Posts by ~Greymatter~

Greymatter has always been a follower of the adage "late to bed, late to rise" as it were. Perhaps, in a more traditional clan her name might have been Nightbird or Owlfur. She is used to spending nights pouring over books of various genres, her keen eyes rapidly soaring up knowledge from their lengthy pages. Sometimes, she avoided sleep purposefully, to hide from what nightmares laid there. Other times, sleep evaded her grasp.

But lately, she's waking up earlier than usual. As Commander, she feels like it is her duty to rise early to tackle the clan's problems head on. It's a process, one that she's slowly growing used to after a couple cups of coffee running in her veins.

The first thing she notices, as she sluggishly stumbles around her house, is that Arcadekit is missing. The second thing she notices, is that the camp stinks of a scent belonging to a Black Heart Rogue. Heart pounding, she follows the scent all the way towards the border. As she reaches the end of it, she nearly trips over Arcadekit.

"Arcadekit!" She gasps, aiming to envelop the kit in her embrace, "I was so worried--don't you scare me like that again."

She frantically aimed to lick the kit, grooming stray-away hairs back into their proper place. Once her breathing was under control, she turned to face her violetheart and whitecoat.

"Report. Did the intruder cause any known damage to the territory?"

"We're doing alright for ourselves," Greymatter purred as she came to a halt by Twistedhumor.

She gave a quick glance towards the tabby's direction, Arachnophobia's remark reminding her that he'd lost an uncle when Antonio decided to leave. She hopes that Antonio's departure isn't quite as permanent as Frightfur's, but one can never quite be sure. Still, she knows all too well how difficult things can be when family members up and abandoned you.

She shoves those thoughts away as she tilts her head towards the BloodClan ambassador, "I was curious, actually, about doing something between us and your clan. Perhaps a paint-ball fight or a joint training session?"

Grey disliked rain immensely. As a longhaired feline, it often took hours for her fur to dry. Not to mention she felt like she dragged around her body's weight of water from the droplets that collected on her fur. That all said, the commander was very grumpy to find herself unprepared for the sudden downpour.

It looked like she was in good company, as she approached a group of clanmates huddled by the river towards Color Town.

"I see I'm not the only one caught by surprise." She amuses out loud, as she shields her face using her wings. Her eyes travel upwards to the scarf that is acting as a makeshift umbrella for Noelle, Lucien and Twistedhumor.

"I must admit, the magic embedded in your scarf, Noelle, fascinates me."

Mattie doesn't usually go for activities like paint-ball. She's more interested in things like reading and painting than getting pelted by colorful hard balls. But it doesn't hurt every now and then to try something out of your own comfort zone. The young woman stepped forward towards Ara.

"I'll play on the Blue team." She offered.

"There you are," Greymatter purred, aiming to give a friendly lick on her adopted son's shoulder, "I'd be happy to help you plant. What plants do you have for us today?"

She played it off causally, but in reality she'd been worriedly looking for him not five minutes ago. She knew how kits operate. As they grow older, they start clinging to their mothers less and less. They slowly start to learn to be independant and to stand up for themselves. It didn't mean she didn't stop worrying about them though.

Greymatter was a gifted healer who'd served as head of medic team for ColoredClan several times. She enjoyed working with herbs, it was one of the few things that came back to her innately after her amnesia. She enjoyed the opportunity to heal and not damage others. She'd never obtained any powerful abilities besides her wings, making her practically obsolete in raids. Claws and courage might've worked in the old days, but it mattered little in this modern age of supermen.

Sadly, her duties as Commander keep her from pursing her specialty. Eventually she'll be forced to lead her clan in a raid, and hopefully do it to the best of her ability. For now, she seats herself near Glasskit and looks expectantly at Lucien.

"If you need any help, you know I'm here to serve." She says with a wistful smile.

Her eyes bore into the ground, tail flickering as she finds herself deep in the caverns of her mind.

//this is super long, feel free to skip to the end if you'd prefer

Greymatter listened to Feliks' words. As expected, he'd come to gripe about ColoredClan siding with Westeros. She's unsure how to react to the news that the Westeros and the Cartel are in a tug-of-war for allies, and ColoredClan's part of the rope. In the war with SunClan, they never had to grapple for allies with the pro-clan. As an anti-clan and pro-clan, they were expected to fight. She'd personally handpicked Westeros to be their ally. They are a growing power, with new blood entering their ranks every day. She could see they were not to be crossed with. Even if their temporary alliance ended in a respectful neutrality she'd be content.

