Posts by XIA


    xia often strayed away from the lake when others were enjoying the water. she was an ice elementalist, and while she had her powers under control, there were enough times where she hadn't (and others got hurt) that she learned to just be cautious. she didn't intend to watch warzone hunt, but given the path of her stride, she had run into her (and snowbelle) unintentionally. her ears twitched with meager frustration as she took her cautionary steps away from the stream and looked over the slow rapids. it was a nice catch, she'd give the other that much. she couldn't catch fish at all, unless she wanted them half frozen. "eat it fast before it stinks up the place," she huffed, attempting to skirt around the others.



    as much as she wanted to get her paws dirty early, there were still some tender spots in wind haven. xia wouldn't tempt fate so soon and would have to veto this raid. she held no rank and was still basically a no-one in this clan, so she was sure she could get away with it. after all, she had no responsibility. she lingered for moments to come as the patrol left the land before turning on her heel and returning to her stroll. she'd memorize the territory soon enough.



    "i'll take one." xia had approached on heavy paws, not really intending to mess around and be coy about her intentions. she'd get her task, think it over, and toss it out if it wasn't something decent. or, she'd take it in stride and complete it in the coming days. such was the way of weekly tasks and taking them on for about three years - she got tired of them fast.



    xia didn't like very many things, but she liked this leader. he was short and to the point, very much unlike plenty other leaders she met over time (sorry, calina.) still she held her distance, the new brigadier lingered, vaguely curious of the politics within the clan. while she had no qualms with neither the sanctuary nor the coven, but having them not as allies or trucemates meant they'd be free to mess with, right? xia hadn't done anything in that way quite yet, still learning her way around the clan, but it was interesting nonetheless.



    xia wasn't looking for kindness and seemed to have stopped looking for it a while ago. the young woman simply looked down upon ozymandias, an ear twitching, expression neutral, "i'm looking to join." simple and easy. although she craved a little bit of carnage to fill the empty spaces in her chest, xia didn't see a use in playing up a false insanity or wasting energy on a man who clearly hated himself, or the land, or whatever was in the air. she'd wait long enough for whatever gruff 'welcome' to leave his mouth and be on her way as soon as it happened.



    the veil didn't like the brigade, and in truth that tidbit of information was all xia needed to get her ball rolling. calina nor ver would look for her here, and she could cause as much chaos as her empty heart desired (within reason, she supposed.) it felt like the first time she joined a clan that wasn't the veil, though she hoped this time the leader wouldn't take advantage of her. the lupurca stood on the border, still smelling of perhaps one-too-many clans and the faint scent of milk. her children had been... disposed of (although that word didn't feel right.) she'd just have to wait for everything to dry up for the smell to go away. xia waited patiently for someone to come across her path.



    xia was as uncaring as she could be towards the wriggling and crying puppies. she stood still as stone, cold as ice, as ver million trotted towards her without so much of a care in the world. she figured that the rolling hills of the territory obscured the small bodies from view and thus wasn't offended that ver million didn't immediately take on a defensive stance for their sake - instead, she found annoyance in how casual ver million approached her. how excited she was. how happy... and without her, too. ver million didn't have to love xia for xia to love ver million - but the lack of a mutual would hurt just the same if there was anything shared between them. xia took comfort in the idea that she was heartless and cold now, unbothered by the whining children and the one harmed by her own touch. she would take more security in the way ver million, a woman who once stood over her in more ways than one, cowered in the presence of her and their shared spawn.

    xia drank up the emotion as she was sure it wouldn't last.

    "don't act so happy to see me." the demand was sharp though her expression remained neutral. her chest heaved uncomfortably, her tail remaining stiff and tall while ver million's sorted between her legs. xia laughed, a quick, aching, hollow sound when ver million made the connections she needed to. she wanted to snark, to poke fun at the other's blaring inadequacies. but she didn't. xia decided against making petty remarks for the pure fact that they would reflect so easily on her. she was the idiot who fell for a womanizer with less than four brain cells, to a married woman who's largest claim was a claim to power in more clans than xia had ever had the idea of even existing within. xia became another number in ver million's statistic.

