[size=37pt]TRIGGER WARNING[/size]
[size=33pt]victor vincent fuentes[/size]
[fancypost bgcolor=transparent; border: 0px transparent solid; width: 450px; cursor: url(http://media.tumblr.com/c9ddec…ine_mpqqvlOedj1r6qyth.png), auto;][justify][font=georgia][size=8][sup]120.76
125.3
116.34
117.90
103.8
105.7
no matter how hard he tried, he'd always be a fatty. he felt as if he weren't good enough for him. he wanted to be perfect for him, even if it meant not eating. he was getting restless, but he kept at it. he had to be perfect for him, or he'd leave him. vic wouldn't be able to handle it.
113
120.9
135.42
140
155.3
he kept gaining weight, with the help of his brother and the other band members. they helped him through it all, but it all went downhill, once more. after months of recovery, vic started having those same thoughts. he'd been with him for so long, and everyone kept telling them how perfect they were, together. but he knew he wasn't good enough for him. he needed to be perfect, or else he'd leave him in the dust. and he'd break down.
it'd been a while since he'd last weighed himself. he'd been eating so much better, and even pigged out, sometimes. he'd always have this bright smile on his face, and his eyes would sparkle. he wouldn't hide his face or cry because of his own thoughts. he would drink around with his buddies - and his special someone. they'd all have fun together, and it'd all be laughs and playful wrestling.
but one day, after three months of being 'clean', he broke. he snapped. he hadn't seen his love for a few days, and it hurt him.
was he not good enough? did he not love him anymore?
with so many negative thoughts roaming around in his mind, he fell into a deep state of depression, and he would go for days without eating a single thing. his once muscly arms turned weak, with hardly any muscle left. sometimes, he could barely stand on his two, girly legs. in the morning, he'd always end up purging - no, not on purpose. it just happened. and he let it happen. everyone found out a few days after he started up again, and they all tried to help him. but he shewed them away, and he closed in on himself. he rarely smiled, anymore. he rarely laughed, chuckled, or giggled that adorable giggle of his, which always made his cheeks heat up. he hid his face more often than he showed it, and barely talked to anyone. his voice was always a whisper, and nothing else.
onstage, his energy just wasn't the same. but he still put on a smile, and got through it. no fans had their suspicions, and it was a huge relief.
and after a few more weeks, he'd started scarring himself, again. it'd been so freaking long, and the urge just hit him in the face, one morning, while he was hunching over the toilet. and he couldn't hold it back for more than ten seconds.
126.43
112.9
106.2
finally, he reached the point where he passed out on the bathroom floor. everyone else was out at a party, having told vic to get some rest. he hadn't slept for a very long time. when he woke up, tony and jaime were hovering above him, mike grabbing his cellphone from his pocket. vic persuaded them not to call 911, thank the heavens, by promising them he'd get better. and he did, for a short while.
115.04
123.15
130.08
but then he got worse again, continuing with both forms of self harm. absolutely no one knew about his fresh scars, since he always wore an over sized hoodie, but they definitely had their suspicions.
120.03
112.12
104.7
it got to the point where you could easily count his ribs, though he never showed anyone his torso. he never wore shorts, and always got dressed and undressed where no one could see him. he slept in baggy sweatpants and an over sized hoodie, even when it was horribly hot. he'd always wake up sweating to death, and dizzy enough to where he had to take a water bottle to bed with him, every night.
he hadn't seen him for around a month, now, and it was slowly killing him.
literally.
and not only was he a horrible lover, but the worst big brother in the freaking universe. sure, they were apart by only two years, but he was still the older one. and he might be the shortest damn person on this universe, and mike a f-cking skyscraper, but he was still the older one. he was supposed to be the strong, big brother. mike wasn't supposed to be the one worrying so much and picking vic up when he fell. vic was supposed to always be the one who was strong enough to protect his younger brother, but he was too weak. even when he yelled, it was only a mere squeak.
victor vincent fuentes was the worst lover and older brother.
ever.