The news they hurt a child, however, and supported the Exiles does not earn brownie points with the Commander. As a mother, she has a soft spot for children no matter their age or affiliation. The Exiles surprise her. They've always been mad dogs chasing cars. The fact they potentially have started up relations with other clans does not bode well.

His jab at her leadership cuts deep. It's a topic she's been wrestling with for the last couple of weeks now, and his remark only serves to make the wound deeper. Greymatter has never been one to be authoritive. She's preferred to behind the scenes, organizing stockpiles of the medical supplies and keeping her clanmates safe and healthy. She's always preferred to waver between light and dark, despite growing up in a bloodthirsty clan. Perhaps the old Greymatter, the one before the amnesia, hadn't been like that. Maybe her stomach gurgled for the blood of her enemies, and her claws ached to slash through the flanks of her foes. But she isn't that Greymatter nor will she ever be that Greymatter.

She knows she isn't Yuri, that she can't replace him, and that the power that once rested in his paws now belongs to hers and hers only.

But she is reluctant to use it.

She lets Arachnophobia rip into Feliks, instinctively settling in a defensive position of holding back. Her ears go downwards at her deputy's remark that she does not hide in the shadows of Yuri, rather he hides in her. Yuri is a much better fit to lead a clan like ColoredClan. Her personality does not lend well to the temperament of an anti-clan. If she wants to lead well, she must change, she must become something she's not. The feline isn't sure if she's willing to take up the task or not.

"Arachnophobia," She whispers softly, a gentle reprimand.

It is not the cheetah's place to exile Feliks, even if it is something Greymatter plans on doing. She doesn't doubt her loyalty to Greymatter and the clan, but she cannot have her deputy consistently undermining her power.

Blitzwing is all too eager to shed blood, and Feliks is riled up enough to give it to him. Twistedhumor jumps in the fray to the tiger's aid but it seems like the unstable tiger can handle himself alright. The tussle ends with strangely with an airtight hug which is when Greymatter finally decides to step in.

"Enough!" She hisses, spreading her wings high, "Blitzwing, let go of him at once!"

She is pissed. It's a feat that's rarely managed. It's a shame that Frightfur isn't around to finally see her enraged mode activated. She doesn't get angry often. Her anger is often a silent one, marked with brooding and passive-aggressiveness. It takes something huge like a situation escalating out of her control to get this enraged.

"Feliks. I don't think the Cartel deserves an explanation as to why ColoredClan sided with Westeros, but since you are here I'll provide you with one. I, myself, cannot tolerate your group. You have no morals, your loyalty can be easily bought, you'd do anything for money or power. Whereas, I know with Westeros that they are a strong group who value loyalty much more than you do.

"You're right. I'm not Yuri. I will never be Yuri. But I respect him and agree with some of his decisions, such as declining the Cartel's offer to be allies. We will not desperate enough to go to your level. We will never be desperate enough.

"Please leave before you soil ColoredClan territory with more of your blood."

//I'm rlly tired right now, and I promise you guys I'll clean this up tommorow

Greymatter takes a deep breath as she collects herself. As it really almost been a week since the last meeting? It doesn't seem that way to her at all. She doesn't know how to process this information. Does it mean that she is starting to get into the groove of things or...does it mean something else entirely? It's something she may have to mull on for future thought.

"Everyone gather for a meeting!" She yowled, waiting for a crowd to gather before she started,

"First things, first, alliances. I am in the process of planning an activity between us and BloodClan, and will hopefully iron out the details of that soon. I'd like to remember everyone that the Cartel is an enemy and that we will not tolerate anyone affiliated with them in our borders. Chiefly, Feliks, who has taken to visiting our clan over the past couple of weeks. He is exiled from our territory. Speaking of the Cartel, Noelle, what have Westeros said about the joint-raid?"

"Second thing, I'd like for us to implement an ambassador system where each of our allies is assigned an ambassador. I will be getting that set up soon, but if you have any ideas regarding that, feel free to speak with me about it.

