Posts by Sleep.Deprived.Tortoise

[fancypost bgcolor= #; bordercolor= transparent; width: 375px; height: auto; text-align: justify; cursor: url("http://cur.cursors-4u.net/cursors/cur-9/cur817.cur"), auto;][font=sitka display][size=8]Ehh... Hi! *Awkward wave* Just wondering if you were still up for anything. It seemed like you have a lot on your hands and I wasn't sure if you still wanted to do anything. If you do, that would be great and I would like to plot with you, but it's totally understandable if you feel too caught up with everything else.

[fancypost bgcolor= #; bordercolor= transparent; height: auto; cursor: url("http://cur.cursors-4u.net/cursors/cur-9/cur817.cur"), auto;][font=sitka display][size=8]/.\ My word. I leave for so long thinking I have nothing to reply to, and I finally force myself on, and here we are. I'm not exactly sure what I had in mind then, but if you're still STILL up for it, Post-Apocalyptic? I want to start my writing again with something fairly familiar.

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Ladies:
Anastasia Noelle Sinclair
Catriona Nora Moira
Naomi Lilith Rose
Ana Clementine Roderick

Gentlemen:
Gerard Reyes Fisker

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[url=http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/bd/9d/6f/bd9d6fc9c3edf3763fcfc4d109cd4de2.jpg]Anastasia Noelle Sinclair[/fancypost]

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APPEARANCE.

PERSONALITY.

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PLOTS.
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THEME SONG.

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Gerard Reyes Fisker[/fancypost]

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APPEARANCE. At first glance, you might find Gerard to be intimidating. With the firm scowl plastered on his face and a well-built stature ('6,5' and 195 lbs), its hard not to be, but come just a little bit closer and you will see boundless amounts of kindness in his soft walnut gaze.

Assuming Gerard realizes how his outward appearances may seem, and he does, he doesn't do much to counteract them. He continues to paint his body with [url=http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/35/9f/4a/359f4a45ce038035548c9d435d54aea7.jpg]ink and lengthen his beard, though he does groom himself and his beard very nicely.

PERSONALITY.

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PLOTS.
- BxG; Modern day, New York City; Single and out looking to start on his life and career, Gerard moves to New York. Small apartment, cruddy paying job as a waiter, but he needs to start somewhere. One day as he is working in some street corner diner, a young new woman comes in looking to be hired. Seeing as she's quite gorgeous to him, Gerard quickly takes a liking and is extremely satisfied when she is indeed hired. He soon becomes her mentor and shows her how things are done as she joins him as a waitress. A friendly relationship develops and then a more intimate one... Problems will follow.
THEME SONG.
Breaking Falls by Dan Michaelson

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[url=http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/f0/be/db/f0bedb6a5d66c07c5f366a9ea2c02ab0.jpg]Catriona Nora Moira[/fancypost]

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APPEARANCE.

Catriona is an average sized girl with very little to complain about. Her skin is pale and peachy, quite cute. She has moles dotting her torso, cute as well as unique. Her face is full and her lips are full and pouty, though there is still angle to her jaw and cheek bones.

Some might describe her as one with a resting face of a witch, while others focus on her wide, toothy smile, beautiful brown eyes, and cute button nose. What she would rather have them talk about however, is her hair that she has worked so hard on. Dye for her... it's hard to understand. It was hard work; she feels as though she deserved to be recognized for it. It's very pretty, no?

PERSONALITY.

In four words: Stubborn and secretly dependent. She would hate to say aloud that she needed help; especially when many times in her past she had exclaimed to everyone that she was completely capable of taking care of herself. The hard truth about that is though, that she's just not capable.

Catriona tries her hardest to be strong and independent but very rarely succeeds. Her emotions and paranoia consume her to the point where she wants to hide inside a closet and stay... forever. She cannot successfully have a trip to the grocery store without her anxieties following her. At one time she was good at hiding it, when it wasn't as severe, but now without the proper help given, she has fallen.

Fortunately though, her mentality is not what defines her. Behind everything- behind the barbs around her heart, Catriona was and is just a girl whose always desired a life of a housewife. Sure, she might not be fit to be a mother, but she wants to be. And to her, that's all that matters. She'll learn; she'll be taught, and then she'll teach.

