Posts by ghost !!

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    He didn't want to leave. Though he had only been there a short eight months, the Blackheart Rogues had become his home. His family was there, his friends were there, everyone he knew and cared about was there. They loved him and cared about him for who he was, and didn't judge him or expect anything of him other than that he stay and be there for them, as they had always been for him. They were all he had known since he was born, and he should feel the same. Right?


    Except, he knew that that wasn't exactly true. Maybe his mama was there, but his mother was gone. New friends were there, but his closest ones were dead or missing. He might care about those in the Rogues, but he had cared about everyone in BlizzardClan first. They might love and care for him, but they didn't know who he was. They love Neptunianpaw, not him. Tuna was only a fraction of who he was, and perhaps he hadn't been brave enough to tell them the truth, but shouldn't they have been able to figure it out? Shouldn't they have noticed the change in him almost overnight and wonder what was up? Shouldn't they have asked?


    It was a difficult situation, both for them and for him. Yeah, maybe it wasn't fair of him to expect them to take the step rather than him, but the opposite held true too. He had struggled with knowing some of the things he had done when he was younger, and he was terrified to tell anyone about them. What if they judged him? What if they hated him? What if they wanted him out of their lives, just as Wisteria had decided she wanted him out of hers, once upon a time?


    And there it was again.


    Wisteria.


    Out of everything, she was what he was most afraid to speak to his family about. How would he explain the feelings he held towards a girl he had technically never even met? How could he explain everything that she had been for him, and done for him? How could he explain the inexplicable bond he had with her, when he was most likely long dead? There was no way that they could understand such a thing, when he didn't even understand it himself. And that's what it came down to, wasn't it? He might have his memories, but he had absolutely no idea who he was anymore.


    He wasn't Neptunianpaw. Neptunianpaw was a scared little kid. He loved nature and he adored learning, and he was always curious about how the world worked. He liked to wander and talk with his parents, and liked giving advice to his siblings and doing what he could to help them. He hated being touched, was terrified of it, but he pushed through it for his family, and let them know when it was too much. He had a loving and supportive family, and he would do anything for them.


    He wasn't Ghostorchid. Ghostorchid was a shell, having lost everything he once had been. He was bitter and he was lonely, and he pushed everyone away until nobody was left for him to hurt. He fought and he killed and he hated, and he became lost to who he once had been as a child. He changed for the worse, and ruined everything so that it couldn't ruin him first. He was strong regardless, because he stood up for himself and held himself together, and loved deeply and wholeheartedly when it came down to it.


    But him... he was none of those things. He was all of those things. He was innocent and jaded, bitter and naive, afraid and dangerous, curious and set in his ways. He was everything they both had been and more, yet none of who they were at the same time. Why couldn't he just be him? What was wrong with wanting to be both and yet neither, and why couldn't he find a way to become that? It would hurt less than being pulled in two different directions, one by his family and one by his memories. What would it take to become his own self, rather than force himself to fit a mold of what everyone believed he should be?


    He didn't know. Perhaps he never would. All he was now was lost, and alone, and confused, and tired. He was tired of the conflict, tired of deciding, tired of pretending, and tired of being. Yet there was nothing else he could do. He would go on, just as he always had, and live another life, as was expected of him. That would be followed by another, and another, and maybe one day, it'd finally be over. Maybe he would rest. But he knew that that day wouldn't come for a long time. In the meantime, he had to choose who he wanted to be. Not what anyone else wanted from him, or what he thought he should be, but who he was and would remain until the end of this life.


    He closed his eyes, letting his mind fall silent. His body began to shift; not too noticeable at first, aside from the uncomfortable ache as bones lengthened and narrowed, forming into a new body. When his eyes opened once more, he took a deep breath, and when he released it, he chose his name. Ghost. A remnant of who he used to be, unable to become what he should have been. He had stolen the place of the little one who should have been in the body Saturnstar had birthed, and the name only served as a reminder to himself that he was out of place and out of time, and that he would always be exactly that.


    Maybe one day he would allow himself to be Tuna again, but he didn't deserve that place in their lives, and maybe one day he could earn it.

    This would come as both a shock to those close to him, and yet a long time coming. His ma–no, Saturnstar. He was sure that Saturnstar would be most understanding about it, as well as the most heartbroken, but it just... it felt wrong to stay here when it was clear he didn't fit in with everyone else. He was different from them, and that was okay. It had nothing to do with his personal feelings, and he would be sticking by that story, should anyone ever come to find him. Rather than stay to say goodbye, Tuna had written a note, so there was no chance for anyone to try to change his mind. It was short, sweet, and to the point. All it held was a quick goodbye, and well wishes to those he cared for most: Saturnstar, Fox, Cosmo, Cham.

