Posts by stressedstormpaw

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ooc;; no worries! these replies take quite a bit of time anyway, haha.

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The voice speaking so suddenly, so nearby, and presumably to him, startled Stormpaw something fierce. Springing up to his paws in alarm, green eyes wide with momentary panic, he peeked over the edge of the bookshelf to the cat standing below. Yeah, she was definitely talking to him. And evidently, she'd heard him talking to himself, doing his grounding exercise. Awesome, because that was just what he needed today. Someone to catch him talking to himself about his surroundings and thinking he was crazy. ...Well, she didn't necessarily think that, but it was the assumption that immediately leaped into the tom's head.

For a few long moments, longer than average for sure, he just stared down at the she-cat. There was a mild look of horror on his face at first, but when he noticed it, he was quick to shift it into something more careful. Something more neutral, but a bit guarded. He didn't know this cat, didn't know anything about her, and he couldn't say he automatically just trusted her. Especially if she was going to ask him questions. Oh StarClan, she was going to ask him questions about she heard, wasn't she? How embarrassing. Could he maybe get away with not answering? Glancing toward the door again, the brown and white tabby figured he could bolt and get out of there, but. That was more of a last resort kind of response, no matter how tempting it was in the moment.

Taking a long breath in an effort to keep himself calm, Stormpaw once more directed his gaze down to the she-cat, this time taking the opportunity to look her over--to scrutinize her, see if she looked like a cat he might be okay with asking him whatever questions she had. Brown and white tortie. Blue-grey eyes. She looked...honestly curious. Not like she was judging him for what she'd heard, like she was plain and simply curious about it.

Before he could really come to a decision, and before he could actually answer her after his lengthy pause, she started to climb anyway. Not that she got very far--the first shelf cracked and broke beneath her, sending her back down to the ground, and he couldn't blame her for being scared by the event. Even if it was just the bottom shelf, having something break under your paws was a startling thing, no matter what height you were at.

Beyond her initial reaction though, came her verbal one. And, despite himself, Stormpaw cracked a small smile and chuckled a little. Her over-exaggeration was amusing, what could he say? He wasn't really laughing at her, just in response to her words. All right. He felt like maybe, after that evidently traumatic ordeal, he supposed he could offer her something. Besides, she...did seem genuinely just curious about what he'd been doing. ...Maybe. And the tom couldn't help but shake the nagging idea that, what if a cat with the same problems he had didn't know how to deal with them? If they asked, he'd almost certainly answer... But there wasn't always a way to tell, because issues like that didn't always show up. So, mostly because he didn't know if she might be struggling similarly or not, and a bit because of her failed effort to get up to him, he decided he'd at least give it a shot. Even if it made him a bit uncomfortable to talk about.

"I don't think you almost died. You'd have had to be higher for that possibility." Stormpaw replied, his whiskers still twitching with mild amusement, though it had just about dissipated at that point. Breathing a soft sigh, bracing himself for what he was about to get into, the tabby slowly started his descent--much more carefully this time, just in case any other shelves decided to give way. "I was careful about where I put my paws on the way up." He added distractedly. "_{...the way up.}" The repeat of the last few words he'd spoken came almost automatically. Now that he was...a bit more stressed, and talking to someone other than himself, Stormpaw was conscious of what he was saying, and that triggered his OCD, leading to him repeating himself. The moment he realized he'd done it, the tom paused, mentally berated himself, then carried on climbing downward, remaining careful.

"I guess, if you're really curious, you can ask me a few questions." The answer to her initial question finally came, as Stormpaw placed all four paws on the floor of the library. "_{...a few questions.}" Now that he wasn't distracted with getting himself down, he could focus on talking. On...what would no doubt be an awkward conversation. His uncertainty was clear on his face as he took a cautious seat in front of the she-cat, watching her carefully for a moment. "Just so long as it's nothing...rude. I don't mind as much if it's for honest curiosity's sake, but if all you want to do is tell me it's weird to talk to myself, I don't particularly want to hear it." He was already perfectly aware of how strange it was considered, but if he didn't speak out loud while grounding, it didn't have the same calming effect. It was more difficult to focus on what he was doing. It just didn't work as well. And usually, he was alone when he did it. This was the only exception to that--this situation had honestly never occurred for him before. He supposed, reluctantly, that he was bound to be overheard at some point... "_{...don't want to hear it.}" Shaking his head immediately after that repeat, almost in a motion more like a twitch, Stormpaw tried to stop himself from doing that, but... Stopping had never been possible in the past, so why would that suddenly change on him for no reason?

