Mousepaw listens.
//
There are always hushed conversations about her. Another den, from across the camp, right behind her while she trains as if she can't hear them. So Mousepaw listens and she learns a lot. She just doesn't know what to do with what she learns. Sometimes, when they think that she can't hear or maybe they don't care that she knows what they say about her, the other apprentices joke that her warrior name is going to be Mousebrain. Mousepaw doesn't talk to them as much after she hears that, and they laugh over a rabbit while she curls into herself in the apprentices' den.
The worst part is that Mousepaw tries. Her mentor looks at her with sad eyes, at first only when he thinks she can't see but now he does it all the time. Mousepaw listens, she always does, and everyone thinks she is stupid. Maybe she is, but they must think she's so stupid that she can't understand pity and mockery when Mousepaw knows those things really well. Her leader, the tallest and prettiest and most graceful leader, comes to watch Mousepaw train. It would be an honor if Mousepaw didn't hear her talking with Mousepaw's mentor.
She's behind apparently. Not learning as quickly as the other apprentices. Mousepaw already knew these things, but she wasn't aware that it was a problem. No one had bothered to tell her, but at this point Mousepaw figured that being behind was obviously bad, she was just too mousebrained to figure that out until now.
//
The thunderpath was one of Mousepaw's favorite places to be. She loved the sharp smells and the roar as monsters went by, far faster than any living thing should go. The others don't like the thunderpath. They say its dangerous, its too loud and smells terribly. Mousepaw's peers are already warriors by now, she is used to being called strange. A large monster roars by and Mousepaw's ears ring loud enough that she doesn't hear her name being called until her mentor is besides her, asking her a string of questions too quickly for Mousepaw to follow.
Her mentor is nice enough. Mousepaw likes him, but he is always sad for her. He bleeds pity whenever Mousepaw is around. Sometimes, so far and few in between that Mousepaw begins to doubt until she sees it again, he looks disappointed. Frustrated, even. He is always so patient, and Mousepaw feels so guilty whenever she sees that look on him. She wants so desperately to make him proud, but she still is working on stepping lightly while hunting and not freezing during battle.
//
A few more moons pass. Mousepaw is getting better. At least she thinks she is. Her mentor used to work her tirelessly, but now he doesn't take her training as often. Mousepaw can only assume that means he doesn't think she needs as much work. When she meets him this time for training, he is pacing back and forth. She watches him cross the training area three times before Mousepaw makes her presence known. He seems so distracted today. Maybe even angry.
After Mousepaw gathers moss and her mentor quizzes her on different crouches, he snaps. Asks her harshly if she is going to be an apprentice forever. Mousepaw doesn't know how to respond, so she doesn't. Her mentor doesn't stop looking angry and Mousepaw doesn't stop feeling guilty, so she leaves.
//
Another good thing about the thunderpath is that no one bothers Mousepaw when she is there. It isn't a good place to sit and chat, so no one tries to. No one else likes the thunderpath. Mousepaw feels an odd sort of possessiveness towards it. Sometimes, in the back of her mind, Mousepaw thinks about stepping out on the thunderpath. Strange as she is, Mousepaw believes that her clan would assume she did it on accident.
Mousepaw doesn't, though. She keeps that thought in the back of her mind as she watches the monsters. Every now and again, birds and other prey will get crushed under the monster's mighty paws. Mousepaw brings these back to camp and the other cats don't eat them.
//
A kittypet is hunting on clan territory. Mousepaw looks over her shoulder for her mentor but he isn't there, isn't anywhere around her, and Mousepaw remembers that she went out alone. The kittypet is watching something intently, it's focus solely on whatever is in front of it. Mousepaw crouches just like her mentor showed her how, but she can't remember if it's the right crouch for this sort of situation. She creeps forward and the kittypet doesn't move. The kittypet doesn't move until Mousepaw steps on a stray twig, that is.
Its ears perk high and it turns around quickly to face Mousepaw. A beetle flies away from the spot it was watching. The kittypet introduces itself-herself as Ziggy. She was just following a ladybug and wandered farther than she intended to. Mousepaw knows that trespassing is bad, but if the only thing Ziggy is hunting is a ladybug, then Mousepaw doesn't see a problem with Ziggy being on clan territory.
All the same, Mousepaw escorts Ziggy to the border. When Mousepaw gets back to camp, her mentor comments that she seems like she's in a good mood. Mousepaw didn't know she was in a good mood until he said that and her mood immediately soured. She doesn't tell him about Ziggy.
//
Ziggy keeps coming back. Mousepaw keeps escorting her away. Ziggy doesn't mind that Mousepaw is stupid, even looks upset when Mousepaw says so about herself. Ziggy asks with a fire Mousepaw is unfamiliar with who would make her think that about herself. Mousepaw explains how she isn't good at hunting and is even worse at fighting. Ziggy says that she can't do those things either and Mousepaw immediately feels better, even if Ziggy is a kittypet and kittypets aren't suppose to know how to do those things.
