Posts by Byebyefornow

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]you were vacuumed out, never have i heard of a vacuum being used, i know of the forceps because my parents are dicks and make jokes that i have dints in my skull because of them but not a vacuum, just suck the baby out, nothing will go wrong

& i get in a weird mood after break downs so shush, i am a bit hyper from too much coffee as well, also blame one of my friends for that, we came up with it and used it for our little group when ever someone had a birthday because it is the day of evacuation

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]one of a kind vacuum baby, but it does sound like something that would be uncommon or reserved for extremely bad situations since it does seem like something which would be dangerous to do

yeah i'm all good, just couple things caught up to me but i was able to calm down before i had a full blown panic attack only to lead to a damn break down for a couple minutes, i forgot how painful it is for everything to come together and overwhelm me all at once, i got used to the emptiness of being a depressed mess that the flood of emotion kind of got to me for a bit. oddly writing pine having a panic attack strangle helped and an episode of wolf 359 with a crapton of coffee left me in a better place, which actually reminds me i wanted to write a recovery thread for pine because i feel really bad for using them for venting purposes

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]how is it you always make me tear up? thank you so much, i'm so used to handling this bull crap alone i forget how nice it was having those who do actually care but damn it, i was not supposed to cry

you had to remind me onision is a person that exists and yet i somehow always think he is but a horrid figment of my imagination, i am going to take this chance to slip away and get the house cleaned up because nope, not going near that with a ten foot pole, never again, i will get too pissed off

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]putting all nine muses but these are the ones and what they protect/the art they encompass
- calliope; epic poetry
- clio; history
- euterpe; lyrics poetry
- thalia; comedy
- melpomene; tragedy
- terpsichore; dance
- erato; love poetry
- polyhymnia; sacred poetry
- urania; astronomy

each also has a symbol/item tied to it, such as thalia and melpomene being the masks of comedy and tragedy, which i can grab if you want, on books i know one though it might not fit which is the immortal by christiphor pike, it focuses on a daughter of one of the fury's and a muse, not one of the nine but rather a goddess that performs a similar task of influencing and inspiring writers, and does have a good little tale with the greek gods mixed in. i'll have a look around but i think that is the only book i know of

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]photo - here you go
theme - somewhat mellow and somber, deep shades of blue would be wonderful
words - hear the voices surronding us, hear them screaming out
type - signature please
other - these are absoloutly beautiful

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]i actually kind of find it interesting to see what kind of cusses people can come up with or originate from where they live so bring it on, why i love using fuck a duck since it kind of came from a very much innocent game called pluck a duck and kind of spiraled down from there, i love finding the downright weird ones people come up with and i kind of have a bit of a sailor's mouth on me as well

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]/creeps in
who said gay webcomics and what is it, i must know even if i already have about ten i am keeping up with and also a few overwatch fics as well but i will never pass up the chance for more

& shit get me away from tumblr please, i found things on mental bond and too many ideas, coelus would be so pissed off if they ever grew close enough to the mortal for such to happen and would end in them being outright dicks to each other trying to up the other with the most random or downright disgusting history facts they know, along with col being a pest if the mortal ever returned to his own realm wanting to know everything. i should not be making what is supposed to be an extremely abusive, toxic relationship with these two something cute damn it, not a good thing

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]i've never had too much problems with it beyond using the app on my phone but it is better than my tablet, somehow it actually can open read mores and loads pretty well so i'm more or less fine, along with i usually only use it to store stuff and find reference material

why are you hurting him, stop doing this to the poor dear, yet this is from me, the one who literally mutilated a character cause i can, it actually makes me curious as to what else you have in mind for him now & go get some sleep damn it, even if not a full sleep just rest for a bit

also finally found this, i don't know if it was here but someone asked for sounds so, have this, i've used it before and it is really nice, i am gone, time for to write something before i need to start clean up

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]do i have to say it again? nope but i wanna
hap evacuation day hon and back to nsp i go

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]indeed i speak of the ninja sex party, i rarely listen to them because i need to be alone so i can dance and sing like the doofus i am, but i love a good number of their songs, along with a couple starbomb ones

take on me just came on, i never knew they had a cover for this and it is one of my favourite songs

