Posts by [ shackles ]

^{flail i'm so happy right now like you don't even know *^* you're amazing}

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[justify][font=georgia][size=8][sup][color=black]i don't know why i didn't just wait. i mean, i could have waited a few months, and everything would have been perfectly fine. he would've probably broken up with me, first, anyway. then neither of us would be so hurt. well, i knew he was more angrier rather than hurt, now, by the looks of it. he was always one to get angrier rather than hurt. he was just stronger like that. he'd be hurt for a little while, but then he'd just be plain f-cking furious. sometimes he'd lash out, and sometimes he'd keep everything on the inside. like hell he was going to keep it on the inside, this time. once we were out of this death motel, he was going to f-cking scream at me. and the others would join in, and i'd probably lose it. i'd yell back, and they'd be surprised, then everything would go downhill from there.

f-cking great.

what a f-cking wonderland.

i'm so glad i fell down this f-cking hole.

and now i was angry. i furrowed my eyebrows, and clutched onto my own tank top, walking back to the room with na - though i trailed behind. once we got there, me stepping in shortly after him, i didn't bother to walk over to a chair or the bed. i stayed by the door, leaning against the wall beside it. when he apologized, i wanted to yell at him, because he had no reason to. everything was my fault. everything's always my fault, and no matter what anyone did, that would never change.

"don't. just don't. nothing is your fault, so shut up." my voice was firm, and a little venomous, and i instantly regretted it. i grunted, and stared at the ground. it's funny how someone's emotions can change so fast.

( yezzzz!!! i'm so excited!!! *^*
i have to go, for now. again. T-T eating out for dinner with the fam. be back soon! <3 )

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#ashesofneverland

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[justify][font=georgia][size=8][sup][color=black]well now i just felt worse. i hated getting angry, because it was clear in my voice. i didn't like the little venom that dripped from the words that came out of my mouth. it scared even me, especially me. i rarely got angry, but this was something big. na was trying to put at least a little blame on himself, but i wasn't going to let him do that. no one should put blame on themselves when it wasn't their fault at all. all of this was my own goddamn fault. i hate to say it, but it was kind of my parents fault, too. they're the ones who made me, after all. if i just hadn't been born, every single one of these men's lives would be fine. i mean, na had a rough - really f-cking rough - past, but if i weren't here, he...

he just apologized again. damn, that was really getting on my nerves. he seriously needed to stop before i end up breaking something. i either got really angry, or not angry at all. there was no in between. "i said shut up. don't..." i trailed off, putting my head in my hands. i just did it again. i practically demanded him to be quiet, and in the rudest way. i shook my head a little, holding back the hot, angry tears forming in my eyes. i knew they were watering, and getting a bit glossy, but i looked over to na anyway. "sorry, i'm just... please don't apologize."

my voice wavered a bit, and i cursed myself mentally. i bit hard on my lower lip, looking back down tot he ground. i "fixed" my beanie, my shoulders tense. i looked at my arms, letting a few tears go. but letting those tears go made other go, and i scolded myself in my mind. i started rubbing at my arms, shifting uneasily. "i'm just tired."

( welp, i'm back. i'm not sure if i have to watch a movie with them or not, yet... i hope i don't. x3 aha, i was gonna make the thread, anyway. i volunteer as tribute! anyway, i'll get started on that. c: //screams internally )

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#ashesofneverland

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[justify][font=georgia][size=8][sup][color=black]( yay! i don't have to watch a movie! //cheers
d'aw, i love you, too. ^^ )

i chewed on the inside of my cheeks, digging my nails into my wrists. if i couldn't have a cold metal blade across my skin, then i'd have to improvise. i scrunched my face up a little, hugging myself tighter. i hated myself so goddamn much. i thought i could be happy, but no - i just can't. i could never be happy, because i made other people unhappy. and making people unhappy made me unhappy, so how could i ever possibly be happy? i couldn't. i can't. i never could. i never can. ever. i can pretend to be happy and cheerful, but in reality? i'll always be anything but happy and cheerful. just a piece of trash. garbage - something you should throw out before it starts stinking up. let me go before i ruin your life.

i only meant for him to stop apologizing. i didn't mean for him to just stop talking. because now that he wasn't talking, i was just getting more depressed. i wasn't really angry anymore, just really bummed and hurt. i let out a silent sigh, sliding down the wall so i'd be sitting with my legs up, knees to my chest. i put my head in my hands, letting the tears fall freely. i've screwed up so many times, but this is by far the worst screw-up ever. i'm just stupid. i'm utterly stupid. and selfish, and ugly, and... why couldn't i have one of those precious, cold blades? if people wanted to calm me down, then they should give me one. i needed it. it was my only source of bliss.

i slowly stood myself back up, and shuffled over to na. i wanted to plop down in his lap, but i went around and behind the chair, then wrapped my arms around his neck. i rested my head on his, gulping silently. "i'm sorry. i just don't want you to keep apologizing when you've done nothing wrong." i kissed the top of his head, then buried my face in his hair. what? it was soft.

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#ashesofneverland

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[justify][font=georgia][size=8][sup][color=black]i didn't want anyone to feel hurt. i never meant for anyone to be mad, or upset. i only wanted to help, and instead, i made things worse. this was definitely not helping in the least bit - breaking up with preston right after we got together. i knew he hated my guts, and i knew the others did, too. they probably hated na, too, thinking he stole me away from preston. he didn't! i was just confused with my feelings, and i just... i don't know. i was just utterly confused, but i knew none of them would bother to listen to what i had to say. so what's the point in trying?

i furrowed my eyebrows, huffing silently. i kept my face buried in his hair as he sniffed and grumbled, folding my hands loosely. i lifted my head to his words, letting a faint, sad smile grace my lips. "if you weren't here, i'd be dead." my voice was soft, and i moved so i was kneeling in front of him. i took the hand that wasn't in a cast with my thin fingers, and kissed the top of it. i sat down on my knees, resting my head on his knee. i wrapped an arm around myself, my opposite hand holding on to na's. i intertwined our fingers, and took a deep, shaky breath. "you saved me, na. if you weren't here, i wouldn't be."

