somebody that i used to know. [ private, mernaird. ]

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    A ghost of a cat floated across the floor to The Parlor, once lively eyes now blank and clouded with grief. Just before entering the once beautiful room, the room where her whole life turned into the roller coaster that it was, the figure took a shuddering breath that sent a new wave of grief to shroud her malnourished body. Food wasn't as appetizing anymore, water felt like glass in her dry mouth. Her stomach just couldn't handle food anymore. Just the sight of it made the color drain from her dull face. Beckend was, truly, a mess beyond repair. Or so she thought.


    Beckend, forcing herself to take a deep breath, nudged the door to The Parlor open. She had barely taken a step inside the room when she saw that someone was already in the room. Beckend, isolating herself from everyone that even thought about taking a step towards her, had lost her social skills and now felt awkward, standing in the doorway with another cat in the room. The Russian Blue turned to leave, and only came face to face with a decaying body, its face a grotesque maze. Beckend, on instinct, let out a shrill shriek and collapsed to the floor in a shivering ball.


    "C-C-C-Capone..." Beckend sobbed.

    Vasilica stepped further into the light. "Hate to break it to you girly, but Capone is six feet under. Seems like more and more of you are showing up though lately." The young leader was, of course, referring to Theo's earlier appearance at the mandatory meeting. "So who were you?" She nodded towards the broken she-cat, taking her in as she did so. Wow, she looked like cr*p. Pity started to form in her chest cavity. What had happened to this pathetic creature?

    With a gasp, Beckend's head whipped to stare with wide eyes at the she-cat who spoke to her. Her words, muffled and drowning in her ears, barely registered in her brain. The only keyword that Beckend could comprehend was Capone, of course. Very slowly, the rest of the words, stimulated by "Capone," clicked into place as Beckend sat in silence, calculating what the she-cat said. Capone was buried six feet under the ground. Was Beckend standing over her right now? She looked down numbly, lifting her paw to look at the ground.


    The she-cat studied her paw then, noticing how rough the pads were and how out of control her nails were. Then again, Beckend didn't care how she looked anymore. Looks weren't an important thing in her book. Before, the once young she-cat went crazy at even the slightest speck of dirt on her beautiful blue coat. Now? Not even a reaction. Just a numb stare as she set it on the ground again. The she-cat wasn't that important either. A cat here, a cat there. They all blurred together.


    She completely forgot about the decaying body right in front of her, until her paw was placed on the ground and its face was before her once more. Eyes wild in alarm, heart racing, Beckend charged to the other side of the room and huddled behind the throne.


    [ Wow. I have a lot of muse for her. Almost too much. xD ]

    "Tell me how the hiding thing goes, personally I can't seem to get away." Vasilica spoke with amusement. This cat was a mess, and desperately needed her, however... What fun was that? When Vasilica could just watch the she-cat dart around aimlessly. That could get boring, though.. real fast.

    Beckend took deep, shuddering breaths. The decaying body's eyes, hollow and dull, flashed before her eyes. The bodies haunted her, taunted her, and teased her about how weak she was, how everyone looked at her with pity in their eyes, how she couldn't stand up and just speak about what she needed to say. The voices closed in around her until Beckend, the first time in a long time, exploded with rage.


    "Don't look at me like that! Like I'm some useless, pitiful thing that you need to help!" Beckend screeched at no one in particular, but it could have easily been mistaken for Beckend screaming at the Elite's leader.

    "Stop looking like it, and I might. Besides, I look at everybody like that. It's nothing new." Vasilica's whisker's twitched in questioned amusement. "What's with the rage quitting life? It was just Capone. She'd been dead for over six moons now. It's not news." Where had this cat been that she had dropped completely off the map? Capone was known from one end to the other, and her death had been huge. Destroyed by your own children... The Raven had been more than welcome to indulge the information to the new leader.