* * *
"vic! wake up! come on, man!" the oldest grunted, curling in a tight, sweaty ball. his hair stuck to his face, and he pulled the beanie he had forgotten to take off over his eyes. he had gotten a few hours of sleep last night, but he was still exhausted. when tony crawled into the bunk with him, after opening the curtains, vic groaned and turned his back to him. the younger cuddled into vic, wrapping his arms around his utterly skinny waist. "pwease?"
when tony took his beanie off, and hopped down from the bunk, vic groaned again, turning over. "no... give it back." his voice was weak, and tony could barely hear it. mike and jaime were outside, chatting away. and tony just ran out to them, and gave one of them vic's beanie. vic never went anywhere without his beanie. ever.
"well then get your ass up and come give your little brother some sugar!" mike yelled inside, making them all but vic laugh a little. he buried his head in the pillow, grunting silently. he really didn't want to get up. he was feeling a little better, since he'd gotten some sleep, but he just always sought the reason why he had to get up. why couldn't he just lay in the bunk forever? it was actually quite comfortable to him, though lying on the cold, hard ground was comfortable - to him.
after a few minutes, he heard the other three shuffling inside. he scooted closer to the wall, back facing the open part of the bunk. he felt fingers poke at his stomach, and he couldn't keep in the laughs and giggles. "stop it... jaime!" he squealed when he was pulled out of his bunk, and into someone's arms. he covered his eyes with his hands, playfully pouting. then mike took him, and handed him over to tony. he only grunted again, and snuggled into tony's chest, nuzzling his face in the crook of the other's neck. just because he was depressed didn't mean he wasn't adorable as f-ck.
they all awed at him, but he ignored it. he just wanted to sleep. tony chuckled lightly and set him down on the couch, but fell onto vic when the oldest wouldn't let go. vic turned them over so he was on top, and cuddled into tony, making the other groan in playful annoyance. "dude, i have to pee." twenty-nine year old vic just let out a huff and a silent hum, but squealed when mike picked him up and off of tony. the tattooed man quickly jogged to the bathroom, and vic weakly swatted at mike's face. "i'm tired," he complained, closing his eyes and sticking his bottom lip back out. "aw, poor baby." mike put him down on his feet, and vic rubbed at his eyes, then opened them.
the looks he received from the two that were still in the room made his faint smile droop, and he looked down. he knew what those looks meant, and it hurt him. he looked sicker than he did yesterday, but less than tomorrow. hurrah.
"dude, you really need to eat something." jaime poked at vic's stomach, and it made his eyes water. he hung his head, snatched the beanie from mike's hands. "i'm not hungry." and just then, because mother nature f-cking hated him, his stomach made a loud grumble. when he looked up, only with his eyes, he sighed silently at the worried, concerned expressions on the other's faces. he only shook his head, and put the beanie back on. as he fixed it, letting his hair fall into his eyes, he started walking out of the bus. he was still sweating, since it was fairly hot, especially outside. plus, he had a horrific nightmare, last night, and just the thought of it made him shiver.
before he could step out, tony ran in and wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing the top of his covered head. then he leaned down to whisper in his ear, making vic's shoulders tense a little. "three words: sleeping with sirens. oh, and two more: justin. hills." vic's eyes brightened, and for the first time in over three months, he smiled a bright, genuine smile. he perked up, spinning around. "really?!" they all smiled at him, his happiness contagious.
they all shook their heads, and vic's smile faded. "duh. did you forget? we're touring with them, and the tour starts in just a few days," mike spoke up, crossing his arms over his chest. vic's bright smile came back, and he squealed like a little girl. he jumped on tony, and the other let out an 'oomph', then chuckled lightly. "jeez-us, calm down, kiddo." any other day, he would have told him not to call him that, but he was too overjoyed. he would finally see him - the love of his life.
but one thing stuck in his mind - what would be his reaction when he saw he had picked up his bad habits again? justin told him he was beautiful, and that he was perfect enough for him, when they talked over the phone. vic started believing him, knowing he could trust that lovely dickhead. he could be such an ass to everyone, but to vic he was a whole different person. to put it simply, justin treated vic like he was his princess, and he was his prince. if you couldn't already tell, vic was the girl, in the relationship - the 'juliet', if you will.
his smile didn't droop, too happy that he'd finally gt to see him again. tony didn't bother pushing him off, and instead just held him. vic nuzzled his face into the crook of his neck, making all of them roll their eyes. if everyone didn't know better, they'd think the two were dating. tony was the one, oddly enough, vic always went to when he was too frightened or upset to call justin. tony was his turtle. his turtle.
vic's stomach growled again, and the three others' eyes widened at what they'd never think vic would say, ever again. "we should go get some breakfast. or, i mean, lunch. i'm starving." "yeah, no f-cking sh-t," they all mumbled, and mike and jaime went off to get ready. tony sighed dramatically, looking around when vic still clung on to him like a koala. "um... we kinda have to, you know. get ready."
