Posts by blu.bby

i'm so glad that i have a $100 drawing tablet just so i can contribute sick memes into society

"Y-You don't need to heal me, I'll be fine." Not-Blu said, shaking her head. Why did they all still have to be nice to her? She didn't deserve these niceties, but she was also grateful for them. A part of her wanted to apologize again because she felt as if she could never say it enough, but Suite seemed to be ignoring her previous apologies, so perhaps it wasn't the best idea. Not-Blu instead opted to stay silent, as she had already stated that she'll leave without the medical attention. She knew that she wasn't welcome here and wanted desperately to not hurt Suiteheart anymore, but she couldn't deny that a part of her wanted to stay here and live here forever. The deputy had mentioned that she could stay if she wanted to, but Not-Blu was positive that that was only out of curtesy rather than actually wanting the black feline to stay.

yoo i know i haven't been super active but i'm trying to get blu/not-blu back up on her feet so maybe the two could have a thread together? not-blu would definitely want to apologize to marg and try and explain everything so the thread could go in many directions from that point, unless you want to do something different! <3

It was dark in the home, and theoretically not-Blu could have done something to improve the lighting situation, but she honestly wasn't really up for it. She wasn't really up for anything at this point. Currently, the black cat was curled up underneath the bed, resting her eyes as a constant stream of self-deprecating thoughts ran through her mind. It was as if she was a broken record, repeating the same thoughts and phrases over and over and over.
Dumb. Pathetic. Worthless. Dumb. Pathetic. Worthless. Du- There was a voice, and a knock.
Who would bother with her at this point? Eyes opening in surprise, the feline stared at the door in shock before she heard the voice continue.
It was Suiteheart.

Panic immediately settled within the liar. Was Suiteheart here to yell at her, or perhaps kick her out of the clan? Her wounds weren't fully healed, but that was also because she had neglected them for her entire time here. She had neglected anything and everything to do with her health, not necessarily wanting to die but no longer having a will to live. What was the point? Outside of BlizzardClan she was nothing but a worthless street-rat, something there that bigger animals would attack when they were desperate enough for a meal. While inside BlizzardClan she was hated from all ends. There was no doubt in her mind that anyone who had some sort of love for her had quickly replaced it with a burning hatred. But if Suiteheart wanted her to leave, she'd go, if Suiteheart wanted her to stay, she'd stay. Without the motivation to actually do anything, she was willing to do whatever anyone else told her.

Rising to her feet, the black cat slipped from under the bed before making her way to the door. Yawning, she opened it up to reveal just who she thought it would be - Suiteheart.
"Hello." Not-Blu said in a rather eery, monotonous voice. What was the point in putting emotion into the words if they were most likely going to mean nothing to anybody. "How can I be of assistance?" At first she was unsure how to continue the conversation, but it quickly dawned on not-Blu that she should just carry it as if she was talking to a client. Often times she didn't get emotional in front of clients, both because she had a reputation that she didn't want to stain with over-emotionalism, but also because she often didn't care about nor respect her clients. Nobody hired someone to manipulate a person if they were in a good state in their life, and perhaps nobody did that exact job if they were in a good place, either.

Not-Blu held her gaze with the white feline, and although the deputy was trying to be emotionless the black cat noticed the worry and empathy rather quickly. It was one of her few trained skills, something essential in the world of manipulation. She knew that if she wanted Suiteheart to be more likely to forgive her there we several routes she could have taken, but she wasn't here to manipulate Suiteheart. She never would again, she never should have in the first place.
"Come inside." Not-Blu meowed, the eerily monotonous voice continuing. Another one of her trained skills. Being able to conceal vocal cues to emotions was definitely a good skill to have, more-so for client work then the actual manipulation itself. It took lots of practice, but she would do anything to live another day back when she was a street-rat. Funny how that got her somewhere where she had no will to live, huh?

Padding over to the window, the feline hopped up on a bookshelf, pulling down on the shade and letting it go. The shade snapped up, making a rather loud crack when it had hit the top. Light poured in, and it definitely hurt the eyes of the feline. She'd been sitting in the dark for so long and the sudden exposure to light was somewhat startling, but whatever, she'd be fine. Once Suiteheart left she'd pull down the blackout shade, curl up under the bed and resume her regular activities.