"Before I announce promotions, I'd like to say that this week has been a much more productive and active week for us compared to last week. I'd like for Twistedhumor to step up as blueblood alongside Noelle and for Arcadekit to step up as as a green guard. Arcadekit, as your first errand as green guard, I want you to take a giftbasket to the Rift and check up to see how they're doing. Twisted, if you could do the same for ShadowClan that'd be great. I'd also like to welcome Blitzwing as a new member of the clan. That is it for this meeting, dismissed."

"You...idiots!" She hissed, as she made her way through the undergrowth.

She'd passed by Lucien on her way here, oddly silent as he ignored her greeting. Something was wrong. She didn't badger her whitecoat as familiar scents hit her nose and she pressed forward. She caught a glimpse of Arachnophobia heading off in a different direction, her head held high and showing no emotion. As she continued onwards, she finally caught of a glimpse of the small gathering in the clearing. Noelle stood politely a few feet back, smiling at two returners while Antonio ran to hug one of them. Frightfur and Yuri...it didn't take long for her to put the pieces together. No wonder Lucien was upset.

"You--you didn't say a thing...you didn't leave a message--you just left," Her fur bristled, "We. Thought. You. Were. Dead."

Vaguely, in the back of her head, she knows she is being somewhat hypocritical. She did the same thing back in Nighttales' reign. But that was different. She'd quietly went to Nighttales and told him she was resigning. She hadn't disappeared without a word to anyone.

She keeps her claws retracted, as she paces up and down the clearing, tail lashing. The normally composed feline is pissed, and it takes every inch of her to refrain from attacking the two. They have no idea what they put the clan through.

"Everyone thought you were dead, Frightfur. Do you understand how hard Lucien took it? How hurtful it is for him to have you swoop back in here with Yuri like that?" Her voice cracked, as tears started forming at the corners of her eyes.

"And Yuri! I thought you knew better!" She swirled her gaze towards the former Commander, "You've led many clans, you know better than anyone how useless a clan without its' head yet you left without a word--just like Dimitri!"

She is enraged, and no amount of pleas on their part will placate her. She doesn't care if they only meant to leave for a day. They were gone for longer than that, and for them to prance back in here like nothing was wrong--

She dug her claws into the earth, grounding herself as she drew a deep breath.

"Arachnophobia or Lucien might've mentioned it, but I took over command during your...absences. ColoredClan is thriving, no thanks on your parts. Our alliance with BloodClan is going well, and we have a temporary alliance with Westeros. Feliks came back to stir up some trouble, but we handled that situation swiftly." She informs them coldly, avoiding their gazes, "I will allow you back into the clan as normal members...but don't expect to be treated warmly by me or the others."

She closed her eyes, her frame still trembling from rage. She should just walk off right now--like Arachnophobia and Lucien had. But she stays, and waits for their response. It isn't like she does not care for them deeply--she does, and that is what her anger stems from. She cared and respected both greatly, to see them break that trust--makes Greymatter disappointed at them both.

I can't either

I can't even whistle ;-;

Save me

Greymatter ignored Arcadekit's protest, as she perfected her quick grooming job on the she-kit. Proud of her work, she turned her gaze towards Arachnophobia who had swiftly delivered intelligence. She frowned slightly at the mention of Arcadekit tagging along with a patrol. She was only a child, unsuited for any danger they come across. Who knew what laid ahead, it could be a trap. But it might not be safe to send her back to camp when everything was uncertain and unclear. The best course of action might lie in unity, in sticking together. Something ColoredClan excelled at.

"Very well, I will join the patrol. Arcadekit, you may join us as long as you stick close and not wander off." She chided, as she stood up and stretched her wings.

Strong leader, brave soul; Greymatter privately scoffed at the idea. In her short tenure of ColoredClan, she has never led them into the cross hairs of any battle. She hasn't driven ColoredClan towards the path of glory, that bloody path where pro and anti alike claw their way to the top of the chain. She's kept them in a complacent state, kept things peaceful. The way she's always, privately, managed. Sooner or later, they'll figure it out. Her clanmates have always clamored for blood, that was their job. They're an anti-clan. Her job was always to heal and mend their wounds from a raid, not direct them in a raid herself.

She knows there is no malice behind Arachnophobia's words. She's aware that the mutated cheetah respects her greatly. Though Greymatter herself cannot comprehend why she deserves such praise from the violetheart. In her eyes, she's a cheap replacement for Yuri.

But she holds her tongue as she looks over to Noelle. A memory flies by her of a time where she stood in Noelle's spot, a young grey kit, ready to tackle the world's problems. In her place stood an intimidating black leopard, who coolly stared down the domestic. Grey hadn't been scared though, she beamed as she pranced over and touched noses with her new mentor. It was an old silly tradition, one the leopard hadn't been aware of by the look of surprise in her face. Greymatter--no Greypaw beamed, happy to have her painting buddy be her mentor.

She shakes off the memory as she makes her way towards the blueblood. She ignores Yuri's comments, though her ears point downwards a brief moment. She will not sully this apprentice ceremony by getting into a fight with Yuri. This...not the proper place to address his situation.

"I hope to impart the wisdom I have gained my mentors onto you as well," She dips her head, smiling.

She is relieved that Arachnophobia chose to partner her with Noelle rather than her adopted daughter Arcadekit. She'd been the one to authorize Arachnophobia for the apprentice ceremony after all. As much as she loved and cared for Arcadekit, it was for the best her instruction was handled by someone else. Sometimes life lessons come across differently when given by people other than Mom. It didn't mean she wasn't going to stop pestering her kits with questions concerning herbal remedies.

"Weakling!" Yuri screeched at her.

She gritted her teeth, yet did not deny it. It was only mere days ago she lamented her lack of strength compared to how Yuri led with his example of physical prowess. She had admired his leadership, and how he practically brought ColoredClan back to life with his mere presence. Now she stood her ground, as he flung his words back at her like sharpened weapons meant to wound her. Not unlike the words she had used against both Yuri and Frightfur in her blinded fury.

She can't take back her words, even she knows deep down in her heart, he's right. She's not suited to lead, she was never suited to lead. It was just supposed to be temporary, until Yuri or someone more worthy came along. Only, now he's back and she's not quite ready to hand it over to him. Only now he's back, and she can't find it in herself to hand to him so readily.

She tells herself it's because of the truth behind his disappearance, it's something more than that.

It's a thirst for power, for control. Despite her insecurities regarding leadership, at least if she is in command, she can guide the clan into what she thinks is best for them. Greymatter has always been the soft-heart, the goody two-shoes. She is used to being on the moral high horse.

"We elected you, Yuri. We, as a whole, decided to call you leader and follow you. It was us, who rebuilt ColoredClan together, not just you and you alone." She spoke softly, staring at the ground as she heard him storm off.

Frightfur spoke after him and she looked up at the serval. Guilt ate her alive as she finally noticed the blood still dripping from his flank. Had it been like that entire time? She'd been too filled with anger to pay close attention. She--she hadn't meant to snap like this. She'd always reimagined a potential reunion to be joyous, not unhappy.

Especially Frightfur...whom she regarded with such fondness, and she tainted that relationship. She'd just been so...disappointed in how he disregarded how he would effect Lucien with his actions.

"You're not invincible...not without your guardian angel," Perhaps a stretch on her part, but a subtle confirmation to Frightfur's question, "Please...treat your wound. Don't let it fester and get infected--like I did."

She close her mouth tightly, stopping herself from nagging the serval about what herbs to use to treat the wound and the lovely agony that came from not treating an open wound. He knew what to do, he'd served as medic in her place after she herself abandoned her post. At least he returned with a half-legitimate reason. She had none to offer.

She bowed her head, her figure trembling as she tried to keep herself composed. She couldn't show weakness. Not now. She'll cry, later, deep within the bowels of her house, away from any listening ears.

I apologize for my activity this past couple of days. Starting tommorow I'll be picking it back up ^^'

Greymatter had not accompanied her clan on the joint raid. Though she had requested Noelle to make the proposition to Westeros, the grey persian decided to stay behind. Perhaps it looked bad on her part, that she did not take Westeros' trial alliance seriously. That would be the furthest from the truth, as the feline had denied Feliks' request for peace for the sake of not only Westeros, but for the clan as well. ColoredClan did not associate with the Cartel and their ilk, though Feliks' relevation about the Westeros allying with the Exiles did not settle well with her.

