☆ my stories ☆

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  • an ear splitting yowl sounded from the nursery and arrowpelt, a medicene cat, and goldenheart, a warrior, flinched as they pressed their ears to their heads. goldenheart gazed at arrowpelt, his golden pelt was bristling in fear, "will she be alright?" he demanded to arrowpelt. arrowpelt turned away unable to meet the concerned warrior's gaze. "i`m trying everything i can, goldenheart." he mumbled sadly. he stared at glowfeather.
    The queen was losing so much blood in her kitting but he didnt ses any faults he's messed up in his doing. was this starclan's will? he shook the thought away, no. he answered to himself in his mind. this is just bad luck...he pushed a twig towards glowfeather, "here, bite into it, it may help." he meowed and half expected her to snap an angry and upset reply. but the queen didn't, she grabbed the twig and bit into it. goldenheart was shuffling his paws. she cant die.. he murmered to himself, she cant, we've been through so much! he flinched as suddenly glowfeather snapped the twig and screeched in pure pain. Goldenheart stared at goldenheart with her hazel eyes in pain, "i...love...you" she whispered as if every word took all the energy in her. goldenheart ran to her side and buried his muzzle on her flank, "c`mon you've got to get through this! i know you will!" he cried.
    glowfeather just blinked weakly at her mate. she felt as if every monster was taking turns roaming over her. the den was quiet for some moments and for goldenheart, it felt like lifetimes when suddenly tiny mewling came from behind glowfeather.


    all three cats perked their ears and arrowpelt looked past glowfeather and stared in shock and unbelievment.


    there stood four kits.


    one kit had dark grey fur and a splash of white across their right eye, the next was pure white, the third was golden furred like their father and the last was ginger furred like their mother. arrowpelt jumped to where they were and grabbed the nearest kit, he stared at goldenheart, "hurry lick them clean." he ordered and started licking the kit in rough strokes. goldenheart ran to where the kits were and obeyed.
    after all kits were clean goldenheart padded in front of glowfeather with his eyes glowing, "they're beutiful." he murmered to her. glowfeather very weakly lifted her head, "i..know." she replied. goldenheart's gaze was shadowed as he saw glowfeather getting weaker. "take good care of them." she mewed once more. goldenheart pressed his muzzle on her flank, "no you can't die! you wanted to name one splashkit, you were gonna tell them stories!" but slowly, very slowly, her hazel eyes began to close. goldenheart cherished every moment he can looking into her eyes, knowing it would be his last to see her eyes shining in life and love. her eyes began to close, "i love you too..." goldenheart whispered before glowfeather's eyes shut entirely.
    arrowpelt was watching from the background shaking his head miserably, why starclan? was all he can think. why? it was quiet in the den and the silence was broken when the kits started crying in fear as they were feeling their mother's fur losing its loving warmth.
    arrowpelt nuzzled the kits out of the nursery. "they'll need to be taken care of by another queen," arrowpelt murmered to goldenheart. goldenheart didnt reply, he was crouched over his mate and tears were streaming from his face. arrowpelt sighed as he continued to nuzzle the kits away and once again, the question scorched through his mind, why?


    AFTERWARDS:
    later the kits grew up as warriors, splashfeather, nighthazel, whitewing, and glowheart. goldenheart had moved on, though it was hard, he often told his sons about their mother and he shared his loving memories that he remembered. his eyes would glow in happiness but then he would sigh and his eyes would fill with grief as he reminded himself that glowfeather wasnt tucked inside the nursery or out on a patrol.
    one day their leader lost his last life. splashfeather had been dsputy, and he was about to go on his journey to recieve his nine lives. goldenheart dipped his head, "be safe," he murmered and splashfeather nodded back, then left. goldenheart was an elder at this time.
    it was in the morning when he came back to camp. he right away was padding towards the elder's den, he prodded goldenheart awake. goldenheart flickered his eyes awake, "wha- oh hi." splashstar stared at him, his eyes were soft and loving: "mother says hi." he mewed.


    THE END

  • well, i don't know what you mean, its fine how it is, i'm sure, i gave a lot of detail due to my firends' comments, this isn't the original story, the original may be better but whatever, i just shortened it but i feel unsure of the details parts, i feel that i'm strong in that. your probably right about it being real short but probably not detail-wise. thank you!

  • You may have meant this one already, but capitalize your sentences :D. Also, try not to start your sentences with but and and, though you only did that one or two times. What I do with stories, not that you have to, is I do this.


    "The day is beautiful! Go outside and hunt," said the warrior to the other who was lying on the ground with a bored expression
    "Alright, maybe I better stretch my legs," he replies, standing up stiffly and racing outside the camp.


    That's just an example! You don't have to take my advice, I just like to write and correct stories of all kinds :3

  • ok, but yeah, as i said, this isn't my original lol. i just wanted to kinda tell it, i purposely didnt use caps and started with lower case letters just because. Also i think commas may be in random locations, thanks for advising me but im actualy a great writer though this story was posted for simple story purposes, i was hoping for comments on my story rather than critizism but thank you both! :D

  • I meant to put that and I was thinking after i posted it: I would read this book if it was longer.
    I get that it is for the site and everything. It's a good book for what I can tell from the sample!