    "only one really looks like you. the other two must be the gifted ones of the trio," her words were slow going, her chest aching as she side stepped away from the children, drawing one paw after the other to skirt around the kids and approach ver million's side, though still keeping several feet away. "they're yours to keep. to mold, to toy with, to create whatever their malleable little heads can become." her head tilted towards the morning sky, the warmth of the sun still refusing to penetrate the wall of cold she created around herself. she at most gave ver million a side glance, pretending as if the sun was doing a single damn thing for her. "because i can't be that for you anymore."

    she took more slow steps, ears twitching as one and three cried their tiny little chests out, eyes slowly blinking, tongue drawing against purely whites. "you knew. you knew that i was hurt before, that i was used before, ver million. you damned the man who sentenced me to a hell only an unfair few knew - and yet you dared to leave me in the same scenario. a lowly tramp, the other woman, with puppies she wasn't sure she could raise. i considered their upbringing on my own, you know. i thought about all the games we could play, all the lessons i could teach them. i even thought about letting them know about their dear old deceased ver million, their grand sire that unfortunately perished before they had a chance of meeting them. but you didn't die, did you? you were gutted, sure, but you were walking. you were breathing. and you confined a family that you started and didn't know about to fester in their limbo." she clicked her tongue. "but i'm tired of that life. you would be, too, if you've lived it three times over."

    there was a smile on her face, hardly. the corners of her lips tilting up, a calm expression resting on her cheeks. "i thought i've made enough bad decisions in my life to tell when another one was coming up but -" her head tilted towards the winged canine, "we can both tell that that's not true. my streak is still ongoing and nothing - nothing - i do will fix that. but i can stop involving others in my mess, at least until the last breath assuredly leaves my lungs and my soul is torn between the teeth of another. and that's my decision. and i know the great, powerful, faultless, caring, perfect ver million wouldn't leave three children to starve in the meadows. she would go find a nursing mother and beg for help, she will enlist the help of her many, many consensual girlfriends to help raise them. she will play games with them, teach them lessons - and, hopefully, they will know not a single thing about their dear old dam. and one, two, and three will live happy lives within these meadows, full of love and inspiration, and without - without me."

    her teeth grit as she finally made it to a position behind the woman, uncaring if she followed her around in her slow half circle or if she turned to face her last second. either way, the ice that grew at the base of her neck slowly clambered to the crown of her head, sprouting carefully crafted horns, five of them. it was almost as if it was practiced, though xia hadn't the idea until that day. she'd leave it up to ver to wonder how long it took xia to get to this point. her head lifted and her smile shifted into a frown within seconds of having her ice crafted crown, "is this what you were looking for, ver million?" she asked, "the night she died and you wanted comfort - no, you wanted more. is this what you expected to wake up to the next morning? did you want more of me? should i have painted my fur a sandy color, or gained that - god-forsaken drawl your wife had?" her mask, however strong it was, was cracking and shattering in rapid succession, falling to pieces at the ground.

    "good for you, ver million. you won't be seeing two of your former lovers anymore." she shook her head, gently at first, before lashing her head in a downward motion and sending all five spikes careening towards ver million, "and i'll make that a threat if i need to."

    and thus, xia shook out her pelt, offering the children hardly a glance before turning and trotting off away from wind haven territory. she'd see ver million next when she was dead, hopefully for longer after that.

