Posts by Bluedusk

[fancypost bgcolor=transparent; bordercolor=transparent; borderwidth=0px; height: auto; width: 450px;][justify]It was his mom that inspired him to pursue a life of medicine, rather than fighting. No, Cain hadn't done that. She was too rough, someone fueled by the urge to fight, to ever teach him a few basic herbs, or explain to him why one should always choose to heal rather than to battle. Of course, Cain still supported him and never tried to convince him that becoming a warrior should be his thing (Fallen was pretty sure she wanted him to heal, because he was quite shit at fighting), but it was really his biological mother that had done all of that.

Ecrias had been someone he only knew for a short month and a half. Though he never exactly referred to her as 'mum' in public, mainly because Cain was the only one deserving of that title, she had been quite the inspiration for him when he was still with her. Teaching him to use his words and mind, rather than his instincts and claws. Explaining to him that the world would be a much better place if everyone healed rather fought. He tended to stick by her words, thinking of them as some sort of holy saying, in hopes of being able to achieve that world peace one day.

It was a very cliché goal of his, but it was something he tended to focus more on, unlike those who had that as a simple little wish, or a side project. The world deserved its rest, and so did its people. At least, that was what he thought, when he sat himself down on the side, idly fiddling with his claws, not quite sure if he was allowed to participate due to his past position in this clan.
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[fancypost bgcolor=transparent; bordercolor=transparent; borderwidth=0px; height: auto; width: 450px;][justify]HI WAFTURE

He wasn't sure what else to expect. Fallen had already been blessed with the arrival of an important friend, and soon after, his mother. Maybe a greeting from one of his kids, like Meteorkit or Pastkit? A part of him doesn't expect any of them to still be here, though. He didn't expect to find anyone he knew, either. Fallenwish had simply wanted to leave that place, and go somewhere else. Home - Sunclan - hadn't been an option in his head when he thought of that, but it seemed like he had to consider everything when he thought of any plans.

There was, of course, Seafoam that could still be around (scratch that; he was still around) and drop by. A part of him was a bit worried, scared even, at the thought of seeing him again. Fallen had left him when their relationship didn't seem to be the best of things then, so he wasn't sure how the leader would react to him. He himself would be overjoyed, obviously, but it was just that fact that lured out his former anxieties.

He couldn't complain about the appearance of someone he hadn't known. Their appearance was a soothing one, as they didn't seem to be angry or annoyed about any of this. After hugging Cain, Fallenwish would try to let go of her and stand up a bit straighter to look at Fawnsteps. "Hi."
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[fancypost bgcolor=transparent; bordercolor=transparent; borderwidth=0px; height: auto; width: 450px;][justify][ sorry the post is kinda long cause im fueled by angst
also weird switch to present tense whoops ]

It's not the words that come tumbling out of Seafoam's mouth that scare him. It's not the calmness of the whole situation that scares him. It's his eyes, those deep optics of his, that can change from one emotion to the next, like the crashing waves during a storm, that scare him. It's his eyes, those emotionless jewels of his, that don't carry the warm, possibly joyful expression he was expecting - no, he was hoping for, that scare him. It's his eyes, out of the scares that mar his form, out of the neutral tone that laces his voice, out of everything else, that scare him.

The confidence, the happiness he expected to overwhelm him, is suddenly not here, not there, not anywhere. It's gone, disappeared from view, and has left him alone, fumbling for his thoughts and his words, and anything he can communicate with. Like a helpless newborn, he's stuck there simply staring at Seafoam, his eyes blank, and his horns pressed down against his skull.

He wants to say something. Maybe like an 'I missed you', or an 'I'm glad to see you'. Something like that. But from the way the other's words are so bitter and fueled by something that isn't the affection he wanted, he knows he's not allowed. That he's lost that privilege a long, long time ago, and doesn't deserve to have it ever again.

He wants to say something. Maybe something more personal, maybe like an 'I tried to come back, but wasn't allowed', or an 'The first person I remembered was you'. But he doesn't deserve that either. He doesn't deserve any of Seafoam's attention right now. Positive, anyways. The leader was already giving him the negative version of that.

"I'm..." He's what, sorry? He can't say that. He knows Seafoam wouldn't accept such a petty attempt at an apology. He knows Seafoam wouldn't care for such a simple word that everyone used when they screwed up, because it was so much simpler than saying anything else. He knows.

He still wants to say it. But he just doesn't deserve it.

So he stands there, head ducking lower and lower with each passing minute, as if his submissiveness would help rebuild the bridge that connected the two together. He knows that isn't working, probably will never work, but he doesn't know what else to do. He just wants the little lion cub, that came clinging to him when he returned, to come back. He just wants the soldier, who gave him a task that involved kissing him whenever they saw each other, to come back.

Damn the fucking gods and their pathetic attempt at perfection. Damn them all for dragging him from his reincarnation, and to his piece of shit sister. Because now, well...

"I'm sorry."

...he'll never deserve him.
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[fancypost bgcolor=transparent; bordercolor=transparent; borderwidth=0px; height: auto; width: 450px;][justify]He's not exactly sure what to do anymore.

Though he's been trying to fit right back into the clan, he can't seem to do it. At all. Maybe it's the fact that Sunclan has simply changed so much over the course of many months. Maybe it's the fact that he can't grasp how so many of his friends and former clanmates have gone. Maybe it's just because of his own stupid, selfish reason, with how Seafoam now lurks in every corner of his mind, every crevice, and filling those spots until they overflow, before he can only think about the leader, and nothing else.

