Posts by Sleepwalking

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[size=13pt]Frank Iero[/size]
[font=georgia][size=8][color=white]Frank nodded, he figured that Gerard went for walk and came back when the sky began to lighten, the only thing he was worried about was something happening to Gee. Even though he had no clue where the building actually is he had a feeling it wasn't in the best of areas. Food and coffee sounded wonderful, he needed a cup, maybe three right to start feeling normal and awake. Frank let his eyes shut for a brief second when Gerard hugged him, coffee and cigarettes flooded his senses, Gerard moved away much to fast for his liking. Back? But where the hell did go and what the hell was he missing? He knows he is missing a big chunk of time, theres no denying that but he has no idea how much time he is missing and whats happened during the span. Frank sighed and rolled his neck when Gerard went to the couch, he glanced around the small kitchen. He was surprised how easily he found the cups and utensils, it was much smaller than the one that was in their house but Gerard had set it up similarly to it. He carefully balanced the plate with one hand, the fork trapped between his thumb and the plate and in the other hand he was holding a cup of coffee.

"Better, I can't feel them right now. Well I don't feel much of any thing right now, besides for a minor headache" he said as he walked over to the couch. Watching Gee touch his chest made Frank want to pick and scratch at the scars until he could no longer tell how they got there. He didn't care if the new scars would end up being bigger and uglier, he just wanted them gone. It was bad enough that he had been able to feel them, he only seen them once he's pretty much remember the exact spots where they are. He shrugged away the though, picking at them would do any good and he would still know what was under them. "Thank you for making breakfast" Frank said as he pressed a quick kiss to Gerard's temple. He sank down in the spot next to Gerard and pulled his legs up so he could sit with them crossed, he out the cup in between his legs and rested the plate on his knee. He didn't bother taking a butter knife, the side of the fork was working fine to cut the pancakes. Frank took his eating, fearing that if he ate to fast everything would come back up and he didn't want that to happen, even with the pills in his system he'd would be back to feeling like crap.

Frank hadn't realized he had zoned out until he had finished the first few pancakes and was halfway through the next one. He put the fork on the plate and looked over to Gerard, it looked like he was ready to drop. "Gee why don't you get some sleep, even if its for a few minutes." He was hoping that Gerard would end up sleeping for an hour or more and not twenty minutes. Even with the coffee he drank, there was no way Gee would be able to stay awake much longer, it looked like he was ready to fall asleep sitting up.

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[font=trebuchet ms][color=black]Lucas
I'm tired of sifting through personalities and looks, they aren't me, well they aren't the person I used to be. The keywords is used to, that person isn't going to be coming back anytime soon. Each year I tried on new shell, vain attempts to try hide my inner turmoil and it worked for a long time. People didn't recognize me and for the most part left me alone, the only people that really talked to me was the people on the different clubs or teams I had been on spoke to me but that was only when we had to speak. I made myself impossibly busy trying to forget Justin but at the same at time trying to make him notice me. But I'm done with that, each year has left me more exhausted than the last and now I'm done, the Lucas Ridgemont that Justin knew is gone. I’m finally doing what isn't draining and what feels comfortable, no more hiding and no more lies and most of all no more changing.

Well it was comfortable up until three weeks ago, when he decided to pay attention to me again. He was playing basketball with people who I could only guess where his friends, somehow their ball had rolled over to where I was sitting, I hadn't been paying much attention but I came right back to reality when I heard Justin’s voice, he may not have spoken to me for four years but I’ll never forget his voice. “Hey man, sorry about that. Nice board” I kept my mouth shut, to infuriated to say anything, all I did was glare and that got a response, a gasp. Now I was paying attention, I kept my eyes on him, just waiting for him to walk away again and let things go back to what had become normal. I was more than surprised when he sat down in front of me instead of going back to his game, but I didn’t show him that, I kept the glare on my face during the hours and we just sat there. I wanted this day to be over, he had avoided me for four years and had sat in front of me for three hours, he acted like the past four years hadn't happened at all.

What the hell is doing and why the hell is doing this? I sat there practically having a breakdown because I was so terrified, I tried to think of various reason why he would even consider coming back. I wasn't going to say a word to him or stop glaring I not going to give him the chance to come back, if I forgave him it would be like giving him another chance to destroy me. And I can’t let that happen, he is not going to get another chance to get inside and do that. He’s a fool if he think I would let him do that to me, he can play this game with someone else. I had spent too much building up my own walls to protect myself they would not come crumbling down because he was suddenly ready to try and be apart of my life again. Maybe a half hour or so later I got up and walked home, to shaken to attempt to skate home. When I got home I went straight up to my room, I guess my parents could tell that I was shaken because they didn’t ask me questions, they just let me go to my room without a word. I kicked my shoes off dropped my board next to it and laid down, fall asleep after laying motionless for who knows how long.

This year I had made it a point to fade into the woodworking and not be able to noticed and I guess it had worked, I knew Justin was looking for me. I could see him but he couldn't see me, I liked it like this, I could make sure he didn’t know where I was and I could know where he was most of the time. I stayed in previous teachers classrooms for the most part, normally with the teachers I liked and that other students didn't. I also hid in the library, it may have been an obvious hiding spot but I had found a secluded spot that only a few other people knew about, including the librarian. He didn't find me all week and that was good. The next time I knew he has seen me was in the park again and I knew he was staring but that's all he could do because I know he wasn't going to say anything to me. I only ignored him as he stared. At the normal time I found myself folded under the tree, zoned out and listening to music, it was easy to forget the rest of the world and focus on my thoughts.

I had a feeling Justin would be here later, I’m hoping that he’ll just give up. He was determined to worm his way back into my life but I can’t let him do that. You’d think after four years everything would fade into numbness and that I would have begun to move on and put those feeling away but its not. Its a constant and steady flow of emotions, especially hate and pain. He could not even begin to fathom the effects the past four years have had on me. When I did open my eyes was completely surprised to see him there, can’t even take a hint. I immediately let a glare mask my confusion and I opened my mouth, ready to start yelling at him but I closed it, there's no way in speaking to him. And once again we sat there in silence, him watching me, trying to find something that's not coming back, and me shooting him the occasional glare.

I was more than relieved when he started fidgeting I knew he would be leaving soon and I couldn't control the slight smirk that made it way face but I hadn't expected was him saying something again. ”I have to go. Maybe I’ll see you at school.” I gritted my teeth and ignored him, I wasn't going to give in, the part of me that still loves him wants to cave in because I know my silence is hurting him but what he feels doesn't compare to what I feel. ”Same time next week?” Now I wanted to scream and yell at him until my throat was sore and I had nothing left to say, the half joking smirk only made it worse. I spent the next school week trying even harder to hide, he hadn't found the previous week but I feel like I’m slipping and one slip up could ruin everything I've done to keep him out. And I know he’s looking for me because when you become invisible people don’t bother to check to see if your listening and I've heard a lot of gossip about him and me.

I had never thought would have waited at the tree for me but he did, I had expected him play his game and then sit with me for what was left of the day. But not this. I tossed my board down before taking my normal place and folding myself into my normal sitting position, I didn't mean to look him in the eyes but I looked away soon as I realized what I had done. I wanted to grab him by the shoulders and try to understand an ounce of what was going through my head and what I've felt. I needed him to understand even though I know he can’t. Having long hair and long bangs proved to be useful, I can actually look at him without knowing I was. I shifted occasionally, not because I was uncomfortable, it was just something I've always done and the only movements were a twitch of my wrist and hand along with moving my feet a little.

If this was under different circumstances I would have been happy to sit here in the silence but its not and all I want is to see Justin get up and go home before it was dark. I am happy that he hasn't said a word, I don’t think I would have been able to handle it. When it was finally dark enough for him leave I became more nervous, even though I stay here later than him, I just want him to go home. I guess its my turn to fidget, he wasn't leaving and I definitely was not staying here the whole night. I slowly pushed myself up and was a little more than worried when Justin almost fell when he got up, I wanted to help him but I was frozen. I was willing to wait for him to be able to stand on his own, I wasn't going to leave him here by himself, I’d blame myself if something happened to him.

I focused on his footsteps as we walked, I didn't know what I would have done if he stopped following me but luckily he didn't. It feels strange seeing this side of his house, after I stopped looking for him I didn't bother coming back to his street. I stopped with a overly frustrated sigh, one of us would be giving up soon and I have a feeling its going to be me. I waited for a minute for him to go inside, when he didn't I started towards to the backyards, I only stopped when he spoke and when I felt his hand grab my arm. Even though his hand was only on my arm for a second I could feel the area burning, hearing him call me Luke didn't help either, if I wasn't trying so hard to keep the glare up I would have been shaking. I bit the inside of my check when he said sorry, I didn't want to hear that word right now or in this context, after that I didn't focus on anything else he said, I was on my board and going back home in a haze.

I hadn't woken up until the late after the next day, before I knew what I was doing, I was dressed and at the gate. I looked over the backyard before looking into the house, making eye contact before shutting it. We played the same game of cat and mouse during the school week.

…………
I didn't believe my mom when she had said Justin was sitting in his yard with the gate open, waiting, why would he be waiting? I've done nothing be cold and I only showed on speck of showing I care, was that enough for him? I was expecting him to give up, pushing people away isn’t good but I can’t let myself get hurt like that again, I can’t let everything crumble down again because if it does, I won’t be able to pick up any of the pieces. I knew he was watching, I waited for him to turn away before I headed out of my room, turning off the light as I went. I didn't want to go out in my pajama pants, a tank top and jacket wasn't the most ideal thing but I don’t have the time to redress. I moved quietly through the house, they’d be pissed if I ended waking them up. I began pulling my jacket on as I turned the porch light on and opened the door open.

I put on an angered face as I finished pulling on my jacket and slowly started walking over to where the blanket was. As I got closer I could feel the expression on my face changing, I feel like I’m so close to breaking and I’m pretty sure my face shows that. I stopped at the bottom of the blanket, my bare toes barely touching it, I reached out and gripped the gate, I needed something to hold onto. I think I’ll end up crumbling to the floor. I really want to pick the brick up and toss it over into someone elses yard but all I can do is grip the fence hard enough that my knuckles turn white, I feel like a deer caught the headlights of a car as I scan over the blanket and Justin. The fact that he remembered my birthday made my chest tight.

“Why?” I asked, I don’t care what he tells me right now, I just need answers. Something to help me understand the past four years. I knew this was going to happen, all of the angry words and hateful thoughts I had have turned to mush and its left me to stumble over my words like a baby animal. I could feel my body shaking but not from the cold, all of the emotions I had kept bottled up where forcing their way to the surface and I’m pretty sure composure for much longer.
[hr][hr][size=8]Holy crap, I'm sorry this took so long, my personal computer broke and using my school computer is a pain in the ass.

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[size=13pt]Frank Iero[/size]
[font=georgia][size=7pt][color=white]Frank raised his eyebrows when Gerard began shifting around before he settled on his side. He chuckled at the small noise Gerard made before he found himself resisting the urge to roll his eyes at Gerard, who looked like he was ready to drop. Not tired his ass. It looked like he hadn't gotten a good nights rest in a year and it worried him. Frank just hoped Gerard would end up falling asleep on the couch, giving him the chance to get the duvet and a pillow. Or he would become so out of it from not sleeping, Frank could get him to go the bedroom and sleep without having to fight him. But he has no idea how much coffee Gee had to drink and he probably drank enough to keep himself up for a while. If he does end up falling asleep Frank has no idea what he’s going to do besides for looking through the boxes that had his things in them or watching t.v until he fell asleep. Either way he’s gonna end up falling asleep and this time he hoped Gee would join him. Frank stared blankly at Gerard for a few a seconds before figuring out what he was talking about and what he was doing. It didn’t feel like there was any blood coming from where the skin was broken on his lip. He blinked a few times before realizing there had to be blood left behind, stuck to his lip ring, he thought he had gotten all of the blood but he didn’t think to check the bottom of the lip ring, at least the ring had covered the cut.

