Posts by lichen.

LICHEN;;

Home.

The word traditionally brought to mind the feeling of warmth and happiness. Of comfort. To many cats, Shadowclan camp and the surrounding territory was their home, surrounded by the warmth and safety of what they knew. For Lichen, however, the word home brought frigid darkness and anxiety to mind; the fear of death looming behind every corner and in every shadow.

"Mom! Look what I caught today!" I ran up to my mother, waiting for her to follow after me to where I left the mouse I had caught. The very first kill that I had made on my own. I closed my mouth when she looked over at me, lowering my head slightly. Her eyes were cold, different from usual glare that she would give me when I made too much noise. I would slowly take a couple of steps towards her, body lowered slightly. I hated when she looked at me like that, as if I was an immense annoyance. As if she didn't want to deal with me.

But this... This was way worse.

When I got too close to her, she would step forward and swipe at my nose, her claws raking against my cheek. I would reel back a couple of pawsteps, extremely confused and hurt. "Ma?" I would say it softly, hiding the emotional pain that I felt, trying to pretend that it didn't happen. But she would respond by moving closer, teeth bared.

"Get out o' 'ere. You do not belong. We do not want you 'ere." She would hiss that, her normally beautiful face twisted. I couldn't read the emotions on her face, but I knew she wasn't bluffing. Still, I couldn't help but take a step towards her, being rewarded with a growl and another swipe, this one causing a scratch to adorn my ear. The pain spreading throughout my ear forced me to run from her, tail tucked and chest hurting.

Love.

It was something fake. The word attributed to the irrational connections between two individuals. It caused pain and weakness, and would only ever hurt you. He had experienced many different kinds of love; the familial bond between his mother and siblings, the platonic bond between him and his mate, the paternal bond between him and his first litter of kits, the romantic emotions that he felt towards his mentor of sorts. He had eventually come to believe that it was just something that he did in order to make himself feel better about relying on and taking advantage of those that allowed him to do so. Love was a lie.

I was curled up against his soft pelt, our bodies pressing against one another in order to keep warm during the night. It was getting colder outside, but in here my worries about being cold or wet were chased away by his purrs. He had taken me under his wing after my mother chased me out, sharing his sleeping place with myself. He was older than I was, and more experienced than I was when it came to surviving. This wasn't his first winter, while I hadn't even experienced all the seasons. But he didn't seem to mind me tagging along with him and he shared his meals with me.

He taught me how to live, along with the rules of the streets. If I found something or caught something, eat it as fast as you can before someone else took it from me. If I had already eaten, then I needed to hide my food really well so that I could come back to it. If someone larger or stronger than me approached, then I needed to immediately back down. That is, at least until I became stronger. Humans were okay if they gave you food, but I needed to avoid them as best as I could otherwise. Cars were dangerous, but also predictable. I had to learn their paths, their movements.

Over the few months that I was with him, I became incredibly attached. I even grew to love him. And I eventually told him so. His response, though, was incredibly surprising. He laughed at me, before chasing me out, not wanting to deal with someone so unnatural and weak.

"Those feelings are fake, a result of your weakness. Your lust towards me is unnatural, toms are only interested in mollies. And only long enough to knock them up and pass on your genes. Leave, you freak. I am not going to support someone like you." Those words, while unexpected and painful, just bounced off of me. In the back of my mind, I was expecting it. Of course he would reject me, my own mother did. If she couldn't love me, then why the hell would he?

I left without another word, alone once again.

Trust.

Even though he was young, he knew that trust was something you needed in order to coexist with one another. Clan life was built up on trust; he couldn't trust them, and in return they didn't trust him. No matter what he did, he was shunned, even though he was trying the best he could. He didn't want to be alone anymore, but he couldn't trust them to care for him and to protect him.

Trust just gave others a chance to stab you in the back. And after all he had been through, he was unable to trust just because someone wanted him to. He was a wild creature, most of his life spent doing whatever he could to survive. Trust just left you hurt or dead.

She was beautiful, her eyes gentle and her voice sweet. Her fur was soft, like the down of a baby bird, and she smelled so sweet. She was the one that was carrying my children, the ones that were going to share my blood with me. I protected her from the other toms when she went into heat, earning my fair share of injuries. I claimed her as my own, and provided for her the best I could. She was used to the warmth of her humans, the hard kibble that was placed in her bowl at regular intervals, but that had all disappeared for her once she came to carry my children. Thus, I needed to hunt for food.

One night, I was coming back after being out hunting for a couple of hours, a deceased mouse hanging from my jaws. I was close to the den when I smelled the scent of blood, and fox. I dropped the prey and slowly padded over, the scene inside confirming my thoughts. She was dead, the carcasses of two half-eaten kits strewn across the floor along with her bloody and torn form.

