Posts by littlesoldier g. d.

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    ❝ HEAVEN NEVER WANTED HER INSIDE ❞


    Engaged as she was on the new learnings, as soon as she heard the sound of paws upon snow racing towards her, she quickly forgot about it all and went back on high alert. Her body was too slow and cold and tired to react as normal but she kept her hackles raised slightly, yellow teeth bared. Was he coming back to give more hurt? She licked her lips and braced herself- assuming he was coming to slam into her body and throw her back into the tree. But it was not the cruel npc whose claws she'd gotten to know well over the past month. It was Imperia- or as she called her, a provider. Just like Samsa. Just like Koday. The wolf slides to a sudden stop and Littlesolder observes from her lowered stance. The hostility and aggression is mostly gone but defense remains. Who could she trust asides from Abathur? And even then.. the spider had done things to her. Things her mind had prevented her from remembering properly- just to save what little soul she had left.


    "mon dieu!" Littlesoldier gives out a little growl of confusion. The other was coming closer, close enough in fact for the tabby to attack and sink her claws into flesh. She considers it for a brief moment or two. Provided with meat, she might get some energy back in her. Enough energy to then attack the npc when he came back. But the feral feeling surpasses her, a once in a lifetime event, and she remains deadly still as Imperia speaks softly to her, approaching her. Help. Such a warm tone. Despite it, a shiver passes through her. What was kindness? What did helping her mean? She remembered learning about the word 'help' recently when Perry was cleaning up. She had 'helped' to some extent. Did the provider wish to.. aid her rather then attack her? Curious. You'd think any animal with enough common sense would take advantage of the weaker meat but the provider was different. She licked her lips, this time nervously, and gave a soft nod in response. "Help." The tabby echoed in a tiny, weak tone. She frowned slightly, glancing down as the wolf sets out these strange instruments. A very strong smell wafts up her nostrils. She blinks and shivers again. Abathur was a doctor, just like her. But Abathur had not 'healed' her in such a way. Did the provider plan to stick metal instruments into her like he'd done?


    Suddenly she straightens up and yanks backwards, stepping sharply away from Peri. The chain is too tight and she can't move another inch but she wants to be away from the wolf. Terror reflects in her gold eyes. "Sharp, shiny! HURT! HURT!" Littlesoldier yowls, blindly slashing her metal claws this way and that. The burst of energy- mostly rooted in deep fear- doesn't last long and she's back to slumping in the snow, panting heavily, staring wide eyed at Imperia.

    ❝ HEAVEN NEVER WANTED HER INSIDE ❞


    retro to capture & would've been a 4000 post celebration but i fucked up lmaoo & abuse trigger warnings!


    Shut up. Shut up.

    No. Why should I?

    Quiet, too loud.

    No. Why should I?

    Please.

    No. Why should I?

    Need it please. Please.


    She hated her mind. Hated it so much that she was beginning to understand the word 'hate' even better then she did before. This thing that was inside her, that controlled her and essientally was her was really fucking confusing and big and strange. She didn't understand half the things it put through and when she tried really hard to grasp something that someone else was giving her or trying hard to communicate with someone else then her stupid broken mind just threw words at her, words that didn't even make sense. 'Maze' and 'run' were perhaps the two most common words, as well as 'wicked'. But some new ones were coming to light- very angry, sharp ones. Like 'fuck' and 'stupid'. The difference was that she finally understood those ones. Whenever she felt a hotness in her, those words made perfect sense. They defined and allowed her to express that heat, verbally at least. Physically she could easily just mash the ground or gnaw on her arm or something. But there was a sort of satisfaction in saying the sharp words when she felt mad. It helped released steam.


    Today was an average day for Littlesoldier. She woke up in Abathurs lab in the tiny metal cage, tired and not yet ready for the day. Fecal matter and bile surrounded her, caking her fur as if it wasn't caked enough already. She stretched, not minding the foulness that was her bed and stood up slowly, stretching out her back limb and her front. She sat down, glancing around the dimly lit area. Who was coming to get her today? She was 'hoping' Samsa, Abathur or Koday.. maybe Imperia but she knew it wasn't. Those feet didn't belong to either of them. It belonged to an npc who had taken her before. The one that liked to hit her a lot. Immediately she gave off a few snarls and growls but the npc was relatively unfazed. Everyone was, nowadays. It seemed the presence of the feral beast had become normal for the Renegades. She didn't know this however. Didn't even realize her presence stunned them in the first place. The tabby grumbled as the npc grabbed her chains and roughly yanked, causing her to fall to the ground. She bruised and scarred her shoulder but it didn't matter- the feline got right back up on her paws and proceeded to lunge at the npc with dancing claws. He chortled at her and skipped to the side. Frustrated with his taunting, Littlesoldier picked up a bone from her dinner the night before and threw it hard at his head. The npc caught it with his mouth and bit down on it, splintering and eventually breaking it underneath the weight of his jaws. She drooled underneath her muzzle and waited for him to begin walking outside, golden eyes narrowing. He spat out the bone fragments and lead her to the light.


    The snow wasn't as blinding as normal. The sky didn't have any full on glaring sun- instead it was replaced by a dark grey overcast. She felt electricity in the air. A grin came to her maw, liking the darkness the clouds brought and the aprehension that seemed to hang around the place. She flexed her metal claws and sat down as the npc tied her chain to a tree, checking it twice. He came to the front of her and she stared at him, not moving at all. He leaned into her muzzled face and held down her front paws with his own paws. She was practically defensless, the chain restricted movement from her head at the moment (he'd wound it very tight) so she couldn't slam it into his face and knock him out. He knew this, of course. He did it on purpose. The npc pushed his claws into the tops of her paws and listened to her growing whines, his pupils getting small. Sadist. She was one too but not like this. She wasn't caculated and smart about her ways of giving people pain. She just wanted to hurt. He? He wanted to hurt slow, he wanted to hurt in many different ways. She was just lucky enough to be the main victim of his atrocities. Littlesoldier couldn't bear it anymore. Her whine gave way to a yelp of pain and she pushed against the chain. Tears fell from her eyes and he laughed, finally leaning back and letting her free. The tabby slumped into the snow, for once lethargic and defeated. As one last excersize of his power, he slammed his paw into her ribs. She was too tired to even give him a snarl. She just watched cautiously, chin in the snow, as he walked away. And she remained lying in the snow for a while, even as the coldness seeped into her bruised bones and her shoulder bleed slightly. Still. Still. She shivered and after what felt like centuries, pushed herself to her paws. "Hurt." The beast whimpered, her paw extending to her other paw and touching it tentatively. She normally had a high pain tolerance but that had hurt. She felt it, very sharp. And it made her mad. And sad. "Mad." An image arose in her mind. Samsa, his drawing of a face that looked creased. Mad- that was it.. wasn't it? Mad was what she felt right now. Despite the pain and the emotion that swirled in her head, a soft glow of understanding illuminated her eyes. "Yes." She whispered. "Mad." And then.. then what was the other one? Sad? She remembered the giant rat writing it in the dirt, a face that had an down turned mouth. Looking at the image in her mind made her feel- well, she didn't know how to explain it right- but like there was a gaping hole in her stomach. She checked to see if there was one- nope, she was fine. "Sad." Littlesoldier had a brief moment of feeling invincible.


    She was learning.

    Slowly but surely, the beast was turning.

    tricckity track


    ❝ HEAVEN NEVER WANTED HER INSIDE ❞


    He got. The prey before her got. She nodded enthusiastically, standing up and edging closer to Perry (though her chain kept her a safe enough distance away). You help. Her mind attempted to process his words. Help. What did that word mean? It sounded weird. Like it belonged somewhere that wasn't here. The word he just said didn't fit here. And her mind didn't seem to grasp it's concept. But she pushed away the confusion and knotted brows from her face and nodded again, rambling quietly underneath her breath.


    Littlesoldier ignores the others and busies herself in rooting through the decaying carcasses, nose sniffing for any living flesh she can pry on before the npc realizes what's going on. No such luck- there's only dead flesh here. She growls, annoyance striking her. Why was nothing going her way right now? Why did nothing ever go her way? Out of pure frustration, she picks up a bodyless-limb and smashes it into the ground, again and again, until it's more puply then before. The feline then proceeds to chuck the ruined mass of rotting flesh in the direction of the skull which, luckily for Perry, is exactly where the shit is supposed to be going. "Stupid fuck! Stupid FUCK!" She snaps, clenching her teeth together and scraping the ground with her metal claws. She feels yanking against the chain and glances behind her at the npc holding the other bit. She growls at him, a little warning, and he glares right back. Littlesoldier by now is quite used to opposition against her so she no longer gets riled at the heat sent her way. Instead, the female returns to her digging and finds a spine that had nothing attatched to it. She looked towards where the dobermans corpse, the skull and the limb was. A pile? She was supposed to put it there? Was the prey collecting dead flesh?


    The tabby then again threw the spine to the pile and gave a look to Perry, the meaning of the word 'help' floating into her confusing mind. "Me help." She grunted.

    ❝ HEAVEN NEVER WANTED HER INSIDE ❞


    She was so close. So close to tasting living flesh. So close to being one step closer to being free. Being real. She needed that feeling and needed it now and absolutely no-one would take it away from her no matter what. She would kill anyone that tried to get in her way of freedom. She would kill them and she would do it slowly. But she was stopped by the very person who weaved her back into existence, who probed her broken mind with sharp metal things that only further shattered it all, who muzzled her and chained her, who she viewed as a god. Abathur wrapped two of his many limbs around her, yanking her back like the chains did when an npc held them and she let out a vicious scream as she was violently ripped away from the red tabby- my prey- and slammed into the ground- my freedom- all the whilst giving snarls and grunts of opposition. But it was too late. Her god sunk his fangs into her neck and she writhed along with the pain, eyes becoming two large golden saucers of fear. "NO! FREE ME!" Littlesoldier howled but, just as when he muzzled her, his weight departed her and she was left lying on the ground, tears suddenly dripping.


    The sedative did its quick work. She felt darkness swallow her. It should frighten it, it should comfort her- the darkness was both terrifying and welcoming. It was not one or the other. She passed out with an unfamiliar sort of peace on her face. Perhaps it was the only time the Renegades would ever see her look as content as she did then. God knew it wouldn't last long.

    ❝ HEAVEN NEVER WANTED HER INSIDE ❞


    Death was a thing that, naturally, should be permanent. She didn't really understand death even though she'd experienced it, tasted it, been it. But she knew, somehow, without really looking that something dark had stood over the Renegades for the past week. Maybe it was her ability to sense other peoples levels or maybe it was something originating from her past life but she knew that the energy levels in this clan had gone down at a remarkable extent. She didn't care about it, barely let herself focus on it. But it was still something she noticed. Why was her prey feeling this way? Even Abathur had been touched by the darkness and it confused her. She'd always thought she was the only one who was being chased by it, the black wave that wanted to swallow and keep, but now she knew that was wrong. Them. They had it too. Their own darkness chasing them, never far behind. It should excite her; the fact that her prey is as hunted as her and that they are not safe. But instead it makes a funny feeling come to her stomach, as though she wants to be sick and scream all at the same time.


    "Funny." Littlesoldier mumbled as she stared at Karma, watching him litter those flower pieces all over the ground. She bends lower to the ground. Her chain was securely wrapped around a tables metal leg not all that far away from Karma and his doing. She could see and hear everything as people came over to calm him down. She knew he was being haunted by the darkness in those moments. She could almost... visualize it. It was funny. Her stupid, confusing brain liked to put things there that weren't even real. Well, she believed nothing was real but the shapes and illusions and the darkness, most of all, were shown to her like something out of a picture book. Right then and there, she could see Karma sitting down. The lynx was wrapped in despair, grief. He was angry too. And sad. The darkness shrouded him like a cloak and it pupeteered his movements, leading him to slamming his paws into the table, to tremble and cry.


    The feline gave a soft snort. "You funny." She said aloud, golden eyes staring at Karma, ears back slightly. She didn't understand what he was attempting with those flowers but she assumed he was trying to eat it, or something rather. "Eat it." She wondered if this small piece of advice would somehow aid the other in succeeding. The chained tabby mimed bringing food up to her mouth, imaginging that Karma would mimick her and understand how he was supposed to go about the whole 'eating thing'.

    ❝ HEAVEN NEVER WANTED HER INSIDE ❞


    By now, Littlesoldier had gone passed the point of smelling like shit and heading towards the smelling like death thing Perry was on about. Or, at least, just a disgusting combination of the two. Abathur never bothered in giving her baths seeing as she was far too dangerous to get near and scrub at. Also, she got dirty in a matter of seconds whether it was by rolling around in her cage which was coated in shit or by attacking whatever she could and getting their internals spilled all over her. The point was that.. there was no point in cleaning her. She was going to remain dirty no matter what you tried- it was just in her feral nature not to care much about her appearance. Of course, she licked herself occasionally (or did when the mask hadn't been on her) but even she screwed up her nose at the taste of her own fur.


    The voice of Perry caught her ears immediately. She didn't understand what he was saying asides from the words 'death' 'fuck' 'shit' and 'free'. The rest just blurred into one monotone thing that she didn't bother deciphering. Anyways, the feline was lead over by the npc holding her chain. She was accustomed to the smell of death and shit, obviously, but the sight of rotting flesh made her tilt. She forgot about the presence of living flesh and edged towards the carcasses strewn about the ravine. The npc holding her chain rolled his eyes and yanked her back but it didn't stop her from succesfully grabbing a skul and putting it up to her face, sniffing it. "No." Littlesoldier declared, throwing the skull away. She didn't understand why people were gathering around this place and picking up the dead flesh but it made her want to do the same thing. Not them. She told herself. Not them. Me. ME. The dark grey tabby licked her scarred muzzle behind the mask and focused on Perry, ears up. "You. Get?" Her tone remained simple as though he would understand her immediately and she gestured with her mouth at the corpses.

    ❝ HEAVEN NEVER WANTED HER INSIDE ❞


    She woke up as he dragged her along the ground. Of course, it wasn't her leaping immediately to action as her eyes cracked open. She remained limp, a small hiss of pain escaping her. Everything around her was different. The smell, the look, the people. She didn't move to prevent the dragging- no, her body was a little too weak for that and she was getting accustomed to the harsh light. Her captor, however, stopped moving and her head (which had been slightly upright from the chain being pulled) fell to the ground. She gave out a lowly growl, remaining still as her senses rushed to figure everything out. No, it was far too confusing. She just had to get up. Giving out a puff of exhaustion, she rolls onto her belly and pushes herself to her paws, head whipping side to side before her golden eyes settled on the black figure in front of her. She blinks and wonders why he isn't holding her chain anymore. Does this prey want to be eaten? She doesn't really care what it wants.


    Littlesoldier gives Blacksaints, the daughter/son she gave birth to in another life, a dark grin and flexes her metal claws. Of course, she still has the muzzle on her. There's no chance of her biting him but her claws can make quick work of what little meat he had dangling from his bones. And given the fact she was hungry enough; well, she wouldn't be stopped because of a stupid piece of iron around her mouth.


    Unwittingly giving into his hopes, the matted feline bounds forwards and attempts to straight on slash her curved claws at his muzzle and shove her other paw into his chest. There was no precision or stratergy in these aims, she was simply doing whatever she could to get at the male before her.

    ❝ HEAVEN NEVER WANTED HER INSIDE ❞


    Oh, Littlesoldier wouldn't attack her for that. Politics and announcements and changes meant virtually nothing to the feral beast, not when she didn't even understand them in the first place. And today was a different day, an unlucky day for those unforunate enough to be in her sights. She had been tied up prior to this event. Her chain had been carefully wrapped around a tree and knotted to keep her in place. Unfortunately the npc (who was slightly new to the job of babysitting her) had left it too loose and she was able to yank it free. At first she didn't believe that the chain was free and she was almost surprised when she stepped forwards without being tugged back by the chain. However she quickly became accustomed and released a series of snarls and dog-like yips to signify her new found freedom, chain dragging along behind her as she ran through the territory. The snow underneath her paws made crunching sounds and although it was bright and cold, she never felt more alive.


    A red tabby stood there. One that smelt different. Well, she didn't care. Different smells didn't mean shit, really, did they? It was all the same meat in the end. All the same taste. She would know. Littlesoldier licked her lips behind her muzzle and briefly wondered as she ran if there was a way to get the muzzle off. No. She'd have to feed herself the way she did before, putting pieces of flesh through the grate in the muzzle. Oh well, it was food. And she wanted it. She wanted it now.


    Littlesoldier didn't even come crashing to a halt when arriving in Zeniths line of sight. She attempted to collide into the other at full speed and slam her metal claws into her chest, hoping to slit downwards and let blood pour forwards. A guttural string of words, incoherent to anyone sane, would leave her scarred muzzle though muffled by the black iron around her face. "Eat, eat, you dead, eat, eat."

    ❝ HEAVEN NEVER WANTED HER INSIDE ❞


    love ya too man & proud to be back here :3


    Littlesoldier didn't take it all in as Koday's words echoed out over the camp grounds under static-like speech. She just grunted and chose to ignore it until the npc holding her chains gave a rough yank and they were both walking towards the cafeteria. She noticed a steady stream of people heading there which piqued her interest and made her salivate behind the iron muzzle entrapping her mouth. They took a seat at the back of the crowds (as per usual) and he kept her a safe distance away from everyone in the general vicinity, watching Koday as the other began to speak.


    Words. She thought. A lot. But it didn't matter because she wasn't really listening anyways, her gaze cast to the side, peering at all the curious faces in the cafeteria, stub tail wagging to and fro. "Yes." Littlesoldier said aloud after Koday seemingly finished, her eyes swivelling back to him.

    ❝ HEAVEN NEVER WANTED HER INSIDE ❞


    There would likely only be one person in this group who really 'cared' to see her gone, potentially hurt (but not for the reasons caring was all about). Even then it was a question, a doubt. For if Abathur saw that his little lab experiment had been stolen away then he'd be upset, perhaps to a degree, that it was gone. She didn't rest on that though. Her mind barely grasped the idea of being liked and cared about. She didn't care about that stuff. She only cared about getting her feed and.. and running free. To somewhere. To someone. She didn't know where and what but she just wanted to go. Escape her mess of a mind. The mind that was her true captor, that kept her in these chains and kept her in this godforsaken muzzle because she was too fucking dumb to under- no. Run. Wicked, run, run.


    She did put up a fight when the figure of darkness slipped into the Renegades territory and spotted her chained up to the tree. However with her chompers locked up and her body tethered, there wasn't much she could do except snarl and swipe. The person grabbed her chains from the tree and knocked her out as she writhed and spat. This stranger smelt different to the usual hence the discomfort. It was too unfamiliar and she didn't like it. But then the darkness came when a paw slammed into her temple and she welcomed it, a strange smile gracing her maw. Yes, darkness. It was something familiar, something real. She wanted to sleep in it forever. Never, ever wake up. That would be very nice. To just not... come back to her stupid mind. Her confusing, messy, big mind. The stranger left with her on his back and hastily departed the Renegades. Left behind besides the trees base was the terribly distinct smell of shit and vomit (Littlesoldiers scent) and then a scuffle on the ground. Hidden away underneath the stink of the feral beast was a Blackheart Rogues smell but it was very faint and only those with a keen nose would spot it.

    ❝ HEAVEN NEVER WANTED HER INSIDE ❞


    The sun brings a strong light that increases ten fold when hitting the snow. She hates it. Before this day, she was attracted to the light when it was in its softest form. Of course, she still preferred the darkness (it was all she'd ever really known. She'd remained in darkness for so long that.. something inside of her had become attatched to it) but the light was so hopeful and soft and gentle.. comforting. Now? The light was harsh and biting and she hissed, visibly shaken to the core, when the npc took her out of Abathurs lab to ground level. She protested against today. Normally she would be eager to go outside and see fresh prey running about the place but now she longed for nothing more then to remain inside the dark, cold lab until the sharp brightness went away.


    But the npc smashed his paw into her cheek and then yanked her chain whilst she was mid way through recovering. Her cheek was split from the punch, angry golden eyes on the npc. She thought of all the ways she would eat him once she was out of these chains and this muzzle. She would split his jaw open wide and bite down on his tongue and- oh. Abathur? She smelt him. Littlesoldier squinted into the harsh light and forgot all about the npc and her small wound, leading towards the scene. An unfamiliar smell hung in the air- new prey? She looked at Lavenderwish, golden eyes narrowed into slits. She muttered something incoherent underneath her breath, muffled by the black iron muzzle. They all likely would've heard her approach; a jangle of chains, occasional snarling and grunting, heavy breathing. And, of course, the piss poor smell that was attatched to her coarse fur. This piece of meat wore something over his eyes. Was he restricted like she? That made her pause and rather then hunger bubbling in her stomach, she felt curiosity.


    "You me?" The feral feline questioned, her tone almost soft however the unmistakeable feral glint remained in her eyes. Dare he get close she would swipe no matter what but for now she was strangely excited to hear his response. To see someone that was her would be interesting. Someone in chains, someone not free. Perhaps she could.. look at him a little bit before killing him. Yeah, that'd be nice. She glances at Abathur as if looking for approval, ears erect.