Posts by never.

[hr][hr][fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; color: #bcd4e6; font-family: georgia; font-style: bold; font-size: 36px; text-align: center; text-shadow: 7px 7px 7px #bcd4e6;]BRONX CHADWICK![/fancypost][fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify; text-transform: lowercase; width: 400px;]
the boy raised an eyebrow over at the other male, not so sure what he was talking about. but after a few moments it hit him; either his roommate was a prankster, or one of his friends were. or just some asshole who liked to prank anyone and everyone. he shook his head a little and rolled his eyes, worrying at his bottom lip. he put the pen down on the open sketchbook in his lap, fiddling with the homemade, beaded bracelet he had on his right wrist. the room was kind of cold, but it didn't bother him any. bronx was used to the cold, and would much rather have the temperature be colder than ice rather than hot. the heat was definitely not a very good friend of his; it never was, and never will be. it always made him feel nauseous and even tireder than he already was.

bronx's eyes widened as he flinched at the sound of a voice coming from the doorway. his head turned to see who it was, furrowing his eyebrows at seeing a water balloon in one of his hands. he kept back a yelp when the other brunette threw the balloon, moving a little just in case. he couldn't help but laugh silently, covering his mouth as lime green paint covered half of his roommate's body, and elsewhere in the room behind the other. he watched him wipe some of the paint off his glasses, then turned his head to look back at the other male standing in the doorway again, just as mr. andrews had. he raised both of his eyebrows, keeping back a laugh with a tight smile when the blonde-haired teen ran over to who he'd called nickolas, and both disappeared from the room and the doorway. he shook his head a little; so nickolas was the one he had to watch out for. if that brunette messed with anything of his, he'd beat the sh.t out of him. nobody touches him or his stuff. his dad learned that the hard way.

bronx debated on putting his ear buds in and blasting his music at full volume into his ears, just so he didn't have to hear anyone, but decided against it. he didn't know why, either; he never turned down listening to music. he shrugged to himself, picking up the pen and started fiddling with it between his long fingers. he worried at his lower lip, eyebrows furrowing in a concentrated way as he finally started sketching something out. he usually used a pen instead of a pencil to sketch, though when he drew, he always used pencil first. sketching and drawing were two totally different things. anyway, he sketched out a stem of a flower, then added tiny thorns here and there. he almost messed everything up when he heard his roommate come back into the room and drawers being pulled out.

he didn't even turn his head, just shaking it a little. he sighed silently at the other's last statement, shrugging once again to himself. again; bronx would beat the sh.t out of anyone who messed with his stuff. "well, tell him i'll kick his ass if he so much as comes near my stuff. and if i find anything out of place, including myself, i will hunt him down and stab him in the neck with a knife."" the words were said calmly, a gentleness in his tone. just like a true maniac would have when he said something like he had just said. he came from a long line of weirdos and maniacs, though. nothing out of the ordinary, for someone in his family.

he kept on sketching his dark rose, not so much as glancing for one second over at the other. but he just couldn't seem to drift off into that own little world of his. and it was starting to tick him off.

ooc;
yes, i totally agree - for the people who are underused as face claims.
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[fancypost bgcolor=; bordercolor=transparent; width: 375px; height: 300px; overflow: auto;][justify][color=black][size=8][sup]i had a tight, sympathetic smile on my face, eyes still a little tired. i yawned silently, covering my mouth with my free hand. i hummed, resisting the urge to make a 'tsk' sound when he started throwing up again. it wasn't very much, but if you looked at where he puked, it was a good amount. i huffed lightly at the thought, licking over my lip ring, the tip of my tongue messing with it as i waited patiently for fallen to be done. i was used to all this; rubbing the back of someone who had a hangover. i mean, i did have friends who just loved to get drunk. not in an alcoholic kind of way. they're not alcoholics. they would have told me. i think. but they weren't alcoholics, okay? i would have noticed, by now, trust me.

i chuckled lightly at his apology, stepping back a little to give him some space. "sorry i had to see that? i see a lot of that. and i'm the one who came out here in the first place. not your fault." i patted his shoulder, then took a few steps closer. i couldn't help but run my fingers through his hair, smiling softly at him. he was really pretty, okay? his hair was really f.cking soft, too. like a kitten's fur. i giggled silently at myself, pecking him on the cheek. "let's get ya freshened up, yeah?" i linked our arms, putting my free hand on my hip. i bet i could be one hell of a drag queen. not that i'm a cross-dresser, or anything, because i'm totally not. i'm not hating or anything, because - i'm going to shut up now.

i swear i'm not a cross-dresser.

( out of character ) aw, i'm getting all flustered just thinking about it. i'd probably be trembling like a chihauhua. x3
ohmygosh, imagine frankie in a cute lil' dress with high heels and a boa, and a band in his hair; what i call a 'hippie hair style'. cx

[align=center][font=times new roman][size=10]i kept back a small laugh at his remark, shaking my head a little when hanley giggled at the other dad. she didn't write it down or anything, but nodded her head at him. i ended up giggling that little giggle of mine, covering my mouth after. i looked down with wide eyes and a blush, praying to a god i wasn't sure existed that nobody noticed. hanley wriggled her eyebrows at me when i looked over at her, and she was off. sometimes i just wanna... nah, i'd never do that. ask daisy - she'll tell you i'd never hurt a fly. not a goddamn fly. literally; she'd say 'goddamn'. what? it's not such a big bad word. it's nothing like f.ck, or sh.t. so shut up and leave us alone. hmph.

i don't think i could drink my coffee plain; no sugar, no creamer. just, you know, coffee. i mean, i didn't like it too sugary, or with tons of creamer either. i liked my coffee with just enough creamer and sugar to have it be sweet, but still have the blissfully bitter taste to it. i put more creamer in my coffee than sugar, though. don't ask why, it just tastes better, to me.

ha, i remember that one time - and only one time - when daisy tried some of my coffee. we'd just got done eating at this little diner we were sitting in now, but i hadn't finished my coffee yet. she'd asked me if she could have a tiny sip, and i tried telling her she wouldn't like it, but she almost literally snatched the mug from my hands. the face she made was priceless. she'd scrunched up her face and stuck her tongue out, making a noise that sounded between the word 'yuck' and 'ick'. i'd just smirked at her, and she was on me about it throughout the whole day, asking me why i drank coffee so much, because it was "absolutely, terribly, utterly disgusting." ah, i love little daisy too much.

i hummed silently, looking over to daisy and her new friend. new. they seemed like they had known each other since birth. i could only imagine what would happen if they never saw each other again. daisy would probably be all mopey about it for the longest time, telling me she'd never find another friend. ever. and i'd probably cry with her when she cried, because i was just that sentimental.

i swayed slightly, side to side, as i started humming again. the guys would just simply adore jamie. and the song we'd just written together. for sure.