    / out unless keda needs smth more fjgbldbg


    congrats u guys!

    here is the birthing thread [ click!! ] where the babies are... well, birthed! however here [ click!! ] is the thread where they will be given to ver million. you don't have to post in either (though it'd be greatly appreciated,) and i hope each of you have fun in wind haven with your babies!! i love them all so dearly <3


    xia’s trek across agrelos was uninterrupted, the morning sun threatening to melt her bitter chill and fill her with the warmth of motherhood - she’d deny it with every living breath she had. the children (one, two, and three as she continued to call them,) had begun squealing, however she was unsure if it was due to her freezing chill or because of the long adventure. were they hungry? xia tried to not care; it’d get her into more trouble if she gave them any more attention than she already had.

    the meadows of wind haven weren’t meadows she was accustomed to. the lupurca had lived beneath shadowy pines for the past few months, thus making it a spot she was most comfortable in. the hooded trees did a number to her security, and being out in the open, so plainly, tore on her confidence, but she did so. she couldn’t decide now to back out. calina surely would’ve already noticed her gone, and going back without children would put more shame in her than her original decision.

    she could see the winged canine in the distance, her teeth clenching around soft skin of puppies as her heart both beat and broke in a manner of seconds. she hated ver million, despised her for what the other diminished her to - and yet her chest was so excited to see her once again. xia hated herself, too, if she thought on it any harder. though it must be of no surprise that she expected that hatred to come sooner or later.

    she waited, eyes trailing on the bastardous woman, the least bit grateful that she was alone. the puppies were placed gently in the growing grass - perhaps the gentlest she had been with them yet - and the ice that swelled at the nape of her neck crawled ever so slowly up the backside of her head, yet to reveal itself.

    “ver million,” she called to the other, suddenly unwilling to wait.



    [ note: xia has been in and out the past few months so i don't expect anyone to truly recognize her! this is mostly j open in case tropics wants to respond with calina! anyone can respond tho <3
    tldr: xia had babies. xia took babies and ran away. bye xia ]

    it never got easier. whatever ‘it’ was in the given moment changed - ‘it’ could be simply walking around, her gut pressing out the confines of her sides with sizable bastard pups. ‘it’ could be the lack of a community around her, or the intensity of it that she never got used to and likely never would. ‘it’ could be the sense of abandonment that never shook from her bones but instead burrowed deeper into her veins, intoxicating her, violating her, ruining her.

    it’ could be anything and everything - and, unfortunately, ‘it’ included loving another.

    xia loved ver million. she had fallen for another creature of power, dissuaded from caution from the mere fact that ver million was a woman, not a man who reeked of a power she didn’t understand, or a man who’s draconic talons wooed her for their sense of danger. ver million wasn’t safe but ver million wasn’t them - and yet, ver million hurt her all the same. she couldn’t be surprised, she wouldn’t allow it. she dug her own grave for a third time, but perhaps this time she would lay in it and stay as still as possible, and hope that others would throw dirt atop of her.

    there was a burning in her chest, the same burning that came with her second litter. the pregnancy was easy, albeit only complicated by false deaths and chaotic clans. she had no reason to reach out to spiritcallers nor her own sister, aside from their brief encounters. xia had even found herself feeling something other than pity for herself, when calina’s partner (name, clan, appearance, existence - all forgotten in a heartbeat) unfortunately passed (reason, cause of death, chaos of the scene - unneeded for her.) xia remained out of the public eye as much as she could, skirting the edges of the veil’s land, away from her growing nieces and nephews, away from her sister, away from ver million.

    did she like it better this way?

    her paws arched into the ground as the contraction pulled through her, however being her second full term pregnancy, xia hardly flinched beyond that. she glared at the ground in frustration, as if she forgot the crucial part of pregnancy - giving birth. did she expect these pups to remain in her womb for all of eternity? no - but things slipped her mind more often as of late, and the woman hadn’t the instinct to nest or make a home for the little ones she once intended to raise on her lonesome.

    ver million made things complicated. that other woman - a pause, a grit of her teeth, a reminder that she was the other woman - nameless though not faceless, made things complicated. things could’ve been easier if the horned temptress of the desert was the only one, but of course not. ver million was a woman of a slick tongue, wandering eyes and a careless smile. a laugh that warmed hearts, a tone that melted the cold of winter. everything someone would want in a forever partner - it shouldn’t have been beyond xia to think that there were others and there would be more. she wasn’t the first and she knew that, but should she be sad, or take solace in knowing that she was likely not the last one?

