Posts by .DAWN.

Dawnstar had stood in shocked silence for most of the interaction at the hope that the warriors before her would know how to interact. After a long moment as she watched the argument, a growl ripped from the leader and she looked at Sunrise with her displeasure written across her expression. "Sunrise, back to camp - I'll deal with you later." To Aspenfang and Fernleaf, she said nothing, knowing that the two of the warriors had been just in their statements. Though she would have preferred the situation be handled without argument, there was nothing she could do - cats would be cats.

She nodded at her mother and sister, feeling herself suddenly deflate and the air of aggressive confidence that she had forced upon herself seemed to melt away. Her eyes grew softer and her head seemed to lower, her entire body seeming to shrink into itself. Dawnstar suddenly felt very weak.

"I'm sorry you head to see that, Ember." Her voice was breathy, as if she were on the verge of tears. "My name is Dawnstar. Why have you come to this land?" She glanced at her mother, struggling to restrain herself from walking over to the she-cat and burying herself in her fur. In place of the impulse the she-cat took small steps toward the feline and touched her tail to her shoulder, relishing in the sensation of touch.

Dawnstar could hear the conversation between Aspenfang and Thornstar from where she had stood along the border, her mind contemplating. When the announcement of Sunrise's betrayal reached her, she couldn't help the reaction that came as her fur fluffed out and anger washed over her, quick and fast. What's done is done. On slow paw steps the leader began to make her way to where the seal point feline and her mother would standing.

Surprise came when she saw the form of Winterwind and she gave a quick nod of greeting to the warrior. She struggled to keep her head up, attempting to appear calm, collected. But the way her fur stuck out, unkempt from many days lacking in her personal care, it was obvious the very young feline was beginning to fall apart. She could not hide the weakness in her from Thornstar.

"Thornstar." With a breathy voice the she-cat lowered the front half of her body in greeting before fully erecting herself, her eyes weak. It was then that she noticed the whine of Sunrise, though the feline was confused by her words. "What do you mean, Sunrise? I'm at a loss as to how you would be violating any orders by fetching me."

Thornstar - I apologize, is everything alright in ThunderClan?"

"You did the right thing, Dawnstar." Her ears flicked, the sound of the she-cats voice the first thing to notify her of the she-cats presence. A shiver ran down her spine and the feline felt the cold bite of the wind against her body, her eyes closing. Have I?

"Be quiet, Sunrise. Please." The warriors kind words were unwarranted in the moment and the leader wanted nothing more than to be left alone. It was why, she realized, she had left the camp, why she had trekked so deep in the territory. She didn't intend to sound rude or cruel; she didn't intend to upset Sunrise or create an upset for the feline. She simply wasn't searching for the comfort the feline offered - she was searching for the punishing, demeaning statements she knew that none of the WindClanners would ever dare speak.

She watched her sister approach but did not speak. She instead relished in the silence that came from her deaf left ear, focusing on the emptiness. It was welcoming, the silence - the lack of stimulation felt far more comforting than she had imagine. Briefly, she shut her eyes, tuning out even the colours that created the vibrant earth surrounding her.

Fernleaf's voice was accompanied soon after by another. Her brother, Frogleap. Their kindness caused a well of anger to burst inside of her, strong enough that the she-cat found herself shaking her head violently as a vicious growl threatened to break free from within her chest.

There are poppy seeds in the medicine den. Intrusive, sudden and far from expected the thought caused the she-cats eyes to snap open, an expression of fear crossing her features as her whiskers twitched and she pulled her body close to itself. Her tail came to wrap itself around her flank, her paws tucked themselves beneath her chest, and her seemed to sink back into her shoulder blades.

She was suddenly, violently scared. Her fur bristled and the she-cat found no words could find a way out of her mouth. Once you've appointed a deputy, they won't need you anymore.

"Are you saying you would like to join WindClan?" The she-cat tilted her head. "I would be willing to give you refuge in return for your promised efforts - we can teach you to hunt if you will use your newfound skill to help feed the mouths of your Clanmates."

"Then you will join our Clan as Emberpaw until you have learned enough and proven your loyalty to take a warrior name. Winterwind can show you around camp."

Grateful that the leader was not put off but the bickering of her warriors, the she-cat listed intently to what the feline had to say. She was met with a feeling of shock at the ThunderClanners words, unsure whether to feel wary or joyful that Thornstar was speaking so kindly to her.

"T-thank you. I will do my best. Will I be seeing you at the next gathering?" She recalled a time when DarkClan had opted not to attend the gathering and found herself suddenly worrying that ThunderClan would not attend. She figured it was her duty as leader now to keep updated on the affairs of the other Clans - as muc has she was allowed to know, anyway.

His word incited a sense of confusion in the young feline. Her eyes were narrowed as she approached him on cautious paws, eyeing the scarred stranger. Sunrise was offering him kindness, which the she-cat felt agitated by. She had not stated to treat the strange felines on the border with respect and gentleness; that was a sign of a weakness, a sign that their Clan could be trampled should one choose such an action.