// ohmygosh your avvie patrick is flawless like all those other band members but look at him he's so adorable and i just caaaannnn't i'm not even using punctuation ergh *^* //

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[ hollywood may morse. ]
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[fancypost bgcolor=transparent; border: 0px inset transparent; width: 450px;][font=times new roman][sup][color=black]hey, sweetheart. <3 i may not exactly understand what you are going through, but it gets better. you might have heard it a thousand times, but trust me; it really does get better. i haven't ever self-harmed, but i have been in mental pain before. we've all been depressed at one point or another - just know that it's completely normal to get depressed sometimes. sometimes it lasts longer than it should, but it always gets better. dying is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. you can't have a rainbow without a little rain, and it hurts, but it always gets worse before it gets better. and the worse it gets, the better the outcome. just know that you are never alone - not everyone will leave you. i may not know you, but i'm always here for you. i'm here if you need to spill your heart out, or if you simply want to chat about nothing and everything. this world is not a better place without you. there are so many people you have yet to meet - your future friends, best friend, and your future husband. you have your whole life ahead of you. you may be in pain now, but as you go down the road you'll find that ti really does get better. keep on living for you future husband and your future kids, for your future friends and your future best friend; keep on living for that light at the end of the tunnel. and anyone who leaves you just isn't worth it, alright? you're just too good for them. you are beautiful, on the inside and out, no matter what anyone says or thinks. you might not know it, but you are a strong person for continuing on down the tunnel, heading towards that beautiful life. everything will get better. i promise. <33

[align=center][color=black][size=8][font=georgia]//screams// your signature is perfect i can't stop looking omfg i love you so much i just can't the feels he's so beautiful fffuuuu

ahem.
excuse my little 'fangirl moment' there. aheh. what a greeting, right? //fail//
anywho, i'd love to do a bxb rp with you. he he, that rhymed. i don't have a specific idea in mind, but maybe we could do one of those cliches like they meet at a coffee shop? ooh, or an amusement park? and they could be in high school, college, or just not in school. oh, and maybe one of our dudes is looking for a roommate to share their apartment with? if they're not in school, of course. c:
ooh, and we gotta add some angst in there, too. like they get mugged, or something. or one of them has an eating disorder[or two. if that's alright, of course.] and the other cuts? or both. mugging and self-harming. recipe for 'crying because the feels are too much i just can't'.
heh heh, i know who i'm gonna use as my face claim.

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[align=center][font=times new roman][size=7]T I M E
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using! i might end up using numero dos, too. these are magnificent, twisty. <3
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and you have no idea how much helping you has helped me, so I thank you, too.
I love you so so so much. Again , I'm always here if you need me. No matter what. <33
//hugglez//

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[fancypost bgcolor=; bordercolor=transparent; width: 375px; height: 300px; overflow: auto;][justify][color=black][size=8][sup]i helped fallen inside the tour bus, then led him to the couch. i didn't pay attention on whether or not someone was sitting there, taking my arm from the ginger's and made him sit down. i walked over to the kitchenette, grabbing a bottle of aspirin zayne probably left on the counter, and then a water bottle from the fridge. i walked back over to fallen and sat by him, scooting closer until we were shoulder-to-shoulder. i gave him the water and aspirin, smiling softly. my headache wasn't too bad, and i usually just sucked it up and let the headache fade away itself.

i hoped fallen would be okay. i mean - i think you know what i mean. i'd help him through whatever it was he was going through, that's for sure. he wasn't going down without me.

( out of character ) i don't think i'd ever calm down. like i'd always have the memory stuck in my mind, and even five years later i'd squeal about it. cx
he he, cross-dressing frankeh.

[align=center][font=times new roman][size=10]it wasn't surprising that the meal had gone perfectly well. the girls chattered away, and the silence between jamie and i wasn't that kind of uncomfortable silence. we kind of talked, i guess, saying a few words here and there. we didn't really converse or anything, but it was still a nice lunch. listening to the girls go on about music, and what they'd do when they got time to see each other again. daisy refused to call it a play-date, which made me chuckle a little. okay, honestly, my chuckle sounded like a giggle. no wonder i only laughed around my few friends and daisy. or when i was by myself, which was once every blue moon.

daisy had practically forced me to take a bite of her pasta, even though she knew i wasn't really one for that food. macaroni was delicious, but i just had to be in the mood for it. i had to be 'in the mood' to eat anything. i was always 'in the mood' for coffee, though - a bittersweet delicacy. like love. love was so bittersweet, but i guess it was rather sweeter than bitter. only death could make it more bitter than sweet. death can kiss my ass.

i hadn't heard hanley come over, lost in my own little world while sipping at the coffee, which made the mug warm. i'd wrapped my fingers around it, staring off into space with a small smile on my face - that rhymed. i rolled my eyes at myself, shifting a bit every now and then. poor girls. we'd have to go our separate ways, soon enough, and i knew daisy would make that adorable little puppy-dog face at me. sometimes i couldn't say no to her, but those two probably had things to do. daisy had been wanting to go see a movie, so maybe that'd get her mind off of having a play-date with allie. not. they were sisters, man. no matter the blood-relation, or that they just met. if i didn't know any better, i'd say they'd known each other since birth. did i already say that? probably.

i turned my gaze to jamie, who started speaking to me. i hadn't flinched, which was actually quite a surprise, and took a sip of the still-warm beverage in my hands before setting the mug down. i grabbed the pen i had set on the closed sketchbook, and grabbed a napkin. i didn't say anything about it, even though we were neighbors; it was still a good idea to contact via phone. you know, just so we didn't have to go running back and forth, house to house. i wrote down my cellphone number, since we, oddly enough, didn't have a home phone. (563) 640-1996 i slid the napkin over to him, though felt stupid after a few seconds of doing so. we could have just put in each other's phone - oh, sh.t i totally forgot my phone in the car. good thing i locked it, huh?