( eh, i guess it just depends on the movie. c: )

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#ashesofneverland

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[align=center][font=times new roman][size=7]O N E
[fancypost borderwidth= 0px; font-family: andale mono; margin-top: -47px; color:white;]million branches and she loves every one[/fancypost]

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his footsteps were barely audible as he made his way to the bathroom, yawning silently. he stretched, popping every joint he could as he stepped inside. he didn't bother to shut the door, since he had no roommate, and immediately started the shower. he walked back out to his room, rubbing the back of his neck. he grabbed a pair of clothes, then shuffled back into the bathroom. at least he couldn't be late for 'work', right? he grunted at the thought, sniffling. he rubbed his nose with the back of his wrist, rolling his shoulders. today seemed like a perfect day to be out and about. it was sunny and beautiful, with puffy white clouds littering the bright blue sky. it was warm enough out to take a dip, but there was also a light breeze, so it wasn't unbearably hot.

copeland stripped from the previous night's clothing, which consisted of plaid pajama pants and an over sized hoodie - and obviously boxer briefs. he threw the clothes into the dirty clothes basket, then stepped inside the shower. he shivered and tensed a bit, but soon got used to the scorching droplets hitting his porcelain skin. he started to hum, a faint smile etching across his face. his humming soon went into silent singing, then just full on singing. he didn't care if the people below or above him could hear him - i mean, they might not have since the shower was on and all. but it was like every noise bounced off the walls and echoed so everyone could hear it. especially the bustle of the city - it was the city that never slept. and people who said that knew what they were talking about. the sity bustled every single second of every single day, no matter what time it was. this young man would much rather live in the country, but he didn't have enough money to get anywhere but maybe a few miles. he did have a car, but he tried not to waste gas. he'd actually need the car, someday.

copeland quinn virtue wasn't someone you'd look at and instantly say 'oh, he's a troublemaker'. sure, he had tattoos and longer black hair. he might dress a little different, but that didn't mean anything. and the people that would always go down to that fountain to hear him sing knew him well enough to know he was anything but a troublemaker. he was a really sweet guy. he'd do literally anything for literally anyone. with some of the money he makes - he buys food and beverages for homeless people, and maybe even a bus or train ticket. he'd give some to charities, too, and it made him feel good. he's a very quiet soul, but he's not very shy. when he speaks, his voice is softer than silk, and utterly sweet. if you couldn't see him, and heard his voice, you'd think it was a girl behind the voice. it's so high-pitched, as is his singing voice. but that's what makes him, him.

the sweet boy turned the shower off then grabbed the towel that hung over the top and wrapped it around his waist. he ruffled his wet hair as he stepped out of the shower, walking over to the sink. he opened the cabinet above it, taking out a bottle of pills. he hummed, a soft smile plastered on his face. he had to take them for his epilepsy. it wasn't bad, of course, but he had it, nonetheless. he popped two in his mouth, and swallowed them dry, shivering a little. he giggled at himself, then put them away. he took out his toothbrush and toothpaste, and put some of the toothpaste on the mechanical toothbrush. he twisted the cap back on, and placed it back in the cabinet. he shut the cabinet, turned the toothbrush on, and started brushing his teeth. he raked through his wet ebony hair with his free hand, ruffling ti a bit every five seconds.

after about two minutes, he turned the toothbrush off, and turned the faucet on. he rinsed it off, then set it to the side. he spit the foam out, then rinsed his mouth. after, eh turned the faucet off, and turned on his heels. he shuffled to the toilet, where his clothes lay - the lids were obviously closed, dumbass. he dried himself off as best he could, then dropped the towel. he pulled on his dark blue boxer briefs, then his black skinny jeans, which had a silver chain hanging form the left side. he pulled his 'drop dead' tank top over his head, and shook his head to dry his hair off a bit more. he raked through it with a hand, once more, and walked out of the bathroom. he rubbed his nose with the top of his wrist, the soft smile never failing to stay plastered on his innocent-looking, porcelain face.

copeland's blueish-greenish eyes sparkled as he grabbed his guitar. he put the strap over his shoulder and head, then sat down on his bed. he sniffled, slipping on his black toms. he took a deep breath, grabbing his backpack. he grabbed the water bottle that sat by the end of his bed, then got up and started his way to the door that lead tot he hall of other apartments. he passed the living area and kitchen, and grabbed a hoodie from the coat hanger before walking out. he locked the door, then stuffed the keys in a pocket of his skinny jeans. the chain on the side made an almost inaudible noise as he walked, then got a bit louder once he was jogging down the stairs. in a matter of seconds he was out of the apartment, and in the nice breeze of the outside - in the bustling city of new york.

he walked down the sidewalk, and stopped where a bunch of people crowded, waiting to get across the street. most of them were on phones, blabbering on to their bosses, workers, friends, or fellow employees. some were listening to music on their ipod, iphone, or whatever, and very few were actually just walking, holding hands with their lover. he gave smiles back tot he people who smiled at him, and crossed the road as everyone else began to move across. though, he started jogging instead, and slowed back down to a walk once he got across the street. he took in a deep breath, walking around the corner to his favorite little coffee shop. not starbucks - it was much smaller, but bright and pretty. he always stopped by to say hi to some of his friends there.

