Posts by divineblade

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_{☀ divi gasped - is sans really sure about giving a gift to a person like me? she wasn't quite sure if she deserved it. pushing those thoughts aside, she accepted the gift from the paladin.}

_{"oh, thank you, sans!" she beamed up at the other. eager claws unwrapped her gift, ripping and tearing on impulse.}

_{as she unwrapped her presents, divi's pale amber eyes lit up. "a science set? how thoughtful!" she chirped. "and books! how did you know i love reading?" she was very delighted with her christmas gifts.}
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_{☀ track bc it's bedtime for me and i don't wanna forget about it tomorrow -}
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_{☀ "hello!" the young cat called, and approached forming crowd.}

_{"i know it's been said lots of times, but it's protocol and all. so, ah, name and business?" she asked.}

_{realizing that she didn't introduce herself, she added on, "my name's divinepaw. i'm a paladin trainee! so if you need anything..." she trailed off for a few moments - maybe she shouldn't flaunt her title around. or was it flaunting? maybe it was fitting to announce these things to strangers. she didn't know; she hadn't felt this important before.}
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_{☀ it isn't okay. no matter what, this isn't okay. trembling, she wondered how to respond to afterpaw. how could she stand up? divinepaw was unsure if her legs even worked. she was alone out here, watching people fight, and she could do nothing to stop it.}

_{in that moment, all that she wanted was comfort from another being. so, uselessly, and in her opinion reminiscent of a kitten, she wailed. a painful, lonesome, scared wail. she only stopped when she realized that it was going to cause unwanted attention.}

_{"sousuke! sousuke, help me!" she cried, to the pinnacle of her life, her mentor and the person that she felt she could trust the most on this battlefield.}

_{but ever since her injury, no one had actually stopped to help her. of all the things that she should be doing, she was laying here, when clearly everyone else knew it was more beneficial to fight.}

_{how long was she going to rely on others to help herself?}

_{seeing this as the very last possible straw, with a great effort, she heeded afterpaw's advice. she stumbled onto her silver flecked paws, sides heaving and she desperately breathed to rid the pain. the struggling gesture was to no avail; in fact, it felt even more painful standing.}

_{but at least she knew her back legs were somewhat functional.}

_{trembling on her paws, she snarled. that cipher and dimitri are fighting. she knew that she couldn't get between them - it would most likely take dimitri out of his focus, and cause an injury. and after her short observation of the battle, she knew better than to attack leonidas herself, in her pathetic, underpowered domestic cat body.}

_{so she watched, and prayed that no one would come after her.}
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_{☀ divi felt bad when she saw afterpaw jump, startled. i have to control my voice better. she flicked her silvery ears, embarrassed herself. she was brought back to reality via her companion's statement about where the hat was located.}

_{she looked up, amber eyes bright, and hummed. as if she recovered fully from her past embarrassment, she smiled.}

_{"no problem! i can get that down for you, easy!"
she had no clue how to climb trees. in fact, she only did so once, and that proved to be almost disastrous. she lost her balance twice, and was quite lucky that she never fell.}

_{but, regardless, she trudged forward, thankful that the snow wasn't too deep today.
she leaped up, the frozen bark making it much more difficult to dig her claws in than, in her opinion, it should have been.
"see, see? super simple. now, i just have to get up, and..." thud. suddenly she wasn't so happy about the thin layer of snow on the ground - it did practically nothing to cushion her fall.}

_{ears heating up, embarrassment returning, she rolled off of her back and onto her paws.
"ehhh, it's the bark, i think, well! well, hmm, good one." what an idiot i am!}
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_{☀ "an oud? what's an oud?" she asked, curiously padding forward.}

_{of all of the pre-made, pre-rehearsed greetings the paladin trainee had made, she knew that she could not use "name and business", because tama had already asked. and gieve already gave the answer.}

_{divine realized that maybe she shouldn't have asked a question before introducing herself. "oh, oh! pardon me for not introducing myself. my name is divinepaw," she hastily said. "and i like your music! it's real nice!"}
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_{☀ divi: outwardly ★ but inwardly ★★
me: ★★★ tbh}
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_{☀ divi smiled. "no, thank you! for being such good allies to blizzardclan." she nodded towards the knight. "and a merry christmas to you, slade!"}