The reason she had chosen to stay behind on the raid, was that she'd be more of a hinder than an advantage in a fight. Aside from her wings, she possessed no supernatural abilities that could enhance her combat like her opponents. Worse, war often triggered unwanted memories for the commander, causing her to be a sitting duck. Did this make her a weak leader? Maybe. After all, it isn't often that a healer ascends the throne in ColoredClan politics.

She'd been in the depths of her study when a npc rattlesnake quietly slithered in. The snake hissed in a low tone that the High King of Westeros requested an audience with her. At once, she cleared her throat, straightened her figure, and walked over to where the Targaryan head was waiting for her.

"Greetings," She dipped her head towards him, "I was told you'd like to discuss a few things with me."

ColoredClan receives many visitors from all sorts of exotic and strange places, but it's rare for them to travel to the colorful clan by boat. Most traveled by foot or by wing to its land borders, either by the treacherous mountains or the tranquil forest. The leader is sitting on the docks of the harbor, lost in the beauty of the serene lake when an object appears in the distance. At first, it looks like a wooden piece of debris, but as it comes closer, she sees it is a small boat with a single passenger. It docks on the shore, about fifteen yards away from her. Curious, she watched as the oriental feline magicked the boat away and started heading towards the town. She seems to have no ill intentions, as she calls out in the clearance what her intentions are.

"Hello!" Greymatter yells from her spot, before flying over to the traveler, "My name is Greymatter, Commander of ColoredClan. What can I help you with?"

This week had...certainly been an interesting turn of events. She was still trying to digest the events herself, trying to push through and stand strong for the clan. She stood on the edge of the fountain she was fond of holding meetings at. It was a beautiful, stone fountain that featured multiple mermaids and sea creatures with sprouts of water coming out of them. The location was towards the center of town, practically equidistant for everyone to gather.

"ColoredClanners, fall in!" She called out, scanning for signs of her clan trickling in before she began.

"First, I want to thank each and every of one for your efforts this week in rebuilding ColoredClan. I appreciate your hard work, and want everyone to keep it up. We have several new joiners this week, along with a few returning members. Because of that, I'd like for Arachnophobia to organize a mass (ooc/ic) meet-and-greet as a way to bond together as a clan.

"Twistedhumor and Arcadekit, I know the two of you visited ShadowClan and the Rift respectively. How are their clans faring?

"As for alliances...one of our new members, Xi Erebus, has been granted refuge from our ally BloodClan. We are still allies, but I plan to visit and see if the alliance still remains beneficial to us. We recently conducted a joint-raid with Westeros; I heard a rumor that someone was badmouthing their leader, and I'd like to state that I will not stand for that type of behavior. If you have a concern about an ally, bring it to me. I'm letting it slide this time.

"Regarding promotions and demotions. Noelle is off visiting an old friend for two weeks, and though she will not be here to uphold her duties, she still remains a blueblood. I'd like to promote Xi, Blitzwing and Dragondance to Greenguards."

She tossed three green bandannas in their general direction, tokens to signify their new ranks.

"As well as Twistedhumor may step up to violetheart," She caught the tabby's eyes, and threw a purple bandanna over to him.

"That's all I have to say for this meeting. Dismissed."

OOC:

TLDR

- Awesome activity this week guys! Keep it up!

- Twistedhumor and Arcadekit: report on ShadowClan/The Rift

- BloodClan is a tentaitive ally

- Warning about badmouthing allies

- Noelle is granted a two week "vacation"

- Xi Erebus, Blitzwing and Dragondance are promoted to greenguards

- Twistedhumor is promoted to violetheart

Hi everyone just wanted to pop in I'll be on a posting spree later tonight--unfortanately I have work all day today :/

She couldn't sleep. That wasn't something unusual for her. Usually she read and read and read until her eyes grew heavy and the words on the page went blurry. Tonight, however, she couldn't keep her thoughts occupied on the pages. She'd read half a chapter before she blinked and realized she was retaining none of the information.

