Tigress~The Traveling Medicine Cat~

/Nut/ wrote:

Character Name: Tigress

Character Age: 24 moons

Gender:Female

Alliance: None

Rank: Loner

Appearance (6 or more sentences): A tall and thin she-cat, her long legs help her leap up into trees. Squirrel-brown fur aids her in crouching low in the leaves and bushes when hunting. Luminescent green eyes seem to glow in the dark. Her long tail that helps her to balance when catching prey or running along the limbs of trees, has six tiger stripes. A small pouch in the front of her chest, which most think is quite odd, is helpful to her for keeping a few small leaves of herbs to pull out at any time. If cats watch long enough, they notice the scar that runs down her neck to her front left paw.

Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements): She has a lively temperament, but she doesn't like to be tested on strength. She is quite crafty, and uses her head to get herself out of tight jams. When another cat challenges her with their snappy attitude she gives them an adjustment and a good scolding. She is normally loving and kind towards everyone, even her enemies. One of the things she loves most is to run, second to healing.
---Likes (at least 3): She loves to walks through thick grass and the feel of of brushing against her belly. A warm hollow log filled with leaves of a chilly night. Or gathering herbs to keep her mind off of stress.
--- Dislikes (at least 3): She hates the feeling of being controlled (which explains why she is a loner). She seriously dislikes fighting and would much rather end things peacefully. She dislikes tom cats with a passion.
---Strengths (No MORE than 5): Tigress would spend the day climbing up trees and racing along the limbs if she could. Healing is one of her many specialties as previously stated.
---Weaknesses (At least 3): She is not very strong, in a fight, that is. She is terrified of thunder. And, she should fear the leaders of Clans, but challenges them when they don't accept her advice.

History (8 or more sentences): Tigress had a very hard life since her mother died a moon after the birth of herself and her litter-mates. It was a cold winter, and the prey was so scarce it was rumored there was no food. Young Tigress left her brothers and sisters alone so she could survive. That may have been selfish of her, but she did it to survive, and good thing she did. Tigress was only a moon and a half when Shana--a young mother--found Tigress. She nursed the young kit and Tigress may have been small and wiry but she had talent with healing.
When Tigress reached eight moons she left Shana and her adopted brother's and sister's to go out on her own. The young she-cat saw much, and experienced much. Too keep herself alive, she once killed another cat for it's prey. From then on, Tigress hated fighting and helped anyone who came her way. Of all of her twenty-four moons Tigress has went on, trying to help others. She will sometimes train a medicine cat for a new Clan, then leave. No one knows her past.

Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio):
Tigress padded through the thick undergrowth, growling. The nerve of the young cat to have gone and ripped open her shoulder. "It's wasn't her fault." Tigress pointed out to herself to calm down. The she-cat found what she was looking for. "Good, there is some burdock root around here." Tigress dug up the root and washed it in a leaf full of water.
She carried the root in her mouth back to the cat who said it's name was Snickers. Snickers looked up and mewled in relief. "Thank you, what is that?"
Tigress sighed and sat down, she began chewing up the roof. She spat it into the wound. "It stings." Snickers complained.
"You should have thought of the pain before you jumped onto that jagged piece of metal. Your lucky I found you, or you would have bled out." Tigress said, trying to sound rough.
"I know...I was just trying to see if I could make the jump." Snickers pouted.
Tigress sighed heavily again and stepped back. "I'll be right back, I need some cobwebs. Stay here." Tigress turned and padded back to where she had seen some dew-covered cobwebs. She picked up a Y-shaped stick and spun the cobweb onto it. Tigress turned and padded back to the golden-colored she-cat. "Be still." Tigress commanded and wrapped the shoulder.
"I feel somewhat better, thank you." Snickers said gratefully.
"Of course. Now, I will set up a small nest for you so you can stay there for a few days." Tigress meowed kindly and bounded off. She began gathering some moss, she rolled the moss into a ball and tucked it partially into her chest pocket and held onto the bigger part with her teeth. She padded back to Snickers and placed the nest beside a fallen tree a few tail-lengths away. After making the nest, Tigress found a rather large leaf and filled it with water and carefully placed it beside the nest. She collected some more burdock root and cobwebs and placed them onto a piece of fallen bark.
"It looks comfy." Snickers said.
"I do make good nests. Now let's move you onto it." Tigress eased the younger she-cat onto the nest and ran her tail down Snickers back with a smile in her eyes. "Good, I'm going hunting for a rabbit. It should be big enough for a mite like you to munch on for a few days." Tigress padded away once more.
Once away from Snickers Tigress let out a sigh of relief. She felt better on her own and not around other cats. It wasn't that she minded the other cats, just that she felt uncomfortable. Being startled out of her thoughts at the sound of a shuffle. Tigress froze and crouched down, her tail lashed a few inches above the leaves so as not to make a sound. In the bushes a fat rabbit was munching on some still-green grass. Tigress watched the rabbit for a moment, then lunged forward and caught it in her claws. She killed it with a swift bite to the neck. She thanked StarClan for the healthy sized rabbit and padded back to Snickers.
"Wow! That should feed me for days." Snickers exclaimed.
"I thought so. I hope you get better. Maybe we'll see each other some time." Tigress said with a gentle smile.
"Thank you, Tigress. I shall never forget this." Snickers touched her nose to Tigress's shoulder and cuddled in her nest.
Tigress nodded. "Be safe, and may the stars protect you." Tigress turned and left Snickers. She raced up a tree and darted across from limb to limb. The feeling of freedom made her energy bolt and she was watched by Snickers until she disappeared in the leaves of the autumn trees.

Comments (optional): I know it's a little rushed (I have never done this before), but I have a lot going on this week, please do correct me!

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• you have a fair amount of choppy sentences throughout your bio, and a few run-on ones as well.
• it is impossible for a cat to leap all the way up a tree. Please change that
• it wouldn't make sense for a cat to have a pouch unless it was a deformation of some kind and it would more likely be just extra skin
• you need one more sentence in your personality section
• you start a lot of your sentences with the same words, like "she" for example. Try starting them with more creative or descriptive words.
• you never really explained how she got such a knowledge for herbs, she had to learn somehow (:
• you need spaces after all colons [i.e. correct; Name: Examplepaw incorrect; Name:Examplepaw]

Bump when you edit~

/Nut/ wrote:

Character Name: Tigress

Character Age: 24 moons

Gender: Female

Alliance: None

Rank: Loner

Appearance (6 or more sentences): A tall and thin she-cat, her long legs help her leap up into trees. Squirrel-brown fur aids her in crouching low in the leaves and bushes when hunting. Luminescent green eyes seem to glow in the dark. Her long tail that helps her to balance when catching prey or running along the limbs of trees, has six tiger stripes. A small pouch in the front of her chest, which most think is quite odd, is helpful to her for keeping a few small leaves of herbs to pull out at any time, it is part of a deformity from when she was born. It's not to large, but perfect for placing some herbs.. If cats watch long enough, they notice the scar that runs down her neck to her front left paw.

Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements): She has a lively temperament, but she doesn't like to be tested on strength. She is quite crafty, and uses her head to get herself out of tight jams. When another cat challenges her with their snappy attitude she gives them an adjustment and a good scolding. She is normally loving and kind towards everyone, even her enemies. One of the things she loves most is to run, second to healing. Tigress is very soft on kits, since she had none.
---Likes (at least 3): She loves to walks through thick grass and the feel of of brushing against her belly. A warm hollow log filled with leaves of a chilly night. Or gathering herbs to keep her mind off of stress.
--- Dislikes (at least 3): She hates the feeling of being controlled (which explains why she is a loner). She seriously dislikes fighting and would much rather end things peacefully. She dislikes tom cats with a passion.
---Strengths (No MORE than 5): Tigress would spend the day climbing up trees and racing along the limbs if she could. Healing is one of her many specialties as previously stated.
---Weaknesses (At least 3): She is not very strong, in a fight, that is. She is terrified of thunder. And, she should fear the leaders of Clans, but challenges them when they don't accept her advice.

History (8 or more sentences): Tigress had a very hard life since her mother died a moon after the birth of herself and her litter-mates. It was a cold winter, and the prey was so scarce it was rumored there was no food. Young Tigress left her brothers and sisters alone so she could survive. That may have been selfish of her, but she did it to survive, and good thing the young kit did. Tigress was only a moon and a half when Shana--a young mother--found Tigress. She nursed the young kit. Tigress may have been small and wiry but she had talent with healing. Tigress learned how to heal when one of Shana's kits fell off of a fence and broke her paw. When Tigress figured out how to help the young kit, her interest sparked. The excited young she-cat began gathering herbs and asking some of the elder cats about them. She also learned much about herb-healing from testing on herself.
When Tigress reached eight moons she left Shana and her adopted brother's and sister's to go out on her own. The young she-cat saw much and experienced much. Too keep herself alive, she once killed another cat for it's prey. From then on, Tigress hated fighting and helped anyone who came her way. Of all of her twenty-four moons Tigress has went on, trying to help others. The tiger-like cat will sometimes train a medicine cat for a new Clan, then leave. No one knows her past.

Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio):
Tigress padded through the thick undergrowth, growling. The nerve of the young cat to have gone and ripped open her shoulder. "It's wasn't her fault." Tigress pointed out to herself to calm down. The she-cat found what she was looking for. "Good, there is some burdock root around here." Tigress dug up the root and washed it in a leaf full of water.
Tigress carried the root in her mouth back to the cat who said it's name was Snickers. Snickers looked up and mewled in relief. "Thank you, what is that?"
Tigress sighed and sat down. The medicine cat began chewing up the roof. Tigress spat it into the wound. "It stings." Snickers complained.
"You should have thought of the pain before you jumped onto that jagged piece of metal. Your lucky I found you, or you would have bled out." Tigress said trying to sound rough.
"I know...I was just trying to see if I could make the jump." Snickers pouted.
Tigress sighed heavily again and stepped back. "I'll be right back, I need some cobwebs. Stay here." Tigress turned and padded back to where she had seen some dew-covered cobwebs. Tigress picked up a Y-shaped stick and spun the cobweb onto it. Tigress turned and padded back to the golden-colored she-cat. "Be still." Tigress commanded and wrapped the shoulder.
"I feel somewhat better, thank you." Snickers said gratefully.
"Of course. Now, I will set up a small nest for you so you can stay there for a few days." Tigress meowed kindly and bounded off. She began gathering some moss, she rolled the moss into a ball and tucked it partially into her chest pocket and held onto the bigger part with her teeth. Tigress padded back to Snickers and placed the nest beside a fallen tree a few tail-lengths away. After making the nest, Tigress found a rather large leaf and filled it with water and carefully placed it beside the nest. She collected some more burdock root and cobwebs and placed them onto a piece of fallen bark.
"It looks comfy." Snickers said.
"I do make good nests. Now let's move you onto it." Tigress eased the younger she-cat onto the nest and ran her tail down Snickers back with a smile in her eyes. "Good, I'm going hunting for a rabbit. It should be big enough for a mite like you to munch on for a few days." Tigress padded away once more.
Once away from Snickers Tigress let out a sigh of relief. She felt better on her own and not around other cats. It wasn't that she minded the other cats, just that she felt uncomfortable. Being startled out of her thoughts at the sound of a shuffle. Tigress froze and crouched down, her tail lashed a few inches above the leaves so as not to make a sound. In the bushes a fat rabbit was munching on some still-green grass. Tigress watched the rabbit for a moment, then lunged forward and caught it in her claws. She killed it with a swift bite to the neck. She thanked StarClan for the healthy sized rabbit and padded back to Snickers.
"Wow! That should feed me for days." Snickers exclaimed.
"I thought so. I hope you get better. Maybe we'll see each other some time." Tigress said with a gentle smile.
"Thank you, Tigress. I shall never forget this." Snickers touched her nose to Tigress's shoulder and cuddled in her nest.
Tigress nodded. "Be safe, and may the stars protect you." Tigress turned and left Snickers. She raced up a tree and darted across from limb to limb. The feeling of freedom made her energy bolt and she was watched by Snickers until she disappeared in the leaves of the autumn trees.

Comments (optional): I know it's a little rushed (I have never done this before), but I have a lot going on this week, please do correct me!

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[size=7pt]• it still doesn't make sense for a cat to be able to leap into a tree. You could put that her long legs help her climb trees, that would be fine (:
• your sentences are still choppy and you start many of them with the same words

Bump when you edit ^^[/size]

/Nut/ wrote:

Character Name: Tigress

Character Age: 24 moons

Gender: Female

Alliance: None

Rank: Loner

Appearance (6 or more sentences): A tall and thin she-cat, her long legs help her climb up into trees. Squirrel-brown fur aids her in crouching low in the leaves and bushes when hunting. Luminescent green eyes seem to glow in the dark. Her long tail that helps her to balance when catching prey or running along the limbs of trees, has six tiger stripes. A small pouch in the front of her chest, which most think is quite odd, is helpful to her for keeping a few small leaves of herbs to pull out at any time, it is part of a deformity from when she was born. It's not to large, but perfect for placing some herbs.. If cats watch long enough, they notice the scar that runs down her neck to her front left paw.

Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements): She has a lively temperament, but she doesn't like to be tested on strength. Tigress is quite crafty, and uses her head to get herself out of tight jams. When another cat challenges her with their snappy attitude she gives them an adjustment and a good scolding. The lively she-cat is normally loving and kind towards everyone, even her enemies. One of the things she loves most is to run, second to healing. Tigress is very soft on kits, since she has none.
---Likes (at least 3): She loves to walks through thick grass and the feel of of brushing against her belly. A warm hollow log filled with leaves of a chilly night. Or gathering herbs to keep her mind off of stress.
--- Dislikes (at least 3): Tigress hates the feeling of being controlled (which explains why she is a loner). She seriously dislikes fighting and would much rather end things peacefully. She dislikes tom cats with a passion.
---Strengths (No MORE than 5): Tigress would spend the day climbing up trees and racing along the limbs if she could. Healing is one of her many specialties as previously stated.
---Weaknesses (At least 3): She is not very strong, in a fight, that is. She is terrified of thunder. And, she should fear the leaders of Clans, but challenges them when they don't accept her advice.

History (8 or more sentences): Tigress had a very hard life since her mother died a moon after the birth of herself and her litter-mates. It was a cold winter, and the prey was so scarce it was rumored there was no food. Young Tigress left her brothers and sisters alone so she could survive. That may have been selfish of her, but she did it to survive, and good thing the young kit did. Tigress was only a moon and a half when Shana--a young mother--found Tigress. She nursed the young kit. Tigress may have been small and wiry but she had talent with healing. Tigress learned how to heal when one of Shana's kits fell off of a fence and broke her paw. When Tigress figured out how to help the young kit, her interest sparked. The excited young she-cat began gathering herbs and asking some of the elder cats about them. She also learned much about herb-healing from testing on herself.
When Tigress reached eight moons she left Shana and her adopted brother's and sister's to go out on her own. The young she-cat saw much and experienced much. Too keep herself alive, she once killed another cat for it's prey. From then on, Tigress hated fighting and helped anyone who came her way. Of all of her twenty-four moons Tigress has went on, trying to help others. The tiger-like cat will sometimes train a medicine cat for a new Clan, then leave. No one knows her past.

Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio):
Tigress padded through the thick undergrowth, growling. The nerve of the young cat to have gone and ripped open her shoulder. "It's wasn't her fault." Tigress pointed out to herself to calm down. The she-cat found what she was looking for. "Good, there is some burdock root around here." Tigress dug up the root and washed it in a leaf full of water.
Tigress carried the root in her mouth back to the cat named Snickers. Snickers looked up and mewled in relief. "Thank you, what is that?"
Tigress sighed and sat down. The medicine cat began chewing up the roof. Tigress spat it into the wound. "It stings." Snickers complained.
"You should have thought of the pain before you jumped onto that jagged piece of metal. Your lucky I found you, or you would have bled out." Tigress said trying to sound rough.
"I know...I was just trying to see if I could make the jump." Snickers pouted.
Tigress sighed heavily again and stepped back. "I'll be right back, I need some cobwebs. Stay here." Tigress turned and padded back to where she had seen some dew-covered cobwebs. The tired medicine cat picked up a Y-shaped stick and spun the cobweb onto it. Tigress turned and padded back to the golden-colored she-cat. "Be still." Tigress commanded and wrapped the shoulder.
"I feel somewhat better, thank you." Snickers said gratefully.
"Of course. Now, I will set up a small nest for you so you can stay there for a few days." Tigress meowed kindly and bounded off. She began gathering some moss, she rolled the moss into a ball and tucked it partially into her chest pocket and held onto the bigger part with her teeth. Tigress padded back to Snickers and placed the nest beside a fallen tree a few tail-lengths away. After making the nest, Tigress found a rather large leaf and filled it with water and carefully placed it beside the nest. She collected some more burdock root and cobwebs and placed them onto a piece of fallen bark.
"It looks comfy." Snickers said.
"I do make good nests. Now let's move you onto it." Tigress eased the younger she-cat onto the nest and ran her tail down Snickers back with a smile in her eyes. "Good, I'm going hunting for a rabbit. It should be big enough for a mite like you to munch on for a few days." Tigress padded away once more.
Once away from Snickers Tigress let out a sigh of relief. She felt better on her own and not around other cats. It wasn't that she minded the other cats, just that she felt uncomfortable. Being startled out of her thoughts at the sound of a shuffle. Tigress froze and crouched down, her tail lashed a few inches above the leaves so as not to make a sound. In the bushes a fat rabbit was munching on some still-green grass. Tigress watched the rabbit for a moment, then lunged forward and caught it in her claws. She killed it with a swift bite to the neck. She thanked StarClan for the healthy sized rabbit and padded back to Snickers.
"Wow! That will feed me for days." Snickers exclaimed.
"I thought so. I hope you get better. Maybe we'll see each other some time." Tigress said with a gentle smile.
"Thank you, Tigress. I shall never forget this." Snickers touched her nose to the mysterious cat's shoulder and cuddled in her nest.
Tigress nodded. "Be safe, and may the stars protect you." Tigress turned and left Snickers. She raced up a tree and darted across from limb to limb. The feeling of freedom made her energy bolt and she was watched by Snickers until she disappeared in the leaves of the autumn trees.