It was disgusting, the scent that assaulted my senses. I would turn my back on the dead bodies of my family, running away. There was nothing I could do, that was something I had learned. I didn't want to die, so I would do anything I could do to live.

He was curled up close to the camp, having had decided to hide out there until the leader calmed her tits. He was barely able to make it there, to a hiding spot beneath a large bush, the scent of sickness radiating off of him. He went between being cold to hot, and back again. His body was constantly shaking, his eyes unable to stay open. He was purring softly, curled up on himself, trying to both soothe himself and help accelerate his healing.

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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

He would let out a soft laugh, though it would turn into a harsh cough, interrupting his purring. His body would shake as coughs raked his body. He would eventually calm down, after throwing up and sequentially re-ingesting a small amount of blood-tinted bile. After that, he would bury his face underneath his paws and slowly speak. "'m pretty sure tha' 'm not gonna be able t' move for a bit. M' legs barely were able t' carry me t' this location. I don' think I can stand right now. An' 'm sure tha' th' leader ya care so much 'bout won't enjoy m' presence." It was said slowly, as if it was slightly difficult to do so, and it was muffled against his front paws.
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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

"No need t' help me, 'll be able t' do it. Jus' give me a moment." He would slowly move so that his paws were underneath him, before stopping to let his painful body heal. "An' 'm pretty sure I don' have greencough, whatever that is. Coughs can't even have color, unless th' world changed since I lost m' eyesight. An' it seems like it would be best if I wasn't surrounded by those tha' are dyin' from th' illness. As soon as m' body starts t' heal, 'm constantly reintroduced t' th' illness." A frown was clear on his face, the pain throughout his body being incredibly painful. He should be healing already, and he wasn't. He wasn't getting any better, but instead he was getting slightly worse.
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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

"'m not coughin' stuff up. I cough so hard tha' it causes me t' throw up, though I don' really have much in m' stomach. Tha's what ya saw come from m' mouth. Th' remains o' wha's in m' stomach." He said it simply, surprised that the female couldn't tell the difference between stomach bile and phlegm. He would grunt softly, forcing the muscles in his legs to push him upwards, his joints locking once he was on his feet. If they didn't do that, then he would likely fall back down. "Fine. 'll go back, but would ya mind me takin' a stop by a water source? 've been more thirsty than usual." It would make sense, as his body was feverish and constantly working to fight off the bacteria that was hurting him from the inside.
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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

He would shake his head slightly at her question, ignoring the pain in his head. "Nah. 'll jus' throw it right back up. 'm not hungry anyways." Once he reached the water, he would lean down and lap it up, ignoring the fact that his paws were getting wet. Sure, he didn't like water much, but he just didn't have the energy to be annoyed with it. Instead, he would stretch out his toes, unsheathing his claws to allow the water to run over them.

When he was finished, he would straighten back up and begin to stiffly hobble back in the direction of the shed, ears adjusting to listen as to whether Jadefeather was following him or not.
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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

"'m fine." It was said in a slightly snappish tone, annoyed by her constant asking. "'m not so weak tha' I need ya help jus' walkin' t' th' 'bandoned buildin' tha' we're stayin' in." He was defensive about that, as he knew that he currently was incredibly weak, at least physically, and it was taking a toll on him. If you were weak, you ended up dead one way or another, and he wasn't ready to die. His stubbornness wouldn't let him admit his weakness, in the hopes of being able to survive this illness.
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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

With mostly everyone else in the clan beginning to get better physically and become relatively healthy, it was incredibly helpful in allowing Lichen to heal as well. The bacteria that caused the symptoms was no longer being reintroduced into his body every time he would start fighting it off. He wasn't coughing quite as much as before, he was no longer vomiting, his feces was becoming more solid, he was urinating normally. Overall, he was on the way towards recovery.

Because of this, he had decided to stay at the camp rather than the dilapidated shack that they had been using during the worst of the sickness. Currently, he was stretched out on his side, enjoying the lack of pain in his muscles as he did so. His fur was warming up underneath the sun's rays, and a soft purr was rolling throughout his body. Everything was so much better after you just came back from knocking on death's door.
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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

He could easily hear and smell the molly, and knew that she was approaching before she even spoke. "O' course. Jus' had t' have ev'ryone else stop 'peatedly introducin' th' illness back t' me. Got a strong body, an' a little sickness wouldn' be able t' beat me." The tip of his tail would give the smallest of flicks, the only obvious physical sign that he wasn't exactly comfortable with her presence. If one to look closer at his body, though, they might be able to tell that all of his once relaxed muscles were now tensed. He was ready to spring into action at any moment, even though he hadn't moved from his comfortable position, sprawled out across the ground. He didn't trust this female further than he could throw her, and he doubted that he could even lift her up if he needed to.
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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