    fourthwall had taken advantage of a situation, however the climate at the time didn’t treat their dynamic as it was, and xia was forced to be complicit with it. virgil was just a man in passing, a fling that xia didn’t try to care for, although between him and ver million, she did find moments where she wished he had held her closer for longer. and now ver million had to be added to the list of those who betrayed her romantically - however, unlike ver million, xia was determined to make the other’s name her last. there would be no more. her heart had shattered the day ver million died, and while it was trying to mend together again, the woman arrived once more, blowing on the scattered dust and leaving xia with nothing but discarded pieces of what was once healing.

    xia was done blaming herself for her misfortune. done making light of situations and thinking she could do fine on her own - ver million was the end of the line, a line of abandonment, of careless actions and faithless, power hungry dogs.

    ver million would be the last, xia was sure of it. she’d remain the last name, last soul, last creature and body to even hold close to xia, for as long as her name rested on tongues and her legacy lived through their kids. ver million could take solace or dread in knowing she was the one to finally break the cracking soul that was xia. the lupurca, as she tried to sort herself away once again, decided not to care.

    birthing came easier each time (though xia could smugly relish the reminder that she would never do this again, and thus be utterly and comfortably unaware if her hypothesis was right,) and within moments of setting on some poor shrubbery, the first pup joined her. xia knew of her own plans, feeling her former chill dust her shoulders and nose as she looked over the pup. it’d be easy to not grow attached, to forget faces and features. paws still warm, she pulled the child closer, dull eyes falling onto some far off tree instead. they were healthy - of course they were, xia wouldn’t put the lives of innocent newborns on the line because someone related messed up.

    another child, another brief touch as her ice elementals clambered over her shoulders and down her forearms, not yet reaching her paws. she checked them over, all toes and all limbs accounted for, before allowing them to join their sibling. it was a natural instinct to think of names as her puppies came, but it was easily overpowered by the whim to leave that to their sire. if xia had it her way (and she would,) these children would be raised by ver million - a far better mother despite her faults as a lover - and hopefully never know of their dam. if xia had it her way, one, two, and soon to be three would live content lives never understanding they lost someone.

    but xia couldn’t have everything. as soon as these puppies were off of her paws, they belonged to ver million, in some odd feral fashion. ver million could feed them stories of the toxicity of xia aleksandrov, the bitingly cold touch and worse demeanor. ver million could tell them the truth to override whatever abandonment she’d be boring into them - or ver million would try a taste of salvation and feed them lies. the third pup came with a huff and a laugh at the idea, xia looking over them with vivid distaste.

    she wanted them to hate her. it was only right.

    three and no more. no stillborns, no struggling pups. all healthy. and soon, they’d be all gone. a freezing paw would guide the youngest pup forward, finally, careless as to if her touch burned the last. she killed one of her first due to her ice cold touch, but these ones were stronger, she could tell. such was the curse of being ver million’s dam, she supposed. she wouldn’t be delivering a dead pup that night.

    xia didn’t give the newborns much time to feed - only enough to hush their crying. she didn’t bother with a blanket, gathering the pups by the scruffs of their neck. her body ached - it usually did after birth - but her ice elementals were quick to numb the pain. ice crawled up the lengths of her legs as she departed from the veil’s shadow cloaked land, spreading at the base of her neck. she walked painstakingly slow towards wind haven’s border, hardly paying mind to the pups as they whimpered and bumped against her chest.


    xia avoided politics. long ago, she had made it to the deputy position of an enemy clan. she trained with them, fought with them, and did most anything they did despite her home being avidly against them. and her alliance with them, in the end, fucked her over. she still stood the repercussions of her actions, be it by her own guilty mind or by that of others. so, upon hearing that barghest's past should be entirely excused because he did better for a month or two, instead of those who experienced his past and treachery being rightfully angry with him - it sounded like the dandelion of a leader was still stuck in her fairy tale books.

    the lupurca hung back. she'd usually be by her sister's side with ease, however she kept out of this one. she had her secrets that she didn't wish to give barghest the right to see - a silent win on her behalf. she considered speaking to him directly about her situation, if he was to ever come to her and apologize without the need for a crowd to be present. he always did like showing off when he was a decent father, didn't he? nonetheless she continued to keep out of politics and waited on the sidelines. in truth she had no issue with the coven. they were a pettily weak clan that didn't really deserve the energy of any veiler there. their own didn't even finish killing ver - pieces of her still wished they did.