Once more taking a breath, just to keep his mind on the hear and now, as well as to help him keep his composure, he returned his green eyes to the she-cat and raised his eyebrows ever so slightly. Expectantly. Waiting for her response and her questions.

word count (excluding template and ooc): 1030;;

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She promised she wouldn't be rude. And yet, she was asking him about things she should have just pretended she didn't hear. ...Okay, no, that was a little out of line. If there was a choice of her overhearing him and continuing to not show herself, or show herself and ask questions about it, he'd probably prefer the latter. Maybe. Ignorance was sometimes bliss, so if he hadn't known, he'd probably still be in a decent mood. Although the chances of something else showing up to ruin it anyway was fairly high, so maybe he should be glad that all he got was some nosy apprentice. Better than another breakdown, anyway.

All the same, he supposed he could appreciate the fact that she sounded like she meant it when she promised not to be rude. She might still be rude by accident, but if it wasn't something intended, he could hold it against her less. He'd let her try, and see how things went. He could always walk away if she got too personal, or something. So, albeit a little reluctantly, Stormpaw nodded at her response, though didn't verbalize any sort of thanks. He wasn't feeling particularly thankful that he'd have to be sitting here answering uncomfortable questions.

But then, there it was. The first question, and of course, it was the one he'd been expecting. Not that it made it any less...not frustrating, exactly, but uncomfortable for sure. Of course she wanted to know about the repetition. Everyone always did. In all honesty, it only made the tom more self-conscious of every time he did it, but he tried not to show it. Even now, he tried not to let the emotions running through his mind show on his face, though he couldn't be sure how well it worked. No doubt there were still traces of them on his face as he sat there, blinking as he thought.

The answer was something he needed to think about though. He was never really sure how to answer it, so his answer tended to change every time it came up. It was a difficult thing to explain, his compulsion--and no one was ever satisfied if he just answered 'because I need to.' Often times though, that was all he could come up with, because that was the honest and simply truth. It was a compulsion, something he felt compulsion to do, the need to do, or something bad would happen. It was something he just needed to do, and often didn't think much about it as it happened. He did it almost habitually at this point.

Before he could decide for certain on how to word his response, the she-cat spoke up again. This time, to introduce herself. Well...that was okay, he supposed. It was fairly important if they were going to talk, after all. Might as well introduce themselves to each other so he didn't feel as much like he was talking to a complete stranger about all of his mental problems. The fact that she thought this was StormClan territory, however, made it clear immediately that she wasn't from around here. She wasn't a clanmate of his. One the one hand, that sort of annoyed him further, but on the other, if she didn't live around here then maybe he'd never have to talk to her again and he could pretend like there wasn't someone out there who knew all these deep and personal things about him.

"SkyClan, actually." The brown and white tabby corrected, green eyes narrowing slightly. He didn't actually have any interest in chasing off a stranger from their territory, but as a stickler for the warrior code, he wasn't exactly thrilled that she was here to begin with if she wasn't SkyClan. "_...actually. And I'm guessing, based on the fact that you don't know whose land you're on, that you're not from around here." He could scold her for that, he supposed, but Confettipaw wasn't his apprentice, so it wasn't his place. Though if he were to catch her around here ever again after this, it wouldn't matter if that was his place, he'd take it upon himself to make it his. They might be a neutral clan, but that didn't mean that other clans could just waltz onto their land like they owned the place. Even as an apprentice, she should know better than this, but all the same, you had to be a little more lax with apprentices. Some of them just liked pushing the boundaries, for whatever reason. That was something Stormpaw never understood.

"I'm Stormpaw. _...paw." Finally getting to returning the introduction, the tom gave a little dip of his head, habit when greeting new cats. He had a feeling she knew his name already though, if she'd been here to overhear his entire conversation with himself. "But yeah, I'm from here." Sort of. He lived here now though, so that was the only important part. From there, the tabby broke off and stifled a heavy sigh , prepping himself to actually move back on to her question. Why did he repeat parts of his sentences? As if on cue; "_{from here.}"

"As for your question... I repeat some of my words because I have to. It's--...It's a compulsion." But that wasn't at all explanatory enough, was it? "If I don't... Well, it's an anxiety disorder, called obsessive compulsive. If I don't indulge my compulsions, I get anxious. So anxious, I can't focus on anything else," and sometimes he had panic attacks, but he didn't want to go into those. "_{on anything else.}" That answer felt a bit more definite though, so with that, the tom shrugged and waited for the next round of questions, already making bets with himself on what they were going to be. He was almost certain that the next one was going to be something along the lines of asking him if he was crazy; he'd gotten that one a lot in the past, even from cats that were seemingly nice, like this Confettipaw. There was just something about mental illnesses that turned most every cat into a defensive, untrusting, and rude one.

word count (excluding template): 1037;;

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