I feel like nothing but an option to run to when people need comforting nowadays.
Almost everyone at my school comes to me to tell me about their problems, and I always help. Especially my best friend. She has lots of stuff going on in her life, and I always put her problems before my own. I always try to give her advice and try and take her mind off of the stuff she's going through, but no one seems to care about mine. Everything in my life has been building up and I'm about ready to burst.
One of my friends died last night in a car crash. He wasn't just a friend though...I gave him everything and anything, from my trust to my tears to my innocence. I went through the terror of almost getting pregnant, sneaking away for nights at a time and missing school because of it, just to be with him. We ended in a nasty fight some months ago and I just found out he died this morning. I told my friends I'm fine, but I'm not. I skipped school because I can't stop screaming.
My dad is getting more and more drunk. He has been getting into snowmobile and car accidents lately, and he's becoming more and more violent and harsh. I am outside in the freezing snow curled up with my ipod and a blanket or locking myself in the bathroom just so I won't be hurt by him.
My family has no money. We are struggling on very little cash, and my parents have been thinking of moving, far, faaaaar away. I told my friends, and none of them seem to care that they'll never see me again.
One of my best friends has been saying terrible things behind my back, and I can't tell my other best friend anything because they've been closer longer and then she would tell her that I told her and then a bunch of drama will start and I just don't want to ruin their relationship.
My best friend is drifting away from me, and it's terrible because she's the only one I could tell anything too. Now she barely even talks to me and I cry every night, praying to God to ask him to give me my best friend back, even though I'm not even Christian. I cry and hurt myself every night, wondering why it has to be like this.
I'm shunned and insulted at school, I'm beaten at home, and I'm losing the one friend I ever actually gave a shit about. I hurt myself too much, always look pale and sickly, and see no worth in myself or what I can do anymore. I can't even properly type out what I'm really feeling, and I feel like this post isn't as long as it should be. No one ever asks me what's wrong anymore, I never have anyone to lean on, and I just want to find someone out there who cares. Who actually gives a shit. Who doesn't treat me like an option.