    [ TAGS ]

    there were very few times where xia's dedication to her sister bothered her. life was difficult for them, from start to now and likely even to when they keeled over - father left repeatedly and refused to own up, mother decided to wack out and kill her own deputy. xia had her fair share of trials and tribulations and she didn't doubt that calina was any different in that regard. they had each other through most of it and it seemed, no matter what, they'd always return to each other. however in the moment, the heavy paws of her sister were unwelcome. she felt if they belonged to any other, she would've been quick to bite and snip and growl. but her ever present love and connection to calina, although it never extended beyond the bond they created, pressed her aggression down. she would've preferred to wallow in her silent pain by herself, if she was honest, but she didn't have it in her to turn away calina. she never would.

    her gaze remained on the slow moving stream, pathetic stems of ice swiftly stolen from her paws every second. calina's words were one's she heard minutes before, one's that she had wished she never listened to. she guessed it was another inevitable, unavoidable fact of life. xia's face remained still, stoic, as calina cheered. calina was happy - when her sister wasn't a ball of sunshine, she was a firecracker. it seemed that calina's only dispositions were along the lines of positive aggression - something that the icier sister usually made up for in their odd dance of yin and yang. but today calina's warmth and hope for her sister couldn't be matched as it usually was; her sister's natural warmth was unbearably hot as she knocked her head into the cooler toned one's neck. xia's jaw clenched as she fought to remain emotionless despite the discomfort. her mouth opened some, gaze staring at her paws, the stream, anything but her sister or her stomach. she rested her head on her fore arm. she could feel her mask cracking, as cliche as that sounds.

    "i know."

    it was simple, concise. she enjoyed talking to calina but she didn't want to have this conversation; but it would happen anyways. xia shifted her weight, calina's warmth permeating the air more than xia was used to, her rounded stomach more on display. she couldn't say that she knew her sister's eyes found the obvious bump, her own perceptions off due to her pregnancy, on top of several other things it seemed. calina wasn't there for her second pregnancy, perhaps for the better of all those involved, and the first ended in a bust. even with calina there, connecting the dots quicker than she usually did, xia couldn't help but wonder at what point she would be alone again. she didn't mind the idea of being alone - she thought she was going to raise her children on her own in the end. but having the option of another close by but not having them there was another wall to climb. she was fine being alone if being lonely was an option.

    her sister's excited tone dimmed quickly and she spoke xia's name again. the question wasn't spoken, the literal words dying in calina's throat as it seemed that she, too, was lost and confused. xia's ears instinctively folded against her head, her eyes tilting upwards towards her darker furred sister once again. she hated the look of concern on the other, her jaw tensing again.

    "i wish she stayed dead." by god, she didn't mean it. xia's voice cracked as she spoke, her paws retreating from the water's edge to pull around her face. she'd said she wanted barghest to stay dead and she meant it - he was stupid, a horrible father, man, leader, and who knows what other title he tacked onto himself at this point. he looked at her and calina as if they were strangers then got offended when they wanted him gone. but ver? ver did none of that. ver treated her cold demeanor as a game and chased tail until her own got nearly torn off. they fooled around, got a label, and became something. even with the clear label that ver offered, xia wasn't quite sure they were there yet (and now she was for certain.) minutes ago she was convinced that she still properly loved a dead woman and that she would raise their children best she could before they ran off to live their lives -

    the wish of a dead baby-momma was one that she didn't truly mean. it was said in distress, sadness, and uncertainty. her breath shuddered, though she didn't cry. she was just... upset. expanding on the feeling any further than she already tried to would just result in a runaway mother. her lips pursed together as she tried to go through her own thoughts, her own motions. to quickly fix herself and right the wrong she made before calina could say much more. her sister could've been rambling, trying to correct her for her. xia would listen, of course, her head buried in her paws. she swallowed and lifted her head after a bit, tense all around and still avoiding looking towards her steadier sibling.