( that's totally fine. i would have timeskipped it you didn't. c: patrick's so freaking adorable - like why?? ohmygod peterick, though. )

[font=georgia][size=8][color=black]from where i am it says you typed it at two. //shrugs// i get distracted easily too. like it's not even funny. .-.

no no, you can have your dude be eighteen, too, if you want. c:

that's perfectly fine with me, darlin'. not too much at all. to me, anyway. i mean, both of those things just seem to fit together - alcoholic & cutter.
alright, so long as it's fine with you. c:

so, is there anything else? my brain is uncooperative with me, but if you have anything else... yeah. c:
also, would it be too much to ask if you could make le thread? i'm working on a reply for another advanced role play i'm in. i can still make it, though, if you want. it'd just take a while. c:

[font=georgia][size=8][color=black]oh, i see, i see. it makes perfect sense.
alrighty, then! thank you a lot, hon! makes things a lot easier on me. <3
i think my butt is going numb. tmi, i know. but seriously...

[align=center] " the world is full of suffering, but it is also full of overcoming it . " -helen keller
[size=26pt] mickey radcliffe . [/size]

[color=black][size=8][font=georgia]love - the strongest, most important thing in this world. yeah, right. if love was so strong i wouldn't be in this car right now, heading to some kind of stupid camp to be 'fixed'. what, was i a broken clock, or something, now? if my mom and dad wanted to 'fix' me so badly, why couldn't they just do it themselves? i mean, they haven't even tried to help me. all they do is say 'that's bad for you. you should really stop'. or some sh.t like that. oh, that helps a lot, thanks so much! i huffed as i plopped down in the backseat of the car, putting my earphones in. i slammed the door shut on purpose, smirking a little when my dad looked back at me with a glare. i kept my gaze down, turning the volume up all the way when he started blabbering, probably telling me to put my seat belt on. like hell i would. if we got into an accident and i died, that was that. oh f.cking well.

the ride was far too short, if you ask me. i frowned at seeing the camp, craving a cigarette or dilaudid - the drug that made me fly. they took my stash away like four or five days ago, and i cursed them for it. i haven't been able to sleep, i've had horrible headaches, i've been shaking too much, and i've been waking up in a cold sweat since then. not to mention i vomit more than anyone ever should. it's really tiring, and partially my parents' faults. i admit that it is partially my fault, but they're the ones who took it away from me. they're the ones who are sending me off to some stupid camp in which they think will help 'straighten me out'. it's not all my fault that i'm a rude, asshole druggy. i didn't have the best childhood, and high school f.cking sucks. i mean, i wasn't bullied in high school - i was pushed around a bit, but people learned not to mess with me. i might be short - and according to everyone else, thinner than a stick - but that didn't mean i couldn't kick your ass. my name may be the name of a mouse, but i'm much stronger than you think. though i guess my bark is worse than my bite.

i slouched in the beat, chewing on my cheek. my hands started shaking, but i ignored it and took out my earphones. i stuffed them and my ipod into the only bag i brought, gulping silently as i opened the door. my mom had this sympathetic smile on her face, and she wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug, in which i didn't return. i only frowned and tensed, clearing my throat after a few seconds when she didn't let go. when she did, i took a few steps forward, only to bump into some girl with a big smile on her face. i grunted, the frown plastered on my face. i gripped the strap of my bag tightly, taking a brief deep breath as the girl started to talk. "hi there! i'm grace." oh. my. god. no. "what's your name, sweetcheeks?" she did not just call me that. at least she didn't call me shorty, huh? i wasn't embarrassed about the fact she was taller than me - i was 5'5, and she was probably 5'7, or 5'8. eegh.

"mickey." my tone was blunt and annoyed, as it usually was. i wrapped an arm around myself, keeping back a yawn. she reached her hand out and i almost grimaced, shaking my head a little. i wasn't a 'hand-shaker', or one for any physical contact. i'm not a clean freak, or anything; i just really hate being touched. i gave her an obviously fake, tight smile when her's faded, then returned even brighter. i swear she jumped up. i swear. i turned my gaze downward, not wanting to stare right back at her. i could feel her eyes burning holes in my head, but i ignored it, and took the papers she handed to me with my free hand. "you'll be staying in cabin 5. i believe your roommate is already here." i couldn't stand to listen to her any more, so i just nodded my head and walked off, starting my search for cabin number five.

i huffed out a breath of air when i finally found the cabin after about ten minutes of searching, and trying not be talked to. it wasn't too hard, considering i was shorter than a lot of these other people. i shuffled over to the cabin, a tired look plastering my face. i put the papers in my other hand, careful not to drop my bag, and pushed the door open. as soon as i got in and the door shut, i noticed a body on one of the beds. roommate. ugh. i rolled my eyes, and quietly made my way to the other bed. i tried to make myself unnoticeable, mentally thanking the heavens - in which i wasn't sure was actually real - that i wasn't clumsy, and actually really quiet on my feet. i set my bag down on the bed, and plopped down beside it, putting the papers on the nightstand beside the bed. i lied down on my back, putting my head on the bag and loosely folding my hands on my stomach, trying to stop them from shaking so much. i narrowed my eyes at the ceiling, cursing the chatter i could still hear, even with the door shut. how wonderful, this is going to be.

especially with a roommate. hopefully he - i was ignoring the guy, but i did take time to notice it was indeed a guy - wasn't as cheery as that grace girl. i'd have to suffocate him while he was asleep.

