seizepaw
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Blood loss had not been a fatal option to him, up until he started to paint on the walls. paint on the wall in his own blood, mind you. it started after bambi's visit, and hadn't stopped even though a full day had passed. seize wasn't going to stop until he keeled over and died. or until someone came to save him. they had to come and save him.
losing was not a option here. scrawled on the wall, multiple words and statements were inlaid, in a dripping crimson. things like 'liars', 'lies', 'die', and many illiterate words, to blurred to read. yet, one was written the most. one simple word, everywhere. 'carpediem,' everywhere it was, scrawled in between words, over words, anywhere his small build allowed him to reach. sure, there was a neat look to it, as it stuck to one wall, it was still a lot of blood. other names stretched on that wall, including 'offtunebeat,' 'sooner,' 'storybookpaw,' 'cremepaw,' 'jasmine,' and many, many more, including marshall. yet, one was used almost as much as caprediem. aima.
well now, he lay collapsed, cackling and chuckling at his own work. that knifes edge of sanity still resided as it was, but it had began to sink into his skin, painfully slow. sanity was something slipping through his fingers, like the sand in a hourglass, and here he was laughing at it. he was laughing at god, laughing at life. laughing at everything. seize had listened to this, had seen all the memories, pushing through his mind, making him feel like his tiny little skull was cracking.
now, he was going to die here, in a pool of his own blood, admiring his own work. why would no one take pity on his kitten like body, on his helplessness, and his broken paw? why would no one care? because he was worthless and weak, he had been sure to add that to his wall, and now his pastel eyes stared simply, looking at the iron bars. every hour, that darkness stretched closer, and he swore his eye sight was fading more, and more. no, his cell was just getting darker surely.
he paused then, she just stared at him, with her sad, sad eyes, her melancholy look made him disgusted, and he weakly swiped a bloodied paw at her, though it missed by inches. and she still sat there, she wouldn't help him, either. no, he didn't want her help! she was a liar! a fucking liar! "i don't want your help." it was a harsh wheeze, and he glared her down as if she was the one who was laying in a puddle of blood, as if he had been the one to do it to her, to cause her this pain. oh, this pain. "oh, my child. oh, my dear, dear child." only he could hear it, but it left him snarling, growling and baring teeth with his jaws angrily parted.
passing felines would see his staring there, hissing at empty air. "i'm not your child, i was never your child. never." he was talking to air to any one else, his schizophrenia acting up due to this stress welling in his chest, his mental disability leaving him with the options of being crazy, or being dead. no, he couldn't be dead, and he couldn't be crazy. this couldn't happen to him!
feeling the cold of the cell hit his wounds, hit his short fur left him shivering, though it could have been cold from the blood-loss, surely. but, he returned his attention to the marbled blue tabby, who shook her head remorsefully as she stood on her dainty little paws, those blue eyes locking on him in a maternal way, oh she was stunningly beautiful, and it gave him envy, but he cared not now, she would not, she could not steal his breath. liars didn't deserve his envy, and he didn't want their pity for that reason. he wanted their pity for no reason.
their. there was more than one, surely. there were many voices in his head, and many cats who appeared before him, well, only two had shown themselves. this one, she called herself offtune, he called her a liar. she had said he'd be happy, that he'd be oh-so-happy, without a worry in the world. she said he would have all the joy he could, well, was this all the joy he could have, was it! WAS IT?! it made him want to burst, to scream. he wanted her gone, he wanted all these memories, the ones that didn't belong to him, he wanted them gone! he just wanted to wake up, cuddled with marshall in a nice warm nest in skyclan, and he wanted to go on a walk with momo. he wanted to go and sing with frostheart, and he wanted to giggle at rudy's childish innocence. he wanted to meet the high positions, he wanted to be a high position! he wanted to befriend shinigami, and to befriend dawnguard, because they were so strong, so brave, so awesome. he wanted to be a brave, awesome cat, one who could step up for his clan, and without remorse fight old friends if he had to. he wanted to be normal! he. wanted. to. be. sane. he wanted to be seizetoday.
that was all, was it to much to ask, well obviously. because now, his life was a night horror, filled with nightmares of being chased by loved ones, of watching his friends die. his life was pathetic, with him hiding behind his small stature, wanting the pity, wanting it like he wanted the blood. he was so sad, so pathetic. but he didn't deserve their pity, he deserved to die, he deserved to scream, to starve, to die the slowest, most painful way plausible. seize deserved to live, to be forced to see everyone die, to be the oldest one, dying from age, without any way to join the ones he loved. he only deserved to be alone, to be all alone.
well, why didn't they do that to him? why did the leave him here to die? weren't they sensible? no, they didn't think the same, they didn't even see the liars! they were all so, so wrong! so blind! they just didn't see the sense! why couldn't they see the sense?
writhing in his skin, and burying his pretty face into his paws, his laughter grew louder, evolving from those chuckles, and cackles, into insanity driven booming laughter, echoing in his cell, and into the halls, probably to ears of his fellow captives, to the ears of the ones who had captured him.
in this all, he could only blame himself. not the liars, not nightpaw and televsionpaw, not sunclan, not the anti-clans. he could only blame himself.
seizepaw.
carpediem.
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[justify][font=courier][color=black][size=8]wow, i didn't mean this to be that long, i'm sorry /n\[/justify]