She also loves nature. Mostly flowers and small rodent like creatures though. (The cute ones, you know?) She loves a light and subtle pink on her walls and dark tinted red in her hair. She loves almonds... caramel... toffee... coffee. She loves bitter and sweet and salty at their finest, mixed together. Like a caramel toffee cake with almonds on top and a hot cup of black coffee on the side. To make it perfect, add a loving boyfriend and a fresh dew-y day.

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PLOTS.
-{Fantasy group role-play currently in session}
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THEME SONG.

[fancypost bgcolor= #; bordercolor= transparent; height: auto; cursor: url("http://cur.cursors-4u.net/cursors/cur-9/cur817.cur"), auto;][font=sitka display][size=8][justify]I could see my younger brothers playing in the yard from my bedroom window, Jacob's chestnut mess flopping about as he and Noah jumped on our old trampoline. Its springs had rusted over the years, and the net around had been torn to leave only a metal skeleton, also rusted quite a bit. Anyone watching would cringe at every little jump, expecting the stretched skin to break underneath the boys. I did, but as many times as I might point that out, not one of them would listen. They never did in fact, but it didn't bother me anymore; they had ignored me far too much.

A ping from my phone withdrew my gaze from the glass and so I returned my attention to it. I bit my thumbnail, reading the new text I'd received. I love you <3 I gave a little smile.

(WIP)

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Dawning over misty peaks, beams of early sun caught sight of bare toes, heating each one. It tickled the nerves of many watching, as the possessor of the toes gasped in utter amazement, wondered at the evaporating morning dew that once pooled upon her painted nails.
"Momma!" Although a whisper, the call was heard vastly through the hushed air around the girl, her mother quick to come, a smile placed placidly on her lips. "Oh, Momma, look!" A quiet instruction, and it was obeyed as the girl pointed to her now wriggling toes. A beaming smile, almost as bright as the glittering sun, appeared on the small child's face. "Oh, oh! It's so pretty, Momma!"
I watched closely, sitting on my perch in the tree, barely the smile upon my own lips. I adored the curiosity and ignorance of the child, her near stuporous behavior at the ordinary event of evaporating water. Would it ever be possible for someone older to feel the same?

"Fauna." Staring up, my brother hailed me, holding his hand high for me to reach. I was too far from him though, so the action was futile. "Fauna." He then repeated. "Come down." I was only fifteen so I assumed he, the eighteen year old, had the right to order me around, but at the moment I didn't so much feel like obeying. I enjoyed the solitude of my tree-branch perch.
"Conner, no." I refused, shaking my head and swinging my legs. I gazed down at him, smirking. "You'll have to come to get me."
He wouldn't; he had a crippled leg and was bound to the floor for life.
"You're cruel."
"I'm introverted. You're just another person to shoo away."
"I'm you're brother, Fauna, and that tree you're in is older than the world itself. I don't want a branch to break and you fall."
"I won't fall; I'm careful." At this his hand receded, and his eyes narrowed in a scowl.
"No, you're just a stupid girl who doesn't listen to what's good for her." He turned away from the tree and began to limp his way back to wherever he came from, the shore no doubt. "Go ahead and drop. Drop dead for all I care, it seems as if that's the only thing you can do, disappoint."
The statement had stung, as it always did. I had gotten a lot of hurtful remarks from my brother lately, specifically since our parents had passed, and even though I knew I shouldn't have said the things I did, I couldn't always help it.

I began looking to the little girl again, jealous. I admired her, desired to have what she felt inside- that innocence and incredible excitement. I needed it, craved it. Why, again, did I not have it? Perhaps it was just my age, how I had lived, and what I had gone through. How my parents had perished... their ashes away with the wind. Maybe even the few questionable encounters I had stashed away in my past, but why did I have to remember those things? Why did they have to affect me in a way I wasn't particularly happy with?
I wished I only retained the good things... my mother tucking me in as a child, birthdays with homemade cakes and rushed gifts. Just simple things that gave me joy... I didn't need extravigence to make me happy, or to make me feel whatever I wanted to feel really, just small, seemingly unimportant things that meant the world to me and only me.
That girl... she saw the water vanish on her toes and was amazed.
I didn't have that anymore.