* * *
it'd been two whole days, and he was so anxious, he'd ended up vomiting a few times, each day. this was the third day, and he was currently weighing himself, chewing nervously on his fingernails.
107.13
his eyebrows furrowed to form a sad expression, and he wrapped his arms around himself. he did eat a lot yesterday, surprisingly, and he knew the other three would be happy he'd gained some weight, even if it was only by two pounds and forty-three ounces. it was enough for them to be at least a little happy.
it was finally five in the morning, and he plopped down on the sofa. he let himself sink in, and ended up curling into a ball, head on a pillow he'd put there not too long ago. he had been awake since, well, when he tried falling asleep. he didn't get any sleep at all, thinking about holding his hand again, feeling the warmth he missed all too much. the thought made a small, but genuine smile creep up to his lips, and he closed his eyes. he eventually fell into a light sleep, silently snoring.
he woke up to the smell of bacon, eggs, and pancakes, and he smiled tiredly. he looked to the clock on the oven, but didn't make any sound. he could hear the others chatting away, and he pretended to be sleeping when their heads turned to look at him. he could feel their smiles burn holes in his back, and he shivered. and only seconds after he did, he heard footsteps getting closer and closer, till they finally stopped by him. his eyes fluttered open, and giggled when mike poked at his stomach. he immediately covered his mouth, eyes flashing over to jaime and tony, who were chuckling lightly. "god, i missed my big bro's adorable little giggles." mike took vic's beanie off, and ruffled his hair gently, then patted him on the shoulder. "come on, tony made breakfast. his voice was softer than usual, and it kind of scared vic. but he got up, rubbing at his eyes as he practically stumbled his way over to the kitchen. he tripped over his own feet, and started falling, but jaime caught him before his face could hit the floor. "thanks," he mumbled, rubbing at the back of his neck as a light blush came to his cheeks. they all stuck out their bottom lips and awed at him, making him roll his eyes.
"you seem more upbeat than usual," jaime blurted, his mouth stuffed with food. vic just shrugged his shoulders, pouring himself some orange juice. "just a little excited." "ha! a little?" tony questioned, though it wasn't meant to be answered. vic gave him a playful glare, not able to keep a straight face. "yes, a little." tony put his hands up in surrender, then started munching on his food again. "sit. i'll get you-" vic interrupted mike, giving him an actual glare. "i'm not a f-cking baby, mike." all of their eyes widened, and it went silent. when vic realized what he'd done, he hung his head in shame and embarrassment, cheeks burning. "sorry..." then all was good again, and they all just ended up laughing about it.
* * *
day number four, and he'd fallen again. he hadn't eaten a thing, and it was already four in the afternoon. he just stayed cuddled up on the bed, watching movies all day. his face was tear stained, and his hips throbbed. he'd done it again. the others were conversing in their room, which was right across from his, and he couldn't help but pull out his phone. the first person on his contact list was him. justin hills. he chewed on his lip, eyes watering. he needed his warm embrace before he slipped back into that deep, dark pit again. he was debating on whether or not to call him, but he decided not to, putting the phone back on the nightstand beside his bed. oh, right - they were in a hotel, at the moment.
sleeping with sirens would be coming over to the hotel tomorrow, and both bands would stay in the hotel for three nights, four days, then hit the road. thank the heavens they still had a few more days. vic was feeling particularly sh-tty, this cloudy, rainy day. his head hurt, and swam at the same time, and his stomach ached. he slowly pushed himself up, nervously chewing on his lower lip. he had sneaked in his 'weigher' as jaime called it, even though it wasn't even a word.
vic's stomach turned as he stepped on it, toes curling as the little arrow sprung forward.
103.21
sh-t. he couldn't tell the guys. they'd kill him, for sure. he was the skinniest he's ever been, and he'd be screwed if he told the guys. his ungodly low weight would make them freak the f-ck out. the last time he dropped down to 103, the guys ended up so pissed they all had to take a breather - and a long one, just so they didn't end up yelling at vic.
and last time he was that skinny, justin freaked, too. he'd ended up driving over - since he was on break - and staying with him till he had to go on another tour. he literally wouldn't even let vic pee in peace. silly, silly justin.