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]i'd be up for that, i don't think they ever properly met prague but did know of him when first around which feels so long ago, he was just a wee cub than and yet it now leader

only if you want, i am happy to do it though it won't be until tomorrow since i have a few things i want to get done and only a little bit of time left on the laptop

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]revisiting old characters because why not

with the cartel coming into play i thought it was about time i at least attempted an old character of mine, one in need of a name

- melanistic caracal
- prostitute, or at least formerly, though not beyond such acts when necessary, and former smuggler, put behind him for good

one who seems a primarily straight forward, if not rather rough and outright sardonic, he proves a primarily silent individual found about the edges much of the time, an observer over much else for he knows the power of knowledge, prying with a few well chosen words, pushing buttons one might not know they possessed with a soft whisper in the ear. callous and hardened by the rough upbringing and past he has yet to put behind him it is easy to mistake the laid back way he approaches much for a lazy demeanor, easy in his regard to much and covering up anger beneath easy laughter, though all of it comes to a point within the overall sly and manipulative way he plays with others, but pieces in the game of chess he so carefully sets up, though some have been known to push too hard and bring out the explosive anger he tries hard to hide. a flirty bastard, he is overall more a gentleman than one might expect of him, inclined to buttering someone up and prying them apart ever slowly rather than using a direct approach to leave them reeling when he is done with them

really he is little more than a bullshit artist, weaving tales when necessary and using what is at hand to get what he wants, not beyond a little nefarious task or using his body to achieve such an end, though is overall different behind closed doors, if you were to get that far without having your head bitten off, that is

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]it finally worked and i should not read hang the fool before i write & thank ya, hopefully i will since i want to revisit my dragon age story again and maybe revise all the characters for my new world, aderys would be present though i don't know where he'd fit with his profession of being a prostitute and smuggler, but he is somehow making his joining darker than it should, this fucker is not meant to be depressed, just a stressed, over-worked yet smooth mcfucker who will charm your ass off if i knew how to do such, tiny aro ace me has no idea how to flirt or nothin

ah well, let's get this on the road cause it is time to bring this fucker in if i can find some music that fits him

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]thank you so much, it is utterly beautiful and perfect

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]/lays on the ground
anyone want a thread with the fucked up ass that is val? i wanna explore his memories more because i can and i might have some ideas, also just realized viv is the leader of a prostitution ring, please never let him learn of this, he will ransack it and if he finds a single child forced into it, or really any below a certain age, he will try to bring her down as he won't permit another child to end up the broken husk he is, even if he only made it worse continuing to pursue such a thing once he got out of that life

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]i just, theft of sheep, if ever these two get in a conversation over the things they did val would be laughing his ass off but never let him try to drag up tales of his smuggling days, he was the idiot who would exchange everything for herbs and certain plants so he could brew alcohol which actually puts my knowledge and experience with brewing home-made alcohol at use. also was the succulent guy, he grew up within arid areas and loves him some cacti so poor floyd might have some shoved at him

he was not supposed to be this way, why is this happening damn it, anyway, just gonna grab some coffee and i'll get started on it, though i can't promise my posts will be any good since private threads are dicks and i can only usually get a decent amount of muse into the first few posts

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]1. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that definition mean to you?
agender trans masculine - rather confusing for most but it is something that reflects my overall need to be primarily neutral and yet the want to change, to finally feel happy and safe within my body

2. What pronouns honor you?
they/them though those i am close to or speak to regularly are permitted he/him

3. Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.
anything, much of it is still feminine but mostly shorts and baggy t-shirts no matter the weather, otherwise comfortably worn pj pants

4. Talk about your choices with body hair. How do you style your hair? Do you have facial hair? What do you choose to shave, or choose not to shave?
i don't shave at all if i can help me and no facial hair though i hope to grow a beard when i finally get on t, my hair is extremely long, nearly down to my butt right now, and in dire need of a cut to hopefully be close cropped

5. Talk about cosmetics. Do you choose to wear makeup? Do you paint your nails? What types of soaps and perfumes do you use if any?
don't use any makeup since i have no experience with putting it on and it makes me feel strange to have it on, though i don't mind it, and gimme the fruitiest smelling soaps you can, i love fresh scents that i can smell a few hours after i shower since i find it relaxing