"hey, jack! alex! matty! austin! guess who?" he called out, striding right up to the counter. there were many people here, and it was practically full, but no one was at the counter. the four older boys fought to be who was first to go up and hug their friend, austin obviously winning. "hey, man!" after giving them each a hug, and alex a kiss on the cheek, they started chatting. and no, alex and copeland were not 'a thing'. they were just like brothers. plus, him and jack were together, anyway. "business is going good, huh?" "better than ever, actually. we're really popular." he let out a huff of a laugh, nodding his head a bit. "hey, you should put on a performance here, some time. it'd be really good for business. plus, i know i speak for all of us when saying your voice is angelic, and i love it." copeland blushed lightly, shrugging his shoulders. "sure. i'd be glad to." "aw, our wittle copeland is blushing!"

after twenty more minutes of chatting, copeland was giving them all goodbye hugs. they said their goodbyes, then copeland was headed off. he almost squealed when seeing a tall, raven-haired man walking on front of him at an easy pace, with a lit cigarette balanced between their soft lips. "andy!" the tall male smiled brightly as he turned around, easily picking the other up and twisting them around a few times. he took the cigarette out of his mouth, blowing the smoke out of his mouth, careful not to get it in anyone's face. "hey, copeland. how's my favorite shorty doin'?" the shorter stuck his tongue out at him, and the other did the same. "what're you doing here? i thought you and you're band were off to california." andy shrugged his shoulders, taking another drag before replying. "we're taking a break. but we're leaving tomorrow." copeland playfully pouted, and andy wrapped his arm around the much shorter's waist. "don't worry, lil' guy. we'll be sure to visit you when we get the time." he kissed the top of his wet hair, then they went their separate ways.

his eyes brightened when he finally spotted the fountain. he jogged over, and took a seat on the edge. he put his backpack by his feet, and took the strap off his shoulders. he took a sip of the water in his hands, then set it down beside him after twisting the cap back on. he cleared his throat, setting his hoodie beside him. he shifted so he was comfortable, and set his guitar on the ground beside him, so the end was sticking up. he grabbed his backpack and set it on his lap. he opened the front pocket, and pulled out a shiny red guitar pick, then zipped the pocket back up and put the backpack on the ground by his feet. thankfully the fountain wasn't one of those ones with the higher 'wall'. he was only 5'8, though i guess he wasn't too short.

copeland put the pick between his rows of pearly white teeth, then grabbed his guitar. he started strumming, and already, a few people walked over. one was a group - a family - and the kids sat on the ground in front of him. he gave smiles to each of them, then their parents, and looked back down at them again. since the kids were younger, probably around seven and ten, he played a very 'child friendly' song.

"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine
you make me happy when skies are grey
you never know, dear, how much i love you
please don't take my sunshine away

the other night, dear, as i lay sleeping
i dreamt i held you in my arms
when i awoke, dear, i was mistaken
so i hung my head,and i cried"

as he sang that part, he stuck his bottom lip out in a playful pout, making the younger of the group giggle.

"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine
you make me happy when skies are grey
you never know, dear, how much i love you
please don't take my sunshine away

i'll always love you and make you happy
if you will only say the same
but if you leave me to love another
you'll regret it all one day"

he nodded his head, making a pretty silly face. he loved to hear the giggles of the smaller ones, and he went back to just smiling and singing, taking a deep breath before starting again.

"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine
you make me happy when skies are grey
you never know, dear, how much i love you
please don't take my sunshine away

please don't take my sunshine away"

once he was finished, they all clapped and giggled, and he laughed a little along with them. seeing the smiles on kids' faces was probably the best part of doing this. he grabbed a fedora from his backpack, sitting it beside him. though he only did this for the children, when he sat on the fountain. he only did it for fun. so before anyone could do anything, he put the fedora atop his head of wet ebony hair. he bowed while sitting, being a little - obviously on purpose - melodramatic about it. "why, thank you." when they asked him to play another song, he pretended to ponder for a moment, before shrugging his shoulders. "if you say so!"

and he began singing another kid friendly song, making faces and such to make the kids laugh and giggle. it made their parents' faces bright up, too, which he loved. it made him really happy, and it was no wonder why he was such a childish, cheerful soul.

( sorry this kinda sucked. starter posts = blegh. x3 )
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[justify][font=georgia][size=8][sup][color=black]i felt kind of alright, again. i was still hurt about the whole preston thing, but i still managed a faint smile, even if it was sad - and it was genuine. na really made me happy, i guess. he was just sweet and gentle - with me, anyway. could you blame me for liking him so much? he was perfect, to me, and nothing less. he was as perfect as perfect can get. he might have 'problems', but don't we all? i know i definitely have problems, that's for sure. he was just different - like, really different. i know everyone is unique in their own way, but na isn't like anyone else in the slightest bit. it was kind of weird, but i liked that about him. the fact he was good-looking was just a plus. aha...

i looked up when feeling out hands lift, and i closed my eyes when he fixed my beanie. my shoulders tensed a bit when he brushed the hair away from my face. i opened my eyes, and i felt almsot like a puppy. i was just staring up at him, with that faint, sad smile, like i was begging. of course, i wasn't begging for anything. i was just happier with him, that's all. people said i had natural puppy dog eyes, anyway, so - yeah. i wanted to roll my eyes at my own thoughts, but i kept form doing so.

i looked down for a moment, so i wasn't staring, and looked back up to see him still looking right at me. i could feel my cheeks heat up when he blushed, and i looked away as he did. the blush on my cheeks deepened at his words, and i opened my mouth to say something. but i remembered the last time i'd said something, so i closed my mouth again. "you should smile more. i really like your smile." okay, i did not mean to say that. it just... it just came out, okay? and my blush deepened impossibly, and i chewed on the inside of my cheek. idiot.

( yeah, i'm actually really picky on what i watch. i rarely watch t.v./movies, unless i'm forced to, or have literally nothing else to do. anyway, I FINISHED LE THREAD ! //cheers
sorry it's a crappy start. *^*
http://warriorcatsrpg.com/index.php?topic=1620351.new#new )

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#ashesofneverland

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[justify][font=georgia][size=8][sup][color=black]you know the first thing i noticed about any person? their smile. that's what i spotted first - not their body. the second thing i'd spot were their eyes; whether they sparkled, or were dull and lifeless. smiles were just the things i looked at the most, i guess. i absolutely loved it when people smiled, and the bigger the better. oh wow, if you have a dirty mind, you're probably laughing your ass off right now. what? pfft, i do not have a dirty - okay, maybe. sometimes. when i'm around someone i took an interest for, i can get kind of mentally hyper. it's worse if i'm actually in love with them. that's only happened once, before na. and it faded quickly. the thought sent shivers up and down my spine, and not in a good way.