[ don't fret, love. your post was absolutely perfect. <3 sorry 'bout this one. a wee bit rushed - i just wanted to get something up, because i'm excited for this thread. c: why is andy and pete so pretty? and all those other band members? it's not fair. //pouty face// ]

[align=center] " take me to the sun, i feel i'm chasing r a i n b o w s . "

[size=26pt] patrick walters . [/size]

[justify][fancypost bgcolor=transparent; border: 0px inset transparent; width: 550px;][color=#f0f8ff][size=8][font=georgia]depression wasn't just sadness - it was something more, i guess, extreme. some people had it worse than others, and longer than others. you could just wake up one morning, and have all these negative thoughts swarming in your head. sometimes your friends or family could make you smile, but other times it just seems like there isn't any hope left. i can't say for sure, because i'm me; i'm not any one of those people. but for me, i just never wanted to get up in the morning. it's different now, because i actually have something to get up and live for. but then i just didn't feel like i'd ever amount to anything; that i'd be worthless for all eternity. of course, now, i knew i wasn't completely worthless. but i just felt like there was nothing more to me than music, you know? i knew it helped people and saved lives, which was a pretty damn big thing, but what else could i do? i couldn't even get a boyfriend or a girlfriend who didn't want me because i was famous, or because of the way i looked, or because i had a 'wonderful voice'. that's why i haven't dated in so long. i was afraid they wouldn't like me for me; for what's on the inside.

and the fear that they'd find out. the fear that they'd leave me if they did, because they didn't want to deal with all my sh.t. that's why i was so scared for anyone to find out. i kept telling myself that if i just stopped all this nonsense, then i wouldn't have to worry about it. but i couldn't stop, no matter how hard i tried. i'd start eating at least one, good meal a day, but it only lasted up to a week, at the most, before it all rolled downhill again. the purging was something i couldn't stop. sticking my fingers down my throat made me throw up - i was in control of it. i know you can actually gain weight from purging on purpose and/or not eating for days, but it just never seemed to happen to me. maybe it's because i don't just sit around doing nothing all day. i actually get up and do stuff. and being onstage, in front of an actual crowd, live, gave me a big workout. i could never seem to stop moving, singing my heart out while sweating so much you could fill a glass with it.

oh man. i remember this one time - at band camp, aha. anyway - i was in my room, listening to panic! at the disco, when my dad started furiously knocking on my door. like it was so furious, i could hear it plain as day over the music. i can tell you this; it scared the living sh.t out of me. i was fifteen, and i thought that i was, oh dear, in trouble. but what did i do? i made my mother cry, is what i did. i seriously just lashed out on her. i would have probably lashed out at dad, too, if he were home at the time. my yell was still quiet, but there was so much venom in my voice. all the sh.t i was going through just made me so restless, and it got on my nerves. i tried hiding my anger, and i never really felt so much anger before. but i guess something particularly awesome happened, and anger bubbled up inside me of me, and i just had to lash out at someone, something, anything. and it just so happened that my mother was the closest person, and it didn't make it any better that she was talking to me about how sad it made her that i thought so lowly of myself, and let those assholes get to me. she literally said 'assholes'. i would have laughed if i weren't so angry.

i ended up telling her to back off, and that i didn't need her. i didn't say i didn't need her help, i said i didn't f.cking need her - or dad, for that matter. all the things i told her were so horrible, and i couldn't believe i'd actually gotten that angry as to just blabber about all those untrue things. i wouldn't be here if it weren't for them. they might smother me, and it may make me a little uncomfortable at times, but i did need them; i do and will always need them. i mean, at least they didn't hate me and ignore me, or beat me up. they loved me to no end, and i knew that, because they told me every single day. even my dad told me he loved me, and wasn't afraid to hug me or kiss my cheek. he only kissed my cheek if i had a nightmare or if i was just really, really down in the dumps. like so far down that it felt like i could never dig my way back up again. hell, without them i would have never existed in the first place. not that that wouldn't be, you know, fine with me.

when i turned my music down, my dad started yelling for me to open the door. which i obviously did, because i didn't want to make him any angrier. my mom was there right by his side, telling him it wasn't my fault, blah, blah, blah. he almost started yelling at me, but we all ended up in a group hug, like we were in some aa meeting. then we all went down to the basement, and we watched the nightmare before christmas. and as always, i lied on a bunch of pillows and wrapped myself in blankets on the floor, while my mom and dad took the love seat, cuddled up to each other like they were the most perfect couple in the world, and didn't have a son who hated himself. a son who didn't deserve their kindness and smothering. i never felt good enough for them. i felt like i should have been a better son - i still feel like that, sometimes.

my parents are always telling me how they're so proud of me for living my dream. they're proud of me for pushing those bullies aside and leaving them behind. they said they couldn't have asked for a better son. and every time i heard that, or read it in a text message, i'd tear up. if it were sent to me in a text, i'd - most of the time - end up crying. not really crying, but tears were start rolling down my cheeks. i just couldn't believe their words. i knew i wasn't the son they thought they'd get; they were just too sweet to tell me that. they were too caring, too kind and too selfless to tell me. they were like the perfect parents from some of those family movies, or something. god, i didn't deserve them at all. they deserved so much better. maybe they loved that i was following my dream, and maybe they loved having me being in a band, but they could have had a son, or daughter, who wasn't so f.cked up. they deserved so much f.cking better.

i could feel the heat of his cheek, and mine flushed impossibly more at the smirk i could feel against my lips. i couldn't stop the small smile that etched across my face when he - obviously playfully - gave a soft tug of my hair. i shifted a little so i'd be sitting on my knees, so i wouldn't have to have my neck twisted in order to, you know. i squeezed his hand back just as gently, though kept squeezing, my shoulders tensing a little. i couldn't remember the last time i'd kissed someone without it being playful, or motherly or whatever. it felt kind of weird, to be honest, but at the same time, it felt good. i guess it was all the better that it was hayden. it was like having my first kiss all over again - which this kind of was. of course i've kissed people before, but i think i've made it clear that it was just playful or motherly. or whatever. it wasn't anything like this. with someone's hand fisted in my hair, though not at all painfully; and drunk. that didn't make this any less special, though. there was something between us, that was for sure. it was cheesy, but there were some fireworks going off, and there were definitely butterflies in my stomach. and it wasn't just from the alcohol.

i don't know, something about this felt right. we barely knew each other, yet we knew so much about each other at the same time. i felt safe with him, and like i could trust him with my life. i felt like i could tell him anything, and he wouldn't judge me, or smother me like my parents. again, i loved my parents, but seriously. hayden was... different. everyone was different in their own little way, but he was just, i don't know, different. like we were both a little broken, and needed a little mending. maybe we could both stitch each other's hearts up, huh? i could be his remedy, instead of alcohol, and he could be mine, instead of... was what i did really a remedy? it only made things worse, yet i still felt like i was in a bittersweet sort of bliss. f.cked. up. but that didn't seem to matter anymore. i had hayden, and i just knew he wouldn't leave me. the look in his eyes told me so. he practically told me so. and i'd never leave him, no matter what. ever. as long as we both shall live.

i hummed as i leaned a bit more into the soft yet passionate kiss, and ended up taking my hands from his cheek and hand, putting them on his chest. i clutched at his shirt, then put one hand on the back of his neck, gently rubbing my thumb on his soft skin. after a few more moments, i reluctantly pulled away, panting just a little bit. i licked over my lips, then pursed them and slowly opened my eyes, though just a little over halfway. i took the hand that wasn't on the back of his neck and brushed my fingertips over his lips, the small smile never leaving my own. i hummed once more, though a bit quieter this time, forcefully taking his hand out of my hair. i grabbed both of his hands and intertwined our fingers, biting on my lower lip as i pressed out foreheads together. please tell me i wasn't falling in love already. no - there was something there, yes, but i wasn't sure if it was love. just, you know, a strong affection. but i'd be lying if i said it probably wouldn't blossom into something just a little bit more, some time or another.

a big smile etched across my face when i heard a familiar pitter-patter on the tour bus, keeping in a squeal. rain. rain was a f.cking blessing, and no matter how horrible i felt, it always made me feel like i was on top of the world. i took my hands out of hayden's cupped his cheeks, and gave him a quick peck on the lips before i was moving my legs so i could get up. i slid out of the bunk, looking back to the other singer with a hopeful glimmer in my eyes. i gestured for him to follow me, then without hesitating, i walked over to the door of the bus. i opened it and smiled a bright, genuine smile. anyone who said they didn't love rain was absolutely crazy. rain was like music - a remedy. a lovely, lovely remedy to any bad day. i almost literally hopped off the bus, and just like that, it started pouring. it wasn't too hard, but it was still raining pretty hard. hey, at least it wasn't hailing, right?

i jogged out a bit further from the bus before stopping and stretching my arms out, then started twirling around like some girl would in a cheesy romantic movie. i closed my eyes and tilted my head up, stopping my twirling and stood still. i was already drenched, head to toe. i curled and uncurled my toes, fiddling with the ends of my now soaking wet hoodie's sleeves. i put my arms down and turned around, opening my eyes. i had to squint a little, though, to see through the rain. i decided not to wait and looked up tot he sky again, putting one hand out to 'catch' raindrops. rain was so beautiful, and it was a shame not so many people noticed the true beauty of it. it gave me sweet, sweet bliss; a state of euphoria, almost. it was like i was in a whole different world, and sh.t, it was so f.cking amazing.

( out of character ) at least it's in the good way. <3 you're perfect in every single way and more. <33
and you're sweeter than all the sweetest things that both you and i can think of. he he. c;
hope hope hope. i love just the word itself.
well, i'm glad you did. i was getting antsy, over here!
you're damn right, you'll let it slide, miss teddy. 'cause i'm adorable as f.ck. 8) but you're more adorabler. <3
i couldn't possibly thank you enough. <33 and i sure hope you do. i just love a good chat. :3
//cries with you// not a freaking all, dude. let's go kidnap them all and cuddle 'em! </3
rain. because i'm the cheesiest little sh.thead there is. ;3

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[fancypost bgcolor=; bordercolor=transparent; width: 375px; height: 300px; overflow: auto;][justify][color=black][size=8][sup]i giggled silently when fallen ever so politely flipped one of his band mates off, shaking my head a little. i raised an eyebrow when he only took one of the pills in my hand, opening my mouth to say something. he cut me off, though, and i was about to protest, but i decided against it. i shook my head a little, getting up and walked over to the kitchenette again. i grabbed myself a water from the fridge, then shuffled back over to fallen. i plopped down beside him, almost snuggling into him - almost. i took a large gulp of the cool water, then swallowed the pill dry and took another few smaller gulps. i cleared my throat and wiped my mouth after, relaxing back against the back of the sofa. i rested my head on fallen's shoulder, sighing silently. i wrapped my fingers around the water bottle, tapping then lightly. i gave zayne a glare when he winked at me, and just as politely as fallen, i flipped him off. i could hear his silent chuckle from where i sat, and i rolled my eyes. "asshole." i giggled and looked up at fallen, shamelessly kissing his cheek, totally unafraid and confident. i didn't care who saw. i kissed a lot of people's cheeks, anyway. i mean, fallen was different, but - you get it.

( out of character ) //sigh// i just want to cuddle all of them. kevin. vic. alex. alan. frankie. all of them.

[fancypost bgcolor=transparent; border: 0px inset transparent; width: 430px;][hr][/fancypost]
[fancypost bgcolor=; bordercolor=transparent; width: 375px; height: 300px; overflow: auto;][justify][color=black][size=8][sup]i kept in a giggle when one of fallen's band mates let out a pretty loud 'oohhhh' shaking my head a little. i had to admit my heart fluttered, and my cheeks did heat up a little, but i was glad they were happy for fallen. i could tell they were by the way they smiled at him. i wondered how long it'd been since fallen had actually received more-than-friendly affection. for me, it'd been a while, but not too long. i mean, who could resist such a short, adorable sh.t like me? i'm just kidding, just kidding! jeez, i'm not that cocky. i might be confident, but i'm not too cocky. there's a difference, you know.

i yawned silently, a small, content half-smile plastering my face as i closed my eyes. "i cannot wait to get back up on stage," i muttered, mostly to myself. i really couldn't wait - seriously, can time go faster? i mean, i love being beside fallen and all, but we could cuddle and fall asleep together when the time came. well, i hope so, anyway.