    He may not have had much in the way of knowledge about BoneClan, but he had been alive back when it had still existed in its prime. He might have visited it once, but he hadn't been there long enough to get to know anything about it. As such, all he would recognize should the child choose to show the note to everyone would be the name. In the meantime, Tuna glanced up when he saw Cerulean, Callisto, and Enjolras speaking about something, curious what the former might have found.

    Neptunianpaw was used to spending time alone, but now, it seemed that he barely could get a second by himself. There were so many children running around now, as well as old faces who were becoming active once more and new faces joining for the first time. He simply wanted a moment to relax without having to hear someone talking, or to deal with one of the children touching him or bothering him. He knew it wasn't their fault; they knew nothing about the aversion to touch he'd had since he was a young child, but it didn't change the fact that every time one of the prodded him or jumped at him or anything such as that, he'd feel an immediate jolt of panic that would settle into an anxious pit that would last the rest of the day. At this point, he just wanted to sleep, if he was being honest with himself.


    With that said, he was curled up at the base of a tree just outside the castle that was his home, eyes half open as he tried to convince himself to be tired enough to fall asleep.



    LYRA ;  

    "As a whole, we make up the Blackheart Rogues. We're one of two groups who live here in the forest. Tell me, where did you art with your friend? Maybe we could help you figure out if he could've bumped into another group or not," Tuna offered, changing the topic rather quickly. He wanted to welcome the other, but if they had been with someone, wouldn't they prefer to find them, instead? He'd remain quiet as he awaited an answer, thinking of which groups were closest to them for reference on where this friend might be.

    Neptunianpaw knew what it was to be the quiet one, the shy one, the odd one out. His entire childhood, he'd been exactly that. He'd separated himself from his family, in large part due to their more touchy, affectionate nature, and would spend most of his time on his own, learning and exploring. For the most part, he remained the same, perhaps except for Foxpaw. Their bodies might technically be the same age, but Fox was like a little brother to him, and he felt compelled to watch out for him and make sure no harm came to him.


    With his other siblings, that urge simply wasn't there. He hadn't bonded with Cham, or with Cosmo, or with any of Ver and Saturnstar's children. They were simply other kids who were related to him by blood, but not much else. He felt guilty thinking about it, but that guilt wasn't strong enough to alter the way he felt. Rather than dwell on the thought, he put on a smile and walked over. "Mind if I join the two of you?"

    As Neptunianpaw approached, the first thing he heard was the mention of dying and living again... reincarnation. What would Hoshi think of Tuna told him that he himself had had the same thing happen to him? He couldn't be sure, and it was that unknown variable that kept him from saying anything about it. Besides, Saturnstar was the only one who knew, and he already felt like he had upset her when he spoke to her about it. He didn't want to make it worse by mentioning it to anyone else.

    Neptunianpaw listened, only half paying attention to the words coming from Ver. He was careful to keep his face neutral as he heard the mention of the new children to the Rogues, giving no opinion about his thoughts on the matter. The boy held back a sigh and tuned out, not paying much attention to the rest of the announcements being made. He didn't hear his own name mentioned, so, with that, he took his leave as soon as the speaking was finished.

    While Nico may have been excited to meet his children, that excitement was not echoed by Neptunianpaw. Tuna was used to absent fathers; Milkyway as Ghostorchid, Pinballwizard as Avalon, and now Nico. Perhaps it wasn't entirely Nico's fault, but that didn't mean he'd be forgiven for not being there throughout his childhood, if it could even be called such a thing. Nevertheless, he wouldn't ignore him, and would meet him regardless of his thoughts on the guy.


    When he heard the knocks at the door, he hadn't been entirely sure who it was, but it wasn't very surprising for him to dsicover just who it was that had come to see him. "Nico," he greeted his father, hesitant, but stepped back to allow him access after a moment. "Come on in, if you'd like." He'd turn and reenter the room, taking a seat near where he usually would sleep as he turned back to the newly-returned Rogue. "Did you want something?"

    The older Tuna became, the more he was prone to wandering further and further from the Rogues. He had always had a thirst for knowledge, and the more he fed it, the more it grew. As such, he'd taken to going on long walks in attempts to find other wanderers willing to teach him. His journeying had brought him far into the desert this time, though not quite far enough to reach the border of the Sanguine Ruins. That was something he didn't want to risk, as he was never sure who were their enemies and who were their allies.


    As he was on his walk home, he noticed Saturnstar walking as well, and his ears perked up in interest. What was she doing out here? He wandered closer, unable to keep himself from wanting to know the answer. The lynx point moved closer, stopping once he was in range to call to her, "Hey, mama." He was pretty sure he was the only one of his full siblings to still call her that, so it shouldn't be too hard for her to realize it was him; not to mention, she could simply look over and see him. "What are you doing out here?"

    It seemed it would have to come to fighting, as it always did. He narrowed his eyes, taking a few steps forward to give himself more space. There was familiar-unfamiliar sensation of shapeshifting, something he hadn't done in this life yet still knew so intrinsically to be a part of him. Within moments, the small lynx point was replaced with a new one; an iridescent white dragon with blue eyes and black horns stood in the place of the child, a body many times larger than his own. This was the form with which he first discovered his powers, and it was fitting that it was the first one he used in this life, as well.


