Roleplaying tutor needed. c:

I really want to try out for advanced roleplay but when I look at my writing, I don't think I'm ready yet. I just need more pointers on grammar and I would like to use bigger, more descriptive words in my sentences. . . so yeah, I need a tutor :p

Yay, thanks! <3

Sure.

A shadow flickered across the mossy floor of the forest, catching the attention of the young apprentice. Sparrowpaw lifted her brown tabby head, sapphire-colored eyes watching with curiosity as the bird for which she was named flew overhead. She unsheathed her silver claws and dug them into the earth, waiting for the bird to come closer to the ground so that she would be able to leap high enough in order to catch it. When she realized that it was on the move, she rose to her paws and quietly yet quickly stalked after it. Eventually the sparrow flew downwards and perched on a tree branch, it's hooked talons holding it in place as it folded its wings by it's side. A smirk stretched across Sparrowpaw's muzzle and she jumped into the air, claws outstretched.

Thanks. Making my post longer is actually what I need the most work on, I think. I'm guessing bigger vocabulary and more descriptive words could help me make it longer, so could you help me out with that? x3

Well, that actually helps a lot. I'll try the rp sample again, and you can tell me if there's anything more I need to fix. (:

A shadow flickered across the mossy floor of the forest, catching the attention of the young apprentice. Sparrowpaw lifted her brown tabby head, sapphire-colored eyes watching with curiosity as her namesake flew overhead. She unsheathed her silver claws and dug them into the earth. The ShadowClanner waited patiently for the bird to move closer to the ground so that she would be able to leap high enough in order to catch it. When the brown tabby realized that it was on the move, she rose to her paws and quietly yet quickly sneakily trotted after it. Eventually the sparrow flew downwards and perched on a tree branch, the bird's hooked talons holding it in place as the creature folded it's wings by it's side. A smirk stretched across Sparrowpaw's muzzle and she jumped into the air, claws outstretched.

I left out the word before curiosity because I couldn't think of anything that would emphasize it - any ideas?

Okay, I'll try using that. ^^

I have another thing to ask - you helped me with ways to add a little extra to my rp posts, but now that I'm going to try out for advanced roleplay I need to fill out my cat's personality and appearance, correct? I'm sure when I try to do that I'm going to end up simply putting "brown fur, blue eyes, and thin" when I have to put it into six sentences, and I really stink at writing personalities for my cats even if I know exactly what they're going to be like. Could you give me an example of an advanced roleplay form so I could maybe look off of it, or I could write an idea of what I would probably put and you can tell me what I need to do to make it better?

So appearance:

Sparrowpaw is a short, skinny little she-cat, although she isn't bone thin. Her weight proves that she is actually rather well-fed and healthy, and she's quite lithe. Her paws are rather small which doesn't make her the fastest runner, however her sharp, thorny silver claws could be dangerous to another cat in battle and might allow her to excel in hunting. She's a short-haired tabby with smooth, acorn brown fur. Her paws blend in with the snow while her pelt is more of a dirt-like color. It's normally kept clean and groomed, although this is mainly because her mother is obsessed with her looking "proper" and "pretty". She is pretty, really, although she hates to admit it. Her large cerulean eyes always shine with great curiosity and other cats often say that when they look at them, they know she's a normally happy, excited young warrior on the inside.

I know it's eight sentences, I can have more right?

And for personality... ugh, it might be a bit bad, but I'm going for it. c:

Sparrowpaw, being the young apprentice that she is, is your typical curious, adventurous kit that simply loves to cause trouble. She's known for being quite the troublemaker in her Clan, and she would sneak out of camp so often when she was a kit that the warriors actually stopped scolding her for it. The ShadowClanner doesn't realize that she annoys the elder warriors by the trouble she causes - she just simply sees it as freedom, or having fun. She's definitely not a homebody and she loves exploring. Despite her adventurous streak, Sparrowpaw is fiercely loyal to her Clan. Although it may not show through, she's actually quite interested in learning from her mentor and she wants to be the best warrior she can be. It's a little tough proving this to her Clan, however, due to her personality. The brown tabby apprentice is rather friendly to her denmates and she's a bit of a jokester. She loves pranks and dares and will gladly perform any task you ask her to do.

Weeelll, that makes things a whole lot easier. x3 I haven't been on here since November, so that's my mistake. I'd still like for my writing to be better though and you've already helped me out a lot with how I use more details and make my posts longer in roleplays, so thank you.(: