[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]thanks guys. Honestly I just hope i'll survive. I feel like shit now and if no one minds I think I'm going to go take a break from ff for now.
Posts by ron?n
This is an archived version of FeralFront. While you can surf through all the content that was ever created on FeralFront, no new content can be created.
If you'd like some free FeralFront memorabilia to look back on fondly, see this thread from Dynamo (if this message is still here, we still have memorabilia): https://feralfront.com/thread/2669184-free-feralfront-memorabilia/.
-
-
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]// flops around
ehhh I have nothing better to do with my life so I'm back lmfao
god I just feel so down. I hate school and I don't want one more fucking month of it -
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]// inserts rushed early morning track + noted!
-
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]// falls into thread
eyy sorry for not posting today
I've just pretty much lost all my motivation lmao -
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]// flops down on side
Eyy
I'm so sorry for not posting lately all my muse has been drained out of my system -
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]He hadn't been sleeping for days now. Of course no one had seen him for days either, so they wouldn't have known this, but Ronan hadn't been sleeping at all. It was terrifying to sleep, to dream. His mind was plagued by Lirim's dark shadow, and he simply couldn't do it of fear. Out of fear that he would hurt someone. Out of fear that he might lose himself to his father's power. He deemed it less important to stay healthy right now than that. Maybe he could get himself weak enough that his father wouldn't be able to control him, and then go to sleep. It sounded like the perfect plan.
But Ronan couldn't lie. It was getting so hard to stand upright, to think and to do anything anymore. He could feel his system shutting down on him, begging for much needed rest. Yet he didn't want to succumb to it. He needed to stay awake, and therefore he did the only thing he could think of. The only thing that seemed to work these days. Coffee did nothing for him anymore, so instead he had to do this.
Ronan was sitting off to the side of camp, eyes glazed over and staring somewhere in the distance, a lost expression dancing on his face. And at the same time the german shepherd was violently scratching at his forepaws which were already profusely bleeding from the action, grateful for the pain due to the fact that it kept him awake.
-
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]// quietly sneaks back in
yo -
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]GUYS
WHO WANTS TO SEE SOME WIP SLIGHTLY NSFW ART?
:^))))))))) -
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]// furious brow wiggling
http://sta.sh/01v3vujvidltshhh it's censored babe
it's only slightly nswf lmao -
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]art indeed :^)
-
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]// INSERT MUCH GIGGLING HERE BC I LOVE THIS NEW CHARACTER
HE IS MY BABE
HE WILL FLIRT WITH EVERYTHING
EVEN THE ROCKS -
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]I'm so * done. Honestly I just can't take it anymore. I'm really sorry for coming in here with a rant but I just cant keep it in or I will implode and just do something stupid to myself.
I feel like I have no support whatsoever from my mom right now. Like, I want to draw what I want to draw and yet she just blatantly says that I do nothing and that I'm not ambitious and that basically she hates what I draw and that I should be drawing something different. But like, I'm sorry but it's my * life? I want to do what I want to do, and she says that I'm not learning when I GO TO A * ART SCHOOL FOR THAT. I LOOK THINGS UP ON THE INTERNEt, TECHNIQUES AND * AND YET SHE TELLS ME THAT I DON'T SEEK OUT THIS INFORMATION. You don't just get as good as I amwith all humbleness and modesty of course because I'm far from greatWITHOUT learning from other sources, and yet she wants me to do it faster and better and I just FUCING CANT. And I dont know what the * she wants from me anymore and I swear to god. Now I just don't want to draw * because she made me feel like my art is worth nothing, liek IM worth nothing and I just have no idea what to do. I honestly just hate everything so * much and I just want to give up on life because what is the * point. If this life can't even be mine and I can't control what I like to do then what's the point? I just feel so god damn * frustrated now and just
drawing is already hard as hell and she dosen't know the first thing about it yet she has the audacity to call me out for "not being ambitious enough."// drops mic and crawls into a hole of pity and despair
I'm sorry I needed to get that out of my chest. -
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]There was always a moment in time when you wondered if what you were doing was right. A brief moment of hesitance where worlds seem to collide, throwing you into a dark oblivion; lost, dazed and confused you had no choice but to decide whether to go on or to retract. You only had two choices, yet in the end you had to choose. There was no third choice. You couldn't remain there forever. Life went on and so did you, living with past regrets and mistakes to the end of time. All because of one small decision.
And you always thought. You always came back to that time, pondering over whether something different could have resulted if you had taken the other choice. If you had decided to do something different, would it be better or worse? Some had it easy, some forgot instantly and never realized that their choices could have had much greater impacts when abandoned for others. But people like Ronan didn't. People like him always returned to those small seemingly insignificant moments of time, constantly pondering over them. And they started to pile up on your soul, weigh down on your conscious. Sometimes Ronan wanted to forget everything just so that he could start over, just so he didn't have past mistakes pressuring him onward to fix mistakes that were seemingly so.... unfixable. So impossible to make up for.