( out of character ) and haley. and lights. and beau. and gee. and every single one of our favourite band members. yesh.

[align=center] " the world is full of suffering, but it is also full of overcoming it . " -helen keller
[size=26pt] mickey radcliffe . [/size]

[color=black][size=8][font=georgia]i really wish i would have put up a bigger fight when my parents told me they were shipping me off to this place. i tried playing the whole 'innocent' card, and actually forced tears to fall from my eyes. and when that didn't work, i gave them the silent treatment. though i guess i never really ever talked a whole lot, period. i did talk to them sometimes, and it did seem to be working for a bit. but then it came time for me to go, and i realized i hadn't put up much of a fight. damn me. damn them. damn this whole f.cking world. i am going to escape this little piece of hell, i swear. i did have friends, you know. i'm gonna escape here, and go to a friend of mine's house. we're gonna get high and all worries are going to vanish. everyone but me and him are going to vanish, and we're going to laugh our asses off, talking nonsense for the rest of our lives. my parents would probably find me in the blink of an eye, but i'd put up a bigger fight, this time. i'm smarter than they are, so it shouldn't be a problem, this time. then again, most people are smarter than them. maybe not book smart, but you get what i mean.

they tried getting me to write in a journal. and by 'they' i mean my parents and the therapist they forced me to see. it was a waste of money and time, really, but they didn't seem to care. they thought it was 'fixing' me. i really made it seem that way, didn't i? if only they believed until they died. and i did write in that little journal they gave me for quite some time, though it never helped a whole lot. i had to admit that it did help the slightest bit, just spilling everything out onto pieces of paper bound together, but the thought of someone reading it made everything worse. i usually tore the pages out and crumpled them up, and put them in the trashcan beside my bed. no one dared to enter my room. unless it was an emergency, of course. which there rarely ever was. and even then, they'd probably just knock on my door and yell for me to either stay and hide or get my ass out and into the basement. or outside. whatever. nothing like that has ever happened, anyway. i hoped a robber would break into the house and steal a bunch of my parent's sh.t. that's be one of the funniest things ever, and i wouldn't be able to help myself. i'd probably laugh so hard i'd die from lack of air.

ah, wouldn't that be nice? dying, i mean. well, not dying, but the thing that came after. my parents were 'hardcore' christians, man. me? they thought i believed everything they did, but i just wasn't sure, you know? i guess you could call me an atheist, but it wasn't that simple. i used to pray, but it was to a god i wasn't even sure was there, or real. what if people were praying to no one, or nothing? what if there was no heaven, no hell, no nothing after you died? it makes my stomach turn just thinking about it. and why do people bury other people in the ground, in a coffin? like that sh.t is just messed up. there are so many other people buried surrounding them, and i honestly think it's disrespectful. hey, just because i'm a bit of an asshole doesn't mean i don't care. sort of. the dead deserve better, though. everyone should be cremated, in my opinion. what if ghosts were real? what if people who were buried came back because they weren't 'at peace'? does no one think about these things? do people want to be haunted for the rest of their lives, then die only to come back as some spirit, roaming the earth with no one to talk to for the rest of eternity? unless someone decides to dig up your body - or, i mean, bones - and burn you to ashes. it's not as bad as it sounds! you're already dead, anyway. so you can't feel anything.

i reached my hand out to grab the papers on the nightstand, furrowing my eyebrows. i opened my eyes to read what they said, so glad to see that it was only times. you know, when we ate and sh.t like that. i grumbled silently, under my breath, when reading we had little 'meetings'. for two whole f.cking hours. hell to the no. i was not sitting around a fire for two f.cking hours with a bunch of other people. i didn't so much care that they were messed up, because i was too, but it was the fact that they were people. talking people. people who'd talk. if someone started singing, i would get up and walk away. don't get me wrong, i loved music. it was my only lifeline, actually. but they'd probably sing some music that'd make everything worse. for me, anyway. this wasn't some summer camp, so more than likely they wouldn't have anyone there with a guitar. i mean, it was summer, but you know what i mean. this was a camp for 'troubled teens', to put it simply. or for 'teens whose parents don't f.cking care and don't want to deal with their sh.t'. adults are stupid. but teenagers are scary, so i kind of understand.

i let the papers fall out of my hand and onto the floor, closing my eyes again. i kept in a groan when i heard the door open, eyebrows still furrowed. i licked over my lips, shifting a bit to get more comfortable. the bed wasn't so comfortable, but what did you expect? this was a camp, after all, not some fancy little... camp. i shewed the thought away so my brain wouldn't explode; so i wouldn't explode. i tried blocking out their voices - my roomie and the guy who'd just stepped in. but i couldn't help but listen, almost snorting when the guy said he had to look through nicholas's bag. at least it wasn't a stupid name like mickey, right? and jeez, his voice was f.cking deep. like, really deep. i have such a dirty mind, oh god. i'm a horrible person.

wow, nick had a bit of an attitude, huh? i chuckled quietly, a small smirk etching across my face, only to fade into almost a grimace, then blank. i huffed out a breath through my nose, folding my hands loosely on my knees. this guy was taking forever. a thought came to mind after the guy said he was done looking in nick's bag - i'm already saying his name like i've known him forever - i hoped he wouldn't take my ipod away. i scrambled to sit myself up, quickly and quietly opening my bag. i took out my ipod and earphones, then hid it in my lap after crossing my legs to sit indian style. thankfully the guy was still talking to nick, and wasn't looking. they might not care if anyone had their ipod, but i wasn't taking any chances. i needed music, otherwise i'd kill myself.

i almost flinched at hearing my name, keeping back a growl when i glanced over at the other to see his reaction. most people thought it was funny, and giggled or chuckled, or whatever. i could tell he was keeping back a laugh, but i decided to leave it alone. i didn't feel like getting into any fights - not on the first day. i'd probably eventually get into a few fights, being me and all, but not now. i just wanted to sleep. i'm so f.cking tired. i need my stash back. now.

i narrowed my eyes, looking up at the guy with the annoyingly high-pitched voice, who seemed to be just as cheery as that grace girl. was everyone here - that wasn't one of the poor souls - this cheery? oh, yay. i gestured to my bag, which sat beside me on the bed. it was the only one i brought, since it was pretty big, and i only needed clothes and a few sketchbooks and such. as much as i hated people looking through my stuff, i guess i'd have to let him.
i told you i never really talked much.

