`i'll be fine i swear- i'm just gone beyond repair ; [ private ]

[size=8][ ooc. ] MAYDAY PARADE REFERENCE IN THE TITLE. <3 [ /ooc. ]

A delicate blue mackerel tabby tail was wrapped carefully around minute paws, as Spiralcareen attempted to keep his paws warm from the nipping chill of winter. He had already seen a kit almost dead to hypothermia, and he could only imagine how he would feel if one of his own children died to frostbite or hypothermia.

Amber optics carefully scanning the WindClan camp, his gaze couldn't help but void toward the graves beside Gravelstar's den. He knew Blacktwist and Plasmaflare should be there, having flowers left for them as cats remembered how great they were. Instead, they disappeared. Along with his mother-in-law, Cattrak. Sierraverse was already buried there, his mother-in-law from Plasmaflare's side. He wondered if his aunt was going to be buried there when she passes away, and it was a rather depressing thought.

Sighing, Spiralcareen was placed in the middle of camp with a grim expression placed on his face. First it was Brazenbolt, then his daughter Versepaw disappeared, then everyone else he held dear. At least he could still be a dork with his son Puzzledlook. Okay, so maybe Spiralcareen needed to get out and get back in touch with the Clan instead of letting his depression eat away at him.

NImbleflight, the seemingly always optimistic Advisor found herself padding towards the sad looking tom. Her lagre, deep copper eyes were alert as she walked silently through the camp, her back paw finally maintaining a steady feel for the first time after her incident. The cuts that parted her fur were mostly healed, none would leave any scars, with the exception of the one on her leg. That one may leave behind some scarred tissue, but even more than that it was a sickening reminder.

She stopped thinking about what had happened though, happy to finally and formally meet Spiralcareen. They had never truly met, at least, not in a controlled setting. She was friends with Calmskies, a cat that apparently had a rough history with the mysterious blue tabby. Everything seemed to be falling apart and coming back together at the same time.

Eventually reaching the lone cat, she carefully sat down, folding her tail neatly above her paws. The cream tabby smiled, something she was always happy to do. "How are you?"She asked, her tone compassionate and sweet, one that was shockingly kind for a cat that was notoriously fierce when pressured.

[size=8]As Nimbleflight made her way over to him, Spiralcareen's amber gaze dropped down to his paws and he instantly regretted his direction of looking. Scars riddled his legs, all of them from the cause- depression. When Brazenbolt left him for Calmskies while pregnant with his kits. Back when he was still an apprentice, when he couldn't see past Calmskies' thick shell that he really was a good cat.

Thinking of the scars on his legs, the tom's gaze turned to his flank. That was a scar he got when he was with Plasmaflare in SunClan after being captured, when Brazenbolt and him first clicked. The scar from him protecting Brazenbolt from a badger. Back when Cattrak had first joined WindClan.

The nostalgia hurt his heart, thinking back when all of his family was alive. Sighing, the blue tabby forced his gaze upward to meet Nimbleflight's. "I could be a lot better." The blue tabby with white answered truthfully, hoping he would be able to avoid the subject of his long and complicated past. "What about you? How are you, being promoted and all?"

"Busy mostly,"She replied, her mind somewhat preoccupied. Only Skywardsword, a close friend of hers, knew what happened, why she was really mopey. She didn't let it show through, though, at least, she tried not to. "Just bringing and escorting loners and rogues to Gravelstar, nothing too eventful..."Nimbleflight's voice trailed off as her eyes wandered across the tom's body.

It was covered in scars, scars that probably brought back painful memories. Then, attempting to be secretive about it, she let her copper lenses fall on her stomach. For a moment, she almost lost her cool, her vision becoming slightly bleary. She had not been herself over the past two days, far from it, but she was trying to recover even though it would take time.

[size=8]Spiralcareen nodded his head at the Adviser, glancing at her when her gaze trailed down to her stomach. Quickly returning his gaze back up to her copper orbs, the blue tabby sighed lightly. So many issues in WindClan after BloodClan lit them on fire. "Are you okay? Your stomach?" He hoped it wasn't a touchy subject- he'd hate to see her break down like he had so many times.

"Depends on how you define okay..." She said, an odd expression on her face. "Two day ago, there was a loner and he uh...well, long story short, now I have kits." A dry chuckle escaped her throat, she was trying to make the subject less awkward. Skywardsword was okay with handling the subject, knowing a cat who attacked others and having known people in the same situation as Nimbleflight. "It will be okay though, I just won't be around too often, you know? Busy and all that with helping out cats...Of course, they will never know their true father, although I'm gonna have Flintfang and a few other guys play with them while I'm away during the day." Her voice was not shaky, perhaps it wa a little distraught, but she seemed to have a hold over he emotions at the moment.

[size=8]A sympathetic smile spread across Spiralcareen's maw, nodding as Nimbleflight spoke. "My mate was... um, for lack of a better word, deflowered by a ShadowClanner. All three kits were stillborn, and it was her first litter." His voice grew quiet on his last sentence, deciding it was better to change the subject for the fact that he didn't want her to worry about that happening to her.

