Posts by ATTIE HACKSAW .

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The veteran stood by the border hooves threatening to hang over the edge, green eyes cast over the horizon.
The man was going insane, he knew that all too well. The anger inside him, the rage, the outbursts, the violence, the demotion. He knew what was bound to happen.
His father was just like this before he ruined the lives of all those around him and Atticus did not want to be that man. He did not want to hurt his clan more than he did, he did not want to hurt his family.
He didn't want to suffer anymore.
He was born into abuse, constantly facing belt strikes and descrimination only to end up on the battle field with his dignity taken and his life shoved into camps starving and withering away in the most painful ways possible
And when he was gifted with another life he was tortured, he was blinded, he fell in love and he broke his lover in ways tha were beyond repair.
He tried to die, but failed, he bled and yet God did not give him the sweet freedom of death.
He was sorry
The night hung high and in the darkness the moose could no longer be seen on he border. He was gone. He left but no one could see.
He sent a prayer before this.
He did not want to be forgiven for his sins. He didn't deserve any mercy. He did not want a new life, he knew his suffering would only cease in death and although he craved it and desired it, he wanted death to find him not the other way around.
So he asked the Lord above to not make light of his actions. To kill was the greatest sin of all, and he wanted to kill himself.
Turns out the saint was the sinner after all and he did not deserve his way into heaven. If anything, he earned eternal suffering for a mad man deserved no other thing.
He made life miserable for all those he loved.
His clan, who was enraged with his promotion and pacifist ways, his family that was beaten and torn, his lover, oh his lover that he had hurt so much.
He couldn't even make life beautiful for him. He couldn't even make life worth living and that was made quite apparant.

There was only one thing left to remember of Atticus Hacksaw.
A letter.

To who holds this letter.
Don't try to look for me.
I'm sorry. For everything.

My clan, I never wished to have burdened you. I only wanted what was best but I brought on what was worst.
I am so sorry to leave you so soon.
My mental health is getting worse, after assaulting Vader I have realized many things and one thing I have realized is that I am safer away from others. I do not wish to hurt anyone else.
You can take this as cowardice, but this is the true punishment I deserve for my deeds
I will have my distance from you, if I find a cure for my sick mind, I shall return. But for now, I bid you farewell.

My children, I love you all so very much, and as long as my soul lives on I will watch you and I will always be proud of each and every one of you for whoever and whatever you may become. I wish I was able to stay, but I have grown dangerous.
I'm sorry I was an awful father, I hope that someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me. But if you do not, I understand, my children.

My lover, oh my lover, I have my ring with me for I shall always be married to you even through distance. I give you permission to hate me, you should have from the beginning. I'm sorry I didn't make life beautiful for you. Im sorry i couldnt see our own wedding, I'm sorry I grew mad like the patients in the asylums of your times, I'm sorry for it all.
I'm sorry that I'm breaking your heart now.
My love, this is best for us. I know I am going to get worse, there is no denying. I left because I couldn't dare let myself hurt you as my mental health deminishes. I know this is selfish.
I promise if I ever come back I will let you take your anger out on me in whatever way you please.

All of you, Windclan, don't forgive me.
I forced this upon myself.

- Atticus Hacksaw
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He was a human decades ago, he lived quite a strenuous life during complicated, difficult times. Born and raised in poverty, son to an alcoholic father and a Jewish mother, he was a minority and considering his time and the rising of the Nazi party, it was not a minority that was safe to be a part in. His ethnicity, his religion and his identity shaped the way he saw the world, it formed how others perceived him.
Like his abusive father, he wound up a soldier, a medic upon the fields of Iwo Jima only to be captured and sent to the Germans to be tortured endlessly and constantly in a starving aching body that could barely keep itself upright.
his life was nothing but agony and it lead to his eventual demise.
However, he opened his eyes and found himself in the form of a coyote. The Lord above blessed him with another life and in that body he found the love of his life, in that body he got mangled and blinded, in that body he got addicted to Morphine, in that body he became a father.
Life wasn't something Attie held on to for long, so it seemed.

The man had been married. He had been happy, he was a deputy, a medic, a father, but here right now one would see him only as a man who had suffered.
The moose was washed ashore on Riverclan's beaches, his body cold and drenched, scarred up and thinned down to the bones. The velvet upon the form of his antlers were scratched up, red exposed where keratin revealed itself through the cracks in the vessel-filled flesh.
He was unconscious, his eyes close, his body sprawled as water lapped over his side.
Upon his throat, there was an incision, an old one. A diagonal cut over the right jugular.
A suicide attempt. It had gone wrong, however, the cervid came across a stranger who nursed him to health and after that he tried to rid himself of his life again. He threw himself off a cliff and landed in the sea below only to wind up here

A father, a deputy, a husband.
Why did he want to die? Why did he want to leave them all behind?
It was for there safety.
There was a disease within the mind of Atticus Hacksaw, it took over like a cancer but it was nothing physical, no, it was mental. Mental instability crept up on the veteran like a time bomb and it finally exploded.
The moose ended up experiencing delusions, temperament swings, unreasonable paranoia and violent tendencies.
He had assaulted a member of his own clan which resulted in his reasonable demotion of his rank as deputy, but then his health would get worse
He was haunted and tortured by hallucinations and distortions, he couldn't allow himself to hurt his children in paranoid panic, he couldn't hurt his husband.

So, Atticus left in hopes that solitude would cure him, but such thought was concluded as false. His health deteriorated more and more.
The moose fell into self destruction.
He bashed his rack wherever he could, leaving split branches and crunched bushes where he trampled in hopes of breaking the antlers from his skull and bash his cranium in for a quick death.
He kicked at himself in horrid panic every time a hallucinogenic episode struck the veteran, his forelegs were quite swollen from kicks and tramples he placed upon himself.
In delusional panic, Attie tried to end his life twice to stop suffering, to stop everything.
Feeling guilty, feeling pain, agony.
He didn't want to live like this.

But yet there he was upon Riverclan's borders, banged up and broken, barely conscious as the icy ocean water lapped up his sides, death slowly crawling it's way into his core but not quite.

//injury list: Bruised ribs, a few broken ribs, moderate concussion, infection at the cut on his throat, low blood volume, mild brain damage.

[center](c)trexgirl