Eventually early morning had turned to noon and I was distracted from my thoughts of loss. Time had passed fast in my mind and it was hard to fathom. I was called on by my aunt, who now took care of me and my brother, for lunch.
In our small village, everyone knew everyone, of course they did, how couldn't they? They all talked the latest wedding rumors, more so the women, and shared all the excitement when someone's sweet little daughter had a baby; they loved each other. They cared for every single soul in the town, so when any kind of gathering came around, even one so small as lunch, it was a party. Breakfast was a party, dinner was a party, for goodness' sake, if we had communal restrooms, sitting down to pee would be a party.
Thank goodness we were a shy people.
Anyway, try as I might, I never could force myself into liking any of it. I didn't like being outgoing with people, making small talk and complimenting dresses and shoes. It was unnatural to me, and I could never get use to it...
And my father had been the same way. I inherited a lot of my father's traits, and being a little anti-social was one of them. He understood me and usually our meals would be together in our home in the field, surrounded by tall wheat grass and bustling brooks. I loved it, enjoyed every second and constantly looked forward to each one after the present.
The only down-side was that I never got use to eating around other people. As weird as it might sound, I never got taught the manners for it. I ate with my mouth open and had my elbows on the table the whole time. I never once thought anything of it as a child, but as I grew older, became more solitary, observed more... I... began to change and realize a few things.

For one, I did not like eating alone. It was terrible, I could hear myself chew, hear myself think, and the noises outside were far too loud. Two, eating with my mouth open was disgusting. I saw how other children did it and instantly became appalled at myself and my father. How he could allow me to do such a thing? And three, I just wasn't cut out for this. I wasn't made for the life my peers and elders were living. I wasn't what my mother had tried raising me to be- this perfect, just like the rest, kid. And in the end, I didn't really want to be.
It was the same everyday for them, and it bothered me. Everyone did the same thing, but with such happiness! And as much as I wanted that happiness, I wanted to be spontaneous as well. Not scheduled like the others were, not scripted.

Finally my bottom was sat at a table inside a fancy restaurant, thoughts no longer racing and confusing my developing brain. It was numb for a moment, as I ate. I goggled around the room I was in, saw girls dressed in pretty and floral dresses, men and boys alike in respectful attire, clean trousers and such. We were so formal, weren't we? I wished to be more comfortable, possibly in fuzzy pants made in the fabric of our blankets in the winter. A big sweater too, made of the same cloth. I could lay on the bed in my room all day, scribbling in my notebook, listen to my old, grey-haired aunt on her piano, teaching others.
We ate a vegetable stir fry, it contained rice and broccoli, carrots, a little chicken from the farms, but not too much. It was good, I liked it a lot, and focused more on that below me then of the gazes above from my judgemental brother and aunt. They watched me as I ate, and criticized how I refused to chat with neighbors, calling me rude and embarrassing. I wished to leave at that moment and go back to my perch, but feared the punishment I would receive if I dare do so.

My pains were finally eased once the meal was over. We left and I was allowed to go back to "whatever I was doing before." and I was glad for it. I couldn't go back to the tree though, everyone had left so I just trudged back into my new home. I missed my parents' house, but I wasn't able to go back since the fire; the guest bedroom in my aunt's would just have to do. At least until I was old enough to have my own home. My own home would be much better than this, I thought. So much better, and I'd have a wonderful and loving family. Others might deem that thought impossible but I would make it so. I wanted a perfect life; I wanted it how I wanted it. My way. I just wish I knew how to quicken the process.

{plot;

[fancypost bgcolor= #; bordercolor= transparent; height: auto; cursor: url("http://cur.cursors-4u.net/cursors/cur-9/cur817.cur"), auto;][justify][font=sitka display][size=9pt]For the rest of the time I was alone, I thought of what the future might hold for me. It was exiting and dizzying. I knew it would be perfect though. Perfect in the end.

I flopped onto the bed, staring up to the ceiling with a smile half the size of my entire face. I giggled at the thought of the little scurrying of feet on the floor in the morning and then their voices asking to crawl into bed. I relished at the thought turning in the bed to see my lover and his tired face. Scruffy hair if he had it, and a tired glaze over his eyes. It would be the best sight on earth. I'd be at my happiest.

With a sigh, I closed my eyes and ceased the thoughts in my mind. I was tired... So I fell sound asleep relatively fast, but only for a short while. Soon in I began tossing in my bed, rolling around in floral print blankets and sheets. My lace-rimmed pillows were drenched with drool and I grimaced feeling it dried on my cheek. I sat up and scratched my head, yawning and looking around.