"Eventually you'll find someone to settle down with who will love you dearly." The tom purred, thinking back to when him and Brazenbolt used to lay out in the middle of the moor and stargaze. "As for the kits, I'd be happy to watch them. All of my children are grown up, and my grandchildren are almost ready to leave the nursery." To think that he was already a grandfather, but not even two years old.

"Grandchildren, already?" She was surprised, he was a young cat, a good bit older than herself, but young all the same.

"Quite the accomplishment! It must we wonderful to have a family," She said, smiling. What she would give to have a loving mate, kits, and supportive friends was unknown, but she did know that it would be a lot.

[size=8]Spiralcareen laughed, nodding his head. "Yeah, my son Felicitypaw already has children." The blue tabby commented, eyes drifting into the sky. So far it had been a cloudless day, but the sun was weak. "The only bad thing about having family is when they die. It's a lot harder to deal with it. Trust me, I would know."

"I'm sorry," She began, stopping herself after that. She had the tendancy to get upset at the mention of someone's emotional pain. The advisor had lost family herself, mainly being her parents and siblings, but never anyone else. She gave him a empathetic glance.

[size=8]Spiralcareen sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "It's not your fault." He stated quietly, gaze flicking back down toward his paws. "I.. I just feel like a disappointment to them sometimes. My father and father-in-law slash mentor were deputies! My aunt is the Leader, and my cousin is the Medicine Cat! I'm nothing but a warrior. So... I can't help but wonder if they're proud of me. Or if I was just another face in the crowd." Spiralcareen had so many things bottled up that needed to be released, but no one would listen. At least he finally found someone.

"So, you're in a family of over-achievers, they're still your family. My parents and siblings are dead, I only have my expectations to live up to, but sometimes I wonder if they are proud of me up in StarClan...Anyways, you are a great cat, just look at you. You may not sport a fancy title, but you have grandchildren and friends, what more could anyone ask for?" She replied, smiling. "Never compare yourself to others, that's what I say."

[size=8]Was he really going to say this? Was he really going to poke holes in what Nimbleflight just said? "Well..." It seemed so. "I could ask for Brazenbolt back, for my mother to be alive again, for Versepaw to come back, for Libertyflight to be alive again, for my father and mentor to come back." Spiralcareen meowed quietly, sighing. "But it's mostlikely not going to happen." The blue tabby stated. "But I'm happy with what I have, as I should be." StarClan, he could be depressing couldn't he?

"It was a rhetorical question, you know that right?" Nimbleflight asked the blue tom. "But. yeah. I could ask for a lot back, sadly, I don' think any of my wishes will come true." Her gaze retreated to the ground where her paw was scratching up a pile of dirt.

[size=8]Smiling weakly, the tom forced himself to chuckle. "I guess I'm just a drama whore, aren't I?" The tom attempted to joke. Little did he know, that was actually apart of his personality that his roleplayer had made him. The reason for his constant arguing and crying- not counting that some cats really did piss him off. Sighing to get his mind off the subject, the tom turned back to Nimbleflight. "If you'd like, I'm always here to talk to about your family." He knew what it was like to lose family members, those you hold closest to your heart.

"I think I'm okay right now, but thank you for the offer, really..." She said, giving a weak smile. The few friends she had made were all fantastic, never faltering to be there for her if and when she needed them. It seems like Spiralcareen would be joining that list as well, which, in all honesty, made her happy. She had heard lots about the rather mysterious tom throughout her lifetime, mostly because she was close with Calmskies, not that he told her anything. Stories get around, though.

[size=8]Smiling carefully at the cream tabby, Spiralcareen nodded his head as his amber optics voided toward the sky. "I know I was happy that Calmskies was willing to talk to me. I can't believe we made amends." Chuckling, Spiralcareen flicked his gaze back at Nimbleflight. "If you knew are history, you'd be suprised we're still in the same Clan, let alone talk to eachother or even make up."

"Not that it is any of my business, but I have heard bits and pieces of your history." She said as she looked at Spiralcareen, a sad smile on her face. She had heard the name 'Brazenbolt' tossed around quite a bit. Nimbleflight knew that Calmskies had had his heart broken and torn to pieces by at least three she-cats, the other two she believed had the names of somethingdawn and Battleroyale. That was as far as her knowledge reached, though.

[size=8]An airy chuckle floated from his throat as Spiralcareen shook his head, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't really care if you know. If you'd like, I can tell you." the blue tabby offered, his eyes locking onto Nimbleflight's. She'd be the first cat to ever fully hear his life from him. Some figured it own on their own, such as Brazenbolt, and some grew to learn it from picking and proding- such as Calmskies.

"If you're comfortable with such a thing, than alright." She was slightly hesitant as she had heard quite the numer of histories in the past few days, each seeming more hopeless than the last. Her deep, copper lenses stared into those of Spiralcareen, a look of sympathy and curiosity lingering in them. Her short fur sat close to her skin, not minding the slight wind.