_{she looked up, hearing lorina land on the ground. a dragon! she had seen a few of those around before. they were truly fascinating creatures - much larger than the small domestic admiring them.}

_{"mulled wine?" she questioned. "what is mulled wine?" she knew that wine... was a type of alcohol, but what was mulling?}

_{divi replied to lorina's offer; "oh! and yes, i would love to! if you would all have me." she gave another diplomatic nod to the dragon.
"but, ahh, where exactly is the party located? this is the first time i've been here, so i don't really know where everything is..."}

_{while partying in a foreign place was unheard of for a cat of her anxiety levels, she would give it a shot anyways. she was attracted to the idea of heat, given how cold the winter has been so far.}
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_{☀ "i do hope no one called you that," divinepaw said, tender paws taking her to the forming crowd. the other cat certainly looked underweight. it concerned her - while her own frame was small, her bones were not visible. something told her not to point this fact out to uma, so she continued speaking about the topic at hand.}

_{"yeah, it's a bad name." at the risk of sounding like a conscious old grandmother, she added, "so don't call anyone that, 'kay?" she tipped her head to the side.}

_{she also noticed that she did not know uma's name, but the paladin trainee decided she asked enough questions for now.}
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_{☀ herb training sounds good! why not get a little practice? she padded forward, a smile on her maw.}

_{medicines and magic were her thing, she thought; divi was only ever experienced in the latter, and her experience was by memorization and not through practice. she had read many books on the subject, but despite her curiosity for both, magic felt more natural to her than medicines. so she didn't get to spend a lot of time on the subject, which made this all the more exciting for the lavender bengal.}

_{"sure! i'll join in, if you'll have me!" she said, delighted, and gently sat herself down near sousuke and afterpaw.}
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_{☀ divi wasn't sure how to interpret the clicking of his tongue - was it out of annoyance, or just a simple noise? she was unsure, so she shuffled her paws rather than immediately responding to him.}

_{however, when he spoke about his inability to make friends, she interjected with her own opinion.
"but, i look for people who are loyal to me." she paused; could she really say this out loud, in front of the person she trusted the most? the key word was trust. she absolutely trusted him. so divi continued.}

_{"i'm not sayin' that i want people to be my butler, but well, i, i kinda look for people who like, they... i look for people who are loyal, so they don't just throw me away." she was doing this, she was doing this now, and she couldn't back out. divi knew she had to tough it out.}

_{"i've always been abandoned. people just, they don't like me. so whenever people say that they'll always love me, i get excited! and then i remember that they'll find someone else. and, and then it doesn't matter again. so aren't you making friends?" she questioned.}

_{she didn't dispute him - it was true, now that she thought about it. "popularity and companionship favor the likeable, yes, but who said i was likeable? this tiny, broken child?"}

_{in her mind, she saw herself as a broken, greedy, bastard of a child, cheating and deceiving. it was impossible to understand why anyone liked her, with that image in her head.}

_{"it's my fault," she mumbled, voice low. "and i focus on it because i need to put myself in my place. so i know where i belong; with the garbage." her amber gaze lowered to the ground for seemingly the millionth time.}

_{suddenly feeling judged and yet again alone, she secluded herself back into her social barrier.}

_{although his speech was rough, and a type of tough love, it worked on her in strange ways. she wasn't one for harshness, fearing judgement and crippled by the prospect of being unliked.}

_{"well, w-well, my dream is to become an amazing paladin. just like all the others above me! or maybe even someone trained in magic. i want to practice magic." why was she voicing her aspirations, right after thinking about how awful she must have been to encite that kind of response from sousuke?}

_{"i don't want to fight with tooth and claw. i can't." she added.}

_{she knew that she did need to work. the problem was that she could not work, because she was anxious. and her anxieties were her true weakness.}

_{"i-i agree, but..." she trailed off.}

_{"but a weakness is something that hinders you. that's the point of a weakness. if it's hurt me all this time, then how can i just forget it?"}

_{ooc. soRRY i di dn't want to give you a small or rushed reply so i waited it out until i had substantial muse and time;; rip me
alsO NO that wasnt lame this is turning out really good im crying}
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_{☀ a cutie? she tried to get up, to shift away from dimitri. however, it was to no avail - the kitsune had already draped a rather heavy paw on her small shoulders. knowing it would be useless, divi settled back down on the ground, a growl caught in her throat.}