"Why are you here?"

With her body shaking the she-cat looked at Cloudkit, her gaze then shifting to Frogleap. She nodded at the kitten, suggesting he take care of the situation. A kit outside of camp - how she had managed to sneak out was beyond the leader - was far more dangerous than anything else. With paws pressed against the earth, the she-cat tore away from the trio of warriors, moving fast and sudden enough that she hoped they would falter in their step should they choose to pursue her.

I just need to appoint a deputy.

On swift paws the she-cat raced into the camp, her body a speeding bullet as she raced forward. Past her warriors and the apprentices that gathered, shocked at her sudden entrance, the she-cat was quick to climb on top of the Tallrock. Her mind whirled with a thousand pounding thoughts that caused her head to echo with a violent thrumming, the voices that made up her thoughts distant and unfocused.

"I say these words before StarClan, so that the spirits of our warrior ancestors - so that Otterstar - may hear and approve of my choice. The new deputy of WindClan is..." As the words left her mouth, the feline felt a rush of terror. What if I choose the wrong deputy? What if they become angry with me?

You have to be more confident, Dawnstar. You're the leader. Your word is law.

But I don't want to be the leader! The brief argument caused a stone to settled in her gut, an ache she couldn't be rid of. She felt as if her throat was swelling shut and her breathing grew labored, her eyes wild as she surveyed the gathering warriors beneath the Tallrock.

You have no choice. You were given your name, you were given your lives. You are the WindClan leader, so grow up.

"Aspenfang!" Impulsive, the name flew from her maw and the she-cat found herself terrified. If she had made the wrong choice there would be repercussions. WindClan was unstable, lead by a leader who knew nothing of how to lead save for what she had observed in her short life. Aspenfang was one of the older warriors, a Clan-born warrior, and one she trusted the most. Yet she was her mother - it felt unfair, but she didn't know who else she could trust to take the position of deputy. No other cat had handled the ShadowClan visits or Thornstar's arrival as well as the silver tabby had. And Aspenfang wasn't afraid to put any cat in their place with a few well put words, even if her temper was stronger than the others.

Aspenfang will make a wonderful leader. You know what you have to do. Now that the decision had been made, the frantic expression and dramatic breathing of the feline seemed to settle. It was as if a thick cloud had been wrapped around her, choking her - and it had been lifted. Feeling as light as the air itself, the she-cat waited to see how the Clan would react to the announcement.

"Sunrise, that is enough!" The voice came from Dawnstar but the anger came from something else within her. "I expect you to act like a warrior but you are acting like a child. You have been for days now. I have given you your chance - I am stripping you of your name until you can act like a warrior. You will be regarded as Sunpaw, and I will announce this at the next meeting. Now get back to camp - I'm sure Aspenfang will kindly escort you."

Thornstar, I truly apologize for this. I am sure you know we have had much trouble in the past few moons. It seems to have affected WindClan quite dramatically - enough so that some warriors feel the need to show it in front of you."

"I can handle this." The she-cat looked at Asterstorm, tilting her head. "Unless you'd rather wait for Fawnpaw?"

ooc. sorry this got drowned in my threads

"Doekit, we're going to have this queen look after you for a while, okay? Just until you're a little bigger."

She felt her paws carrying her from the Tallrock, pressing against the cold earth. It was a sensation that sent shivers down her spine, the way the cold grass tickled her hard pink paw pads. Even the cold air felt strange as she inhaled every shaky, hesitant breath that caused her chest to expand. She thought of Fernleaf, who had held a gaze filled with worry the moments before she'd taken off from the gathered group of felines. Frogleap had been concerned, too, and Sunrise had accompanied her with kind words that she'd rejected.

A leader. She was a leader - and she was soon, if all worked as planned, to pass that title on to her mother. She had never wanted a position among the highest ranks of the Clans. She had never dreamed that such a thing would ever be possible; she had only ever expected to be a warrior, careful and calm, doing her best to serve until the day her time came to join StarClan. It was the same as her brief time as a medicine cat apprentice. She had never, ever thought that she would be chosen to train under Honeyheart.

Honeyheart. A medicine cat for moons after StarClan had dictated that Otterstar take his name, becoming the leader of their Clan. Her brief mentor who had not had the chance to teach her anything before she had disappeared, just as so many warriors had. It had been too much to search for all the cats that had traveled away from home, all the cats that had vanished without a trace. What happened to you?

Otterstar. He had done well in her eyes. He had been strong, confident and capable. He had handled situations with a level head, his orange eyes always steady and caring. He had made a good medicine cat, but she'd found he had made an even better leader. Will I ever be like him?

No, you won't have that chance. She felt cold. Her bones felt as if they were shivering, the skin that layered her body tingled with the sensation that caused her to want to curl into a ball. But instead she found herself inside the medicine den, empty of any warriors. She had almost expected to find Fawnpaw but the young feline was not there and for that the leader was grateful. It meant the chance to do what she had planned since her announcement about rogues would be completed without interruption.

