[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 350px; text-align: center; color: red; font-size: 24pt; margin-bottom: -5px; font-family: georgia; text-shadow: 3px 3px 3px #000000][b]daniel james howell.[/fancypost][fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 350px; height: auto; text-align: center; color: white; font-family: georgia; margin-bottom: -3px]
★★★★ [/fancypost]
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/warning: suicidal thoughts and mentions of an attempted suicide. please refrain from reading if you are sensitive to such subjects
as he stared down the cliff, his chest tightened. dan's entire frame shook. god he was so selfish wasn't he? he wasn't dead yet. he should've been grateful for that. he knew he should be happy that he lived to see another day but somehow that wasn't enough.
phil.
phil was the first thing that crossed his mind as he headed out into the cold winter air. phil loved him. and he loved phil. everything was perfect right? dan was hesitant. what would phil do if he wasn't there? their kids would grow up without a parent, much like he grew up without a mother. the constant feeling of loss. the constant lack of stability in their family.
or what was left of that family.
candlepaw. pj. jaspar. it started when jaspar went missing. dan didn't know his brother too well so he barely noticed when jaspar disappeared. he felt guilty for it now. he didn't even acknowledge the existence of the other liguori child. but it was too late wasn't it? then pj left. he left and neither dan nor canny knew when their father would come back. that wasn't too bad, was it? then canny died. suicide. dan never learned the reason behind it but he blamed himself anyways. he was the older brother. he was the only family she had left. and he had failed her. following that, pj's death. it wasn't fair was it? family member after family member being taken away from him.
then there was harborpaw.
he missed her. dan wasn't sure why. she had always been there. but she was gone, at the same time. she no longer spoke to him. he missed the little kitten he had given his old scarf to. the little girl with the bright smile. dan missed her. it was his fault she tried to jump of this very cliff. it was all his fault. it was all because of him. he f*cked up like all those times before.
it was his fault.
again and again he failed to be there for the ones he loved so much. he couldn't save ritsu. ritsu. the thought of the bubbly guardian broke his heart a little. everything started spiraling down after her death. he couldn't save ritsu. then troye. hell, troye was dan's first crush. troye went missing too. dan couldn't stop that. felix. hollypaw. papyrus. the names went on and on.
he had seen so many people die, so many people leave. dan had been through depression and he thought that it was over. he had been through hell and back. but now as his paws rested at the edge of the cliff he wasn't too sure.
phil was the only thing on his mind.
his unsheathed claws dug into the ground, sinking in as if to hold him their. he inched a paw forward so the curved, sharp appendages hung over the edge, his eyes tracking a few small bits of dirt crumbling away and falling far far down. he paused for a moment, his heart racing. his head blurred and all the noise around him seemed to die out.
no.
he took a step back, and shook his head vigorously. no.
he wasn't going to.
at least...
at least not today.
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[size=6pt]© counselor dreamíe[/size]