Or maybe it's just because he's over-analyzing everything, because he so-obviously hasn't hosted a meet and greet yet.

He sort of doesn't want to. It kind of just...feels a bit weird to him. All that attention focused on him and, pretty much, only him, irks him for some reason. He's not sure why. What he does know, however, is that he wishes that feeling he got never existed.

However, he is in desperate need of socializing. If he wants to start getting around more, feeling more comfortable out in the open, he needs to know these people and to start trusting them. So, he's decided on a simple little plan that will hopefully draw attention, but maybe not too much. If you couldn't start with something big, start with something small, right? At least, well, that's how he thinks the saying goes.

By the edge of sand that begins to slowly morph into grass is where Fallenwish is currently located, sitting against the wall to a more secluded building. He had wanted to be close to the grass so when spring arrived, he would be able to start planting various herbs and crops. Even though he was a dragon, Fallen was never particularly fond of meat. Occasionally, he had a bit of fish to help sustain his levels of protein, but nothing else.

In his talons is a book, just a tad too small for his grasp. He's currently reading a passage about the creation of nebulae. Ever since he was younger, he always had a fascination with space. It was more evident before his second death, as he used to carry around a worn handkerchief with the Eagle nebula on it. He kind of wonders where it went, since he had managed to summon everything - his bag, some glass vials, and the clip that Cain had left on a note for him - but that. It's no big deal, though. He honestly doubts Seafoam is going to walk up to him and demand that thing back.

He lets out a heavy sigh before flipping a page.

God, he really is going to have to get used to how everything changed.
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As much as he wants to go back to his quaint little house beside the forest edge, he knows he has to get out more. It's a bit of a scary thought, mainly because he's always worried about making a fool of himself, but he knows that Cain will be there, and can possibly lend him a hand if needed. She was the one throwing the party, after all.

Fallenwish pads down towards the slowly forming group, the blue glow from his cheeks illuminating the more dimmer areas around him. A quick survey of the area not only provides him with the delicious selection of fruits and vegetables (and hummus!), but where Cain was currently situated. He sucks in a breath before slinking down towards the female, releasing it upon his arrival.

"Hi," he mumbles at first, before willing himself to speak a bit louder, and to stand up a bit straighter. "Um, it's a pretty set-up. And all the food looks nice, too." Fallen ends up staring at the container of hummus. He really wants to get up and go get some, but he also doesn't want to leave Cain's sides. Oh, the decisions he has to make!
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[fancypost bgcolor=transparent; bordercolor=transparent; borderwidth=0px; width: 425px; height: auto;][justify]TABLE OF CONTENTS

[li]entry number 1[/li]
[li]to be written[/li]

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[justify][size=9pt]METEORPAW ⋆ There's a bit of a sad expression that passes over his face, but it's quickly pushed down by a small smile. "I love her," he says simply, folding his talons together while staring down at them. "I haven't been the best father, but I'm trying my best right now. I just...um, I really just want the best for her, right? And, uh, and if she doesn't want to be in Sunclan right now, it's fine. I believe she's old enough to handle everything by herself." That sad look in his eyes comes up again, though.

SELENE ⋆ "I feel bad," he begins, frowning a bit to himself. "I feel bad because I think...I kind of feel like I took her mom away from her." His shoulders slouch a bit, and his tail curls around himself. "She's nice, though. I...I haven't really, uh, talked to her that much, though. Kind of, um, kind of wished I did." It's hard to notice at first, but his frame is shaking ever so slightly.
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[color=]⋆ ""
pink -> #D48AE3 #A07DDB #6F81E3 #60B3EB #64F5A3 #7EF25E #EDE572 #E09A4F #BA2B2B grey
loves romantically/platonically close friend friend acquaintance neutral is not fond of dislikes hates enemy unknown
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[fancypost bgcolor=transparent; bordercolor=transparent; borderwidth=0px; height: auto; width: 450px;][justify]It's the first time in two days, since the party Cain hosted, that Fallen has left the area surrounding his near-isolated house. He's not exactly sure why he hasn't gone to the main area, though. Those two days had almost been a blur to him - literally. He couldn't remember anything besides going to sleep one day, and simply waking up from the growl emitted by his stomach. It kind of worries him, but he tries to believe that it had occurred due to his awkward sleeping pattern. Tries is the key word here.

Fallenwish places his bag around his shoulders, before leaving the area with tentative steps, as if he was a deer being hunted. Eventually, though, he tells himself to stop acting so self-conscious. Almost as if his thought had been a switch, his back immediately straightens, and he walks with a little more confident. It feels a little awkward at first, but he quickly gets the hang of it.

That is, until he spots the dead rabbit a few feet away.

A part of him wants to vomit, to get this whole thing done and over with, so he doesn't have to risk the fact he might do so at home. Despite that, he pushes the rising bile down, and pulls himself together. It's not like he hasn't seen a rabbit in such a condition before, right? There is a prey pile within Sunclan's camp.

Fallen's not going to bring it to that pile, though. It obviously looks like it's been out for a while now, considering the fact that, once he got a bit closer, it smells. Quite badly, if he may add. So, instead, he inhales a deep breath from the air that didn't smell like crap, and picked the rodent up.

He drops it quite unceremoniously a metre or two away from a seemingly old pine tree, mainly because he already felt himself getting sick again from staring at the ravaged body. Allowing himself a few moments of rest, he manages to calm himself down. He needs to start burying this thing before his talons stunk permanently.

With a huff, he heads towards the tree, slides his satchel off, and begins the dig.
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