Life Moves On.

Maybe you see me online and think "OMG She's baaackkkk!!"

That is not the case.

I've been debating it for a long time. I've spent time away, knowing I couldn't tell you guys without being pulled back in. But I've learned, in my absence, what I've known in my heart for a long time. I came here to give you the final word. Even as we speak, I feel the old heartstrings being pulled.

The seasons pass, trees grow and die, spreading their seeds to form new forests, new trees. Children grow up and leave home to start lives anew. I'm that seed, that child. WCARPG has been my home, my home tree.. but I've grown on.

I tried to leave once. People pulled me back with promises of plots and fun. I tried to follow through with them, but my heart just hasn't been in it.

I would like to ask that people not try to pull me back. Maybe a summary of what's happened of late in my AIM occasionally, but I would rather not too much information or I fear nostalgia will take me again. My existence here has become a loop, going nowhere more than what I've done.

I would like my characters to be adopted out by Piney, Nuka, Grimm, and Groovy, (If the previous three are even still on the site, I'm not sure) taking into account the friendships I've had in the decisions of who gets them. There are a few characters I would rather not be rehomed, for obvious reasons. I'll state their fates here:

Elixor/Mordred = lives a low-key life in the tribe he joined. If the caracal he's taken an interest in's player wants, she can adopt him out. I trust you, girl, not to make a bad decision. I don't want him killed, though.
Silversun = I'm roleplaying him giving ToMS over to Starburst and giving a few last minute decisions, saying goodbye to his mate and all that. He's sick, knows it. Some cats near him have died from it and he feels it'll kill him. He'll be put into stasis in a human home somewhere in case I ever feel the need to return. He never got his nine lives so Starburst can have all nine (or eight, since Elixor's still alive?)
Echomist and Frontline = Ran off to find Silversun, stay in the human home with him in stasis.
Leprosy / Kayi / Massacre / Fenrir = Disappeared/Stasis
Shya = Disappeared. Her children should be adopted out.

The rest of my characters should be in my profile list, with their group/rank and all. Please don't kill any of my canines or bought breeds.

I'll be around the web, but since I would rather leave WCARPG in my heart, I'll leave it up to you to find me if you want to. I'm pretty easy to find, so it shouldn't be hard if any of you really want to find me. I won't be on AIM much but leave me a message if you want to chat or anything. Be ready for a wait, though.

ToMS is Mikki's now.

Peace + Love
Reqi

Shoot, I didn't mean to make anyone cry Dx

<3 I'll miss you too girl

<33 I love you all too

Nyx
nyx
there's an explanation thread
that nyx should be in
go joinn quick

<3 I'll try, but for now I'm going to try cut myself off from the site completely, at least for a few months. I just need a long, long break before trying again, if ever.

oh my god this is killing me

I

You guys are calling me a good person

I'm not.

Let me tell you a little story. A story that's been plaguing me for two-three years. Something I've been battling with. A story that needs desperately to come out.

Confessions of a Teenage Liar.

There was once a little girl. She drew pictures of lions and laughed and played and had fun with her internet friends on an innocent art website. One day, her friend posted the link to her forum, a forum about cats. A roleplaying forum, they called it. The little girl ran to this forum and found happiness, fun, but it was still small. Then, someone came onto the site and posted a link. A link to a wonderful world of cats and writing, a community. She tried it out and instantly fell in love with the place. She dragged her best friend to the site, but her best friend discovered that she did not have the same love for this 'roleplaying' that the first little girl had, so she abandoned her account and never spoke of it again. The first little girl was sad, but she soon forgot about it and continued on. She was barely a teenager, barely a youth. Barely a child. Her best friend's parents had a divorce and soon the two girls did not speak. Loneliness swelled, and the girl remembered her best friend's account. She started roleplaying a bit in that account, talking to herself in it, trying to hold on to what she'd had with her best friend, what was impossible since they'd lost contact.

She made a mistake. She didn't know it was stealing. She took words that belonged to someone else and used them on her own site. The people the words belonged to spoke to her, locked her from the site she'd grown to know and love, banned her from her home. She screamed at them as it happened, and they locked her away for longer. Anger and fear and confusion swarmed in a painful ocean in the girl. She grew angry and rebellious. Her family did not give her the attention she wanted, though they did not neglect her. She remembered the account then, and since the night of confusion and pain and anger, her internet had gone down and they'd had to get it reset, she discovered a loophole. When they had reset her internet, her IP had changed. No longer was she blind to the website she so loved, so needed. Her loneliness for her best friend, for the friends she'd had in the website flourished and overpowered her.

She sneaked onto the site and commandeered the account. She was but a child, but she had already committed crime. She molded her best friend's account into something it was not, pretended to be her best friend. Then, time passed. Nine months. She had made friends and had fun for those nine months, then the website changed to a new server, a new website. She messaged the admin, seeing that banned members were not banned on the new site (She tried to log in with her banned account and found it was accessible). She was allowed back in, but now she was faced with a dilemma.