he might not smile so much, but i really do love it. though, it did seemed strained and fake, like it took a hella lot to put it on. it broke my heart, but i still loved it when he smiled. i just wished he'd smile a real, genuine smile - for me? i almost laughed at the thought, picturing myself begging for him to smile a genuine smile. the begging would probably make him smile, and maybe even laugh. god, it makes me heart swell to think of him so happy like that. i am determined as f-ck to make him happy. i will do whatever the f-ck it f-cking takes! well...

i looked back up at him when he spoke, and i couldn't hold back the smile that came to my lips. i tried holding in my laughs, but a giggles managed to escape. the blush that had been fading just deepened even more, and i immediately looked down. i squeezed his hand, one more giggle escaping my mouth. "i l- um... " oh, sh-t. i'm so glad i caught myself. that was so f-cking close. holy motherf-cking sh-t.

( yeah! i'm soooo excited, and i just can't hide it! imma 'bout to lose control, but i kinda like it! i had to. :3

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[font=georgia][size=8][sup]yay! take your time, darling. no rush! <3

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[justify][font=georgia][size=8][sup][color=black]i could tell he was tired as i looked at his eyes. they were only halfway open, and my smile went faint. god, he made me even more tired. i rested my head back on his knee, my grip on his hand loosening a little. i could probably fall asleep like this. my neck and my back would hurt, and my legs would surely be asleep, but oh well. i was too tired and lazy to move. unless he moved. if he moved, i'd obviously have to move.

i hummed silently when he brought our hands up to rub at his eyes. definitely tired. i held back a yawn, shifting a bit so my legs wouldn't fall asleep just yet. when he slurred out some words, i giggled again, and didn't bother trying to hide the fact that i did. i did blush, though, but just mentally shrugged it off. it wasn't like he could see anyway. he was probably too tired to notice. i mean, i was too tired to even care, so why would he? he was probably more tired than i was.

"you're so weird. but that's what i love about you." sh-t. ugh oh well. he was obviously too tired, which was now a really, really good thing. the words just flooded from my mouth without my consent! but i let it slide, letting out a silent sigh. "you shouldn't sleep on the chair," i mumbled, yawning right after. what? his whole body would ache even worse in the morning if he slept in the chair. yes, i cared. i was probably acting like some over protective mother, but i didn't give a single flying f-ck. he should not be sleeping in the chair when his body more than likely already hurts like bloody hell.

okay. i'm just being weird, now.

( HURRAH FOR MOTHERLY DIAMOND BECAUSE HE'S SUCH A GIRL ANYWAY )

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#ashesofneverland

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[align=center][font=times new roman][size=7]O N E
[fancypost borderwidth= 0px; font-family: andale mono; margin-top: -47px; color:white;]million branches and she loves every one[/fancypost]

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once he was finished with the song, the family had to go to wherever they had to go. the kids waved at him, and he waved back. "see ya later!" he chuckled lightly to himself, randomly strumming some tunes as a bunch of teens, and a few other people, made their ways over. he looked up, giving them all a soft, sweet smile. "whaddup, guys? long time, no see, huh?" they all chuckled, doing that little handshake that almost every teen did. a girl whispered something in his ear, and he nodded, muttering a 'sure thing' under his breath. if someone had a request, he was always happy to try. i mean, the song obviously had to be something that could be played acoustically, but everyone was smart enough to know that.

after taking a sip from his water bottle, trying into to eavesdrop on the peoples' conversations, he started strumming again. and after a few moments of thinking of the song the girl had requested, he started strumming the right notes. he kept his eyes on the strings, looking up from time to time. when he looked over, he spotted that same guy who seemed to always be there when he was. he took a deep breath, looking back down at the guitar as his thin fingers strummed at them. he looked up as he began to sing, eyes flickering from one person to the other, the smile never ceasing.

"i woke up this morning, caught sleepin' in
and noticed the sun was creeping in
i picture some people i've never seen
one family's love can spark my dreams

the coldest year we've had
oh-so far from mom and dad
colored pills and alcohol
we'll make it better after all

and i... i'll get through this
no one can stop me now
time is useless when your head's caught up in the clouds"

he looked around for a mere moment, licking his lips to keep them moist. he chewed on the inside of his cheek, waiting a few moments before continuing.

"time flies by when you love someone
and the hands stand still when it's overdone
but getting caught up inside of my past
friends come and go, but only family will last

the coldest year we've had
oh-so far from mom and dad
colored leaves fall from the trees
i just try to make you proud of me

and i... i'll get through this
no one can stop me now
times is useless when your head's caught up in the clouds"

then it went to an instrumental, and his eyes wandered over to the other male again. he'd always been sort of intrigued by the other male, and he smiled when seeing him painting on a little girl's face. he seemed so kind and gentle, and he could literally draw - or paint - anything. not many people had that talent, and it was pretty cool, to copeland. he'd never gone up and talked to him, though, obviously way too shy to do that. he'd be a stuttering mess. singing in front of loads of people was a whole different thing, but talking to someone he didn't know? that was pretty hard for the young man. he'd always had a problem with meeting new people. he got bullied quite a lot in high school for being a bit shorter than everyone else, and because of the way he looked. not to mention his girly, high-itched voice, and his stutter.