    "i hate her, calina. i really do," she didn't. she hated that ver brought home someone better than herself (which wasn't a hard to do.) she hated that she couldn't do better. she hated that she fell for a womanizer's tricks and still felt something for them. she hated ver in the barest of senses but couldn't bring herself to truly believe the gravity of her words. she rubbed her wrist into her nose, ears still pinned to her head."

    [ TAGS ]

    it was less a meet and greet and more of a 'i'm forced to be here, with all of you, so i may as well know some faces,' situation. xia had been content the past few weeks in the trees, hiding away from her clanmates and living her life freely. she'd dip into calina's cavern on occasion, however beyond that, she was faceless, nameless, and out of the public eye. it was easier that way; after all, she was pregnant, and she didn't want someone fussing over her. she never did.

    however now the lot of them were stuck in some old, dingy church. no one could force her into sticking around, however she didn't really want a search party after her should she linger away for too far. in the moment, the lupurca rested atop one of the many pews, ears swiveling as creatures ambled passed, trying to find things to busy themselves with. her tongue was brought over her teeth, and uncomfortably she spoke, her voice rough as she hadn't used it consistently in a few weeks.

    "hey," this was awkward, but she pushed through nonetheless, keeping her usual cool over herself (even though her ice elementals were gone in the moment,) "i'm hosting a little game. just a... i don't know. would you rather. does anyone want to start?"

    [ TAGS ]

    xia wasn’t much of a socialite anymore, if how she previously conducted herself could even count as ‘social.’ she was withdrawn, quiet - even her temper had subdued over the days. it’d been weeks since ver was declared dead, though a body was never found. xia wanted to be the hopeful one for once, to say that the spattered blood and crushed grass didn’t mean that her lover was dead and gone, scavenged by carrion birds or dragged away by the foolish man who murdered her. but she was only privy to the knowledge the rest of them possessed. for days she returned to the spot, in passing, to rest. she would lay in the spot, hoping that the lingering blood would stain her some, though it was too dry to. she missed ver - it was strikingly true and she hated the ache in her chest because of it.

    the pain only became worse as days wore on. rain washed away the blood and the grass sprung up again. the air grew warmer, and xia could feel it. she felt the heat and panted like any other animal. she wanted to say that it was different than before, that the easy repetition of events was null when it came to this time around. but she wasn’t stupid like ver was. she fell prey to another casanova and rendered herself pregnant with a dead sire’s pups.

    she kept it to herself. calina was far too busy with war plans and dealing with whatever another clan threw at them, and after a bit she was the sole leader, pushing more duties onto her shoulders. xia was disturbed, frustrated, angry - but she didn’t wish to push any bit of it onto calina. she’d gone through two pregnancies alone, she could do a third just fine.

    she lived in the pine trees with ease, dealt with the heat as it came and did her best to keep her presence in the clan to a minimal. she didn’t want to leave - her sister was still here, in the end. calina was her only person left and xia wouldn’t dare leave her again. but she limited her appearance, avoided camp, cleaned up after herself on odd three in the morning vomit sessions and so on. xia was complacent, quiet, and out of the way once again.

    it was odd, however, as xia never looked forward to a litter before this one. her children with the old blackheart rogues leader was met with sadness as she watched their eyes glaze over and their bodies convulse due to underdevelopment, not to mention the cold she enveloped them with. her second litter, although she fretted over them immensely, was initially met with embitterment. their father had ditched her soon after they met and left her to raise them - and those kids soon left her to raise themselves. was she bitter with them, too? ‘yes’ felt like too much of a straightforward answer. but it was the truest one she could ever offer. she was entirely bitter with her missing children. ver was the only partner thus far in her life that actually cared for her (in the oddest of ways.) they might've been a passing fling in ver's cold, dead eyes, but while the woman remained dead, xia chose to see their situation in the light. and as such, here she was, her stomach rounding out, dangling in a tree, almost content with the situation. there were moments where she found herself emotional, moments where she would howl uselessly into the air, be in pain over losing a partner once again. but for the most part, she was fine. it was fine. everything was fine.