Comments (optional): I know it's a little rushed (I have never done this before), but I have a lot going on this week, please do correct me!

Display More

- You have a couple of fragments in appearance :)
- You have some short/choppy sentences in personality :)
Almost there, edit and bump!

→you still have some fragment sentences in the Appearance.

/Nut/ wrote:

Character Name: Tigress

Character Age: 24 moons

Gender: Female

Alliance: None

Rank: Loner

Appearance (6 or more sentences): A tall and thin she-cat, her long legs help her climb up into trees. Squirrel-brown fur aids her in crouching low when hunting. Luminescent green eyes seem to glow in the dark. Her long tail that helps her to balance has six tiger stripes. A small pouch in the front of her chest is helpful to her for keeping a few small leaves of herbs to pull out at any time. It is part of a deformity from when she was born. It's not to large, but perfect for placing some herbs. If cats watch long enough they notice the scar that runs down her neck to her front left paw.

Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements): She has a lively temperament, but she doesn't like to be tested on strength. Tigress is quite crafty, and uses her head to get herself out of tight jams. When another cat challenges her with their snappy attitude she gives them a good scolding. The lively she-cat is normally loving and kind towards everyone, even her enemies. One of the things she loves most is to run, second to healing. Tigress is very soft on kits, since she has none.
---Likes (at least 3): She loves to walks through thick grass and the feel of of brushing against her belly. A warm hollow log filled with leaves of a chilly night. Or gathering herbs to keep her mind off of stress.
--- Dislikes (at least 3): Tigress hates the feeling of being controlled (which explains why she is a loner). She seriously dislikes fighting and would much rather end things peacefully. She dislikes tom cats with a passion.
---Strengths (No MORE than 5): Tigress would spend the day climbing up trees and racing along the limbs if she could. Healing is one of her many specialties as previously stated.
---Weaknesses (At least 3): She is not very strong, in a fight, that is. She is terrified of thunder. And, she should fear the leaders of Clans, but challenges them when they don't accept her advice.

History (8 or more sentences): Tigress had a very hard life since her mother died a moon after the birth of herself and her litter-mates. It was a cold winter, and the prey was so scarce it was rumored there was no food. Young Tigress left her brothers and sisters alone so she could survive. That may have been selfish of her, but she did it to survive, and good thing the young kit did. Tigress was only a moon and a half when Shana--a young mother--found Tigress. She nursed the young kit. Tigress may have been small and wiry but she had talent with healing. Tigress learned how to heal when one of Shana's kits fell off of a fence and broke her paw. When Tigress figured out how to help the young kit, her interest sparked. The excited young she-cat began gathering herbs and asking some of the elder cats about them. She also learned much about herb-healing from testing on herself.
When Tigress reached eight moons she left Shana and her adopted brother's and sister's to go out on her own. The young she-cat saw much and experienced much. Too keep herself alive, she once killed another cat for it's prey. From then on, Tigress hated fighting and helped anyone who came her way. Of all of her twenty-four moons Tigress has went on, trying to help others. The tiger-like cat will sometimes train a medicine cat for a new Clan, then leave. No one knows her past.

Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio):
Tigress padded through the thick undergrowth, growling. The nerve of the young cat to have gone and ripped open her shoulder. "It's wasn't her fault." Tigress pointed out to herself to calm down. The she-cat found what she was looking for. "Good, there is some burdock root around here." Tigress dug up the root and washed it in a leaf full of water.
Tigress carried the root in her mouth back to the cat named Snickers. Snickers looked up and mewled in relief. "Thank you, what is that?"
Tigress sighed and sat down. The medicine cat began chewing up the roof. Tigress spat it into the wound. "It stings." Snickers complained.
"You should have thought of the pain before you jumped onto that jagged piece of metal. Your lucky I found you, or you would have bled out." Tigress said trying to sound rough.
"I know...I was just trying to see if I could make the jump." Snickers pouted.
Tigress sighed heavily again and stepped back. "I'll be right back, I need some cobwebs. Stay here." Tigress turned and padded back to where she had seen some dew-covered cobwebs. The tired medicine cat picked up a Y-shaped stick and spun the cobweb onto it. Tigress turned and padded back to the golden-colored she-cat. "Be still." Tigress commanded and wrapped the shoulder.
"I feel somewhat better, thank you." Snickers said gratefully.
"Of course. Now, I will set up a small nest for you so you can stay there for a few days." Tigress meowed kindly and bounded off. She began gathering some moss, she rolled the moss into a ball and tucked it partially into her chest pocket and held onto the bigger part with her teeth. Tigress padded back to Snickers and placed the nest beside a fallen tree a few tail-lengths away. After making the nest, Tigress found a rather large leaf and filled it with water and carefully placed it beside the nest. She collected some more burdock root and cobwebs and placed them onto a piece of fallen bark.
"It looks comfy." Snickers said.
"I do make good nests. Now let's move you onto it." Tigress eased the younger she-cat onto the nest and ran her tail down Snickers back with a smile in her eyes. "Good, I'm going hunting for a rabbit. It should be big enough for a mite like you to munch on for a few days." Tigress padded away once more.
Once away from Snickers Tigress let out a sigh of relief. She felt better on her own and not around other cats. It wasn't that she minded the other cats, just that she felt uncomfortable. Being startled out of her thoughts at the sound of a shuffle. Tigress froze and crouched down, her tail lashed a few inches above the leaves so as not to make a sound. In the bushes a fat rabbit was munching on some still-green grass. Tigress watched the rabbit for a moment, then lunged forward and caught it in her claws. She killed it with a swift bite to the neck. She thanked StarClan for the healthy sized rabbit and padded back to Snickers.
"Wow! That will feed me for days." Snickers exclaimed.
"I thought so. I hope you get better. Maybe we'll see each other some time." Tigress said with a gentle smile.
"Thank you, Tigress. I shall never forget this." Snickers touched her nose to the mysterious cat's shoulder and cuddled in her nest.
Tigress nodded. "Be safe, and may the stars protect you." Tigress turned and left Snickers. She raced up a tree and darted across from limb to limb. The feeling of freedom made her energy bolt and she was watched by Snickers until she disappeared in the leaves of the autumn trees.