“Oh its nothing. I had woken up and I guess I bit it hard enough to break skin.” Frank didn’t want worry Gerard, he could tell his boyfriend already had enough on his mind and Frank didn’t want to stress Gee out even more, so he didn’t mention the fact that he woke up scared shitless and disoriented. He just hoped that Gerard would think he was still getting used to the new surroundings and wouldn't think much more about it. He had no idea how he was going to explain a nightmare he couldn't remember and why it had left him so shaken. Frank gave Gee a small smile, hoping that the answer would be enough.

[size=7pt]Well disappearing soon as possible would probably be the best thing for them to do, but Gerard’s gonna have to explain some of what's going onto Frank.
Also
I really want to thank you for dealing with my inactivity and apologize for having to deal with my inactivity. My life has been one big mess of personal issues and all kinds of pain the past months. I’m currently working on trying get better and get everything together. Thank you so very much and I’m terribly sorry.
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[hr][size=7pt]This place is to happy and way to safe, like nothing bad has ever happened here and nothing ever will, and I kinda can't wait for something bad to happen. It drives me mad, the only nights that there's any reason to look over your shoulder are all hallows eve and Halloween. The typical mischief took place, egging houses and cars, along with tping them, and a few other things that sent the older residents into a fit. It leaves me uneasy but this is better than finding a body every other day. Everything is what people call normal until high school, that's when you get thrown ass-backward into reality. Its not as bad most people like to say it is, sure its school, and school is hell and there's various groups but the worse thing is the clashing personalities and general immaturity. I would have thought everyone would have calmed down by now but nope, majority of them still act like freshmen, sometimes even worse, you would have thought they would have grown up by now.

I’m not a social butterfly by any means but I get along with most of the people and have a few friends from the various groups. The only people I really avoid are the jocks and their girlfriends, they have a tendency to lash out at the closest person when they are pissed or lose a game and I've been way to close to them when they've done so. The guys will beat you and the girls will say all the right things to make you hate yourself. In my experience telling them something that shocks them is the best thing to do, like telling the star football player that his girlfriend is cheating with their friend they have a tendency to stop focusing you for a split second and that's all you really need to slip away. Sure I got it later from the girl but that was better than being covered in bruises. Senior year came faster than I thought it would have but I can't complain, I turn eighteen a few weeks after school lets out. The things about this place is that after awhile things become boring and the days fade into each other, that's why I want to leave, I need some sort of excitement and leaving for college is the perfect way

__________

After being able to stay awake to four in the morning, having to be up before seven is a nightmare, but waking up and hearing a blaring tv and fighting older and younger siblings is the only thing that got me out of bed. I shuffled out of bed after pulling the alarm clocks plug out of the wall. After getting dressed and turning my rats nest of hair into something manageable, I pulled my iPod and phone off of their respective chargers and headed downstairs.
"Will the both of you shut up!"
"Mom! Eric's being mean to us!"
"No I'm not!"
"Will all of you shut up!"
"Mom!"
The sound of my brothers and sisters fighting greeted when I walked into the kitchen, I swear sometime I'm mature than my older siblings. I guess you can say my family is one of the larger ones here, there's seven of us, five kids and two parents. I'm the middle child, an older brother, older sister and two younger sisters. I ignored them as I grabbed a muffin off of the counter and chugged a cup of coffee, can't start being normal until there's coffee in my system. If a single cup isn't enough to keep me awake, sleeping in class sounds wonderful. "Bye!" I shouted as I pushed the front door open and slung my bag over my shoulder. We lived close enough for me to talk but still being able to get the bus in the morning, I get to school around the same time either or, so today I'm walking.

It only took about ten minutes to get to the school and got there when the bus pulled up and as I was opening the doors I seen a unfamiliar car pull up. I have an amazing memory and I've already have the cars of the other students committed to memory. New kids weren't a normal thing here, I don't think there's been a new kid the whole time I've been here, well who this kid is they are probably going to attract some attention. The annoying bright blue and pink lockers greeted me when entered the school, further down the hallway and around the corner was purple and green lockers sat. Seniors had the blue lockers, juniors had the pink, sophomores had green and freshmen had purple, the colors were annoying but it made it easy to navigate the school.