She was two people. She continued to talk and play and write with herself, using both accounts, but she knew she couldn't keep it up. She knew they would have the same IP, knew that people didn't know. She was scared, and in a mad moment of fear and helplessness, she jumped the gun. She fabricated a reason for her best friend's account to fall into disuse. Only after what she had said had caught people's attention, did she realize what a horrendous crime she'd committed. She had to play it, though. She had to go with it. Still a child, she didn't know what else to do. She was buried under piles of lies, digging herself deeper and deeper.

And finally, she stopped using her best friend's account. She was terrified, knowing she would get caught. She played it like what had happened had indeed happened, but it boiled in her, what she'd done hurt her deep within herself but she was too afraid to own up. She continued to play along, pretending to be getting over it and finally used to her 'best friend' not being there, even though her real best friend and she still did not speak. In a way, she guessed, her best friend was this second account. She had no other close friends in real life, so she was friends with herself.

Then she was accused. The admin asked her if she was that second account, and fear overtook her. She lied blatantly, straight in the admin's face. The admin she'd become friends with... but friends wouldn't do that, would they? They wouldn't lie right in their friends' faces. She continued with her lies and the worst thing is.. they believed her. Or at least they made her feel like they did, and that hurt her even more. She was practically a conman, and she hated every moment of it. She loathed herself for doing what she did, but she couldn't just step back and tell them, not yet. Or at least that's what she thought.

She continued to pretend. It was now two years after the horrible lie, when her second account disappeared, her second persona. Three since her original ban. She considered finding a way into the second account to give an update, fabricate another blatant lie.

She went to bed, one night. Saturday night. Another person, on another site, had done similar to what she had. They had become two people, pretended to be someone else. They killed off this second persona when they got tired of it, disappeared just like that. Came back as someone else to watch. They could have done it for attention, in fact it was surely to be the case as this person had lied over and over again about things like cancer and deaths. She knew she didn't do it for attention, she was just so scared. The entire site, everything scared her. She wasn't a little girl anymore, but in a way she still was. She lay in her bed until early hours of the morning, just thinking about how she found fix what she had done wrong.

But she knew that she could never make it right. She'd done something so horrible, something so terrible and sick that she didn't think she could ever forgive herself. She doubted it, knew she couldn't. She stayed up so long, sick to her stomach, unable to think of anything other than the horrors she had done. She cried, prayed, and finally she knew she had to do it.

She had to confess, if she ever wanted to wipe her slate and start anew. She knew this was true, and only after she promised to God that she would, could she fall asleep, could her mind be put to rest. The next day, she thought about it and said she would later. Night passed again. That day in school, it came up, and she considered breaking that promise, just one of thousands. But it came back over and over and over again, beating her down to the core. Ripping her resolve to shreds. Filling her with pain over and over and over again. Pain and misery and guilt. So much guilt she didn't think she could survive. She was minding her own business, not even thinking about anything similar, and suddenly again it hit her, twice as hard as ever before. She was crying just thinking about it. Crying just writing her confession.

She had to do it.

And I just did.

I'm terribly, horribly sorry. I've done things that I can never, ever take back. I've made you believe that I'm things that I'm not. I could just close out of this window right now but I know that I can't. I have to try to grow up. I have to try to clean myself of my sins, try to make things at least partially right.

I know there are those of you who didn't ever believe a word I said about Mixx and me. Mixx was originally my best friend, but I haven't talked to her more than a few times over the last few years. I found a new best friend but recently she, too, lost contact with me. I'm terrified and I'm lonely and in pain for what I've done.

I'm sorry for lying straight to your faces, even when you saw through my ruse. I'm sorry for making you believe I was a good person, making you think that I could ever be anything more than a filthy liar and a thief. I haven't stolen anything since the ban, for over two, maybe three years, so thank you for that. I'm sorry for never being the sort of friend anyone would ever want to have. I wasn't a friend. Friends don't lie to each other. I was, am scum.

I just pray that someday, somehow, you find it in your hearts to forgive me.

I won't even try to come back because I know that, and this isn't meant to be baiting (in fact, nothing in this thread was so I'm really sorry if it seems like it) but I know next time I even try to look at the site, I will be banned.

and this time it'll be forever.

also, i know i will get a barrage of 'i can't believe you' and 'i trusted you's but please keep them out of my facebook and twitter. I'm trying to fix myself, trying to heal myself. If I get thousands of accusations, they won't even amount to near half of the torment I've put myself through over this.

Again, I'm sorry. I know that sorry doesn't matter. "Sorry doesn't catch any prey," in the words of our friends the Warriors. Nothing can change what I've done.

I love you all. I do. I'm just a terrible, sick person. I'm trying to get better.