My aunt had stopped her piano playing, and it was almost silent in the house, darkness overfell the outside and I could see the moon from my white-paned window. I sighed, rubbing my eyes and listening to the crickets chirp outside, but soon I did not just hear the night's normal fauna, but the clopping of hooves.

Before I could stand to investigate, it became louder and louder and it seemed to be coming towards the house. Of course there was a road close so I didn't really have to worry... I just couldn't help it. It was as if the hooves were coming directly towards my bedroom window, even if I was quite sure they weren't. And I was almost completely calm before they bece so loud I was sitting on the bed quivering. Then it stopped, and I heard a voice.

I squeaked. I couldn't help it, I was just frightened. But once I ran through my head, the words he was saying, I calmed and answered, coming in light of the moon in the window.

"Um... Yes. Near the little eatery down the road a bit." I swallowed nervously and looked intently upon my guest through the window. At least he looks my age... And a little cute in fact, but he's on his way. Don't think of him like that! I thought to myself, You'll be dreaming for weeks! "What are you doing out so late anyway? You look young." Well... At least he's intriguing.

[fancypost bgcolor= #; bordercolor= transparent; height: auto; cursor: url("http://cur.cursors-4u.net/cursors/cur-9/cur817.cur"), auto;][font=sitka display][size=8]sorry done now though :c

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[fancypost bgcolor= #; bordercolor= transparent; height: auto; cursor: url("http://cur.cursors-4u.net/cursors/cur-9/cur817.cur"), auto;][font=sitka display][size=8]Okay, well, I think I'm done with it all now. Sorry for mistakes /.\ If you still want to, make your character.

[fancypost bgcolor= #; bordercolor= transparent; height: auto; cursor: url("http://cur.cursors-4u.net/cursors/cur-9/cur817.cur"), auto;][font=sitka display][size=8]Okay, all accepted. I'll wait for today if one more person decides to join but expect the Roleplay thread to be made tomorrow.

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[color=black][url=http://static.tumblr.com/c8793f9ccc40ff07a02d32bb1339cec9/mydr112/F6cmt9e9o/tumblr_static_tumblr_m48ujy9vyn1qzdn8go1_500.gif]Naomi Lilith Rose[/fancypost]

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APPEARANCE.

PERSONALITY.

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PLOTS.
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THEME SONG.

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[color=black][url=https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/92/5e/c7/925ec75561f30eb1a2df5a3109e45ebb.jpg]Ana Clementine Roderick[/fancypost]

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APPEARANCE.

PERSONALITY.

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PLOTS.
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THEME SONG.

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[justify][font=yu mincho][size=8]Curling up and hugging my knees, I yawn and press my cheek against the cold wall as I bunker down into the corner of the room. All I have to cover myself are the clothes I'm wearing, and I can feel the chills creeping up my back from the winter outside. I shiver and sigh, wishing I could fall prey to sweet, delicious sleep.
Desperate, I begin to count sheep. One... two... three... four... twenty three... seventy four......

I have a dream about a beautiful woman. Her soft, slender hands resting around my neck, I press my lips gently against hers. She tastes like sugar and chocolate, and I feel intoxicated by the sounds of her breath and the rise of her chest against mine. Not to mention the way she twirls my curly hair drives me crazy. I pull away just to see her unfocused gaze and gaping mouth.
Biting my lip, I slip my hands underneath her thin floral blouse and rub her back up and down, enjoying the way her smooth skin creates a calm for me. We stare with intent, our warm breaths mingling in front of our lips and swirling down. We kiss and grasp and grip until eventually our clothes are on the floor and we're making sweet sweet love.

I wake to a bang at the door

[fancypost bgcolor= #; bordercolor= transparent; height: auto; cursor: url("http://cur.cursors-4u.net/cursors/cur-9/cur817.cur"), auto;][font=sitka display][size=8]For anyone who doesnt know, Otemes are pretty much interactive stories mostly centered on romance. Usually they are downloadable games or online, and I've only played one downloadable game: Katawa Shoujo, which I highly recommend as it is completely free and extremely enjoyable.

But back to what I was saying, Otomes are like a roleplay between two people, but the person you are roleplaying with is a computer. So I thought if I could write an EXTREMELY interactive story for people to play, I could post it on here. On advanced, because what I would write would not be mediocre. At least in my opinion. Also because I cannot create an actual game haha.

I wonder if anyone is interested. Anyone?