"(insert a bunch of 'oh's' here)
i'll get through this...
i'll get through this
no one can stop me now
times is useless when your head's caught up in the clouds
oh, and i'll get through this
no one can stop me now
times is useless, yeah, when your head's caught up in the clouds"

he took a deep breath, let his fingers rest as the last chord was strummed. they all clapped, and he chuckled lightly. he nodded a thanks to everyone, taking his hat off to run a hand through his damp hair. he shifted a bit, putting on of his legs on his other - or, in other words, crossing them. he rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck, then his knuckles, and put the fedora back on his head. he brushed a few strands of wet hair out of his eyes, wishing he'd brought a beanie of his with him. he mentally shrugged, fixing the hat on his head. well, more like just messing with it. it was just a plain habit that never got old, i guess. copeland had a lot of habits, some kind of girly. he was a bit feminine, though.

i mean, his figure, his skin, his long eyelashes, and his hair - and his really girly legs. though i guess that was part of his figure, right? some of his girly habits included putting his hand son his hips and pursing his lips - which he never realized he did. he also messed with his hair a lot. sure, he ruffled it a lot, but i mean like twisted it around his index finger. yeah. he did that. he didn't even mean to, it just; you know, happened. he could be very mother-like, too, to his friends. they would always make fun of him for being such a girl, but he'd end up laughing along with them. it was only funnier that he didn't really realize it until someone said something. and he blushed far too much. his friends told him he was adorable all the time, which made him blush. they told him he had the voice of an angel, whether he was singing or just talking in a regular voice. they complimented him all the time, and it was no wonder he always blushed.

copeland smiled brightly when seeing jack and alex walking towards him, hand-in-hand. some people were giving them weird looks, some were giving them smiles, some were 'awing' at them, and other just didn't bother to notice. he personally thought it was freaking cute - i mean, they were meant for each other. they were such a perfect couple, and copeland could only wish he had that. they waved over at him, then sat down beside him. alex was sitting on his right, and jack on his left. he gave them both hugs and kisses on the cheek, then started strumming tiny chords again. "you should play 'hold on till may'. that's your favorite song, right?" jack asked, raising an eyebrow. the younger shrugged, the nodded his head. "yeah."

when he looked back up tot eh expectant teens, some of them sitting on the ground, he let out a huff. he knew they'd love this song, because he sang it a lot, and everyone's smile would get so big. some would even sing along. he played the song mostly at night, though, but i guess the later afternoon would be okay. so he started playing the chords of the acoustic version of his favorite song, by one of his favorite bands. and the teens' faces were so bright, it was almost blinding. "here goes."

"she sits up high surrounded by the sun
one millions branches and she loves every one
"mom and dad, did you search for me?
i've been up here so long i'm going crazy"

and as the sun went down we ended up on the ground
i heard the train shake the windows
you screamed over the sound
and as we own this night
i put your body to the test with mine
this love was out of control
3-2-1 where did it go?

now don't be crazy
yes now of course you can stay here
you know it going on ten years
big deal, i guess you're official
i only said it 'cause i know what it's like to feel

burned out and down
we've all been there sometimes
but tonight i'll make you feel beautiful once again

and as the sun went down we ended up on the ground
i heard the train shake the windows
you screamed over the sound
and as we own this night
i put your body to the test with mine
this love was out of control
3-2-1 where did it go?

if i were you, i'd put that away
see, you're just wasted
and thinking about the past again
darling, you'll be okay

and she said,

"if you were me, you'd do the same
'cause i can't take anymore
i'll draw the shades and close the door
i'm not alright as i would rather..."

and as the sun went down we ended up on the ground
i heard the train shake the windows
you screamed over the sound
and as we own this night
i put your body to the test with mine
this love was out of control
tell me where did you go?"

he took a deep breath after he finished, resting his fingers once more. the two beside him shook him a bit, clapping along with the group that'd gathered around. gosh, he'd never sung this much in a row, but he did like it. singing was his favorite thing to do, really. he did it everywhere he went, wherever and whenever. it was his way of escaping reality, and making himself happy. it was a just big plus that it made others happy, too. he sniffled, and rubbed his nose with the back of his wrist. then he messed with the hat on his head, and playfully pouted when alex took it off and put it on his own head. "come on, man. give it back!" he whined, trying to take it back. the teens all chuckled and giggled as they both stood up. "dude, seriously..." he couldn't quite reach it with alex's hand stretched up, with the hat in hand. "damn you," he muttered, though smiled as he sat back down. asshole.

alex put it back on copeland's head when the bae told him to, and the youngest of the three stuck his tongue out at alex. they all ended up laughing a little, and copeland's gaze traveled back over to the artist not so far away. "ooh, someone's gotta crush." "i do not! i don't even know him! you know i'm pansexual." alex just hummed, rolling his eyes. "welp, we gotta go. we'll see you at the coffee shop in a few, yeah?" copeland just nodded his head, strumming random chords. the teens stayed where they were, chatting like it was a bonfire, or something.

his gaze went right back to the other guy, smiling softly, though a bit shy. he wondered what made him want to show his talents on the streets of the busy city of new york. did he even have a job? why was copeland so interested in him? because he was curious - and mother-like. a worrier, in other words. a big worrier.

( no, your post was absolutely gorgeous! <3
a wee bit rushed, because i'm just too excited for this. x3 )
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[justify][font=georgia][size=8][sup][color=black]did he say - well, mumble - something about pancakes. man, i used to gobble those up like there was no tomorrow. though, waffles were better. i put butter on them, then put peanut butter on one, then jelly on another, and slap the two pieces together like a sandwich. what? it was like a pb & j sandwich, but for breakfast! and plus, it was so much better. i've always hated syrup, hence why i only ate pancakes with the syrup in them. man, now i'm hungry. like, i'm actually hungry, for once, and my stomach agrees. wow, and it barely even hurt, too.

dammit, na. now you got me thinking about food. man, i'm so tired, though. when i'm tired, i get so motherly and sh-t, and sometimes, i get really hungry. i sniffled when he told me to go over there, raising my eyebrows a bit. i mean, i've snuggled up to him, so this wouldn't be any different, right? i just shrugged my shoulders, giggling at the word 'squishy'. he was so cute when he was tired. silly, but utterly cute. and i love love loved that about him.

i think i loved him, period.

did i?

well, it'd explain a lot of things.

i let out a silent sigh, slipping onto the bed beside him. i immediately curled up, yawning silently. "okay." my voice was barely audible, and i slowly closed my eyes. this should be good. i'd probably be a giggling mess while he told me those stories he was talking about. i giggled a lot when i was this sleepy, and still awake, which was pretty rare. but it's not like i cared, in this state. i would regret it when i woke up, though. like, big time.

