed hawk , with a paler tawny neck darkening to a chocolate brown surrounding his shoulder blades and back , then reaching russet orange colors when they part into his tail . alongside his regular canine tail , des sports a split hawk's tail , both the same red coloration as the bird he is a part of . the entirety of des' body is the same regular coloration , mostly a pale brown color save for his off-white underbelly flecked with spots of darker chocolate . instead of having regular wolf paws , desperado's more closely resemble talons , with longer than average claws that reminiscence a raptor's . apart from that des sports a massive pair of dark feathered wings , powerful and capable not only of flight but also of protection against elements and attacks to some extent . other than that , des' eyes resemble those of a raptor as well , with small irises lost in pools of whiskey brown ( l ) and ice blue ( r ) . des can almost always be found with jewelry spotting his body , though some interchangeable collectibles aren't as frequent as his usual attire ( listed below ) . he is also almost always found with a cigarette or cigarillo in his jaws , though he takes care not to smoke much in public .}

^{accessories and inventory | two ring piercings in left ear , one cross ring piercing in left ear , three studs at base of right ear .}

^{_{* iv . mentals / personality − ♱ : ❪ let the willing go the willing ; time to say goodbye , I'm dying alone ❫}}

^{— positive : trait , trait , trait . negative : trait , trait , trait . / extended personality goes here .}

^{— depression , anxiety , post traumatic stress disorder , insomnia , impostor syndrome}

^{_{* v . confrontation / relations − ♱ : ❪ because I'm not here , no I'm not here anymore ❫}}

^{homosexual , biromantic / single, not not looking / extremely easy to get along with and trust / ½ shipname}

^{— 90 / 100 physical − 60 / 100 mental − 70 / 100 defense − 100 /100 offense power − prefers infiltration/espionage}

^{— prefers to avoid combat , but finds himself often in the thick of it regardless / offense / quote when attacking}

^{— fire elemental / formerly trained by lirim break / has no apprentices , briefly trained persephone in blizzardclan}

^{⤷ desperado is considered a difficult opponent simply because of his burst power potential . trained from a child to become a devastating assassin , des has the advantage of speed, agility , stealth and style , with added strength as a bonus . despite this he is fragile and easy to overpower when caught off - guard or when failing his own attack , and does not do well against multiple opponents at once . he prefers infiltration type attacks , isolating opponents to quickly take down without ever getting caught . physical health : 90% , no current illnesses . mental & emotional health : 70%}

^{— [ 0 ] maybe crushes / [ 0 ] crushes / [ 2 ] former crushes / love interest undetermined, love plots currently open}

^{trusts : sollus , south , james . / distrusts : lirim . / easy to befriend , but trust is difficult to build ; romancing him will be difficult}

_{decided I probably wont be returning to agrelos with this dude anyways so ;0 gonna use his og account and track this :ok_hand:}

_{hurt him}

_{do it}

_{give me fuel to write angst if you want to cry}

_{alliances were fragile , ephemeral , useless things that changed as quickly as an individual's moods could . it took one mistake for the walls of a strong foundation to tremble under the weight of a group's sometimes unrealized mistakes , one rogue individual that proved to be too much for the bonds that held them together . politics were never his strong suit precisely because of that , though personal insecurities proved to have a strong hand in his bias as well . he had lived in so many of these groups already while wandering , paws itching to run away from self perceived problems and the stress of getting attached . at least one thing always proved to be true ; each time he returned there were less and less familiar faces he had to worry about knowing . it was a blessing as much as it was a curse .}

_{but he was still here , still part of the societal norms and policies which were getting them all killed one by one . if it wasn't other clans that took their lives away it was the weather , and if it wasn't that then local fauna and flora often helped to do the job . life out here was difficult , a constant struggle to make sure you made it out on the correct side in the end . he didn't believe much in higher spirits , not when his ancestors were nothing fond to remember by , but he figured he'd do anything to get up there into the good place when the time came . a part of that was sticking to his duties , even if he had only just returned to attend do them at such a sorry time . he was never good at coming back during peaceful hours , and he was superstitious enough to believe he was cursed . but he was also selfish , grabbing at whatever he could with dirty , blood - stained paws , and even though logic told him he should leave and never look back , the loneliness threatened to eat him from the inside out whenever he tried .}

_{an easy smile trailed on his features as he approached , toothy and genuine , though obvious concern lay clearly beneath the mirthful tone . he had seen what had happened , adrenaline pumping through his already sore muscles the second her blood touched the ground , and while they had secured the victory even with her untimely death , it was jarring ... and it was a pain to admit just how envious he was of it . the sweet taste of death had been settled beneath his tongue for years now , starclan or the dark forest or whatever spirits tugging at the backs of his legs , nipping at his skin wherever he went , and yet he was too selfish to give in to the very thing he wanted without a proper fight .}

_{none of that was important now , though . lavenderstar was calling for a patrol with a group he only vaguely knew by name , and he supposed that was enough information he needed to figure out the course this conversation would take . " call it intuition , but something tells me you ain't gonna change your mind about this , " a pointed look was cast at her body , and when his gaze returned to lock with lav's , one brow was quirked in subtle , amused inquiry . " guess I have to join you to make sure you don't fall over and die on us a second time . "} 

_{u know what fuck it im gonna offer des up because I want him to love as well}

_{BUT,,, as a warning any kind of love plots with des will 100% guarantee a bunch of pain, angst and slow burn of the likes which you have never seen so // eyes if u want to find something quick that wont take months irl to develop beyond a simple friendship then I will have to walk away :pensive:}