* * *
vic didn't get any sleep, too anxious for this day. it was finally the fifth day, and sleeping with sirens - justin - would be coming to the hotel. he was pacing around his room, which, thankfully, had only one bed. the other guys all shared a room, mike and tony sharing a bed. no, they weren't dating, or anything. but both jaime and vic knew they were hiding their feelings for each other. i mean, you could just see it in the way they looked at each other, and the way tony would blush so much around mike. it was really adorable, actually. even mike blushed, at times, which rarely ever happened.
vic and kellin were only mere friends. sure, they might look at each other with those gazes and all, but they were only friends. plus, kellin had a wife and a kid, so why the hell would he have feelings for vic? vic sure used to have feelings for kellin, but they slowly went away when they were all out at some bar, and drunk off their asses - besides vic. because he just felt really, really sh-tty that night. justin came over to him - who, surprisingly, wasn't very drunk. he was the least drunk out of all those idiots, who were on the dance floor, flirting with girls. except for mike and tony. pfft, they were practically grinding against each other. yeah, they totally didn't have feelings for each other.
anyway, justin had come up to him, and sat down next to him. oh, flashback. a wonderful flashback.
justin came over to vic, plopping down on a stool beside him. vic was swirling his finger in the nice, cool shot he had in front of him. it was slowly getting warm, since it'd been in front of him for almost ten minutes. his facial expression was tired, but most of all, hurt. it was a month or two after kellin got married, and he was really hurt. his heart ached something great.
his elbow was propped up on the table, and his head rested in his palm to support his neck. he was slouching a little, huffing out when he felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him only slightly, gently. "hey, what's wrong, princess?" vic rolled his eyes and shook his head, feeling his stomach flip, and his heart flutter. what the f-ck? what the actual f-ck?
the older looked over to the younger, but taller male - even if by only two inches - with an almost annoyed expression on his face. it was obviously fake. "nothing, okay? i just... i'm fine." the last two words were almost inaudible, and justin's face drooped from a smile to a frown. he wrapped his arms around vic's waist, and nuzzled his face into the crook of his neck. vic just sighed, and rested his head on top of justin's. "liar." his voice was muffled by vic's neck, and vic rolled his eyes. "am not..." "mhmmm." justin placed a kiss on the shorter man's neck, and he hummed against it, making vic smile a little. they both felt shivers run up and down their spines, but only vic actually shivered.
"stop i-" he was cut off when soft lips met his, and his eyes opened wide. then a hand took his, and gently squeezed it. he slowly gave in, and put his arms around the taller's neck. justin pulled vic closer until the shorter was sitting on his lap, legs on either side of him to make it more comfortable. their lips moved in perfect sync, and their heart beats were rapid and fluttering. justin's arms had snaked their way around vic's waist - which wasn't as skinny, at the time - and when they pulled away from the kiss, they didn't move from their positions.
"i... didn't know you were, um, into guys." the blush on his cheeks was evident, and not-so-drunk justin chuckled, pecking his lips. "pfft, i thought it was pretty obvious. and so did kellin, jack, and gabe. gabe's into dudes, too." "ha. everyone knows gabe is a flaming homo." they both laughed a little, then justin pressed their foreheads together, pulling vic closer. "you know... you're really beautiful." vic's cheeks flushed, and his head turned away. he bit on his lower lip, shaking his head as it hung. "no i'm not..."
that made justin frown. he kept one arm wrapped around vic's waist, and the other brought his hand up to gently take his chin. he lifted vic's head so he could look into his eyes, not able to keep a straight face. he was just so cute. "yes you are. don't ever doubt it. now dance with me, my lovely juliet!" vic raised an eyebrow, and yelped when justin stood up with him clutching onto him like a koala. once he was back on his feet, justin put his hands on his hips, and pulled him close. he leaned down by his ear, and whispered something, making vic giggle. and then eyes widened when he realized he wasn't joking.
"be mine...?"
* * *
vic was lying in the comfortable bed, his face buried in a pillow, and drifting off into sleep when he heard obnoxious knocks on the door. he furrowed his eyebrows and groaned, and reluctantly got up. he shuffled to the door, and opened it, finding three very, utterly happy guys standing outside of it. "what?" his voice was a bit raspy, but still held a soft, gentle sweetness to it. he rubbed at his eyes as they all looked at each, their smiles gone. though when vic looked back at them with tired eyes, they smiled again.
"they're here!"
okay, yes, vic was excited, but why were they? oh, yeah - they just wanted to see vic happy, again. they wanted to see him healthy, again. they wanted their old victor vincet fuentes back.
"you're not just pulling my balls, are you? because if you are, i swear to the high heavens that i will give you each a f-cking black eye." he was in a bad mood, okay? and when he was in a bad mood, he was obviously kind of grumpy, and very sassy. no one liked to mess with a sassy, grumpy vic. the outcome wouldn't come out so great - at all.
they all shook their heads, and tony gently grabbed his arm to pull him out of the room. even though he was happy they were finally here, he was still really tired. he groaned, but let them lead him down the flights of stairs, his grey sweatpants sagging. sh-t. at least he had on a big ass hoodie - it was big on him, anyway. like, really f-cking big. so it covered his hips, and even his upper thighs. yeah, it was pretty long, too. but he liked it - it was super comfy, and made him feel a little protected against most of society's thoughts on self-harm.
his bare feet barely made any noise as they lead him out the doors of the hotel, and into the parking lot. when tony finally let go of him, he rubbed at that arm, furrowing his eyebrows. "you look a little skinnier, are you okay?" jaime whispered over to him, his face showing he was full of concern. the others looked at him, too, and he rolled his eyes. "yes, i'm fine. i actually gained a few pounds." man, he hated lying, but he had to. he'd have to put on a couple pounds just so he really wasn't lying, because he'd eventually give in and tell them. the looks they gave him told him they weren't so sure he was telling the truth, but he shook his head and rolled his eyes again.
then he spotted justin, and he smiled, pearly white teeth showing. they were all out of the van they came in - since they'd be sharing a bus, for whatever reason - and getting their stuff.
"justin!"
god, why did his voice sound so weak?
-------------------------------------------
( okay, so i was just really craving a vic fuentes/justin hills thing, and i couldn't find any fanfictiontotally not obsessed with fanfics. pfft, no way. and, so, here this is! there's no real plot - it's more of a go-with-the-flow type of thing. anything can happen. c:
yes, if it wasn't obvious enough, you'll be playing justin. you know, that beautiful asshole of a guitarist. <3 anyway, just some information on him - in real life, right now, he's twenty-three. but in this, he's twenty-one. because, you know, vic is actually thirty-one, but in this he's twenty-nine... so, yeah! and vic is 5'6", so justin is 5'8". i'm not really sure if that's justin's real height, but he looks to be about the same height as kellin. anyway, before i start rambling, i just wanted to say that you should know all band members of all bands, and obviously the bands. duh.
i wubbles you. <3 have fun with this! i know i will. i mean, i cried typing this, but... eh. that's what it's all about, for me. c:
okay, i do have some rules. we all hate them but we gotta have 'em!
***please be able to post at least four, detailed paragraphs, per post. please, please, please!
***please, don't 'kiss & diss'. i want this to last forever. because it'll be cute. i promise. c:
***angst. drama. fluff.
***this really isn't a rule, but more of a note. anyway, everyone knows about their relationships - and i mean everyone. they're completely open about it!
***if you have any plots, whether they be big or small, just go ahead and do it! you don't have tot ell me, or anything. c:
***PLEASE BE ACTIVE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I FREAKING BEG OF YOU PLEASE
***warning: i use tons of smileys, and ramble on a whole freaking lot. and i have a potty mouth, so... if you're not comfortable withi mean, there's a ton in this post, then this isn't the thread for you, hon. these boys cuss a lot, anyway. c:
***please try to have good grammar, punctuation, spelling, ect. i understand if you make a few slip-ups, just not a whole bunch to the point i have no idea what you're typing. i sound so mean... i'm sorry. :c this includes sentence fluency, which is very big. i will make a few mistakes, obviously, because nobody is perfect, especially me. c:
***if you don't cry during this, i don't know what will make you cry. *^*
anyway, have fun! this is so long... aheh... )
