amongst the stars

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  • hoping this is a good start to a story i'm thinking about writing give me feed back negative or positive i don't care





    "sir we're coming out of hyperspace" the ensign said standing by the maps his face bloodied and bruised "no sign of any Crogs either." the captain nodded looking out the window "which planet is this?" he asked the ensign "can't say yet browser isn't working" the captain nodded looking at the planet then at the remaining crew "find out as soon as possible" he sat down an explosion rocked the ship "what happened?" he shouted, a soldier looked at the internal charts "looks like one of the engines blew we're running on forty percent power" the captain cursed "get us to fifty percent now!" another explosion rocked the ship "we just not another engine we're down to nineteen percent power! we're entering the planets pull we're coming in too steep" the window's were engulfed in flames "ariana get everyone to the lifeboats!" the captain shouted "get everyone out of here!" a female soldier nodded 'everyone to the life boats!" she shouted everyone ran out of the room as the captain grabbed the controls he kept trying to control the ship he contacted ariana "is everyone in a ship


    "yes sir but we're still going too fast" she said "we eject now the life boats will be destr-" the line shut off


    the captain sat there and swallowed hard "ariana?" he said meeting static "ariana are you there come in" more static "ariana come now that's an order!" still more static the captain felt a welt grow in his throat "no" he whispered the flames had disappeared and he saw a forest a town not too far away "no" he said one last time as the ship crashed into the ground and everything went dark


    "we got a survivor!" a voice shouted it was slurred and distant so the captain didn't pay too much attention he felt himself being hoisted up "ariana" he said softly hoping it was her "ariana..."


    "he's saying something i can't understand what it is" the man said again


    "ariana" the captain said again" ariana..."


    "get him into the truck now and get him to the hospital"


    "ariana..." the captain said one last time before he blacked out again


    the captain woke up again his head much clearer he was in a completely white room "where the hell am i' he grumbled


    "washington DC" a voice said "the united states of america planet earth we were just wondering why you were here"


    he tried to sit up but was restrained by leather restraints 'let me go!" he shouted straining more


    "calm down sun"


    he kept straining the leather starting to rip he finally sat up


    two soldiers ran in with tasers "calm down sir" they said


    he broke the restraints off of his legs he ran at them grabbing one and throwing him halfway through the ceiling he picked the other one up as the guy tried to shock him with the taser the captain growled and smashed him into the floor he started walking out when a man in a suit came out "well now son" he said "you took down too of my best men"


    "that's what i was trained for" he said "I didn't get the rank of captain by letting others beat the s*** out of me"


    'hmm" he said "well then i am president algor the 50th president of the USA" he pulled over a table and chairs over "what can i call you?"


    "captain steel" he said "of the 104th UWL captain of the spirit of vengeance" he sat down "what do you want of me?"


    "well i want who you are why you were driving a space craft onto our planet...and more importantly why was a second ship beside yours trying to kill you"

    The post was edited 1 time, last by don quixote ().

  • chapter 1


    25 years ago


    jacob steel woke up in a bunk he sat up looking around seven other people were in there all of them asleep he sat up looking around where am i he thought to himself he stood up the lights were dim and there were no doors "bout time someone else woke up" a voice said


    jacob looked over and a woman was lying in her bunk her eye's open 'I woke up thirty minutes ago and no one was moving


    "where are we?" jacob asked


    "hell if i know" she muttered 'No windows no doors nothing only these bunks" she sighed and sat up "my names ariana finch" she said


    "jacob steel" he said 'I'd tell you more but i honestly don't know'

  • Hmm...it's a good start, and I can edit it for you once you're done.(if you want any.)

  • For the storyline? well...


    They could get lost in space.
    Jacob finally knows where he is
    They reach far out, unknown to humans.
    ALIEN ATTACK!

  • alright here it goes


    ariana nodded "neither do i" she said "do you know what the UWL is?" she asked


    no why?" steel asked looking around still


    'it's on all the shirts that we're wearing" she said pointing to her shoulder it showed fifty stars with UWL on top and on the bottom wrote "ensign"


    'I have no idea' he said "but i knwo ensign is a rank that's about all i knwo"


    she nodded


    there was groan somewhere else "what the hell happened last night" a deep voice said and a huge man sat up


    steel watched him


    the man walked into the light


    "is it just me or is this guy red..." steel said


    "what the...humans?" he said looking at them both

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  • Ah, well since I'm the editor, I will edit it. Just remember, the CUPS. Capitalization, (I forgot what "u" was,) Punctuation, and Spelling. You need to work on the Caps and Punctuation a little more, if you want the story to be excellent with no mistakes. ?(I only believe in perffect as in a noun, not an adj.)


  • there. I did a bit of the editing...

    The post was edited 1 time, last by AThEnA, GOddeSS oF ArtS ROx! ().

  • Yes. So you can see,


    -Captalize 1st letter after each quotation mark (" ")
    -Never put a period at the end of each quote. (X: " .")