Lilystem of Thunderclan

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    Character Name:Lilystem


    Character Age:365 days (1 year)


    Gender:Female


    Alliance:Thunderclan


    Rank:Warrior


    Appearance (6 or more sentences): Lilystems eyes are sunset orange with little flecks of gold.
    She is a fluffy white cat with rings of silver all over her pelt and the tips of her ears are midnight black along with one of her feet. Lilystems underbelly is pure white with one single silver spot to the left side of her belly. under her chin is white and her nose is black. her teeth are abnormally short and on one of her ears she has a long ugly scar her face is white and fluffy with silver spots and stripes. her claws are
    brown on all her paws.


    Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements):Lilystem is a fun loving she cat.
    That is looking forward to finding a mate. She is fearsome and loud in battle but at other times she is gentle,happy,loving and quiet. when she does speak it is usually to make a pretty good point. Lilystem is very outgoing and hard to scare unless you know her very well.She very loyal and will do anything to help a friend.
    ---Likes (at least 3):climbing running and play fighting
    --- Dislikes (at least 3):water fights the cold
    ---Strengths (No MORE than 5):hunting climbing
    ---Weaknesses (At least 3):swimming fighting jumping


    History (8 or more sentences): Lily-stems mother Ash-feather tried to kill Sun-flare another


    Thunder-clan warrior (Sun-flares my cat) without success. She then went mad and attempted to kill Lily-


    stem (when she was a kit). Lily-stem ran away from the clan and came back to find Ash-feather and her


    two sisters dead. when Lily-stem was a apprentice she almost died in a fire that's when she got her


    scar. after dieing Ash-feather haunted her until on the verge of going crazy Lily-stem kill her mother in a


    Darkforest dream. Lily-stem recovered slowly then she got her a warrior name. Alot of cats resented her


    for reasons unown to Lily-stem.She soon re-earned their respect though.


    Roleplay Sample (required for first advanced bio):Lilystem slowly and carefully crept forward through the Spring grass towards the water vole she stepped on a small twig a robin let out a shrill alarm call and the vole sprinted away hissing in frustration she pounced anyway and just baraly hit the
    water vole killing it with a single quick bite to the neck with that she walked back to camp
    TIME SKIP
    lilystem tossed the water vole onto the fresh-kill pile before nosing through it and choosing a plump mouse for herself lilystem tucked in to eat the mouse...
    Comments (optional):

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    Hello there! ^_^


    - it wouldn't make sense if your character is 358 days old, since there are 365 days in days in twelve months right? :)
    - you need more sentences in your appearance and history sections
    - you have some choppy and run-on sentences inside of your bio
    - you need to put one space after all punctuation [periods, commas, colons, ect]
    - you have some punctuation and capitalization mistakes throughout your bio, it would be a good idea to run this through a word processor to try and find some of these mistakes.
    - your cat cannot have tried to killed ThunderClan's deputy, I am afraid that is powerplaying
    - your role-play sample is a little short ;)


    Bump when you edit! :D


    -- You have some words that needs and does not need to be capitalize.
    -- You have some fragment sentences.
    -- You also have some run-on sentences.
    -- Do not add '-' before the suffix. Not Tree-pelt, but Treepelt. Now River-clan, but Riverclan.
    -- Can to write more on the RP sample?
    -- You have to put a space after the puncuations, like commas, periods, etc.
    -- You have some spelling errors.