    This was new. Instead of feeling like she was sinking underneath the ocean of depression, Beckend felt herself rising higher and higher, anger bubbling in her chest. "Well." The she-cat scoffed, stepping out of her hiding place from the throne and holding her head as high as possible. All the anger, it coursed through her veins, giving her a new sense and purpose. Everyone should pay for what had happened to her. They should see what it's like to be drowning in your own tears.


    "Pardon me for looking so pitiful and making it easier for you." She hissed, unsheathing her claws as she walked towards the she-cat. The steady click-clack of the tips of her black beauties kept her calm and controlled, despite the fact that her anger was a raging wild-fire. "You don't understand how much Capone meant to me. Her blood, literally, saved my life. I was on the verge of dying and her blood saved me. She gave me a second chance at life. I loved her as a sister, and when family is ripped away from you, it's not a matter to be taken lightly."

    "Re-a-lly?" The youthful leader spoke the word slowly and deliberately, a smirk plain on her face. "Honey, Capone was my family, Phedarah was my family, Vatican was my family, Jezebel was my family, you know what my family has taught me? Family blows. Not a single cat has been there for me since I became leader, everyone constantly on my back. My aunt turned this place upside down! Now I'm stuck cleaning the mess, I don't want to hear about family. You want family? Have mine, toughen up. You're born alone, you die alone, the rest is up to you. Now are you going to sit here and look pathetic, or are you going to get real?" Anger powered the words she spoke, but an unknown emotion rattled around inside the chocolate silver tabby. It was heavy, weighing her down, it was a weakness, and it was a disablement, it had to go.

    [ woohoo. it's getting a little hot in here. xD ]


    A blow in the face from the she-cat's words sent Beckend stumbling back, looking dazed and confused. "Wait a minute... you're the new leader around here? You're Vasilica?" Something clicked in Beckend's brain as she studied the she-cat. If she had known that this she-cat was, this she-cat right here, was the leader, Beckend would never have said any of those things in the first place. "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean any disrespect. It's just..." Beckend sniffed, collapsing onto the ground once more. No tears came as she attempted to cry. "I want to be real. I'm tired of being tired." Her own words helped crack a smile on Beckend's face.

    "It's about time!" The irritated she-cat snapped. If she had wanted to listen to people whine she could have stayed with Ambrosia. This was her home, her mansion, and this sadness stuff wasn't something she wanted to be recurring in the Elite. No wonder the whole world thought they had gone soft.

    Beckend shook her head absentmindedly, trying to clear the hazy fog that had developed in her befuddled brain. "I-I don't know what to do, though. I don't know how to be... well, I don't quite know how to be real." She murmured, casting her ashamed gaze down to the she-cat's paws.

    "You feel it, you do it. It doesn't get more simple than that..." The tabby pointed out. Vasilica was in no mood for games, and as far as she was concerned, this was ridiculous. How could someone not be real? It was simple, it was more difficult to be fake than to just be real.

    [ hah! i found the little blurb in the elite newspaper about beckend; Beckend, role played by Cindey, has recently earned herself a high rank inside the Elite by drinking the blood spilled by Capone when she killed herself! Formally known as Beckpaw, the she-cat was once a prisoner within the Elite before, in this thread, Capone, having risen from being dead, declared Beckpaw an equal to herself. Then, even though it's usually not the Elite way, Capone changed the suffix of Beckpaw's name to help solidify the she-cat's new position in the Elite. ]


    "Well, I know how to be real. I just don't remember my old self. I've changed so much. I don't even know who I am anymore. I usually keep away from cats to avoid these kinds of situations, you see." Beckend sighed softly.


    [ poop. my muse is gone. Dx ]

    "If you don't know yourself then why continue to chase a person you can't grasp? Babe, move on, that cat is dead as Capone... too soon?" Amusement crinkled the tabby's face, never one to avoid stepping on toes.


    [ooc: haha, don't even worry, my muse is crushed at the moment.]