_{"we aren't a thing," she mumbled, trying to lower her voice down to a more masculine and commanding tone.
a funhouse? this was a hellhouse. and everyone here suffers, she thought, immediately put in a bad mood by her fellow trainee.}
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_{☀ "nope! i didn't break anything!" she exclaimed. luckily.}

_{funny, she noticed that she was a bit colder than she was previously... looking down at her mark in the snow, she shook off her rosetted, silver pelt. ice crystals flew off her fur in all directions.}

_{"haah, maybe." she said. "although, i have no clue how to get it from up there..."}

_{after her fall, she wasn't about to try and claw her way up the tree again, no. she had enough anxieties to worry about - she didn't need to fret about breaking her back from a simple slip up while climbing a tree. now that'd be something to tell the boys back home.}

_{she had one, last-ditch solution, however. "maybe, if we got a big stick, we could try and get it out?" of course, it was no eloquent plan, and it was unlikely that she could find a branch big enough. but she was committed to this task now, and eager to prove herself to her clanmate, she had to at least try to retrieve the hat.}
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_{☀ ah, it was just another sleepless day for divinepaw. as was every day, right? she had already screwed up her sleep schedule, consisting of more irregular naps than actual, dutiful sleep. and when everyone else was sleeping or doing things, she was walking, to keep herself occupied. her daily adventure had come to an end - she had already explored the base of one of the breathtaking mountains on the surface, so she was returning home.}

_{she had met many people on the staircase before, but did not recognize the one in front of her.}

_{"hello!" she called out. "i, ah, i don't think i've ever seen you around here before!" she certainly hoped that she didn't - paladins were known for, well, knowing people.}

_{"why go back? this is a nice place," she reasoned. damn, maybe i shouldn't say that in the future. with the war in the exiles, and all... then again, blizzardclan is known for its hospitality. isn't it?}

_{ooc. inFODUMPS ALL MY MUSE RIGHT HERE, BUT GENTLY}
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_{☀ hmm, this was weird. she was beginning to have a better insight on people's emotions, and boy, was that ever awkward: she never accurately guessed other's feelings before. divine would always wildly extrapolate or guess, and most likely it would be completely wrong.}

_{she had no clue where these hunches were coming from.}

_{most people were having fun here, while a few (namely ichigo) weren't. she was beginning to think that lostboy was, in some way, tolerant of dimitri as well. prior to this she envisioned lostboy as having a hard, very bitter rivalry with dimitri. upon thinking about it, she noticed it might have been more of a joking, more friendly, less-intense thing.}

_{or perhaps it was not. maybe ice cream was the only thing you could use to attack your fellow clanmates without getting in trouble. so was this ice cream fight just a way for everyone to take out their anger?}

_{laughing, she knew who she was targeting; the same (in her opinion, obnoxious) kitsune that started the whole fight.}

_{the thing was, she was unaware of the fact that she could conjure ice cream as well. so, with her claws unsheathed, she tried to make a snowball. it looked more like a messy oval, and she frowned. guess it won't look pretty anyways, when it hits him, she thought. taking the snowball in her paw, she attempted to fling it at dimitri, but it fell way too short. so she tried again, and that one only hit the ground as well.}

_{as much as she hated her fur being sticky, she knew she had to go up closer. running forward, she created another snowball, and flung it in the direction of dimitri with considerably better aim.}

_{ooc. i just bought the sight for divi so its time to slowly introduce her to it;;}
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_{☀ divi's ears flicked back. she was just barely getting used to her newfound power. she found the whole ordeal to be very ridiculous and unfitting - the paladin trainee had never, with any accuracy whatsoever, guessed emotions.}

_{she picked up on the other's unease. "hey, hey, it's alright..." she crooned in a low, calming voice. "no one here's gonna hurt you. we're all friendly!" she chirped, trying to pick up her voice to sound more cheerful.}

_{"my name's divinepaw! and i'm a paladin trainee around here, so feel free to ask if you need anything, 'kay?"}

_{she thought that she was getting a little bit better with welcoming newcomers. but just a little bit.}
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_{☀ divinepaw was walking through the main island, as if she was lost. she needed to take a walk, to clear her troubled mind.}