The halls were pretty empty, I guess everyone is in the gym or lunchroom, a few kids were at their lockers but that was it. I looked around, wondering if the car was just someones new on or it was really a new student. Stopping in front of my locker, I turned the dial to the combination numbers and gave it a kick so it would open, damned things were to old. When I heard the door open and closed, I looked up, and I was right, a new kid, he looked like he was in the same grade. "You new?" I said without much thought. I kinda hoped he figured that I was talking to him, the other students were probably to wraped up in there own conversations to hear me.
[/size][hr][size=7pt][color=white]I absolutely love your signature
ohmyjesus I’m so sorry this took so long, I’m not using my own computer (using my school laptop) and it crashes a lot, lost what I had typed and took forever to remember what I had done

[size=7pt]Joining just need a little time to get things together[/size]

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[size=7pt][color=white]I never thought I have ended up going to college in New York, my family was a little better off than others but not enough for us to be considered rich and definitely not enough to help keep me here. Up until my senior year of high school, this was only a dream, getting away from, home; I had been juggling a job, school work and after school activities. I stashed my money away like a squirrel but it wasn't enough to get me here, scholarships and prize money was. It wasn't fun writing essay after essay but it was worth it. Moving up here was the best thing that's happened to me so far, sure I haven't done much but I'm happy.

Normally I'd be in class right now but the electricity and heating went down on campus and they wouldn't allow any students or teachers in the classes until everything was fixed. I'm fine not being in class for the next for days, I have more time to get work done and get some much needed sleep. Right now walking around doing nothing was better than sitting in my apartment doing nothing. So I went to the park, I really haven't had the chance to explore and now that I have the time, I'm getting out.

My attention was almost immediately drawn to someone sitting under the trees, it looked like they were my age, maybe a year or two younger, no shoes or jacket. What, I'm twenty, so this kid has to be eighteenish. Normally I would have only glanced over someone sitting there but I was drawn to this person, for whatever reason. Why would someone be out in the cold without a jacket or shoes, not having a jacket I can understand, some people have a better tolerance to the cold than most people do but no shoes is pushing it a little too far. I like the cold and can handle being out in my own skinny jeans but I need at least two hoodies to keep feeling in my arms and fingers.

What was even more jarring was that no one else seemed to notice this kid, there’s a lot more people out that normal. I get it's only eight in the morning but there are people out and about, and that people normally tend not to give a crap about others but it feels like no one else could actually see this kid. From what I know there’s not a history of mental illness in my family, so I’m pretty sure I’m not seeing things. This is going to stay under my skin all day unless I find out what the hell is going on, making up my mind I walked over to where he was sitting. "Hey, you okay?" I said when I got close enough for only him to be able to hear me, I don't other people thinking I'm nuts if he really wasn't there. On an impulse, I reached out, lightly touching his shoulder.

[hr][size=7pt][color=white]Sorry this took so long, I'm a little behind in school work and trying to catch up and that this is so small, normally I make bigger post.

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[size=13pt]Frank Iero[/size]
[size=7pt][color=white]"Frankie, you know I can't lie to you."
This wasn't good. Gerard never started off telling him something unless it was unbelievable or if something bad happened. Something was wrong, very wrong, like nothing would ever go back to normal, or close as normal things could have possibly been after everything that happened. But the nothing was ever that simple, the world was never like that and never would be like that. He could feel unease and dread creeping into his bones and his stomach drop; what ever it was, it was bad.
"Do you really think I could so fucking long without you? You're my everything Frank -- when I saw you die in front of me I just... I don't know. You've been-- Too long, you've been dead too long. I brought you back, I did it. It was me."
Dead? There's no way in hell that's possible.
If that was even true there's no way he was able to wrap his head around it at the current moment, it didn't make any sense. To many thoughts were now running rampant inside his head, and only made it hurt even worse. He didn't know what kind of explanation to expect from Gerard but this was not it, this couldn't be it. He stayed quite when Gerard looked down at the floor, it was a good thing Gerard stayed quite, Frank was pretty sure he would have snapped, he wasn't sure what he would have said or done but it probably would have lead to a fight and to be honest he was to tired and in to much pain to start a screaming match. There had to be another reason why he's missing a massive chunk of time and why it looked liked Gee was under so much distress, but he looked to sencire to be trying messing with him. Head trauma fit, he knew he hit his head hard enough to cause damage, there was no denying it, he memory loss and his raging head ache; coma also fit but he didn't like either of them. Other people had survived worse, and he knew he shouldn't have closed his eyes but he would have never gave up that easily, he would not have left Gee like that.

