Jei - Advanced Bio

This is an archived version of FeralFront. While you can surf through all the content that was ever created on FeralFront, no new content can be created.
If you'd like some free FeralFront memorabilia to look back on fondly, see this thread from Dynamo (if this message is still here, we still have memorabilia): https://feralfront.com/thread/2669184-free-feralfront-memorabilia/.
  • Character Name: Jei (pronounced Jay the J is hard to explain... Sounds like a Sh - ay)


    Character Age: Thirteen moons.


    Gender: Female.


    Alliance: BHR Black Heart Rogues.


    Rank: Blackheart.


    Appearance (6 or more sentences): Jei's fur is a warm reddish brown colour with white marking on her chest and paws. She has emerald green eyes with flecks of gold scattered throughout them. Her fur is medium length and it catches the sunlight with a brilliant gleam. Jei's tail is long and fluffy, and the tip is snowy white. She has long white claws that don't pertrude from her paws when she walks. Jei is a tabby, though it's hard to see because the markings are just a but darker than her normal fur colour. She's also very sleek and small for a thirteen moon old she-cat. Basically, Jei resembles a small Somali she-cat.


    Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements): Jei is a very calm cat, she doesn't lose her temper no matter what. She is a very caring she-cat and loves to be around others. But in a fight, she becomes a swift, killing machine. Hey small figure lets her dart in and out of combat, as well as evade deadly strikes. Jei's loyalty never wavers. She is devoted to her loyalties and will willingly sacrifice anything to protect them.
    ---Likes (at least 3): Jei loves to hunt, talk and climb trees or other structures.
    --- Dislikes (at least 3): Jei hates cat's who annoy her, she dislikes rain and grey days, and she doesn't tolerate manipulation.
    ---Strengths (No MORE than 5): Hunting(both prey and enemies), running, making friends and climbing.
    ---Weaknesses (At least 3): Head to head fighting, swimming, and healing(she has no idea).


    History (8 or more sentences): Jei was born in a forest, inside an unknown clan. They abandoned her somewhere in the wild when there wasn't enough food to feed them. She was lost, for days in the freezing cold, searching for someone of something to help her. She was only seven moons old when she was found by the most unlikely of creatures. A lynx. The huge cat was called Moss, and adopted Jei(back then it was Mistkit) and nursed her back to health. At the young age of nine moons Jei was old enough to explore the snowy forest. But one day, when she was out exploring, two -legs captured Moss as took her away. Shocked and grief stricken, Jei tried to follow their trail. She managed to find the two-leg place where she was taken. There was a long Thunderpath with something that looked like a flying moster asleep at one end. The two- legs were transporting large crates into the monster. And, with a great effort, Jei managed to bring herself to hide inside of one. After a long journey they arrived in a huge two-leg city, where Jei now lives....


    Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio): (this is when Jei leaves the airport.) Jei lifted her head. There was a loud crack and the lid to her crate came off. The two-leg who had opened it jumped back in surprise when she lunged forward and jumped out if the crate. With a scowl the two-leg picked her up and transported her through some doors to a small area. He put her down and said something to the confused two-leg at a desk. The female two-leg shrugged and threw Jei into a box. She closed the lid and told the other two-leg something. Jei could feel herself moving, the slow rocking motion lulled her to sleep. When she woke, light filled her vision, she mewed in alarm as the two - leg dumped her out of the box. He kicked her and sent her running for safety. Jei panicked and darted off to a Thunderpath, she just missed being run over when a huge monster came speeding towards her. Relieved from her narrow escape, Jei padded into an old abandoned building. She made a small nest in the corner and closed her eyes. I guess...this is my new home....


    Comments (optional): Hey WCRPG! Just a warning: I wrote this on my iPad, so there may be a few mistakes with spelling or grammar. Eg. Opinion may be corrected to Onion if I accidentally spell Opinion wrong. So please point anything out for me! Thanks and Enjoy!

    The post was edited 1 time, last by ~:⊱ℰℳℬℰℛ⊰:~ ().


  • Hey your bio is looking great! However, there are a few changes you need to make before this can be approved. ;)


    -- Choppy sentences. To lengthen those, try combining them with other sentences, adding more details or adjectives, adding figurative language, etc. To spot them, look for sentences that are lacking in details and are very short.


    -- It is very unlikely, almost impossible, for a kit of four moons old to be lost for a in a snowstorm. You'll need to edit that. (:


    Edit and bump~!


  • Bump, I fixed the age thing, and I think I fixed the choppy sentences in History. Tell me what section they are in if there are more :)



    Your a great help :D

  • Looking better! (:


    You still have some choppy sentences, however. Try lengthening those by reading the bio out loud or asking yourself some question to lengthen them. Like how long is her fur? What shape are her eyes? Are her ears rounded or pointed? Etc.


    Also, 'um' is not a rank in BHR. :P you'll need to put in a rank. ^^


  • [align=center][sup]Hey ember (:


    you have a few choppy sentences and a minor misspelling, mainly in the appearance section ;)


    - bump once you're done!


    [spoiler]


  • Accepted!