6. Have you experienced being misgendered? If so, how often?
everyday of my life, i have not come out to any within my family and so am stuck with trying to push through until i have a safe space of my own before i open up

7. Do you experience dysphoria? How does that affect you?
on occasion and extremely bad, it gets to the point i have a panic attack or breakdown and tear at myself with my nails, it is not pleasant but it tends to be so rare that it is not a big worry right now. mostly it is my chest that i have come to hate, i am too big to use a binder safely and my only option would be surgery which is a few years away, if something i can ever achieve, and it kills something inside me to need to turn away from a mirror or worry i might break down into tears just because i am who i am still

8. Talk about children. Are you interested in having children? Would you want to carry a child if that were an option for you? Do you want to be the primary caretaker for any children you may have?
maybe one day i might adopt a child but i don't want to carry one, i have enough problems being female that such feels horrible to me, though i do adore children my lifestyle and overlying anger problems makes it hard for me to be around others without snapping or wanting to hurt them, i would not end up being a good father to any child

9. Talk about money. Is it important to you to provide for a family financially if you choose to have one? Is it important to you that you earn more than any partner you may have? Do you prefer to pay for things like dates? Are you uncomfortable when others pay for you or offer to pay for you?
i don't really see myself being present within a family, if anything mine will be cut off soon if it ends up becoming toxic, but being polyamory and the thought of being within such a tight-knit, loving little group is wonderful and i would love to be able to provide if such happened one day. i am not that comfortable when others pay for me unless i know them extremely well but i will do what i can to pay for others and make sure they have everything they might need when possible, and i turn down most offers as i like to have my independence

10. Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?
i am an adult yet feel like a lost, lonely child when things like this come up, someone calls me my birth name i want to attack them and tear them apart or cry because that is not me, that is a person who was tormented and abused, who still is to this day, i am not her, i am cy, i am a man and i am proud of it even if i can't show it. i just want to be able to say who i am without fear, without worry i will be ridiculed and to be loved as who i am without worry, to not have others look on me with spite of hate because i am a larger person and look overly feminine and soft because of it, i just want it all to stop and have some time where i feel like an actual person rather than a husk hiding away everything beneath fake emotion just to make everyone else happy

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]/gently places here for shark
i am a lazy shit and can't be bothered messaging but damn it, i made a new character for val's past and i just, mm too much history for this fuck i need to plan and i am actually really loving it

anyone else who wants a thread with the mcfucker just let me know, i shall get to it after i shower and get food

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]hm i kinda want to sing cause damn this song, giving me ideas for what happened before & hey there, i be cy and i apologize profusely for the shit i am going to be doing soon, it is gonna get bad

[fancypost borderwidth=0;font-size:8pt; text-align:justify; line-height: 140%; width:450px;]i'll be in the raid in a little, got a thing to do first

& would anyone object to a little fight club kind of deal?
it would more be like the gladiatorial battles in that kidnapped/captured individuals can be forced into a fenced off pit, this is to make sure there is no escape, if their captor so chooses, and is forced to fight for their life against other captures, wild animals or else their captor/a champion of their captors choosing. the captor can also chose to give them an advantage, such as a weapon but this does not mean an actual weapon, this could literally be a stick, or disadvantage, such as being blindfolded which can't be removed until the end, if they attempt to remove it they will be punished and have to go in a second time

if not to the death i would say the victor is maybe permitted to leave, might go with something else on that, but the loser is put in the hole, a deep hole lined with smooth stone so they can't climb out and barred so the heat and rain can come in and they are left there for a few days with no food or water, just baking and left unable to speak to anyone

along with that it could be used for training as well though a much more dangerous one where you can be permanently damaged or possibly die/lose a life but a member of the cartel needs not worry about the hole if they lose, they just need to deal with the humiliation of having lost. also, keeping to the matter if is a secret, the memories of captured individuals forced into it are wiped or modified so they don't remember what happened, just the pain of it and anything else the one who does change or remove the memory wants to put in, of course all of it needing permission before it can happen

and you get the first taste of how bad cy can get, the gore loving asshole is back in the run for the most ruthless fucker that ever lived because val is going in this if it does happen, he would be set on winning