He would let out a soft laugh, amused by that statement. "Well, tha's good t' know." Small talk wasn't his best area, but since coming to the clan he had been forced to adjust to the fact that these felines tended to want to talk to one another. And, surprisingly, it helped him relax a bit. It showed that Cinderstar wasn't here to chew his ears off or something to that effect. "I was worried tha' I would return t' a cold an' empty nes' when I got healthy. Not tha' it would'a been too much o' a bother, 've had t' sleep in much worse conditions than an empty divot in th' ground. Jus' reassurin' t' know tha' I will be able t' rest comfortably when I return t' th' camp." It was strange, talking to the other female like this. He had spent so long listening in on small and menial conversations, but he had never taken part in one. To the tom, it felt awkward and mildly unnatural, but at the same time a bit... nice?

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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

Lichen was blind, which caused him to be unable to see the scar on the female's face. Because of that, he was unaware of any possible shame or embarrassment that may come with it. And even if he could see, he wouldn't be able to understand the feelings surrounding the injury due to the way he had been raised prior to joining the clan.

The young tom was laying not to far from the pair of females, and upon hearing Newtpaw ask about Brokenbird, he would raise his head and butt in on the conversation. "She isn' new t' th' clan, if tha's what ya askin'. 've smelled 'er 'round b'fore." This would be directed at the apprentice, but he would quickly begin addressing the older molly. "An' wha' kinda name is Brokenbird? Ya parents must'a hated ya, namin' ya Brokenkit. 's not really creative in th' least, an' definitely isn' descriptive 'bout wha' ya look like."
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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

He was honestly annoyed by the inaction of his clanmates, fur beginning to bristle slightly. That apprentice, Nightpaw, was even inviting her into the clan! "If she was run out from 'er clan, then she likely did somethin' undesirable. Ya jus' don' roll o'er on ya back for any molly tha' strikes ya fancy." He would say that simply to the apprentice, disgust clear in his voice, before he would unsheathe his claws and bare his teeth, sightless gaze settled on the loner's form. "Now, ya bes' get off m' territory, unless ya want me t' add t' ya injuries." It wasn't an empty threat, he was seriously willing to actually defend the borders, unlike his idiotic clanmates.
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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

He would give a soft snort, amusement apparent on his face. "Well, ya clanners are more picky an' vicious than I thought. Ya hate a kit 'cause o' it's pelt color? Wha' happened t' carin' for all kits? Isn' that one o' th' rules o' th' clan or somethin'? Namin' a kit somethin' like that would even be looked down on where I came from, an' m' mother attacked me an ran me out o' 'er care when I was three months old." It was amusing how his clanmates held him to higher standards than their own clan-born or warrior-raised members. How he was better behaved than some of the other warriors. He would never think about naming a child something so terrible, as it would be setting them up for failure, and any child of his was something that he would protect because it was his. It was an individual that would pass on his genetics, to the generations that came after.
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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

"Are ya deaf? She said tha' she was run out o' Thunderclan. Therefore, th' clan is no longer hers, not 'til she goes crawlin' back t' them an' they accept 'er back. They are no longer 'er healers." He said this slowly, though his attention was not removed from the molly. "An' jus' 'cause she did ya a favor, does not mean that she has th' right t' traipse all o'er our land. She is breakin' th' code, an' you are as well by refusin' t' chase her off our territory. Why th' hell should I be kind t' someone that is ignorin' th' borders that are clearly marked. Stop defendin' th' brat when she is clearly in th' wrong." He would give his tail a small lash, his annoyance with his clan at the tipping point. Flaxenmask, Jaggedsight, and Rainhead were all there and yet they were doing nothing. They were letting the idiotic apprentice make friends with the loner, inviting her into the clan after she knowingly trespassed without challenging her once. Why was the traitorous tom treated so much better than Lichen was, not even being chastised once for something like this while Lichen was threatened multiple times for things much smaller. He was following the stupid rules that they forced him to learn, even when they weren't enforcing the code themselves.