[fancypost bgcolor= #; bordercolor= transparent; height: auto; cursor: url("http://cur.cursors-4u.net/cursors/cur-9/cur817.cur"), auto;][font=sitka display][size=8]Cool :3. And I would give you choices, and what you pick will determine what happens next in the story. If that's what you're confused about.

[fancypost bgcolor= #; bordercolor= transparent; height: auto; cursor: url("http://cur.cursors-4u.net/cursors/cur-9/cur817.cur"), auto;][font=sitka display][size=8]I snuggled deep within his chest, rising with the movements of his breathing. I couldn't sleep; all I could think of was them being together.

I took a deep breath through my nose and exhaled quietly, careful not to wake him. I nuzzled further into him and held tightly to his body. I felt comfort in his presence; I felt safe. Yet at the same time I felt tense and awkward. I knew he cared for me, and he knew I felt the same for him, but I had saw them together again today.

They were talking and eating at some café. I wanted to think they were business partners, but he wasn't a business man. If I could have seen underneath the table, I'm sure I would have seen them playing footsie. I hadn't even seen him smile the way he smiled at her for a long time. The way his eyes brightened and nose crinkled, his teeth showing uncontrollably; he hated smiling with his teeth.

I bit my lip and felt my nose have that sharp ping before you start crying. I tried to look up at some light, but it was the middle of the night and I was too scared to wake him with turning on the lamp.

I loved him so much, and I hadn't ever looked at him any differently. He had even let himself go since then, as almost everyone does when they get married, but I loved his soft stomach as much as I loved what it use to be. I didn't think he felt the same for me. I use to have a flat stomach and perky breasts. My *ss was "flawless" as he liked to say, and there was nothing about me that wasn't absolutely gorgeous. Not anymore, I suppose. I had a tummy now, and my thighs were larger and my *ss wasn't as plump and round as it use to be. Just as well, my breasts sagged, and my laugh lines seemed to be the only thing I could see on my face anymore. I felt disgusting, and now it seems he thought the same of me.

We use to go out every Friday to dinner and then go somewhere quiet to kiss and make love. Then one day he didn't want to go. That day the light in my eyes went out. It wasn't fair, I thought. I had given everything to him and now he was cheating on me. After everything we had gone through- ten years since twenty three. He was gone. I scowled, suddenly disgusted by touching him.

I hurried out of the bed and put on my soft silk robe on to cover myself. F*ck him, I thought. If he could cheat so could I.

It was midnight by the time I was dressed. I had tight lingerie on underneath my dress, and it pushed my breasts up until my nipples were taking a peak; I didn't care.

My cheeks turned scarlet from the adrenaline rush, and I put on make-up faster than I could use the toilet. All I bothered to do to my hair was brush it, it being naturally deep red and curly, there wasn't much I could do in a hurry anyway. I didn't even bother leaving a note; I figured he wouldn't care if I was gone anyway.

As I approached the door I felt yet another, more powerful rush of adrenaline. I felt sexy, like nothing and no one could deny it. Once I stepped onto the front porch, I was smiling so wide my cheeks hurt, and I slammed the front door, hoping on the inside that the man in my bed would wake up and wonder.

After a little reckless driving, I got to a club called Frenzy. I was hesitant at first to step out the car, feeling unsure if I wanted to take the chance of embarrassment. But what did I have to be embarrassed about? Thirty-three isn't old. I looked good, and I knew what I liked too. Confidence is key right? If my thirty-six year old husband could still get *ss, so could I.

As I opened the car door, I felt a nervous burp surface through. I took a shaky breath and tried my hardest to sassily sashay to the entrance. I could hear the bass of the music bursting inside and for a small moment mistook it for my heart.

My plan was to simply snag someone and f*ck in the car, but if that didn't work out, it was bottoms up. I wasn't thinking much then, only what I was feeling and what I didn't want to feel.

On the inside of the club, it was chaos dancing. It was far too loud to think and the smell of perfume and alcohol was too much to smell the sweat.

"Hey."

I jumped, surprised at the sound.

"Um, hey."

The man looked at me with a drink in his hand, a smirk on his face, and a glint in his eye. I hadn't expected my plan to work this quickly.

"Coming alone?" The man inquired, an eyebrow raised. He couldn't seem to stand straight, and the glass of liquor in his hand was almost empty.

I nodded and bit my lip, I guess to be sexy.

He laughed, and it sounded like a low growl. Suddenly, he took a small step towards me. I swallowed nervously, and began to walk away towards the bar.

"Later perhaps" I said and hurried over to the alcohol. Just the sight of these lights and young twenty-somethings was enough to drain my confidence.

Ooc: plot is basically her meeting shut and cheating on her husband with him and the drama afterwards :3 you could play anyone at the bar you would like- either the bartender or a patron, no matter.

[fancypost bgcolor= #; bordercolor= transparent; height: auto; cursor: url("http://cur.cursors-4u.net/cursors/cur-9/cur817.cur"), auto;][font=sitka display][size=8]"I'll give you anything, just please- please let me stay." I looked up at him with a pleading stare; there was no where else for me to go.

"I can't, sweetheart." He said, a slightly irritated look on his face telling me he didn't want to continue- but what choice did I have?

"Please!" I buried my fists into his chest, clutching onto his cheap cotton shirt to which he responded with a scowl.

"You're better off on your own! When I helped you yesterday, that wasn't some kind of a marriage proposal! Now, get off me!" He grabbed my wrists and threw my hands off of him. I opened my mouth in shock to speak, but there was nothing more I could say. I suppose I should have known that he wouldn't let me stay, but if I didn't have hope, I didn't have anything.

"Fine." I murmured with a glare and turned to face the door leading outside, laying my hand on the knob.

"Hey-" He began, but I refused to let the prick finish, hurrying out the door and slamming it behind me. I stomped into the preceding alleyway, splashing puddles as I went and clenching my fists in frustration. It smelt like garbage: rotten food and diapers. God, something might have died as well.

I really didn't need him anyway; I was capable on my own even if I ran into anymore trouble. His help hadn't even been needed when the weird old man attacked me.I would have been fine without him. He had just made it easier for me.

• • •

As I crept into a gas station, the night had already begun, and the bulbs on the canopy were the only thing lighting the area around the building. The ring of the bell surprised me as I opened the glass doors, and my eyes widened. I hadn't heard that in a long time because I'd been to broke to even step foot in a store. Thankfully though, I had found a five dollar bill stuck to my shoe with gum. I planned on getting something with a lot of protein to fill me up quicker, and maybe some chocolate milk. God, I love chocolate milk.

"Hey."

I swiveled on my toes and furrowed my brow, was that for me? I couldn't see anyone. "Hey!" This time was a little louder, gruffer; it gave me shivers down my spine. I looked around a little more, feeling nervous. I walked back to the front of the store until I finally realized it had been the cashier, and he was talking to me.

"Um, yeah? Sorry." I stuttered, biting my lip as I looked to him. He had a ginger beard and wild hair, a beer gut and was surprisingly short. He didn't seem threatening by the looks, but his voice was concerning.

"What're you doin'?" His eyes narrowed at me.

"I'm getting a-a snack."

"You sound nervous. Got money for that?"

I'm stumbled in my pocket for the five dollars and after couple of awkward seconds I pulled out the five I had, waving it in the air to show the man.

"Yeah, see?" I said, and he looked like he was about to growl.

"Just hurry up."

Well, I did, and I didn't even end up spending all of my money. I was too shook up from the encounter that I didn't want to stay there much longer. I got my chocolate milk and then got out of there.

• • •

There was a little place up the road i had seen a couple days back, and although I was sure homeless heroin addicts lived there, I thought I could fit in. So a little less than an hour later I was there, and it was oddly quiet.

I stepped in through the front door of the chipping brick building and peeked around. To be honest I was a little nervous, and my false confidence was falling around me.

I could hear a little rustling on the second floor, possibly some guy on a sleeping bag or God knows. Whatever it was I didn't really want to get caught up in it and decided to set up for the night underneath the stairs on the ground floor. It was cold and wet and you could see the rubble from the above floor but it was better than nothing.

I laid my head upon the metal steps and curled up against the wall. As long as I had been in this kind of situation, it was hard to get use to it. Really easy to act like it though. Sometimes.

As much as I tried to, I couldn't get myself to sleep. I didn't feel safe enough to, even when I knew I'd be in more trouble if I was sleep deprived tomorrow than just laying here now. Maybe it is was the fear of someone raping me or killing me in my sleep, or some freak thinking it would be funny to stab me with their used needle and get me hooked on some kind of drug or give me HIV.

I wasn't really certain, but it didn't really matter anyhow.