[ they need to share their adorableness and gorgeousness and beautifulness. x3 ]

[align=center] " now turn away, 'cause i'm awful just to see . "

[size=26pt] patrick walters . [/size]

[justify][fancypost bgcolor=transparent; border: 0px inset transparent; width: 550px;][size=8][font=georgia]i still have those days where i seriously cannot get out of bed. sometimes it's because i just get so dizzy i can barely sit, and other times it's because i just can't bring myself to do it. so i stay in bed, until someone literally drags me out. even then, sometimes they have to drag me everywhere, and i flop around like a f.cking rag doll. it's just like all the negative thoughts get worse, and i get so tired that i just can't seem to do anything right that day. so instead, i stay in bed to prevent myself from making anything bad or worse. until, of course, someone drags me out of bed. i just get so down, so low in this pit of sadness, bottled up anger, and every bad emotion anyone could ever feel. except for maybe a few, but whatever. i just get buried alive, and everything is so heavy that i just can't dig my way out to the top. so i don't fight, and i don't try at all to get out. i just stay at the bottom, curled up and afraid, feeling lonely even though i have many friends and parents who love me.

the days where i do have the strength to claw at all the dirt are worse than the days that i can't. i think i'm getting somewhere, that i'm actually going to get out of this whole, but just when i got my hopes up, they were crushed into a million pieces, sooner or later. my hopes get up so high, which rarely ever happens, and it hurts more than not being able to get out of bed. i get right up to the top, so close, so f.cking close - then i go falling down again, plummeting to the bottom. i get a little happier than i usually am, smiling more genuine smiles, laughing more genuine laughs. but it only lasts so long before something just flips a switch, and i'm back at the bottom again. sometimes i even think i've crawled out of this hole, that i've finally escaped all of this negativity. but something grabs my ankle just before i can crawl away, and it drags me back down to where i started. there was one time - one time - where i crawled pretty far away; so far away that i got back up on my feet and started walking away. i was the happiest i'd ever been, and i had more fun, laughed and smiles almost too much to be considered normal. i don't know what it was, but it was like i created another pit that i just immediately fell into, and landed face-first at the bottom. nothing even pulled me down - i'd just created a whole different pit. probably when i pushed all the bullying aside.

it started in eighth grade, right? you know, with all the name calling and sh.t - typical verbal bullying. it hadn't really gotten physical until i actually tried standing up for myself, like my dad told me to do. that was the only time i told my parents - or anyone, for that matter - about the bullying. it was probably in the middle of the year that i told them it had stopped, but really, it'd only gotten worse. that's when i took my dad's advice, and decided to give it a shot. kenny, i think his name was, was the one who started it all. and he's the one i stood up to, because he was like the 'leader', i guess, of everyone who pushed me around while others just stood by, watching or being ignorant assholes. ahem, sorry - i understand why some of them tried not to pay any mind, or didn't even try to talk to me. some of them were pushed around too, and they didn't want it to get any worse. none of them had tried standing up to anyone, had they? probably not. that's probably why they only got tripped and called names, and not punched, kicked, and stuffed in lockers, along with all that other sh.t. they were obviously smarter than i was, when it came to these types of things.

he, meaning kenny, and his little crew - god, it was like high school in the movies, but only we were in eighth grade - had walked by me when i was at my locker, and one of them pushed me and spat a name at me. i was called a f.ggot a lot, so that was probably the word. and i'd got so worked up about it that i had to say something back. something like 'yeah, because i'm the one who sucks kenny's d.ck.' or something equally as horrible as that. i still can't believe i stooped so low that i was at their low. and i said it loud enough to where they heard, so they all turned around, kenny being the first to do so. and just like out of a movie, the 'leader' took me by the collar and held me in place. 'what did you say?' it took everything in me to smirk, but i did it anyway. and it was just as easy as it was hard to smirk at him. confusing, i know. but that's what i was at the time - so f.cking confused. with myself and just practically everything. i was being so stupid, and it only made it worse that there was a crowd.

'maybe you should get hearing aids, because i'm not repeating myself.' not a really strong comeback, but it was enough to have kenny growl at me, and slam me against my locker. i was so small, and believe it or not, but he had some pretty muscly arms. i bet he had some abs, too, and he was f.cking tall. he was almost six feet tall, i swear. that was way above average, for and eighth grader. anyway, i just couldn't keep my mouth shut. i kept saying things, just rambling on about how weak he was, how gay he was, and sh.t like that. the look on his face, though. and he just kept letting me ramble on, embarrassing him in front of all of these people that were watching. and for once, it wasn't me they were giggling, chuckling, and laughing at. even his little crew was trying to keep back laughter. it was probably a good five minutes before the bell rang, and i finally shut up. a teacher just happened to walk by, and kenny got in trouble. not me, but kenny. just kenny. i brushed the people who tried talking to me off, because i knew it wouldn't last long. i was lucky i wasn't shaking, i was so scared of what would happen when he got out of the office. to put it simply, i was totally dead.

can i just say something; just get it out there? swirlies - i know it isn't a word - are the f.cking worst. i'd rather get punched in the face and kicked in the stomach a million times, or be stuck in a locker for a whole day or two - or three - rather than get a swirly. you guessed it, my friend. that was the day i got my first swirly. if only i hadn't went to the bathroom in the middle of class, then i wouldn't have had to go through that. at least i hadn't gone to the bathroom because i had to, you know, go. and thankfully he didn't, either. you know who i mean by 'he'. he had this big smile on his face, but that same evil, mischievous look in his eyes like he always had. i was just washing my hands, because i always did that out of habit. i think i washed them a bit too much, but whatever. he literally pulled me away with my hands still dripping, and i didn't even try to fight him. i didn't say anything; only trembled like the coward i really was. he almost literally dragged me into the biggest stall, and as weird as it sounds, pushed me down so i'd be on my knees. and, well, you know the rest of that part.