    “did you hear?” there were quiet voices below the lupurca, to which she responded with a quiet growl, her slumber and dream of happy little pups taken from her. she watched as they moved, meandering slowly through the pines, “ver’s back, almost as good as new,” said one. she almost laughed out loud, “mercy came back with her, too. seems like that mess was cleaned up nicely.” they laughed. and they moved on. and xia’s claws scored the bark of the branch she had once rested so casually on. her muscles were tense, her ears pinned to her head. they’re lying, xia. but what use do they have to lie to each other? about something so trivial, at that? when did ver’s death become trivial?

    her teeth clenched as she tried to quickly come to terms with the news. ‘quickly’ wasn’t something that came in the end. she mulled over it, fought with herself in how true the revival of a woman so grand could be. how minuscule the joining must've been for her to only hear about it now. or maybe, she had closed off her ears to any passing mention of it, accidentally welcoming the news while she was vulnerable. after all, how could someone as great as ver million could come in so quietly? not to mention her dragging along one of her many flings with her.

    no, xia had to remind herself, a paw clasped over her muzzle. she was the past fling, not mercy. mercy was the main dish, one of the few that satiated ver and kept her in a warm bed at night. ver may have called xia a girlfriend in front of calina, but xia had always been sure that the action was purely to save face and maybe herself. she was the floozy, the home wrecker right before her wife died, the idiot who was now almost done carrying an even bigger idiot’s litter. xia wasn't mercy, and mercy was far larger in importance than xia.

    heavens, she felt so gross. so disgusted. with herself, with ver, with anything and everything, including the innocent pups in her womb. it was odd to think that minutes ago she was so content in having a litter without a second parent, something she detested but had gotten used to, and now that the sire returned home and she had a chance for proper co-parenting, she hated it. before their nights of passion and casual flirting was done out of spite of a woman who didn’t live in the veil, a woman who was now dead by the blade of her own daughter. now, to return to ver with her midsection swollen, when this woman was for sure content with her more committed relationship - it felt wrong. it felt like she would be ruining something that was right, something better than she could ever provide. something that wasn’t her.

    xia leapt down from the tree with ease, however her paws slipped upon landing. she stumbled, got up, and moved on, walking with the grass for longer than she had gotten used to. her stomach had become a passing reminder, but after listening in to a conversation that she wished she hadn’t, it was distracting. her teeth clenched as she tried to move on and ignore it, ignore the grass, ignore the blaring gravity of the situation she was now put in.

    xia couldn’t even process her anger anymore; somehow, she felt fear above all. she hadn’t anticipated the day she would have to tell ver million about their shared litter. the day she would have to admit that she had become just another toy to a different dog. she let out a wobbly huff at the idea and found herself at a nearby stream. usually her natural cold would render the brook motionless, stuck under sheets of ice where she drew too close. however today, just like every day for the past few weeks, it ran by as normal. she took a moment and ducked her head, lapping up the water and trying desperately to clear her mind. it didn’t work (it wasn't going to) but at least she got to drink water.

    parts of her wanted to scream and cry, some wanted to put ver beneath her own sharpened nails and be sure of her death this time around. but most of her just wanted a simple life, a life she was denied over and over again. she leaned down beside the stream, flopping partially onto her side and dangling her paw in the water. she was tired, she decided. tired of so many things, so many repeated offenses that she could never escape. the next step would be to watch her children leave her for one reason or another - given her past, it was unavoidable.

    she would be alone again. she hated it, but xia knew that her default state was ‘alone.’ having another in her life only proceeded to ruin her.

    [ Calina A.R.K. gross ]

    [ TAGS ]

    She said nothing as the slow broke against her. Instead, she pointed her nose towards Ver, "You heard her, kid. She has a fever, cool her down with some snow."

    [ TAGS ]