"What?" he finally breathed out, barely audible, and for a second he wondered if Gee had even heard him because he doubted that it even made a sound. Frank swallowed as he tried to compose his thoughts, now he scared, mainly for his boyfriend, what the hell did Gerard do? Frank almost didn't want to know but if he didn't find out now it would only eat at him until he did, and he has a feeling that he'll like that answer even less than previous one. "Gee, what happened? What did you do?" he asked, in a voice much to shaky for his liking.

[size=7pt]i'm going to join, just need a little time to get everything together[/size]

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[size=7pt][color=black]After living in this place for so learn how to block out all of the noise generated by the staff and other kids, shouting, dishes being done, washers being run and everything else has faded into the same old background sounds, the only time its really quite is when its the middle of the night or there's a potential adopting couple. Most of the kids here are like me, here since we were babies, there's a few kids who came here a year or two ago but that's it. I hate living here and having to see kids come and go, I'm happy for the kids who do find homes but I hate having to see new kids come through the doors and have to live here, knowing that an unlucky few are going to end up like me. For what ever reason they wont get picked and as you get older your chances of leaving with a new family goes down, until you end up like me, stuck here until you're eighteen and left alone. This is why I cant wait to get away, I've been wanting to leave for as long as I remember but times not moving as fast as I would like it to.

Life here is pretty boring, during the school year, you wake up and do the same routine until summer and that's went things are even worse, besides for chores there's nothing to do, not having friends I can hang out with makes this worse. The kids like it because they can sleep in and go to bed later but they have each other to play with all day, while I spend my time reading or looking for work outside of the orphanage. I do the grounds keeping for them and they pay me to keep everything looking nice but I'm always in need of money to get things more the expensive things they can't get. If its not basic simple school or clothing you're outta luck and you gave to get it yourself. But finding a job can be hard when you don't want everyone knowing that I grew up in an orphanage, I've kept it from the kids at school and I don't want them to know; school life isn't bad but I don't want to have the bullies turn on me.

"Zander!" "Alex" The kids shouted as I walked up the steps. I don't know why the kids have the need to shout at me when I come walking by, according to the staff they seem to like me, and that's probably because I'm the oldest one out of all of us, when the newer kids came here they thought I was part of the staff but they learned quickly I wasn't. I'm not mean to the kids in anyway but I really don't interact with them, I'd rather pluck weeds that listen to them, not to be mean I just don't like kids. I smiled as I weaved through them and headed to my room. Why was the door opened? The kids know not to go in there and the staff don't go in because I keep the room clean and I'm awake and asleep at reasonable times. I poked my head in the door way, nothing is out of place, but there's a kid standing in the center of the room. This had to be a new kid, I know all of the staff and most of their family, this is no one I recognize. He's shorter than me, but most people are. I have no idea what this boy's life was like before coming here but I already feel bad, being dumped here is probably one of the worst things possible. I steeped into the entrance of the room, its going to be weird sharing the room after being alone in here for so long but I can deal with it, maybe it wont feel so empty. "Hey, I'm Alexander," I said calmly, I didn't want to freak this kid out.

[size=7pt][color=black]im gonna join, i just need a little time to get things together

[align=center][size=7pt][color=black]hi sweetheart
i'd love to plot with you

[size=7pt]I'm going to join just need a little time to get things together[/size]