_{his storage is down there v but to summarize real quick he's just a tired middle aged man who wants to do good in the world to make up for the shit he has done but at the same time his imposter syndrome makes it impossible for him to actually think he's succeeding in that ,, and he tends to run away from anything and anyone that is trying to help him or be kind to him because he doesn't think he deserves it hence the slow burn} 

_{yeh ,, thassit I guess :u I've genuinely tried to get him someone to love for about three years now with no success because all his love plots also just never worked out ; - ;}

_{it was funny watching old faces come back beaming , grinning ear to ear in unbridled joy to come back home . his return had been more mellow , and he had flinched the first second the soft earth had touched his tired paws as if it had scorched him . these lands were cursed , that or he was , and no matter where he ran his problems never left him and eventually he always made it back here . he wished he could call it home , wished he could let his shoulders sag and his mind rest as he gave into the peace he so desperately sought , but his entire life was a series of escapades that always ended up the same : he went away somewhere , let the guilt and loneliness suffocate him , then came back with more bruises both mental and physical than he had left with . the second things got good his paws turned restless , itching to leave behind those who thought they could help him .}

_{so many died in these groups , though . each time he came back there were less faces he could identify , though everyone seemed friendly enough no matter how often he reappeared at their border . he had to wonder , though , how long it would take them all to drop their false pleasantries and run him down when he ran away one time too many . surely lavenderstar was exhausted with his inability to make up his mind and his penchant for being obstinate on many matters . she needed cats she could look up to , who she could trust at the worst moments ; he had barely even made it in time to join the battle to defend them .}

_{it was good to see others coming back , though . skyclan was their home , and he could see exactly why . every place had it's flaws and des could hardly call the clan perfect , but it was a family , and it had withstood so much pressure that he had seen other groups crumble under . they were all safe here , as safe as they could be given the current circumstances , and so the smile on his muzzle as he approached was genuine . he stayed silent , however , watching the exchange with inquisitive eyes and knowing it was not his place to interfere with personal matters such as these . he was just here to oversee it all , to welcome her back , and to offer anything skyclan could give to her to welcome her back home . " hey there , " he did not expect to be remembered , not when he could only vaguely remember her name and face as well , but he offered the greeting regardless , if not to spur her memory than as an act of comfort .}

_{I'd love a prompt for des over here <3 a bunch of important info can be found in his storage below if that helps ;u;}

_{future plots - preemptive tw for all sorts of triggering content ; read at your own discretion}

_{— develops cancer ( lung ? ) but refuses to tell anyone or get treated by the medicine cats , becomes more reckless with his life as a result and often takes bullets for everyone no matter who it is}

_{— starts to develop feelings for someone ( no specifics , really ) but instantly starts to push them away the second that happens because he's afraid of getting close to someone because of past experiences and because he doesn't think he's good enough and knows he has a penchant for running away from his problems a lot}

_{— gets his first apprentice and becomes even more depressed bc he has to teach the kid to fight and it just reminds him of his own past and he doesn't want to be the reason someone gets killed}

_{— probably gonna have at least one suicide attempt or just suicidal thoughts in general}

_{!! nice ,,, pain is always good shhh its healthy for the soul}

_{oof ,, rip both of them ; - ; but !! hell yeah I would 100% be down to see what'll happen >:3c des doesn't care too much tbh he'd think rul is better than him even if he starts going around killing people lmao ,, he is sad and thinks he's the worst so :pensive: and no ,,, rul pls that's not how it works ,,,, tho I guess murder can be hot :thinking:}

_{mebbe we can start a thread off where rul is patrolling around and stumbles across des and he starts flirting with him or smth ? ;0 and des is just gonna be like "I'm flattered really but I rather just have a nice conversation lmao" because hes,,,, had really bad experiences w/ sex so he doesn't want to get into anyone's pants any time soon lmfao but he's lonely and would be down for nice banter and casual flirting}

_{does he mean it ? does he do it to everyone ? who the hell knows}

_{there was a tense air around the group as they had traveled , starting in troubled silence that mostly resonated out from their leader . he didn't blame her . there was a lot on her head on the daily , and from what she had said , this had been in her plans for a while now , and it was no cheerful reunion they were going to engage in . business was business , and politics were necessary to keep things running smoothly , but the strain in his muscles betrayed his own unease . he didn't let it seep into his voice , though . he had come to make sure lavenderstar was alright , yet , but he had also asked to tag along to keep them all from despairing too much . he hoped that the easy banter he had included them all in was enough to ease at least some of their struggles .}

_{as the scent of the tribe became more prominent , lavenderstar's voice broke through his ruminating , and a deep chuckle reverberated through his chest at the comment , and with a playful grin he replied , mirth thick upon his tongue . " when have I not been on my best behavior , lav ? " he drawled , though just as he was about to speak up once more , movement from the corner of his eye snatched his attention . his tongue fell heavy in his mouth , grim silence falling upon him as dual colored eyes settled upon the first to approach ; whisper of stars , as she called herself . he rolled the name around in his mind , letting it bounce off of his mental walls before deeming it pretty . it had a nostalgic twinge to it , a subtle melancholy that filled him with thoughts of the ephemeral . " hey there , " his tone betrayed nothing but pleasantries , however , and soon enough an easy smile crept onto his features as he peered down at the she - cat . other than that he stayed silent , though , sharing nothing but the same air which surrounded them all . this was lavenderstar's job , not his , and even sharing names could be dangerous in scenarios like these .}