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basically, i've just lost all motivation. i can't bring myself to do school work, chores, anything - i can barely get out of bed in the morning, because what's the point? i used to be really really motivated, getting things done on time, all that but now i'm not. and i've been a bit down lately; i haven't really been feeling happy at all and i've been crying more frequently and getting upset and mad much easier. also, today all three of my fish died and i can't handle death, no matter how small; even hearing about it on the news, in a book or something will just make me break down in tears. i've been having some friend issues too, with one friend, who previously was very clingy going off and ignoring me, then venting to me when she falls out with them, talking about 'how she can't count on them' and how they 'ignore her' and how they 'treat her like crap, they're not real friends' when all the time i've been friends with her she's 'jokingly' insulted me, even when it stills makes me feel shitty, she's purposely annoyed me, been rude to me, all of that. she's also got worse now, she believes she's popular, and goes on and on about how good she is at stuff, but her 'popularity' has gone to her head. i understand if she has issues with other friends and i've helped her when she's been upset, but this has been going on for a really, really long time - we met at primary school, and we've gone all the way through to intermediate (kind of like middle school i guess) and high school together. and another friend really changes like the wind, sometimes she's nice but other times she'll take away the friend i'm usually with and say 'it's just a 'them' day', leaving me to be by myself; i have no other friends but she has plenty. it's not like she has to drag her off either, i'm fine with hanging out with both of them, though she does interrupt me when i'm speaking, something i hate, and i'll just sit and wait for her to finish talking. i fight a lot with aforementioned friends and i've always considered breaking the friendship off; i just really really don't want to get into drama. also, whenever we fight, they involve their other friends, and my one other friend never defends me... i really struggle with social situations, i have (professionally diagnosed) sad, and whenever i manage to speak i'll say something weird or accidentally insult someone and that's not a good formula for making friends. plus, my parents are trying to push me to do stuff out of my comfort zone. and school starts again in a couple of days, this term we're having a very sports based focus; meaning i'm going have to run and do gymnastics and i'm not fit; i hate running and gymnastics, i hate other people seeing me doing that stuff. i just needed to vent, yeah.
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