Comments (optional): I know it's a little rushed (I have never done this before), but I have a lot going on this week, please do correct me!

Display More

--You still have some fragment sentences in the Appearance.

The fragment sentences in the appearance still remain. Try reading over them, and see if you can put in more detail and make them less choppy, along with making the sentences complete ideas. :)
Bump only when you are done!

/Nut/ wrote:

Character Name: Tigress

Character Age: 24 moons

Gender: Female

Alliance: None

Rank: Loner

Appearance (6 or more sentences): Tigress is a lithely built she-cat. She has long legs with black stripes going towards the paw. Her pelt, thin and soft, is a warm squirrel brown color. Tigress's tail is long and has tiger stripes towards the tip. Luminescent green eyes that have black slits in them stare outward. In her chest is a deformity, or somewhat like a kangaroo pouch. She uses it to stores herbal leaves and other such things.

Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements): She has a lively temperament, but she doesn't like to be tested on strength. Tigress is quite crafty, and uses her head to get herself out of tight jams. When another cat challenges her with their snappy attitude she gives them a good scolding. The lively she-cat is normally loving and kind towards everyone, even her enemies. One of the things she loves most is to run, second to healing. Tigress is very soft on kits, since she has none.
---Likes (at least 3): She loves to walks through thick grass and the feel of of brushing against her belly. A warm hollow log filled with leaves of a chilly night. Or gathering herbs to keep her mind off of stress.
--- Dislikes (at least 3): Tigress hates the feeling of being controlled (which explains why she is a loner). She seriously dislikes fighting and would much rather end things peacefully. She dislikes tom cats with a passion.
---Strengths (No MORE than 5): Tigress would spend the day climbing up trees and racing along the limbs if she could. Healing is one of her many specialties as previously stated.
---Weaknesses (At least 3): She is not very strong, in a fight, that is. She is terrified of thunder. And, she should fear the leaders of Clans, but challenges them when they don't accept her advice.

History (8 or more sentences): Tigress had a very hard life since her mother died a moon after the birth of herself and her litter-mates. It was a cold winter, and the prey was so scarce it was rumored there was no food. Young Tigress left her brothers and sisters alone so she could survive. That may have been selfish of her, but she did it to survive, and good thing the young kit did. Tigress was only a moon and a half when Shana--a young mother--found Tigress. She nursed the young kit. Tigress may have been small and wiry but she had talent with healing. Tigress learned how to heal when one of Shana's kits fell off of a fence and broke her paw. When Tigress figured out how to help the young kit, her interest sparked. The excited young she-cat began gathering herbs and asking some of the elder cats about them. She also learned much about herb-healing from testing on herself.
When Tigress reached eight moons she left Shana and her adopted brother's and sister's to go out on her own. The young she-cat saw much and experienced much. Too keep herself alive, she once killed another cat for it's prey. From then on, Tigress hated fighting and helped anyone who came her way. Of all of her twenty-four moons Tigress has went on, trying to help others. The tiger-like cat will sometimes train a medicine cat for a new Clan, then leave. No one knows her past.

Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio):
Tigress padded through the thick undergrowth, growling. The nerve of the young cat to have gone and ripped open her shoulder. "It's wasn't her fault." Tigress pointed out to herself to calm down. The she-cat found what she was looking for. "Good, there is some burdock root around here." Tigress dug up the root and washed it in a leaf full of water.
Tigress carried the root in her mouth back to the cat named Snickers. Snickers looked up and mewled in relief. "Thank you, what is that?"
Tigress sighed and sat down. The medicine cat began chewing up the roof. Tigress spat it into the wound. "It stings." Snickers complained.
"You should have thought of the pain before you jumped onto that jagged piece of metal. Your lucky I found you, or you would have bled out." Tigress said trying to sound rough.
"I know...I was just trying to see if I could make the jump." Snickers pouted.
Tigress sighed heavily again and stepped back. "I'll be right back, I need some cobwebs. Stay here." Tigress turned and padded back to where she had seen some dew-covered cobwebs. The tired medicine cat picked up a Y-shaped stick and spun the cobweb onto it. Tigress turned and padded back to the golden-colored she-cat. "Be still." Tigress commanded and wrapped the shoulder.
"I feel somewhat better, thank you." Snickers said gratefully.
"Of course. Now, I will set up a small nest for you so you can stay there for a few days." Tigress meowed kindly and bounded off. She began gathering some moss, she rolled the moss into a ball and tucked it partially into her chest pocket and held onto the bigger part with her teeth. Tigress padded back to Snickers and placed the nest beside a fallen tree a few tail-lengths away. After making the nest, Tigress found a rather large leaf and filled it with water and carefully placed it beside the nest. She collected some more burdock root and cobwebs and placed them onto a piece of fallen bark.
"It looks comfy." Snickers said.
"I do make good nests. Now let's move you onto it." Tigress eased the younger she-cat onto the nest and ran her tail down Snickers back with a smile in her eyes. "Good, I'm going hunting for a rabbit. It should be big enough for a mite like you to munch on for a few days." Tigress padded away once more.
Once away from Snickers Tigress let out a sigh of relief. She felt better on her own and not around other cats. It wasn't that she minded the other cats, just that she felt uncomfortable. Being startled out of her thoughts at the sound of a shuffle. Tigress froze and crouched down, her tail lashed a few inches above the leaves so as not to make a sound. In the bushes a fat rabbit was munching on some still-green grass. Tigress watched the rabbit for a moment, then lunged forward and caught it in her claws. She killed it with a swift bite to the neck. She thanked StarClan for the healthy sized rabbit and padded back to Snickers.
"Wow! That will feed me for days." Snickers exclaimed.
"I thought so. I hope you get better. Maybe we'll see each other some time." Tigress said with a gentle smile.
"Thank you, Tigress. I shall never forget this." Snickers touched her nose to the mysterious cat's shoulder and cuddled in her nest.
Tigress nodded. "Be safe, and may the stars protect you." Tigress turned and left Snickers. She raced up a tree and darted across from limb to limb. The feeling of freedom made her energy bolt and she was watched by Snickers until she disappeared in the leaves of the autumn trees.

Comments (optional): I know it's a little rushed (I have never done this before), but I have a lot going on this week, please do correct me!

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[size=7pt]The sentences in your appearance are not fragments anymore, but are now rather choppy. Please try lengthening them by combining them with other sentences or adding more detail to them.[/size]

/Nut/ wrote:

Character Name: Tigress

Character Age: 24 moons

Gender: Female

Alliance: None

Rank: Loner

Appearance (6 or more sentences): Tigress is a lithe and tall built she-cat. She has long legs with black stripes going towards the paw. Her pelt, thin and soft, is a warm squirrel brown color that helps her to hide in the brush. Tigress's tail is long, and has tiger stripes towards the tip. Luminescent green eyes that have black slits in them stare outward. In her chest is a deformity or somewhat like a kangaroo pouch. She uses it to stores herbal leaves and other such things, a scar that she got from a tangle with a dog goes down for her neck down to her shoulder.

Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements): She has a lively temperament, but she doesn't like to be tested on strength. Tigress is quite crafty, and uses her head to get herself out of tight jams. When another cat challenges her with their snappy attitude she gives them a good scolding. The lively she-cat is normally loving and kind towards everyone, even her enemies. One of the things she loves most is to run, second to healing. Tigress is very soft on kits, since she has none.
---Likes (at least 3): She loves to walks through thick grass and the feel of of brushing against her belly. A warm hollow log filled with leaves of a chilly night. Or gathering herbs to keep her mind off of stress.
--- Dislikes (at least 3): Tigress hates the feeling of being controlled (which explains why she is a loner). She seriously dislikes fighting and would much rather end things peacefully. She dislikes tom cats with a passion.
---Strengths (No MORE than 5): Tigress would spend the day climbing up trees and racing along the limbs if she could. Healing is one of her many specialties as previously stated.
---Weaknesses (At least 3): She is not very strong, in a fight, that is. She is terrified of thunder. And, she should fear the leaders of Clans, but challenges them when they don't accept her advice.