_{recently, she was becoming increasingly overwhelmed by the psychic experiences (as she called them) that she was feeling - it was as though she could feel other people's emotions. being the socially awkward and shy person she was, she found this to be extremely difficult to understand.}

_{while divi didn't know the reasons for people feeling the way they did, she just knew that she felt them. was this what the social butterflies of the clan had felt? she always wanted to be "normal", to talk at ease and to be liked.}

_{upon discovering her power, she realized that she didn't want that. she was fine previously, secluded in her own world. the exposure to her clanmates' personal feelings was much too intimate for her. she craved for intimacy, to get to know others, but this was the creepiest and most intrusive way to go through with it. and that was what scared her the most.}

_{an npc asked her what was wrong. maybe, if she talked about it, someone else would come forward and explain what she had been feeling. so she replied.}

_{"well, i dunno, it's like... recently..." she trailed off, unsure if they would listen to her. when they told her to go on, everything tumbled out of her mouth.}

_{"recently, i've been feeling other people's emotions. like, i'm kinda in their head i guess, or maybe not, but... if i'm completely happy, and someone else is angry, i get angry too, i guess...}

_{"see, it's gotten really weird! like, i don't wanna bluff or anything, but for some reason, i feel like i can see other people's intentions..." she explained to a growing crowd of her clanmates. what if i'm fake? what if i'm not actually feeling this?}

_{"s-so like, does, does anyone know what this is? is this an experience everyone has?" she hated to be out of the loop for things, but she had never felt this before. if everyone else feels this, and this is my first time, then... what a fool...}

_{she questioned why she was doing this in the first place, but she knew that she needed an answer as well.}
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_{☀ "marigold!" the paladin trainee blurted out, without a moment's notice. she thought for a few moments, wondering what exactly the herb in front of her was. no, this is not marigold, is it? she bent down and sniffed the leaf. chervil is... sweet, i think...}

_{she began to search her mind. what has large leaves and smells bad...?}

_{"...dock? maybe?" she asked. "i'm not, i'm not too sure, but, maybe?" she mumbled, making a mental note to read more. "i think it's used to make wounds stop hurting, or something?"}
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_{☀ "sayaka? got it." the paladin trainee nodded. she knew that some people changed their names to better suit their identity, so she had no protests. perhaps sayaka is discovering something about their gender, or just needed a change of scenery!}

_{boy, was she ever out of the loop.}

_{the young paladin trainee had no clue about what had happened to ev, or any of the hardships she endured. if she ever got to know about them, she would certainly beat herself up for it. she had a duty to protect those she loved, and divi would not be able to rest knowing that she was not there to help someone in need.}

_{she suspected that something might have been wrong when she began to perceive her clanmates' worries. everyone was asking her if she was alright, what had happened, how she was feeling. something must've happened that i'm not supposed to know.}

_{divinepaw leapt to her feet when evergreen began breaking down. something was wrong. everything was wrong.}

_{grief seed? soul gem? she didn't understand the terminology, but tried her best to reassure her fellow paladin regardless.}

_{"s-sayaka, sayaka, no one hates you..." no, she neede reasons. every single time someone told her they didn't hate her, divine wanted to ask for reasons.
"i like you, i think you're very loyal... and i don't know what's happening, but if anyone hurt you, i'll kill them!" she cried out.}

_{"i promise, i don't hate you. and whatever you're going through, well, i don't really know, but i've had my own struggles too. and after going through them, i've realized that anyone is brave for standing up here, and being alive right now!" she wasn't aware that her own and ev's struggles were quite different. she battled with social anxiety. ev battled with trauma.}

_{"so i think you're doing good," she added. "i'll find a way to protect you. we're all here for you, we're all going to protect you."}
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_{☀ divinepaw was surprised by the lack of reception from the other. she was not met with the same enthusiasm, nor comfort that she had given to eska. shot down immediately, her amber eyes rested on the ground.}

_{"my bad, my bad..." she murmured, her already lacking faith in her newfound power deflating like a balloon.}

_{she almost panicked, before realizing that she could try to explain herself. "it's just, well, that some people are scared when they're met with lots and lots of new people. y'know?" she said. "so i just thought that i would say that." it was not that she thought of herself as strong, no. she was quite the broken weakling in her own eyes.}

_{she didn't even bother to respond to eska's second question, thinking she spoke way too much for today.}
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