The ones who caved under the pressure had it easy as well. They could take a knife and press it to their hand, ending it all in one final blow. They didn't have to go on - they could forget in another sense. By erasing themselves and their minds from the world, leaving it and the people on it behind. They didn't have to worry about the consequences that choice would leave behind because they wouldn't be there to see it out. No more options lay before them, no more choices to be made. They were at peace knowing that everything had ended, and that they simply had to wait until the end of time to end it all.
It was the ones who went on to deal with more choices that suffered the greatest. They said suicide was for cowards, but Ronan believed it was the opposite. Life was for the brave. Life was for the strong. The ones who decided to leave were courageous for making that final choice to end it all, while those who remained behind simply were too afraid to end it all. Everyone was so afraid of death when in reality it couldn't have hurt more than life. Death silenced and numbed all the pain of the world weighing down on you. Death erased your problems. Yet Ronan was in that sorry in between, a man who wanted to die but couldn't, who had to go on and deal with more mistakes in the near future. He wanted to end it but couldn't. There were greater forces who kept him in the mortal realm, forced him to deal with his problems.
Forced him to make his next choice.
Ronan didn't belong in Sunclan, much like he hadn't belonged in Scarclan. Everyone here knew each other, loved each other like a family, while he hovered in the background like a perpetual stranger and shadow, watching people come and go without a word. He was simply useless here, much like in his former home. Nothing tied him down here... nothing expect Tasukete. That was why he had arrived here at first, and that was the reason he wasn't so eager and ready to leave this time. It had taken the german shepherd a long time to decide upon this option, and it seemed like he was stuck in that perpetual void-like state of mind for days now, moving forward only to quickly shift back in fear and worry.
He had two options. Leave or stay. Leave and he could find yet another place to live and have the chance to start a relatively new life. Leave and meet people who he could possibly have meaningful relationships with. Leave and see more of the world and try to find his peace with it. Or stay. Stay with Tasukete to protect him. Stay with the only person he could call a friend. Stay with a place he was familiar with, a place which didn't give him as much anxiety as others did. Stay and be safe with the knowledge that despite things not being able to get better... they'd stay the same. They'd stay relatively good.
He had pondered over it for days, weighing the pros and cons carefully and analyzing each individual factor with such fervor he considered even himself cynical. Yet he had finally came to a conclusion. He didn't belong here. He was an unimportant weight who, despite living here, didn't feel like he fit. And so, there came the second option from that one.
To leave like he had Scarclan, without telling anyone and disappearing into the shadows... or say his last goodbyes. He didn't know if anyone would even notice his disappearance. It's not like he spent a lot of time around the camp anyways. But he couldn't just leave without saying anything to Tasukete, couldn't blatantly abandon him like that. Despite the anxiety and stress it was causing Ronan, he decided to say he was leaving, and perhaps even explain himself if need be.
He stood somewhere off to the side of camp, a satchel at his side holding what little possessions he owned. His eyes were a deep inky black, a clear indicator to the troubles that forced his head into turmoil. It took him a while as he observed the camp, taking in the familiar setting and committing it to memory. But finally, the german shepherd opened his maw and called out, somehow making his voice less forceful and rough than it usually was. Perhaps it was the fact that it sounded so sad and pained, so broken and lost that it didn't come out like an order. "Tasukete?" Ronan's voice rumbled out, gently but surely as he used sound manipulation to move the words across camp in order to reach the other wherever he happened to be.
-
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]HELLO
I BE JOINING -
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial][s]there are plant sacrifices here
of course I'm joining you -
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]ahh I didn't watch the outsiders but I did read the book and damn
so mny fuckign feels
WE ACTUALLY HAD A SCHOOL PLAY AND I PLAYED AS PONYBOY'S OLDER BROTHER GOD I FORGOT HIS NAME
THE OLDEST ONE
NOT SODA
*also I love Ronan's new signature quote lmao
it literaly fits him so good ahghhhhQAND AHHHH IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU CRY
AND TBH IT DOESNT MATTER TO ME BECAUSE LMAO I DONT SLEEP -
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]idk my sleep schedule is completely skewed and off
I have very unhealthy habits and tend to go to sleep at four in the morning oopsAND YES IKR
AHHH
[s]poor ronan tho but AHHHn evertheless -
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]sleep is for the weakkkk
// distant yelling
I haven't slept for... I think it's now 19 hours oops -
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]// slam dunks self into here
hellooooooo people
guess which broken child is joining
// sits on pyre -
[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=arial]yeee
:^)