Posts by skelestiel

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  • we'll start small, then we'll snowball // tutor available

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    [align=center][sub] alrighty! thank you!


    so i'm going to start with, and if you don't mind my constructive criticism, something i noticed in both of your roleplays. they're very good, but one thing i noticed was the use of the ellipsis. in dana's dialogue, i can tell that she's putting emphasis on certain words or that she's breathing in between her words. in order to make this a little bit easier to read, i would instead put something like:

    Quote

    after a minute where she fought to find words, Alex spoke, pausing in between her words, as if she still didn't know what to say. "I can't distinguish them anymore - my feelings. Happiness, sadness, guilt, they're all the same." she frowned, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes. she still sounded hesitant as she continued. "But there's one, only one, that manages to get to me. That's fear - it's how I live now. Constantly embraced by it."


    etc, etc.



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  • CLOSED -- Making new art shop soon!

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    [align=center][sub] alright, i'll bite. (-:


    Username : skelestiel // screenname is mexico <3
    Appearance (I love ref pics) : white cat, deep amber eyes or click here
    Gender of character : female
    Headshot or Full Body? : headshot, please.
    Pose : anything that matches the expression, really.
    Expression : kind of smirking, maybe?
    Do you want the name of your character on the art? : no thank you.
    If so, what is the character's name? : i don't want it, thanks !


    thank you so much. take your time on this.




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  • we'll start small, then we'll snowball // tutor available

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    [align=center][sub] that sounds awesome !
    another thing i've noticed is maybe the use of pronouns. in your mystogan sample, i noticed that it was kind of drowned out with 'he' and 'Mystogan.' this is very common -- even i do it sometimes -- so don't worry about it. instead, just find other ways to explain how he is doing things or who is doing it.
    for example ;;


    Quote

    Dean was never the type to get into fights like that.
    He was usually the one that broke them up, really. The hunter had to do what was right, when it was right. Of course, he'd gotten into one or two brawls before, but none like this. And it was all over that one girl -- those damn legs, hair, skimpy shirt that showed just enough chest. At the simple thought of another man taking her home, the stumbling mess of a man (who swore he'd only had two beers) cringed. So he gave it a try. The hunter worked up enough strength to not look like a fool when he swaggered over to the pool table, where she hid, half in the shadows as if waiting for prey. The strong arms set the beer down on the table, hands spreading apart as Dean's head leaned in over the table, just enough for the girl to study his features.
    "Hey, sweetheart," the buzzed male cooed; Dean was good looking, but tonight, he was drunk, and his eyelids rested halfway down his eyes. His lips were wet with his tongue and traces of beer still nestling in its corners. "Mind if I buy you a drink?"


    [sub][font=arial][color=white] i used bold on the spots where i tried to describe Dean, the main character, instead of using "he" or "Dean."


    and this also kind of goes along with it -- try and use one word as the beginning of the sentence less than twice. examples of this are above -- try not to use "I" or "The" or "He" or "She" or the character's name in the same paragraph more than twice. it makes the whole roleplay flow better and roll of the reader's tongue better.



    edit ;; just touching up some words here
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  • quick //

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    [align=center][sub] i need to write a 1000 word minimum megstiel fanfiction for a secret santa thing. it requires two characters celebrating a major life event which leads to fluffy smut.
    i don't know how to start it? if you could give me some tips and/or some major life events i would be ever so grateful, thank you<33




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  • we'll start small, then we'll snowball // tutor available

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    [align=center][sub] that's really awesome. you're doing really well. (-:
    so you've done a pretty good job of not making it just about your character. i know that sounds kind of crazy, but hear me out: when it comes to roleplays, if you want to keep it up and going, don't make it all about your characters. you have to keep opportunities open for your character so others may join in. when it came to your sample about lucy, you did a great job of that.
    also -- dialogue. that was pretty good. just make sure that you don't let dialogue get in the way of your descriptions and details.
    like if i say,

    Quote

    Examplefoot eyed the tom. "Don't let me see you sneaking around." he paused. "It's not good for you or the clan. You're freaking everyone out." She jumped on a ledge above him. "And anyway, you need some sleep. It's too dark."


    [color=white][font=arial][sub]
    you can see what's wrong with that. it's
    exchanging dialogue for description, which is giving the reader a harder time to understand what's going on. where are they? what do they look like? where did that ledge come from? are they in a ditch?


    again, that's not something you've done, just be wary of it.


    is there anything you'd like specific help with retouching your skills? i'm happy to help.




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  • dead dudes walking can ruin your day \\ mexi's chat

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    [align=center][sub] carl poppa
    hi there (-:
    if you've stumbled upon this chat then welcome ! it's really just anything for me to get to know some more people. i feel like since i restarted i have a new chance at maybe meeting more people. that's what i'm looking forward to, so hello (-:


    just about me -- i love supernatural, sherlock, the walking dead, parks and rec, the office, marvel, skyrim, and panic!at the disco. so there are some things we could talk about because i'm so awful at striking up conversation
    so hi
    i never know how to end these things



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  • we'll start small, then we'll snowball // tutor available

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    [align=center][sub] hmm.
    this is something i've never really covered, but i feel as though that was a little choppy.
    however, if you want to keep those, i would advise to not but pronouns or articles in between them. so for that example, I might instead put:


    Quote

    Julia giggled slightly, calmly lowering her hands. After that simple movement, the man in front of her was gently lowered from her spell. With a second soft chuckle, she retorted, hinting at maliciousness though she managed to speak calmly, "Maybe it'd be wiser to talk sooner, eh?"




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    | happy halloween ! |



  • dead dudes walking can ruin your day \\ mexi's chat

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    [align=center][sub] hi there !
    i left about six months ago and wow, it was hard to stay away from. i just love the idea of sharing characters and spending muse in places like these.


    what was your old username, if i may ask?



    EDIT ;;


    hi red!
    i like gifs too. they're pretty cool (-:


    i'm all caught up in supernatural. it has ruined my life i'm just slightly obsessed with it.



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    | happy halloween ! |



  • dead dudes walking can ruin your day \\ mexi's chat

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    [align=center][sub] i've read the hunger games and catching fire. i could never get into mockingjay, it was just too depressing for my taste.
    my favorite out of the trilogy was probably catching fire.




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    | happy halloween ! |



  • Advanced Tutor Needed Please! :D

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    [align=center][sub] so the first thing i've noticed is that it's a little hard to follow.
    by this, i mean that a very common mistake has occurred: too many pronouns are being used. instead of using other descriptive words, you've stuck to using "he" and "she" and "her," etc.


    one way to fix this is find other language or words that can change this. for example ;;


    Quote

    Jack was scared.
    For the first time in his life, the young dog didn't know which way to turn. So instead of choosing, the big golden retriever stood.
    The golden-haired male let the wind flow through his pelt.


    // note: i would write more, but i'm exhausted and in a hurry at the moment, so i'll come back to this.




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    | happy halloween ! |