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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

"Actually, if it wasn' for all th' sick cats stuffed into th' shed, it would'a been a nice place t' hide out. It provides shelter, ya know, an' it doesn't get too cold. Though, I was raised in a place similar t' that, so I am a bit biased. No, 've had t' take shelter in th' gutters by th' side o' th' roads on multiple occasions, an' they are not a fun place t' have t' rest, 'specially if it's rainin'. If I was lucky, I could occasionally get a spot underneath a porch or dumpster, but since I was so young an' barely ever had a proper meal, I was chased out often 'nough by those older an' more experienced than I." He would say it simply, his body having had relaxed quite a bit. After he was done speaking, he would stretch out his front legs, claws unsheathing for a moment while he did so, before rolling over onto his stomach.
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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

He would jump when he felt something against his flank, head quickly turning with his teeth bared, only for Lichen to shrink back when he realized that it was Cinderstar, and that she was trying to show her support of him physically. Once he realized that, he would shake out his pelt and listen to what she had to say, claws sheathed and fur flat. He wasn't used to sudden physical contact, and he had almost attacked the leader of his clan because of that fact. It made him feel a little wary, unsure of how the molly would react, but the fact that she was on his side still brought him a bit of happiness.

When Lightningpaw would leave, he would relax even further, bringing his paw to his mouth to lick it before pulling it over his ear, eyes closing as he listened. Cinderstar's suggestion caused the blue tom to pause in his grooming though, obvious displeasure on his face at the prospect of having to hang around with Nightpaw. Honestly speaking, he saw the kid as an ignorant brat who was incapable of understanding the thought process of others as well as being unable to understand the rules of the group. Hypocritical though it may be, Lichen didn't really care.

"Got it, though ya should escort Jag back t' camp. An' he probably shouldn' leave either. He seems t' be gettin' weak in his old age, he didn' do anythin' an' yet he has collapsed t' th' ground. He's easy prey, incredibly vulnerable." It would be said with a sense of annoyance, before he would lower the paw that he had been grooming himself with to the ground. Once his weight was shifted onto all four of them, he would lean downwards in a satisfying stretch.
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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

So she wasn't born in Shadowclan, but she was born a part of one of the other clans, if he was processing her story correctly. It made enough sense, since she seemed set in her ways. "I haven' heard much 'bout th' other clans. I know that Thunderclan lives in th' forest, Bloodclan lives in th' city an' most clanners do not like them, an' that Windclan lives on th' plains." It was honestly strange how, even though he knew of the other clans' existences, he was unaware at to what, exactly, they were. Were they like Shadowclan, where everyone was a family? Or were they different?

Then he started thinking about the concept of home. "T' be honest, 've never had a home. Where I lived b'fore, ya kept movin'. Survival was all that mattered, so ya didn' ever really get comfortable 'nough t' call anywhere home. It was constant fightin' an' hunger an' sickness, nobody cared if someone died. So I really don' understand what a home is supposed t' feel like, or what belongin' feels like for that matter." This was punctuated with a small roll of his shoulders, as if he was giving a shrug.
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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

Over the course of the week since his body had beaten the illness, he was slowly gaining his weight and strength back. He even had some muscle on his bones, though he knew that he would need to go out and do stuff in order to keep himself healthy. Not that he even wanted to stay cooped up in camp, it was hot and humid and utterly disgusting to the young tom. With that thought in mind, he would push himself onto his feet and limp over to Flaxenmask, giving a small nod before speaking. "'ll be goin' with ya." It wasn't a question or a suggestion, it was a statement. He was going to get out and stretch his legs, and maybe after catching something he would rest in a puddle. Sure, he didn't enjoy water or mud, but on a hot day it was pure heaven.
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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

"As long as new rules aren' thrust upon me without any warnin', I think I should be good. It's not like 'm some kind o' monster tha' hurts kits, kills others for no reason, or cozies up t' th' humans. Sure, 've got th' blood o' more than one cat on m' claws, but tha' was due t' th' fact that it was life or death. An' yes, kits sound an' smell like little mice, an' my instinct is t' crush their necks if they aren't mine in order t' wipe out th' competition's spawn, but I haven't ever acted on those feelin's." A frown was on his maw, thinking about just how difficult it was. And how strange these clanners were. They went against the basic instincts of an animal, of a predator. It was something he wasn't used to, he had been raised to follow his instincts because they were usually the best way that he would survive and procreate, and those were the most basic needs of any creature.
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(c)trexgirl

LICHEN;;

He would give a small nod, the slightest of smiles on his maw. "It'll still take a while, 'm not used t' not needin' t' constantly watch m' back. An' sleepin' with so many strangers in one den is always unsettlin' for me. But, 'm sure I can get used t' it. It's not like I have much o' a choice, anyways." Well, he did have the choice of leaving the clan, but he didn't want to do that. After being around them for three months, he had become accustomed to at least one ally within yelling distance, and he was terrified of being alone again. So, since he wasn't planning on leaving of his own will anytime soon, he would be forced to get used to the strange ways of the clan.
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(c)trexgirl