Her Clanmates had held mixed expressions after the statement. Some - such as Cloudkit - wore faces that showed anger, while others simply nodded in silent agreement, fearful of challenging their leader. She almost wished one of them had truly stood up to her. Perhaps it would have changed her decision, allowed her to fully think through the words she had spoken. She wanted so desperately to climb onto the Tallrock and recent her statement but she feared the reactions of her warriors. She doubted they would feel a sense of safety with a leader who showed how devastatingly unreliable she was.

She lifted her head, her hazel gaze searching. She remembered the walls that stood around her well. It hadn't been long since she'd stood in them as Dawnfeather, a twelve moon old medicine cat apprentice, desperate to find a way to learn. It was strange to stand in them again, searching for what her eyes fell upon. Small, black, laid in a delicate pile so that they could be rifled through with care. She knew very little about poppy seeds; they were good for pain, used often when a warrior came in with a wound that would take nearly a moon to heal. She had never imagined she would be using them for her own personal gain, if that was what she could call it.

Her body felt strange. She rolled her shoulders, feeling the stretch of her muscles and the crack of her bones. There was no pain, only a dull sensation that reminded her that she was alive, which she soon would no longer be. She picked a few of the seeds up by licking her paw pad and pressing them to the pile. A couple stuck, more than she had ever seen handed to a warrior in her time alive during the few occasions she had seen them in use.

Aspenstar has a lovely ring to it. She set the seeds on the ground, staring at them, curious. Every inhale created a soft whistling sound that echoed in her working ear. WindClan will be better off with you. You know that, don't you?

@FERNLEAF

"I would also like to announce that Sunrise will be holding the name of Sunpaw and is to rest in the apprentices den until it has been decided that she can act like a warrior." She cleared her throat, tail wrapping around her paws. She had more to say but her mind felt clogged despite the free, delicate sensation that hummed around her body. She'd never felt more surreal.

"Who is this?" Her eyes were trained on the large stranger, her claws piercing the earth as she pressed her paws hard against the ground. "I assume my warriors have already stated you are not welcome here, so what is it you want?"

"You'll understand that we cannot trust strangers. We allowed a stranger on our territory and he killed one of our leaders." She reciprocated his yawn, feigning interest. "Why should I let you join WindClan?"

She glanced at Fernleaf and Aspenfang before turning her gaze back to the large cheetoh. "I suppose you're worthy of a chance." She rumbled, shifting her feet. "I'm Dawnstar. You're welcome to stay with us, hunt for us - and I will decide if you are worthy of becoming a warrior in the days to come."

She bounded down from the Tallrock, padding over to her new deputy. "She's upset. Understandably so. But this behaviour is getting out of hand and if she keeps it up..." Dawnstar shook her head with a sigh. "She's on thin ice."

She felt a great strangeness. It was a feeling she could not name. Hope mixed with anger, a tinge of fear, a dash of desperation. Every breath was met with a struggle that followed with a gasping breath as the she-cat slunk to the floor in the presence of her sister, her body quivering as she forced herself to hold back the yowls that threatened to escape her.

She had been so close. So close. The seeds lay at her paw, many yet to be ingested, none but a few yet to sink into her belly and release the powerful sedative that opioids were. She hadn't a clue the damage they would have caused to her body had they passed her small tongue, had they settled in her body if she'd taken each seed - she'd only managed four before she'd gotten caught.

If she'd known, perhaps she wouldn't have been found standing there with an expression full of focused fear. It was a funny realization as she sat there in those moments after Fernleaf arrived, really and truly realizing the risk she had taken. The few seeds she'd ingested would be enough to cause her to sleep, perhaps for the rest of the day, maybe longer. More, however, she could only imagine the devastation it would have caused her body had she survived the overdose.

"I can't do it, Fernleaf." Her words were slow, though it would be some time before the poppy seeds began to release their potent components within her little body. She couldn't look at her sister, couldn't bring her gaze to focus on anything but the small black seeds laying at her paws.

Take the rest of them. You've gotten this far. A small whimper passed her lips and the she-cat felt as if a small weight had lifted off her shoulders at the gentle sound. "StarClan was wrong. I'm not worthy of being a leader. I'm not strong enough."

She looked at her sister then, her pupils contracted into small slits as the dose of opioids began to release in her body and the she-cat found herself delicately floating in her own body. A magical, beautiful sensation that shut her mind down, that caused the racing thoughts that had been endlessly attacking her for days to slow until they came to a total stop. She felt dangerously, magically empty.

Exhaustion would hit next. Sudden and unexpected the she-cat felt a drastic shift in her energy levels. Her paws felt numb, her legs extended felt tingly. "I'm so tired."

She came across the stranger - a tom she did not know and could not recognize, for he had left when she'd been a kit - with a scowl on her face. "What are you doing here?"