after it all, he just left me sitting in the corner of the stall - thankfully the bathrooms were really actually clean. i didn't even care that my hair was dripping, or that my face was wet. the tears only made my face wetter, and red and blotchy. i probably looked like a corpse; or more than i already did, anyway. i hid my face in my knees, wrapped my arms around my legs, and just sat like that for a while. my backpack was still in the music room, where i was last before i went to the bathroom. the music teacher, mr. caverly, was a real nice guy. it was him who found me in the bathroom, just huddled in the corner with a drying face and hair. my hands were already dry by the time he found me. i felt like a sick, lost puppy when he hauled me up and helped me out of the bathroom. i was practically limp, but it wasn't like he could carry me. that'd just be really weird, and i didn't like anyone carrying me. it made me feel weaker than i already knew i was, and i don't think i could be any weaker than that.

mr. caverly and mr. radcliffe were my favorite teachers. the music and art teachers - my two favorite subjects. they were the nicest people i've ever met, but they didn't smother anyone with how kind and generous and - you get it. they were my best friends in school, and when the time came for me to go t ninth grade, i cried my eyes out. i didn't want to leave the my best friends, you know? they were the only friends i had, and they were the only ones i told about the bullying. they helped me as much as they could, always knowing how i got the bruises. they'd try getting kenny and his 'crew' in trouble, but it never worked, because the principal was an asshole who didn't like me, for whatever reason. plus, he was kenny's father. great, right? so kenny never, ever got in trouble, no matter what. i mean, he probably did when he didn't do perfect in football, or some sh.t, but otherwise he walked around like he owned the school. i hated them. not just disliked them; i f.cking despised them. it was an insane thought, but i about brought a knife to school. i'm not even joking. if it weren't for my mother stopping me, i would have brought that knife in and stabbed kenny and his dad to death. if anyone knew that, i was sure i wouldn't have the friends i had now. i'd be literally dead.

i would have never met hayden. and that would have sucked majorly, if i didn't kill myself by the time i was the age i was now. twenty-two. i'd be twenty-three in september. yay. god, i feel so old, though i knew twenty-three wasn't even that old. but i only had about six years till i was thirty. six years. only six f.cking years, and i'd be thirty years old. jeez, time just flies by, doesn't it? i mean, when i was in high school, time seemed to be way slower than it was now. like a day felt like a year, and a week felt like a decade. the weekends always flew by too fast. those two days felt like only a few hours, to me. maybe it was just because i was so anxious, and i thought too much, so it made time seem to just fly by. in school, the only thoughts in my mind were how dead i was, or if i'd get beaten up and stuffed in a locker that day. and the time. you know what they say; the more you think about the time, the slower time will go. and the less you think about the time, the faster it'll go. if i wasn't such a stupid little weakling, maybe i would have had a better experience. ha ha, nah.

the rain. i wished it washed all the pain away, but it never did. maybe for the few moments that it was there, but it always seemed to go away too soon. i was glad for the moments it was there, though, because usually it seemed like all those negative thoughts were gone. the rain washed it all away, and that was one of the beauties of those tiny droplets falling from the sky. speaking of sky, it was getting pretty dark. i wondered what time it was - probably around nine, or so. it wasn't too dark, but the clouds that were barely visible probably made it darker than it seemed. you could barely see the moon, but i knew it was still there. there were no stars, but i'd rather have rain than stars any day. or night, i mean. stars were a beautiful sight, and just sitting under them, looking up at them calmed me; comforted me, in a way. but rain made me happy, and i couldn't ask anything else. i wouldn't mind if it rained every single day. maybe i'd actually stay happy. maybe.

i jumped when hearing a roll of thunder, but my eyes brightened at the sound. then a flash of light made itself known, and i almost squealed. thunderstorms were the absolute best. i let out a tiny giggle when i turned my head to look at hayden, squinting my eyes so i could see him more clearly. he was out in the rain, looking over at me. i thought i heard him laugh a bit earlier, and just the thought of him watching me made my cheeks heat up. then an idea sparked in my brain, and my cheeks heated up even more as i jogged slowly over to him. i was the cheesiest bastard there ever was to live, wasn't i? i took both of his hands in mine, and pulled him with me, a little farther away from the bus. i smiled shyly at him, but ti was bigger than my usual smiles, and it wasn't fake like most of mine were. i curled and uncurled my toes when i stopped, worrying at my lower lip as i looked up at him. i let go of his hands, but threw my arms around his neck, standing on my tiptoes so i could reach his lips, pressing my own against his. so f.cking cheesy.

i pulled back, probably a little too soon, giggling nervously. [color=lightgreen]i've always wanted to kiss someone in the rain. god, i probably sounded so cheesy, and it only made it cheesier that my heart skipped a few beats, and butterflies were in my stomach. i kept me arms around his neck, though moved them a little so that my hands were loosely hooked together, and so that they were on the back of his neck. i rubbed both of thumbs gently on the skin there, then moved them to caress his cheeks. my heart pounded in my chest, and i couldn't look away from those beautiful golden orbs of his. i chewed on my lower lip, my smile nervous and shy, but genuine; and i was happy. really, truly happy.

( out of character ) nuh uh! //sticks tongue out at chu//
well, good then. you're still sweeter, no matter what you say. c;
d'aw, shucks. you know, i've never been called adorable before. but i like it.
and such a sweet little teddy. <3 and i'd do anything for you, darling. c:
//hugglez chu back// yes, yes we could. we could totally pull it off. let's go, my beautiful teddy bear! better watch out, gorgeous band members, 'cause we're on our way! c;
yay, i hoped you'd like it. <3
ohmygod i'm so cheesy. kissing in the rain. and if you don't, i'm gonna make them dance in the rain. he he. ;3
sorry this took so long - like five million years long. i've been uber busy, and i just didn't have time to tell ya. plus, my internet was acting up, and i had this all typed out, but my laptop just... shut off. T-T so sorry, teddy. i luffles chu. </3