    "Guess we're doing this," he murmured, casting his gaze around to wait for someone to attack.


    [ physically hard | mentally hard ]

    > up to two opponents at a time

    > open to capturing/killing opponents

    > ask to capture/torture him

    > not open to being killed

    > mention account and underline attacks

    ”You come into our land and demand we give in to you without reason. Your group is made up of murderers and vile beings, yet you say we have no reason to throw insults. Yours have done much worse,” Tuna snapped, fed up with Nyria’s way of trying to make it seem that the Exiles had done nothing wrong. ”You all can leave, or we fight for our home. You’re not walking away from this unscathed, unless you turn back now.”


    Neptunianpaw could remember a time when he lived in the Exiles. It'd been in his first life, when his mother was still around and he'd been dating one of the members; it was one of his least fond memories of a relationship. Bandagedmemories had been a horrible guy, in the end, and he'd realized that as soon as he had attacked his mother. Still, he had remained there for a few months back in the day, when Rick Grimes had been leading them. As he stood in the entrance of the castle and looked around at the tactics they had resorted to now, a sneer pulled itself onto his face. This is what they had become?


    "You know, the Exiles used to be respectable. Look at you now, huh? How far you all have fallen." As he heard Fallenking's voice, he glanced over at the lupurca, before returning his gaze to Barghest. "If you think roll over at your feet, you're an idiot. I suggest you take your people and leave, before this takes a turn that I'm sure none of us want to deal with right now." He was not the most cooperative, nor was he willing to negotiate. He might not be extremely important in the end, but he was sure Ver and Saturnstar would agree with his own assessment.

    Neptunianpaw didn't often worry about his siblings. Yes, he was always slightly concerned, but he was sure that they could take care of themselves; besides, this was the first life in which he'd actually grown up with siblings, and he was never sure exactly how he should be acting now that his mind was filled with memories of past lives. Despite his inexperience, when he heard the pained voice of his brother, panic kicked in, protective instincts taking over as he quickly went searching.


    He wasn't very far, so it didn't take long for him to find his brother, clearly in pain, scraped up and with both of his wings broken. He quickly began looking over his brother, trying to find the worst of the injuries. "Mama! Fox! Ver!" he called out, yelling out the first names that came to mind, wanting to get them here as soon as possible. It didn't matter who showed up, as long as his brothers got help from some who knew more than he did. "It's okay Cos, I'm here. Mama's gonna be here soon, I promise," he said softly, tail nervously waving behind him as he awaited the arrival of someone.

    Neptunianpaw would have preferred to avoid conflict entirely, but he didn't have much of a choice. He had chosen to come to this meeting, and it should have been obvious that there would be some aggression between groups. The feline took a seat on his own, avoiding being too close to anyone for the time being.

    Neptunianpaw had been wondering when the next meeting would come. It'd been quite a while, he knew, but he presumed there was good reason and didn't question it too heavily. As Ver went on to continue with the meeting, a curious expression came across his face. An underbelly? It was an interesting concept; he didn't think too much about it, as nobody else seemed to be outwardly interested in the idea, but he made a note to look into it further as the canine went on.


    The welcomes were expected, but when he heard his brother's voice announced along with a double promotion. He moved closer to Foxpaw, keeping quiet for the most part until he sat beside him. He leaned over towards him, saying quietly, "Congratulations, sunshine." He sat up straight once more, waiting to hear Ver go on. When it was his own name that was announced, a curious expression came over his face, but he wouldn't let the semantics of 'why' get to him. It didn't matter. "I accept. Thank you, Ver." He would have congratulated Cosmo, but that could wait until the end of the meeting.


    There was an irony in her words, given that despite physically being only an apprentice, he had experience beyond this life and knew how to handle his responsibilities. If she had voiced her thoughts, it would be even more present; he hadn't had the chance to have a true childhood beyond his first six months, with his memories returning to him at such a young age.


    A smile crossed his face at the mention of Fallenking stepping up to enforcer, but he said nothing regarding the promotion. He was a good choice, and Tuna had no complaints. The rest of the meeting was simply mentions of the raid and waiting for questions or volunteers for tasks, so he allowed himself to be distracted and look around. Someone would eventually volunteer for weekly tasks, he was sure, and he would step in and do so only if nobody else did.

    "Oh, well, I..." He paused, thinking about his words and whether he wanted to explain everything. Was now really the best time? "I couldn't sleep very well. Bad dreams," he said, deciding to be as honest as he could without telling him too much. After all, he didn't want to bring up his memories if he didn't have to, and he still wasn't even sure if what he had to say would help Foxpaw. "Anyways... want to tell me what's up with you and Fallenking?" he asked, voice turning more teasing as he turned his head to look over.