( ERMERGERD THIS IS SO CUTE LIKE DUUUUUDE I CAN'T *^* )

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#ashesofneverland

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[justify][font=georgia][size=8][sup][color=black]did he just say camel? i giggled lightly at him, messing with the beanie on my head. i really wanted to go swimming right now. i wanted to feel the nice, cool water on my sensitive skin. i will always be a little afraid of water, but i really need to get over that. i can swim perfectly well, so i didn't know what the problem was. no, scratch that - i knew exactly what the problem was. but it was stupid, to me, because it was so long ago. it's not like anyone's gonna do that to me, again, and i sure as hell won' try doing it myself. maybe. as long as i'm with someone i care for, and someone who cares enough to not let me do it.

gosh, i needed to sleep.

i let out a few more giggles before cuddling closer into his side, sighing silently. i was so very content laying next to him. he was so warm, and i was so cold. we were practically opposites in every way - besides the fact that we were both dudes, anyway. i giggled at the thought of na being a transgender. that was insane, because he was manly enough not to be a transgender. did that make any sense? i think it did. i think? i grunted and giggled at myself again, though silently. i was really tired, okay? how many times do i have to tell you that?

god, i loved it when he pet my hair. don't judge me, okay? i carefully took the beanie off my head, and just threw it tot he side. well, more like just dropped it to the ground. i hummed silently, a deep blush creeping to my cheeks at his next words. my eyes popped open, and i was suddenly wide awake. what? did he just...? holy sh-t. after a moment or two, i finally calmed myself back down, then cuddled impossibly closer, lying my head on his chest. my heart pounded hard against my own chest, and i chewed on the inside of my cheek, closing my eyes as a faint smile made its way to my face.

"i love you more."

( //screams AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH )

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#ashesofneverland

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copeland blushed when the other looked back at him. he was going to look away, but the other was looking around, probably to see if it was really him he was practically staring at. then a small wave was sent his way, and the blush only deepened. he cleared his throat, looking down at his shoes. he tapped his feet on the ground, giving smiles to the teens before lifting his head to look back over at the other, doodling young man. something told him to just go over there and get it over with. one of them was bound to go up tot he other and start a conversation. copeland just never thought it'd be him. he usually waited for the other person to come speak to him first, but i guess, in this case, it'd be the other way around. he was obviously a bit scared, though not of the other male. well, kind of.

he was afraid the guy would laugh at him because of his stutter, or something. he didn't stutter around these teens because he knew them, and kids were kids. the adults might say thank you and such, but they never really talk to each other. none of them were his age, and by the looks of it, this guy was. he knew everyone who didn't know him well enough thought he was some teen trying to earn money for a new car, or something, and it didn't bother him too much. it did a little, because he hated how he looked so young. when he went to bars, everyone would always eye him like he wasn't supposed to be there at all, because he was too young. the security guards, or whatever, wouldn't believe him when he said he was twenty-one, even with his id. it took a lot of persuasion to get in - good think he was good at persuading people, right?

he sighed silently, then yawned just as silently, and stretched a bit. he looked over to the teens, and few other people who'd gathered 'round. he gave them sympathetic smiles as he stood up, stretching and yawning once more. he put the guitar back around his shoulders and over his head, then grabbed his backpack. he slung it over a shoulder, then grabbed his hoodie. he put the guitar pick in a pocket of his skinny jeans, then rubbed at cracked his knuckles. after, he gripped the backpack's strap with one hand, the other stuffed in a pocket of his skinny jeans. the teens and others got the hint, 'awing' a little. he shook his head a bit, the soft smile plastered on his face.

"no no, don't do that. i'll be at 'cocoa's delights' in a little bit, if you wanna hear more!" the smiles were bright on their faces, and some of the girls giggled and squealed, and they all headed off tot he coffee shop. he rolled his eyes, shaking his head a little. he looked over to the adults, chuckling lightly. "teens, am i right?" they all raised their eyebrows at him, and he knew what that meant. he only shook his head at them, and they all scrambled off. he took the hat off his head, and groaned silently. he could go for some strawberries, right now. yes, strawberries. that's practically all he ate - strawberries, cherry twizzlers, and chocolate. and cheerios. with strawberries. he might have just the slightest obsession with strawberries. the guy over there wasn't the only one who drew and painted, you know.

he was about to walk off when someone gently grabbed his arm, making him twist around. when he saw who it was, his eyes brightened, and he moved the guitar so it'd be over on his back. he hugged the the other tightly, chewing on the inside of his cheek. when they both pulled away, they chuckled lightly. "hey, love." oliver gave him a playful wink, sending heat to copeland's cheeks. "f-ck you, oli." they both chuckled a little, and they just stood there, awkwardly looking at each other for a few moments. they both ended up laughing and shaking their heads, being the weirdos they were. he spotted andy jogging up to them, a big smile on his face. as soon as he got beside oli, he linked their arms, and gave the english man a kiss on the cheek.

never saw that coming, did you?

copeland awed at them, fluttering his eyelashes and sticking his bottom lip out. oliver playfully slapped his arm, careful as to not actually hurt the smaller. "heard you were goin'na play at our favorite little coffee shop." copeland just nodded his head, rocking back and forth on his heels. "can't wait." they both sent winks to him as they walked off, laughing at each other and - aw, they were just so cute. everyone thought that they hated each other, and they did - but that was in the past. they realized that they were angry at each other for a stupid reason, and also realized why they hated each other just so much. they were only hiding their true feelings for one another, as cheesy and cliche as it sounds. it was like something from a book or a movie, which made it perfect and just so much more adorable. the fact that oliver was the more submissive one was just a bit funny, to copeland. he would have thought andy would be the more submissive one.

the young man sighed silently, and put the hat back on his head of still-damp hair. he pursed his lips, looking around. he hummed as a thought passed his mind, and his heart beat a bit faster as he made his way over to the other young male who'd always intrigued him. by the way, his heart was only pounding because he was super f-cking nervous. it always did when a stranger talked to him. in this case, it was worse, because he was the one who was going to do the 'first talking'. his pace was a bit slow, and his hands shook a little. here goes nothing, right?

once he got close enough, he looked over to see what the other was 'doodling'. the smile on his face was utterly small and shy, but still genuine like it always was. he took a silent, deep breath, biting on his lower lip. "h-hey. you're um... r-really good." are you serious? that's all you can say? he mentally punched himself in the face, letting out a nervous laugh as he looked around. his leg bounced, then he started rocking back and forth on his heels again. he pursed his lips looking anywhere but the other. "um... i... i'm copeland." he put out his fist, not at all into handshakes. he finally looked up, a blush very clear on his cheeks. his shoulder were a bit tense, and it was quite obvious that he was nervous.

damn, copeland. this guy probably thinks you're such a weirdo.