Mousepaw develops a sort of friendship with Ziggy. She catches Ziggy trespassing and leads her to the border. Mousepaw even warns her to not return. Ziggy isn't very good at following directions. Mousepaw is starting to suspect that Ziggy just doesn't care about directions. When Mousepaw asks, Ziggy says its because its the only way she gets to see her. Mousepaw doesn't know how to respond to this, so she doesn't. Ziggy seems amused the rest of the way to the border.
After that, Mousepaw makes a point of tracking Ziggy. The next day actually, when the scent is strong enough for Mousepaw to follow but stale enough that she really has to focus. Mousepaw always would lead Ziggy to the border, no farther. As she follows the familiar smell, Mousepaw becomes aware that this is an entirely new area for herself. An area so close, yet in her many moons, Mousepaw has never been here. The thought feels silly when she thinks it.
When Mousepaw finds the twolegplace that Ziggy resides in, Ziggy seems surprised. Mousepaw tells Ziggy that she's here so that Ziggy will stop needing to trespass. Something about that is funny to Ziggy because she doubles over.
//
Mousepaw doesn't care as much about her training. She tries to focus, but she keeps thinking about Ziggy. Her mentor doesn't seem to notice how absent Mousepaw has been, but he's been pretty absent too. Mousepaw doesn't like him as much as she used to.
//
Visiting Ziggy became a daily thing. She always greets Mousepaw warmly and Mousepaw returns the favor. Mousepaw considers Ziggy her best friend. She isn't sure what she is to Ziggy but she likes that she is important to Ziggy. When Mousepaw misses a day, as rare as that is, Ziggy asks her why, tells Mousepaw that she was missed. Mousepaw doesn't like the thought of Ziggy waiting at the twolegplace's fence all day for her to never arrive, but Mousepaw does like that her absence is notices.
//
She is finally, finally a warrior.
//
Her former mentor explains to Mousenose that being a warrior is going to have a lot more responsibility than being an apprentice and Mousenose wonders just how dim he thinks she is. After her vigil, the first thing Mousenose does is race to her clan's border and tell Ziggy the good news. Ziggy doesn't understand the excitement but shares it all the same. She still calls Mousenose by her apprentice name a few times but always corrects herself.
Mousenose feels affection make her heart swell up. She tells Ziggy that she wishes Ziggy was born with warrior blood so that they can spend all their time together. Ziggy tells Mousenose that there isn't any reason they can't do that now and Mousenose doesn't understand because Mousenose has her clan and her new duties as a warrior.
//
Being a warrior means that there is less time for Ziggy and even less time for sitting by the thunderpath. Mousenose knows that her clan is always supposed to come first, but a very big part of Mousenose wishes that she didn't have to give those things up. There are more days where Mousenose doesn't go to see her friend. She misses Ziggy dearly and it makes her not love being a warrior as much as she should.
Ziggy starts trespassing again. Only, Mousenose isn't an apprentice with more free time than she knows what to do with anymore, and she isn't the one to find Ziggy.
//
The next time Mousenose sees Ziggy, nearly a moon has past between their last meeting. Ziggy isn't at the fence so Mousenose crawls under it. She isn't in the yard so Mousenose pushes her way through the cat door. This isn't the first time Mousenose has been inside of the twolegplace but it still makes her nervous.
She calls out to Ziggy but Ziggy doesn't answer. Mousenose hears a familiar bell, meaning that Ziggy is nearby, and races in the bells direction. The first thing Mousenose notices when she finds Ziggy is that she has a scar, twin claw marks, on her face. The second thing Mousenose notices is that Ziggy looks scared.
Mousenose asks Ziggy whats wrong and Ziggy tells her to go away. Mousenose doesn't understand and Ziggy tells her to leave again. She yells, tells Mousenose that she doesn't want to be around clan cats anymore. Mousenose doesn't understand until she looks at the scars again and suddenly Mousenose feels incredibly small and guilty. When Mousenose is leaving, she hears Ziggy say that Mousenose would choose violent flea bits over her, and Mousenose wants to tell Ziggy thats not true, but something holds her back.
//
When she steps onto the thunderpath, the monster swerves.
//
Mousenose has always been one for following the rules to the best of her ability. The warrior code says to reject the soft life of a kittypet. Things are better this way. Ziggy had made Mousenose blind to her loyalty to her clan and to her warrior duties. Ziggy had made Mousenose soft. Mousenose throws herself into hunting until she is actually good and she pretends to not notice when her clanmates comment on her actually being useful.
//
She misses Ziggy like a fish misses water.
Mousenose knows she shouldn't but she does. Sometimes, Mousenose takes the familiar trail. She always stops at the fence. Ziggy is never waiting for her, until one day, she is.
//
She apologizes. Tells Mousenose that she shouldn't be punished for her clan's actions. Mousenose doesn't like how the scar looks and she doesn't like that her clan would do that to someone with no ill intent. All at once, Mousenose realizes that she doesn't like her clan. The realization makes going back harder.
Ziggy tells Mousenose that she doesn't have to go back, and Mousenose didn't know that was an option. Mousenose feels suddenly free, she doesn't have to go back. Ziggy makes a happy sound and Mousenose headbutts her hard enough that it makes Mousenose dizzy, or maybe she's just so happy and her head can't keep up.
Mousenose doesn't belong to any clan and learns how to love without being told.