But then she heard Suiteheart explain how she brought her food and water and not-Blu found herself slightly surprised. She'd seen the concern in Suite's eyes, but feeling something and acting on it were two different things entirely. Why the hell was Suiteheart still concerned over her?
"Thank you, but I do not require food or drink at this current moment." Maybe if she just pushed Suiteheart away the deputy would learn that she was a terrible, terrible person and finally give up. She shouldn't waste any more time on a dumb con artist like herself, not-Blu would ensure that she didn't. "Proceed with the conversation, if you are ready." The ebony feline sounded akin to that of a robot, hyper-professional and dull, and even though this was her standard front that she used with her clients, the desire to push Suite away definitely assisted in the act.

A part of not-Blu expected Suiteheart to call her out, yell and scream, but even when the fem tried to not-Blu still picked up on the concern.
God damn it, Suite. Stop being so fucking nice. The liar thought to herself, making sure to not let the sourness of her thoughts appear on her face. It was becoming increasingly difficult, something she'd never really had before. She never had former bonds with her clients, and Suiteheart wasn't a client at all. She respected Suiteheart, even if she was sure that the feeling wasn't mutual. As the deputy spoke words she instantly regretted, the feline felt her own eyes widen in surprise.
Damn it. Not-Blu thought to herself, quickly correcting her facial expression back into that of a blank one.
"If you want me to leave, give me the word. I am aware that as a deputy you are required to welcome me here, as I have caused no offense against the clan itself, but I am also aware that as a person you may not want that, and therefore if you desire my departure, tell me." Ugh, all this formality was stressing her out. She wished so badly to put emotion into her words, but she wouldn't allow herself to do that, if she did that she risked inadvertently manipulating Suiteheart.

Push. Her. Away. A voice in her head spoke, and she obediently obeyed. Narrowing her eyes, ever so slightly, as she gazed at Suite, she took a sip of water, rather grateful that someone was bothering to look after her health, even if she didn't deserve it. Through this she was hoping to establish that she was taking care of herself because she had to, and not because she wanted to and definitely not because Suiteheart was the one that brought her the sustenance. Although, she had a feeling she did a poor job of conveying that message.
"I still stand by the belief that I do not require this, but if it'll settle your discontent then I will obey." There was a noticeable harshness to her words, and she chose her words carefully. She was hoping that her choice of "obey" would offset Suiteheart's belief on what she was actually doing for the ebony feline.

As the feline listened to Suiteheart list off everything, she waited patiently before speaking.
"I'll be taking this step by step, answering each of your points in the order that you addressed them." Alright, first, Suiteheart wasn't here to apologize? Well she wasn't exactly expecting one. "I did not harbor the false belief that you owe me an apology. It would be illogical to hold that belief seeing as I was the main source of ill emotion during this altercation." Of course this would also imply that not-Blu believed that she was the one that owed Suiteheart the apology, which she did, but she conveniently left that out.

Permanent membership was next, huh? Okay, she could handle this.
Use this to push her father away. She thought to herself, holding back a sigh before she began to speak.
"Permanent membership is a faint concern in my mind. Although I do not plan on staying here, as I never did in the first place, I do believe it is required that I stay here for a while seeing as the wounds I bear have not fully healed. However, like I said before, if you would like me to leave then I will go immediately. Otherwise I will be waiting until I am in fit condition to leave, as it is clear that although I am welcome here, I am not welcome here." Perhaps that was going a little too far, especially since it was heavily implied that she was shifting some blame to Suiteheart. "I have not been to a medic recently."

The last bit shocked not-Blu slightly, and in a slip she was unable to conceal her emotions. She tensed heavily, a look of uneasiness crossing her face before she sloppily tried to fix her composure. Although she did make a genuine effort to revert back to the "monotonous robot" look, the effect of that question on the ebony feline was clear.
"I have many names." She stated plainly, sighing (which she almost immediately regretted), she continued on. "My origin name is Pollutedpiranha."
Please don't call me that, though. The ebony feline thought to herself, shifting her gaze down to Suiteheart's paws. God, she hated her name. She hated her name so fucking much.
Which is exactly why she deserved nothing more than to be called Pollutedpiranha by Suiteheart.

// im really tired so i didn't proofread any of this so i apologize for any grammatical/spelling mistakes lmao