( agh, me too. >-< )
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[justify][font=georgia][size=8][sup][color=black]( sssuuuurrrree. :> could you start it dough? *puppy dog eyes* 'cause imma have diamond still be seepin' when na wakes up. because i can. c: )

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#ashesofneverland

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he had to hold back a laugh when the guy looked around again, shaking his head a bit. what a sweetheart. his eyes sparkled a bit more when the other finally put his fist to his. after, copeland let his arm dangle by his side, then stuffed his hand in a pocket. he messed with the guitar pick he'd put in there earlier, biting down on his lip. he slightly nodded his head in response to the other male - zeke. he shivered a bit, barely noticeable, at the name. it reminded him of one of those assholes back in high school. god, and he was the worst of them all.

the guy would always be the first one to throw a punch, or kick, or some nasty words. he was practically the leader, and 'owned' the school. his dad was the principal, of course, which only made things worse. he was a suck-up, and acted all sweet to people when around his dad. what a motherf-cking asshole. it was zeke who made him hurt himself. it was zeke who made him so depressed, yet angry at the same time. it was him who made copeland miserable at best, and made him feel like a walking travesty. when his mother left, it got worse. and when his brother died, it only got impossibly worse. all the beatings - mentally, verbally, and physically - were just growing and growing, until he had bruises every single day, when he came home. he would always cover it up before his dad came home, so he never had his suspicions. and he was a wonderful liar, too, along with his fantastic persuasion skills.

oh, yes - copeland used to hurt himself. though, he only took a razor to his skin - his hips, to be exact - three times, before he gave up on it. it just didn't feel right at all, to him, so instead, he started the whole 'not hungry' thing. he wouldn't eat for days on end, and when he thought he ate too much, he'd make himself purge. he'd done it so much, that his stomach was a bit weak, now. if he wasn't careful, he'd end up throwing up whatever he just ate. not only was he bulimic, but he'd take way too many pills. he'd take sleeping pills every night, even though it didn't help anything. he'd end up staying awake, writing, or painting on his walls. i helped him get his emotions out, as did singing. he'd write his own songs, then sing them out loud to get everything out. it helped him a lot, and it still did.

and that's how he got to be so happy and cheerful. it was amazing how he'd changed so quickly, and so much. right after he graduated, he told himself that he could to better, and that what those bullies said didn't mean anything. they were only trying to get to him, and he told himself he wouldn't let them do that. he told himself he wouldn't let anyone trample over him again. ever. he wasn't going to let anyone tell him how to look, act, or anything like that. he was going to be proud of who he was, and let everyone see that he wouldn't let them tell him he wasn't good enough. because he knew he was - everyone was good enough. sure, some people might stoop really low, or bully people to their death, but not everyone can be nice and cheery. not everyone has a perfect life, even if they act like they do. everyone has problems, and everyone makes mistakes.

absolutely no one is perfect. not you, not him, not anyone. not these people out here with their ferrari's, beautiful motorcycles, designer dresses, and poodles on golden leashes. not these overly happy people with bright colored clothes and eyes that are full of life. everyone has their flaws, which make them, them. they might be rude, nasty, and cruel, but there is always something good in everyone, and, again, nobody and nothing is perfect.

especially the world, itself.

there are so many fights, wars, and battles. there's no peace, no matter what anyone says. someday, this world will either slowly make its way into a peaceful nature, or it'll crumble down in ashes of horrible hatred and war. it will end in beautiful ice, or ugly fire. jeez, is copeland a philosopher, or something, now? he's always had these thoughts roaming around in his head, though. it's another thing that his fiends make fun of him for. when he starts talking about these types of things they'd always say something along the lines of 'aren't you a wise young philosopher, mr. virtue?' he'd only roll his eyes, and eventually continue on to talk about whatever it was he was talking about. of course, he didn't put his beliefs into it, because not all his friends were christians. and i guess he wasn't really a christian, because - never mind. talking about religions isn't comfortable to everyone.

copeland watched ezekial as he painted, smiling softly. it was beautiful, to say the least. i was astonishing just how amazing he was at art. copeland would walk by sometimes while he spray painted, just because he loved art. whether it be musical or not, art was his favorite thing to do in his free time - which was practically all the time. he was glad that he did what he did best for a living. he didn't work at mcdonald's, or burger king, and he wasn't some lawyer. he didn't even go to college, anyway, because he was too busy helping his dad out. his dad was fine, now, thank the heavens, because they were so far away from each other. they, of course, visited each other, since they're all they had left. well, his dad found another woman, but they weren't married just yet. they were fiances, though. the lady was sweet, and he'd be proud to call her his mother.

when he complimented him, he just shrugged, his blush lighter than before. he chewed on the inside of his cheek, finally stopping his movement. he'd gotten a little calmer, just watching him paint. it was always calming to him, to see other people paint, or hear others sing. if he was the one doing the painting or singing, it was obviously more calming, but seeing and hearing others was calming, too.

his eyes brightened impossibly more, just now hearing ezekial's accent. irish. copeland looked at him, shrugging his shoulders once more. he kind of did have to, because it was killing him to just watch him and not say hi. i mean, they saw each other every single day.

then a child came up, and he chuckled lightly at him. how cute. he watched as the other male got to work on the child's face, huffing out a few laughs at his facial expressions. he gave a smile to the mom, who nodded her head back at him. he chewed on his lower lip, looking back down at the two other males. he giggled silently when he was finished, and the kid hugged him and started running around with the toy in hand, pretending he was flying. he'd always loved kids. oh wow, that sounded weird. he's not a pedophile. i swear. he swears. sh-t.

he gulped silently at the random thought, shaking his head slightly. he turned his attention back on ezekial, who had started talking again. he couldn't stop the blush form deepening at his words, even though it wasn't a big deal. all he said was that he thought his name was interesting. jeez.