History (8 or more sentences): Tigress had a very hard life since her mother died a moon after the birth of herself and her litter-mates. It was a cold winter, and the prey was so scarce it was rumored there was no food. Young Tigress left her brothers and sisters alone so she could survive. That may have been selfish of her, but she did it to survive, and good thing the young kit did. Tigress was only a moon and a half when Shana--a young mother--found Tigress. She nursed the young kit. Tigress may have been small and wiry but she had talent with healing. Tigress learned how to heal when one of Shana's kits fell off of a fence and broke her paw. When Tigress figured out how to help the young kit, her interest sparked. The excited young she-cat began gathering herbs and asking some of the elder cats about them. She also learned much about herb-healing from testing on herself.
When Tigress reached eight moons she left Shana and her adopted brother's and sister's to go out on her own. The young she-cat saw much and experienced much. Too keep herself alive, she once killed another cat for it's prey. From then on, Tigress hated fighting and helped anyone who came her way. Of all of her twenty-four moons Tigress has went on, trying to help others. The tiger-like cat will sometimes train a medicine cat for a new Clan, then leave. No one knows her past.

Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio):
Tigress padded through the thick undergrowth, growling. The nerve of the young cat to have gone and ripped open her shoulder. "It's wasn't her fault." Tigress pointed out to herself to calm down. The she-cat found what she was looking for. "Good, there is some burdock root around here." Tigress dug up the root and washed it in a leaf full of water.
Tigress carried the root in her mouth back to the cat named Snickers. Snickers looked up and mewled in relief. "Thank you, what is that?"
Tigress sighed and sat down. The medicine cat began chewing up the roof. Tigress spat it into the wound. "It stings." Snickers complained.
"You should have thought of the pain before you jumped onto that jagged piece of metal. Your lucky I found you, or you would have bled out." Tigress said trying to sound rough.
"I know...I was just trying to see if I could make the jump." Snickers pouted.
Tigress sighed heavily again and stepped back. "I'll be right back, I need some cobwebs. Stay here." Tigress turned and padded back to where she had seen some dew-covered cobwebs. The tired medicine cat picked up a Y-shaped stick and spun the cobweb onto it. Tigress turned and padded back to the golden-colored she-cat. "Be still." Tigress commanded and wrapped the shoulder.
"I feel somewhat better, thank you." Snickers said gratefully.
"Of course. Now, I will set up a small nest for you so you can stay there for a few days." Tigress meowed kindly and bounded off. She began gathering some moss, she rolled the moss into a ball and tucked it partially into her chest pocket and held onto the bigger part with her teeth. Tigress padded back to Snickers and placed the nest beside a fallen tree a few tail-lengths away. After making the nest, Tigress found a rather large leaf and filled it with water and carefully placed it beside the nest. She collected some more burdock root and cobwebs and placed them onto a piece of fallen bark.
"It looks comfy." Snickers said.
"I do make good nests. Now let's move you onto it." Tigress eased the younger she-cat onto the nest and ran her tail down Snickers back with a smile in her eyes. "Good, I'm going hunting for a rabbit. It should be big enough for a mite like you to munch on for a few days." Tigress padded away once more.
Once away from Snickers Tigress let out a sigh of relief. She felt better on her own and not around other cats. It wasn't that she minded the other cats, just that she felt uncomfortable. Being startled out of her thoughts at the sound of a shuffle. Tigress froze and crouched down, her tail lashed a few inches above the leaves so as not to make a sound. In the bushes a fat rabbit was munching on some still-green grass. Tigress watched the rabbit for a moment, then lunged forward and caught it in her claws. She killed it with a swift bite to the neck. She thanked StarClan for the healthy sized rabbit and padded back to Snickers.
"Wow! That will feed me for days." Snickers exclaimed.
"I thought so. I hope you get better. Maybe we'll see each other some time." Tigress said with a gentle smile.
"Thank you, Tigress. I shall never forget this." Snickers touched her nose to the mysterious cat's shoulder and cuddled in her nest.
Tigress nodded. "Be safe, and may the stars protect you." Tigress turned and left Snickers. She raced up a tree and darted across from limb to limb. The feeling of freedom made her energy bolt and she was watched by Snickers until she disappeared in the leaves of the autumn trees.

Comments (optional): I know it's a little rushed (I have never done this before), but I have a lot going on this week, please do correct me!

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[size=7pt]you still have some choppy sentences, mainly in the beginning of your bio.

Switch: And Run-on sentences. :)[/size]