Posts by Pixie_Stix

Quailfeather looked up, right into the sun and retracted immediately. Putting her head to the ground and running her paws over her face. "Eh, yeah. It is really bright outside..." She said, her head still on the ground, shielfing her eyes from the light.

Quailfeather simply groaned in response. She rolled over onto her back and tilted her head down to avoid the incident happening again.

"Good way to change the attitude, Twilight," Wolf said as he walked by the two she-cats. He noticed how Twilight had behaved earlier and was glad to see she was trying to get along with Bird.

Yes, of course. Improving is always nice. You can post whatever length, I don't mind! :)

Very nice, you're accepted!

Prongs wrote:

A light-colored toroiseshell padded alongside the river, ~>>her green eyes scanning the moving water rapidly as she tried to find fish.<<~ Her eyes fell on a small group of wriggling prey, and she moved into position over the water.~>> Raising her paw, and making sure that her shadow hadn't fallen onto the river, she hesitated for a moment before lashing out into the water, scooping out two of the slower fish.<<~ She quickly snapped their necks, ~>>placing them over in the reeds where only she could find them again.<<~ Then, Gingertuft moved further ~>>upstream, looking for another group of small fish.<<~

Suddenly, she was distracted by a loud squawking. Weird. She'd never heard anything like that before near the river - or anywhere, for that matter. Curiously moving towards the sound; the fish had all fled in fear, so there was no point in staying, the Riverclan she-cat's eyes moved up towards the spot where she'd heard the squawk.

Very nicely written! Now, how about seeing if you can add any adjectives to the sentences with ~>>...<<~ around them.

Note: I didn't point out the whole sentence, so you can just think of things you can add in between the markers. Think: What, When, Where, Why, How!

Renzhe followed close behind Ivorywisp, "Well, that wasn't so bad," He chirped happily to himself. He was definately not against Clans, but he knew for sure that he'd never want to join one.

~my friend made this not me~~~~

A handsome tabby with orange and red stripes walked along the branch of a tree, he was loner no family or clan to walk beside him.
His eyes flickered to an stunning event, a she-cat was chased by her clan! it looked as if they thought they crossed the border so they turned around he blood on their claws.
The she droped down dieing when he jumped off the branch, a kit was in her jaws a black kit with a little white on his mouth. He now understood they didnt want the kit in their clan so they threw it out hopeing death he should know that is what happend to him. He picked up the kit and walked looking for a queen to nurse this kit.

~~

Alright. Just a few mistakes, but that'll be cleared up in no time!

Let's start with the simple spelling mistakes I put in bold.

These are mistakes that everyone makes at least once in their lifetime, and I've met a lot of people who still do it. The trick to remembering is in the vowels. (A, E, I, O, U)

When you see a pattern inside a word that goes: vowel, consonant, vowel. The second vowel makes the first one a long sound. This mostly goes for words that end in either a, e, i, o, or u.

Examples: To "Shave" or "Shaving" See how I took out the "E"? The E's purpose in "Shave" is to make the "A" make a long sound. The E is replaced by the I in "Shaving" because the I serves the same purpose, and creates the needed sound for "Shaving". Got it?

"Alright, let's go!" Quailfeather chirped happily, bouncing on her toes.

Yes, that is great! Now,

Prongs wrote:

Suddenly, she was distracted by a loud squawking.~>> Weird.<<~ She'd never heard anything like that before near the river - or anywhere, for that matter. Curiously moving towards the sound; the fish had all fled in fear, so there was no point in staying, the Riverclan she-cat's eyes moved up towards the spot where she'd heard the squawk.
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My suggestions for that would be to (in my style) put it in italics and make it as if she was thinking that (or use whatever style you'd like) or you can add it to either the previous or following sentence

Yeah, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, let's assume you did it already.

Renzhe yowled in surprised and ducked out of the way of the grey tom, extending his claws towards his attacker with an irritated hiss.

"The fallen trees could provide nice cover for new dens, we could use them to our advantage." Quailfeather reasoned

Alright, try writing a response including the things we went over (not the phrases, but the concept of adjectives).

Let's make this interesting:

The large black rottweiler bowled through the underbrush. His powerful bark and beady eyes were enough to discourage even the strongest warrior. Dodging through the trees, head lifted, he caught the scent of cat. He changed direction swiftly and sped at a break-neck speed towards the source of the scent. He soon found the cat and launched himself from the forest growth and into the shady clearing. He landed heavily and sent up clouds of reddish dust into the air, making it hard to see, and even harder to believe your eyes. The patches of sunlight dancing through the little clearing and making shapes in the misty dirt, settling slowly to the ground. He crouched and stalked silently towards his unsuspecting victim, thanks to his superb sense of smell.

Depends, what do you want?

If you want me to, I can. If you wanna do it, go ahead, just give me the link.

Very good! See, there's always something you can add. Now, try writing a whole new sample in response to mine. Try and see if you can get it so I can't find anything to add or change. Now, this is almost impossible, because everyone thinks differently, but just try your best! ;)

Quailfeather hadn't noticed them leave. She was padding cautiously up the branch of a fallen tree. The water from the flood lapped at her back paws. She had forgotten the water was there and bolted up the fallen tree in surprise. She was scrunched up on the trunk, shivering, her claws digging into the bark. "W-What was that..." She called, not exactly expecting an answer.

Just treat it like a real RP. You can be a cat, or another dog, or whatever happens to end up in the clearing, it's up to you. Anything but my character.

Quailfeather looked around the old camp, "Er- Where is everybody..." She asked herself out loud. With her brown dappled coat, she probably would've been hard to find among the broken debris that was scattered throughout the small clearing. She stepped off of the fallen tree and explored a little bit, searching for her clanmates.