"erm... th-thanks. it's nice to m-meet you too, um... ezekial." stupid stutter. stupid awkwardness. stupid anxiousness and stupid nervousness. stupid, stupid, stupid. stupid.
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[justify][font=georgia][size=8][sup][color=black]i'd fallen asleep without realizing it, and it was a peaceful slumber. there were no nightmares, no dreams, nothing. just the feeling of comfort, and the feeling of being safe. plus, i was really warm, too. my skin was probably cold, but it always was. which was weird, considering, you know, i was born in san diego, and lived there for a good portion of my life. but that didn't matter, now did it? i felt alright, and nothing but that. that was a really good thing, too, because i hadn't felt just that for who knows how long. it felt utterly good, and i wanted that feeling - those feelings - to stay.

when i finally woke up, i was being hugged close to something - or someone? i opened my eyes, yawning a bit. i looked up with my eyes, and cuddled closer to the body. na. he was so warm. i rested my head back on his chest, humming silently. i didn't want to move. i wanted to stay wrapped in his arms forever. he made me feel... beautiful. i never thought i'd say that, but he really did make me feel beautiful, once again. ha. yeah, i just used that from one of my songs. it's cool how there's a lyric, or song, that goes with every single moment in your life. that's one of the great beauties of music, isn't it?

"morning, na." even my morning voice was soft. it wasn't even raspy at all, and i didn't have to clear my throat. and then a hiccup escaped my mouth. and another, after a few moments. that after another few moments - you get it. i had the f-cking hiccups. great.

( nuh uuuhhhh!!! they're beautifuland agonizingly adorable! <3 )

[align=center][font=arial][sup][size=6pt][color=lightgreen](c) endless
#ashesofneverland

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( IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S perfectly fine, hon. <3 )

his eyes brightened a bit more, which was almost impossible, when he didn't say a single thing about his stutter. thank the heavens. copeland could just feel that this was was sweet and kind, which made him feel a little more comfortable around him. he chewed on the inside of his cheek, looking to the ground. the silence was deafening, and it just made everything seem more awkward. he knew it'd be like that, though - they'd only ever seen each other. it was only right to converse with a person you saw every single day. i guess it'd be kind of rude not to, and a little weird. it'd only make things more awkward.

copeland watched with raised eyebrows as the other started packing his things away. he cocked his head to the side a bit at the obviously older male's words. his eyebrows furrowed for a brief moment, watching him walk off. oh hell no. he grunted, thinking for a moment. he rarely even slept on his bed, as weird as it sounds. he usually slept on the couch or the floor because he would always watch a whole marathon of movies. so, he jogged after him.

once he caught up, he hesitantly put a hand on his shoulder, though immediately took it away. "w-wait! um... you could, uh, st-stay at my place? i mean, i d-don't ever really sleep on m-my bed, so... i mean... yeah." he rubbed the back of his neck, chewing on his lower lip. god, why did he have to be so awkward? when it came to copeland, the word 'awkward' was used a whole freaking lot.

that's what made him all the more adorable, according to his friends.
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[justify][font=georgia][size=8][sup][color=black]i loved the warmth he gave me. i loved cuddling up next to him, and the way he pet my hair so gently. i loved how he rarely blushed, but when he did, it was f-cking adorable. i loved the way his eyes sparkled, and how he made me feel safe. f-ck, i just loved him. there was no denying it, and i... i really didn't regret a thing. i hated it that i made preston so hurt and furious with me, but... i loved na. i couldn't help these feelings, okay! damn, we're all going to end up in a huge fight - my band, i mean. and... god, i just hope we don't fall apart. we're gonna make up, i know we are. we have to.

i whimpered silently when he moved away, and slowly sat up. i sat indian style, like i did most of the time, and rubbed at my eyes. where was my beanie? oh yeah, on the floor. i huffed out a laugh, yawning as i stretched. when he asked me that question, i had to laugh a little. "something about a doll, pancakes, and a camel and a human living happily ever after." i left out the part where he said he loved me, and i said i loved him back. but, of course, only seconds after, i blurted it out.

"and that you loved me."

[align=center][font=arial][sup][size=6pt][color=lightgreen](c) endless
#ashesofneverland

[size=9pt]d a r l i n g, y o u ' l l b e o k a y[/size]

[fancypost bgcolor=transparent; border: 0px transparent solid; width: 500px; cursor: url(http://media.tumblr.com/c9ddec…ine_mpqqvlOedj1r6qyth.png), auto;][align=center][font=times new roman][size=8]i was snapped out of my entranced state when i felt an elbow stab at my arm. i playfully pouted over to cyr, who muttered a 'sorry'. he had reached for his wallet, but demi said he had it covered. i would have payed, but as i was about to tell him and get my wallet out, i pricked my finger. i immediately put that finger in my mouth after muttering an 'ow', furrowing my eyebrows. and, of course, it was my pinkie. i could pass it off as a paper cut if anyone asked - i was really glad i went down to that gas station. otherwise, i wouldn't have any excuse.

after a few seconds of sucking on my pinkie like a two year old, i picked the pen back up, and started scribbling a the words on the page. they weren't... right. i grunted silently, huffing. i yawned, covering my mouth with the back of my wrist. which was obviously covered, by the way. i silently cleared my throat, sniffled, and rubbed at my nose a little. i ruffled my hair a bit, and put the pen down, clicking it so it wouldn't run dry, or whatever. i took a few gulps of the water in front of me, and rubbed at my temple, trying to think. about what? i don't even know.