Posts by Ruby Sparks

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So basic recap because I read the whole page over again: rowans ex beat her up so she’s injured and Zach wants to kill him. She escaped to his room where they fell asleep together. She had a night terror he calmed her down his mom saw it. They went back to sleep and now they’re waking up and Rowan is realizing oh I could totally be in love with this dude.

Good dreams spur false hope. Rowans brain began to kick into full gear and let her realize what she was doing. Who she was doing it with. How much he could hurt her. Good dreams never last but she knows better than to react violently. Tyler had reinstated that fear of setting a man off. He reinstated her fear of the male species as a whole. The old almost dead seed of fear suddenly sprouted wrapping a thorny vine around her heart. Squeezing tight. Zach was different, Zach was better, Zach was still a man. Rowan was simply a little girl bad at hiding her feelings. But it’s time for that repression to begin anew. Mornings are always full of new hope and it is up to reality to keep that in check.

How do we go about this? How do we distance? How do we not get hurt? Every bone in her body screamed to stay there. Accept all that he’s willing to give. But fear doesn’t respond so well to hope. How to escape. Her body won’t let her run away but suddenly with the reawakening of her fear a tight hold no longer felt secure but violent. She felt herself regressing back to that scared little girl who craved gentle touches and pure love. Zach is none of that. Zach is everything she never wanted and everything she didn’t know she needed. But in such close wake of violence, of the man who put the dark bruise throbbing on her back, shes trapped. A feral kitten cornered if weak. But it will still try its hardest to fight.

With all this going on internally, he must have felt her begin to tense up and away from him. No longer half asleep melting into him she began to pull away. Pushing gently against his arms and wiggling out of his grasp. She’s gentle. She knows he won’t react, won’t get mad or violent. But Tyler planted that seed of fear and fear is never rational. Once she gets his arms loosened she turns away moving towards the wall. Heartbeat in her throat unsure where to go. Zach between her and the door, Tyler at her home. She feels he’s touching against her cheeks. A flush of panic overcoming her. She forces slow breaths. ‘Zach won’t do anything. Zach is safe. Don’t be scared’ the words flashing through her head over and over like a calming mantra. The heat of her half asleep love remains deep in her belly. It is undeniable, she cannot tell herself nothing is there for him. Instead a mousy voice pops up “I think I should go home” knowing Tyler is home. Knowing Zach knows that. Unsure of herself and what to do.

His lack of reaction was a good enough answer. Rowan clambered over Zach. Her actions stiff, feeling as though every muscle in her body was sore. She wanted to go back to him but something wouldn’t let her. She didn’t say anything. Pausing in his doorway she considered what she was doing then continued on. Down the stairs past his mom eyes on the floor hoping nothing would happen and out the door. She stood outside his doorway weighing her options. Either way she has to go inside her house but does she get her keys and flee to Alex or home Tyler has left the house. The pain and exhaustion covering her body made that decision for her. Twenty feet away is the door to her house.

The door clicks shut behind her. The stillness within the house is eerie, is anyone home? Who knows. As quietly as possible she drags her sore body upstairs and sits on her bed. Staring at the still open window. Her eyes are blank, she simply sits silently.

Rowan barely reacts when the door next to her opens and Tyler slides in. His mannerisms are soft, something she is comforted by in a way she wish she wasn’t. He isn’t angry. He takes a seat beside her and wraps an arm around her. She barely reacts, forcing herself not to flinch not knowing how quickly he could be set off.

“Bear, I’m sorry” the sudden noise made her to look up at him “I just missed you so much I was so hurt when you weren’t happy to see me. But I know you didn’t mean to hurt me like that did you?” He gave Rowan a little squeeze. “Forget about that guy, he’s nothing but bad news. I’m back now. I’m here for you bear.” It was almost a threat, I’m here to get you. The thought of him never leaving made her nauseous. But at least this was familiar. She knew how to play his games.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you Ty” if he wants to play she will play. It hurt knowing Zach was across the gap. Just an open window away. Was he listening? Was he disappointed? His arms had imprinted themselves on her. The security and calm they brought. The arm around her now was stiff. Affection is just a show and none of it is truly real. Was Zach even being serious or would he get too mad one day. Her mind replayed him punching that hole in the wall. The sudden fear she felt at his violent outburst. She saw Tyler smile, he was back and she was trapped again.