Sighing, the grey feline stood up from her study, and headed outside into the moonlit night. The warmth of the dying summer's night tickled her long fur. She walked for a ways before stopping abruptly. She found herself across from the medic house. Lucien, no doubt, was asleep in there. Or perhaps in his own house--she knew some medics preferred a house except from the medic house. Not her, she lived and breathed medicine.

'So why is a doctor like you clinging so tightly to power?' A voice whispered into her head.

She'd never meant for it to be this way. ColoredClan had been without Yuri for a week. They sent out search patrols--looked everywhere for both Yuri and Frightfur. Was it because she let her imagination run amuck, imagining terrible ends to them? Was it because she convinced herself that they wouldn't have left them for a frivolous reason? Was it jealousy that drived her to rage?

She'd never married. She'd never been in an official relationship, even. She and Dimitri always skirted around it, each to scared to even suggest the idea. Despite the fact that they lived together and he called her kids his children.

As she stared at the house, she didn't notice Frightfur's presence until he reached into a kiss. Shocked, she did not pull away until she felt him do so. It was warm and felt different than the other time a being kissed her--rough and forced onto her quivering lips--for it had felt genuine.

But not in a romantic light, she realized as he stepped back and she looked into his gentle eyes. As confessions started to tumble out of his mouth, she realized it'd been his way to soften the incoming blow.

She flinched when he mentioned Blindfold's name. It wasn't like most memories--faint and blurry and easy to forget--it was vivid and loud and demanded attention.

Her heart ached when Whitegold was brought up. She tried being a good sister to the tiger, tried pretending to be a person she barely remembered. That felt more like a dream than a living breathing being.

He apologized about her memories and about her birth mother. Things that he held no faults in. Nor was he to be held accountable for Blindfold or Whitegold.

He didn't deserve to suffer for his half-brother's crime. It wasn't his fault he shared blood with the Exiler. Greymatter never believed in blaming one for their kin's family.

Whitegold, it was understandable. It'd been a long time since she called herself a ColoredClanner and he had no way of knowing back then what ties she held with Greymatter.

As for her memories and her birth mother...she appreciated the sentiment. There's times where she beats herself up for still not remembering something, but it's true: she has come a long way from only remembering her name.

She makes eye contact with him, ghost to ghost. She always makes her way back to ColoredClan, even as a confused, defenseless amnesiac. Guilt tugs at her, as she looks down at her paws in shame.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Frightfur," She speaks, her claws digging into the earth, "I cannot fault you for the sins of your half-brother. Nor can I blame you for attacking Whitegold--you hadn't known who she was or what she meant to me. My memories--"

Her voice cracked and she took a deep breath before moving on, "It is true, I'm not the same person before it..happened. I wanted to be, badly. But it's not your fault I'm not nor did my birth mother leave me. If she hadn't...I wouldn't be here right now. As for yourself, you have nothing to be sorry about."

She blinked back tears before continuing, "If anything, I'm the one that should be sorry. I reacted with anger to you and Yuri's return when I should've reacted joyfully as you did with mine. I left without a word, and I have no excuses for that which I can give. You and Yuri had a valid reason for being away for so long. I just..."

She hiccuped, wrapping her tail around her paws, "You have always been there for me as a friend, Frightfur. You had no expectations for me, you didn't look down on me for my lack of memories. You treated me...normal and I've always appreciated that. I'm so sorry...for ruining things."

Greymatter hadn't been in support of allying BloodClan in their war with SunClan. She meant to discuss the matter with Yuri--but he disappeared before she could get a chance. She'd been suddenly thrust into leadership and more pressing issues had placed SunClan on the backburner. The sunny pro-clan didn't pick a fight with ColoredClan beyond naming them enemies, so she was content on leaving them alone. ColoredClan wasn't in the best shape to combat them, and it was an another meaningless war in her opinion. She already been through one meaningless war with SunClan in her lifetime, she could afford to live without another.

"Hello," She said, eyeing the plants in the basket, "My name is Greymatter, commander of ColoredClan."

As a former medic, she easily recognized the plants as containing medical properties. Mint, thyme, basil, and lavender--they reminded her of how she spent countless hours nurturing those plants in the garden behind the medic house. How she drank lavender tea to help calm her frazzled nerves.

"It is unusual for one to bring their enemies a gift. What business do you have with ColoredClan?"